boots_malone Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I am in the midst of a crisis. In my mind at least. I guess I should start with the story. So there is this girl who I have been crushing on hard for the past two years. We first were introduced when a buddy of mine asked me to tailgate before a country concert. The tailgate party was himself, his girlfriend, his girlfriends friend and her boyfriend and another couple. Normally, I don't play seventh wheel but I figured, "what the hey". Nothing beats booze and country tunes, in my opinion. My friend said that his girlfriends friend - which I will call "Getrude" is really really hot. His girlfriend confirmed this as well. Now if any of y'all are from Southern California, if you have seen one hot stereotypical So. Cal girl, you have seen them all: typically blonde whether natural or dyed, and fake everything. I didn't put any gravity towards it because I was born and raised here. So I show up, greet my buddy, and get a big hug from his girlfriend. I see "Gertrude" and was immediately smitten. But of course, her boyfriend was there, and the rest of people there didn't know me, so I did not want to come across as "that guy". So I played it cool. Eventually, we - my friend, his girlfriend, and myself had to leave before the concert because the girlfriend did too much boozing. So I didn't get to interact too much with "Gertrude". Also, the boyfriend knew what he had and guarded her like Fort Knox. The next time I saw Gertrude was at my friends girlfriends birthday party at a popular honky tonk club/restaurant. Guess what? Boyfriend was there. I was about to write Gertrude off, but about a couple months later, Gertrude and her boyfriend broke things off. I was ecstatic because I could finally get to know her better. I pressed my friend to schedule a hang out, but he was at the time a single dad, so he had more important priorities than my love life. The get together never happened, and Gertrude found her "rebound" about two weeks later. Again, I was gonna write Gertrude off, but my friend kept telling me about her "on and off" relationship. In December of 2015, my friend proposed to his girlfriend. The wedding was scheduled for September of 2016. Of course, I knew I was gonna be a part of the wedding and so was Gertrude, but would she have a boyfriend at that time? In any event, I was really excited and started going back to the gym in order to look good in my tuxedo, and of course for Gertrude. I had zero contact with Gertrude prior to the wedding because of course, my friend and his future wife have a wedding to plan. September rolls around and I am in the best shape of my life since I played basketball in high school. And...Gertrude was single. Officially confirmed by my friends bride to be. So now I am even more excited because I can finally talk to her. On the way up to the central coast of California for the wedding, I am practicing witty things I can say that my friend, who we will call "Mr. Casanova" told me I should say because I am not that good with the ladies. To make a long story short, I see her annnnnnndddd....choke. I probably said a total of 10 words to her the first night up there. Of course, at the reception, when the booze is flowing, people in general get a bit more courageous which I did. I said a total of 50 words to her that night. I danced, not with her or even asked her to dance, but I had fun that night. I did get a hug which she initiated(it was the "friend hug" though). I didn't know she was leaving and didn't get her number. She didn't even show for the brunch the following morning. Most weddings have an itinerary which includes the names and phone numbers of all the people that are part of the wedding. Including the bridesmaids. My better judgment says, "Don't do it. She didn't give you the number." The angel(or devil) on my other shoulder: "But she knows you. It won't be ackward." I literally went back and forth with this in my head for about two weeks. I decided to summon the advice of my mother. She wouldn't give me bad advice. Mom tells me to go for it. I ask for the advice of Mr. Casanova and he agrees as well. Text message sent. Within two minutes, I get a message from my friend saying that his new wife is going berserk. "Did you give him Gertrudes number?!" "How did he get Gertrudes number?!" Gertrude called the wifey. To save my friend, I fess up and say I got it from the wedding itinerary. Gertrude did not reply back to my text message. Now here is my current situation. I believe I have been unequivocally rejected. No hard feelings. Nothing personal. Life goes on. However, Mr. Casanova insists that I keep trying. That I must keep pursuing. Mr Casanova and I have philosophical differences on this issue. I believe girls are not stupid and if Gertrude was interested, she would have responded back. Mr Casanova suggests that I really didn't even try because I pretty much did nothing at the wedding and one text message isn't enough to get her interested and I should send more and not worry about what my friends wife thinks. So should I wave the white flag and move on? Or should I keep trying? I would like more girls to answer because they are experts in how a girls mind would work in this situation...because they are girls. Thanks for the advice and comments.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 If she did't even reply asking you how you got her number, you should not contact her again. It is a shame that she didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, but in the end her silence speaks volumes. I'm sorry.
madjac74 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 soooo you were at the same wedding as her where you could talk to her but chose to send a text message. Yeah that was probably a major turn off. 4
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Give up. If you continue you are going to ruin your friendship. Gertrude is not interested. If she was she would have been happy about your interest. Instead she freak out & called your buddy's new wife. If you pursue her Gertrude will continue to complain to her friend who will nag your buddy until your buddy has to tell you to back off & then as a couple they will rarely see you again. You fancy a connection with Gertrude but single or not, she's not feeling it. This is not a crisis now but it will become one when you get arrested for stalking or harassment if you don't back off.
mikeylo Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 When you sent a text without getting her number from her, you lost there. That was creepy and stalkerish. While some women would be flattered that you made an effort to get her number but this one found it a turn off. So yeah, she isn't interested. There isn't any crisis! 2
O'Malley Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I wouldn't apply romantic movie tactics to real life. A text from a near stranger asking for a date would be somewhat weird and off putting. Even if you missed your chance at the wedding, you could have asked your friend's wife to let Gertrude know that you were interested and to give her your contact information. Since she hasn't responded to you, it would be inappropriate to contact her again. Don't stress that much about it, just try better approaches next time.
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Mr Casanova and I have philosophical differences on this issue. I believe girls are not stupid and if Gertrude was interested, she would have responded back. Mr Casanova suggests that I really didn't even try because I pretty much did nothing at the wedding and one text message isn't enough to get her interested and I should send more and not worry about what my friends wife thinks. Mr. Casanova is trying to date Gertrude by proxy through you or someone because he is not able to. this: "girls are not stupid and if Gertrude was interested, she would have responded back."
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Your text freaked her out so much that she called your friends wife to yell at her for giving you her number. This is a lady who doesn't want to hear from you. There are lots of ladies who will want to hear from you so focus on them. 2
ReformedPUA Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Well, what strikes me about this story is not that Gertrude didn't respond back, but the strong negative reaction she got from your text. This wasn't just a 'No', it was a 'Hell No!'. Sorry to be blunt, but if this were just a case of disinterest, Gertrude wouldn't have been this pissed. I mean, getting someone's number as you did was doing things out of sequence, but as you are a *close friend* of the groom, it's not the worst thing ever (sometimes it even works). At the very least, there should have been enough social proof for her to at least not freak out. Yeah, you got her number not by her giving it to you, but you have mutual friends who can vouch that you're not a creep. So I am thinking there is more to the story here. I am wondering what exactly you texted her and perhaps more to the point, the impression you made on her at the wedding. Or maybe Gertrude really is this high-strung? Edited February 9, 2017 by ReformedPUA 1
Springsummer Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Well, what strikes me about this story is not that Gertrude didn't respond back, but the strong negative reaction she got from your text. This wasn't just a 'No', it was a 'Hell No!' Same feeling here. 1
bradt93 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Just do what I did, next time if you ever see her waitressing, don't tip her, that could be your revenge . I laughed so hard while I was driving home, that's what she gets for not saying hi to me.
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