rachelg12 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Hi all, basically its been about one month since my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We are both 21 and he felt that I was holding him back in life. I think he wanted to experience what it was like to be single and be able to sleep with other people - something he craves but never seems to want it for very long before he comes crawling back to me because he realizes it isn't that good (he has left about four time for about two weeks then come back). He feels like he is too young to be in such a serious relationship. In saying that, we love each other a lot, and I know there are things that would need to be worked on for us to be a good couple, such as me being too dependent on him, and him having more freedom in the relationship. So I have had no contact at all for four weeks, until last night I caved and called him. He answered and I said I was just seeing how he was going and was thinking about him. He was quite cold at first, and we had small talk, then he started to say how much he missed me sexually and how turned on her was getting just talking to me. I tried to change the subject but thats all he could think about, he wanted me to come over, and he also wanted to come over to my place. I said I cared about him too much to have a one night thing with him and that I couldnt give him what he wanted. He then started asking me whether I had slept with anyone else since we had broken up, and if I had he wanted to hear about it because it turned him on. I dont understand why that wouldnt make him upset or jealous or angry to think about? Once I was firm about my answer, he started to be a bit rude to me and said that he was talking to other girls. We got off the phone and he texted me saying it was best I didnt call him again because it messed with his head. He then deleted me off all social media. I am really confused and I don't understand what's going on or where his head is at. I really miss him and I will keep giving him as much space as he needs because I know it would be toxic for us to patch things up right now, but I dont know where to go from here. Any help or advice would be appreciated 1
Satu Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 snip We got off the phone and *he texted me saying it was best I didnt call him again because it messed with his head. He then deleted me off all social media. I am really confused and **I don't understand what's going on or where his head is at. I really miss him and I will keep giving him as much space as he needs because I know it would be toxic for us to patch things up right now, but I dont know where to go from here. ***Any help or advice would be appreciated *Take his words as meaning what they say. Don't call him. **Turn your attention to yourself, and get your own thoughts and feelings in order. ***Below *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. The most important thing is to focus on your own wellbeing. You might end up back together, and you also might not. Just focus on the now. Take care.
whatdeww18 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Rachelg12, I thought you would have been okay after your first thread where Pumpingiron posted a long reply and pretty much gave you your next steps. However, I've been there and I did the same thing as you and caved and called my ex a month after the break up as well. Of course, what do you think happened? I got burned like you. What else did I feel? I didn't care about all the hurtful things he said, I just took it like a champ and apologized and asked if there was anything I could do to fix the relationship. He finished with we shouldn't talk for a while. So what happened next? I started introspecting, and hell yes, I made some stupid mistakes in the relationship. Nothing like cheating or abuse. Granted, I could have done things better, but we both could have. Nothing was talked about before the break up. I felt like I didn't get the chance to fight and the more I tried, the worse it got. So just stop right there. Now, after all this, you realize: the heck? Why did I take all the low blows, the harsh words, and why am I still pining after someone who doesn't want to be with me right now? You are worth so much more than someone who wants you as a back up plan, who only wants you to fulfill their sexual desires, etc. There is someone who will be there for you all the time, all the way, no matter what. How will you find that someone? By going COMPLETE NC. No talking to him, no answering the phone, deleting/blocking his facebook, everything. All you do, if you keep in contact, is hurt yourself. You don't do no contact to use the time away to make him miss you. This is for you to heal and grieve the end of the relationship. That's it. It was a good relationship and you learned a lot. But now, you know that you won't settle for someone that won't have your back no matter what, even if they want to look at the field. Once you get to this place, where you find happiness in your life again and your life does not revolve around your ex, you can judge, IF he comes back, whether he learned his lesson and his love is true for you. Some people do make mistakes, they need to learn. Others say that is a load of bs. Take your time to heal and be the judge of it. He might not come back at all, which when you heal, is what you may actually want. Delete his number, put all reminders of him in a box and store it away, and just do you for a while hon. You deserve it. For all that you've done and put up with, go to the spa and pamper yourself. Come to realize your self-worth, and you won't tolerate this behavior anymore, guaranteed. That's what you need to do to move forward. Your happiness is from you, you truly enjoy life, and your significant other only adds to that happiness. Wishing you the best! Edited February 9, 2017 by whatdeww18
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