Jim nine three Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I've been dating this girl for a couple of months now.She was the one who approached me and we made out on that same day.We live in the same town however she studies on another city about 3 hours away and stays there most days of the months so it's a long-distance thing. First two weeks were great.She was very loving and sweet and things seemed good.One day however this all changed and she started taking hours upon hours to respond to texts and became somewhat cold towards me.I decided to lay back and go with the flow.She eventually visited town for the weekend and we went on a date which went great so I assumed all is well. A couple of weeks later she would visit for 2 weeks.In my head I thought that this would be the time for us to spend more time together since she would be here and we would get closer to each other.What actually happened however is that she flaked on multiple occasions and we ended up seeing each other only 3 times,only one of which was considered a date since on the other two we were out with friends.On the last day of her visit she flaked on me even though we made plans many days ago.I was infuriated by this,however the next day she apologized and I decided to play cool and didn't show it affected me at all. After 5 days of no contact she reached out to me asking me where have I been all this time and why I don't talk to her.At this point I had decided that since she flaked on me on multiple occasions during her 2-week visit I was not going to keep chasing her and let her reach out to me.So,I replied in a charming positive way and we started talking daily again. After a couple of weeks she visited again and for three days,during one of which she told me she could not go out but ended up going out with a friend of hers and some other friends.Huge red flag here I guess. Anyway days went time and we eventually had "the talk".I told her that I want to be in a relationship with her to which she replied that this was also what she wanted however she wanted to spend more time dating each other and take things slower.Thing is she never really replied with a yes or no so we left it at that.A week later she became cold and distant towards me again.Things started taking a turn for the worse from here on.I assumed that she was distant because she was focused on her exams during that period and decided to hang back and let her do her thing.She visited town again but due to some family health issues we didn't make any plans.I told her that I hope everything turns out to be ok and that I would be here in case she wanted to talk to someone since it was a pretty serious matter.She thanked me but continued giving me short,cold responses.At this point I noticed that she was acting all normal on facebook with other people whereas she kept the same attitude towards me.It has been 3 days of NC since then and I have decided I won't reach out until she does since I don't appreciate being treated like that. I just can't figure her out.Is she really into me or not?Will this whole thing lead to something meaningful or am I wasting my time trying to make this work?
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I think the distance is part of the problem. But no I don't think this will work out You may be wasting your time. If you want to leave the door open, let her know that the distance isn't working out for you but that if you are free when she's back in town you'd be open to getting together. Then see what she does but don't hold your breath.
coolheadal Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Sounds like she's not interested in you so much takes things slow usually means either scared or she doesn't want to commit to you in a relationship at this time. But give her the time then she might?
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 She was somewhat interested in you at first and then lost interest. Now she doesn't want you to hate her, so she'd acting like "just a friend" and seeing if you'll just be in the friendzone, but she's not into dating you anymore. She's not interested. Just let her go.
Author Jim nine three Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 I know,it's probably not what I wanted to hear but the truth is never pleasant I guess.It's a shame really because I was...am still very much into her however it seems like this doesn't go both ways and I may have to move on. I have decided that the only thing I can do is give her all the space she wants and remove my attention,then she may reach out if she still has any interest,and if she doesn't,well I guess I'll never hear from her again which is also "fine" because I won't lose my self respect and dignity in the process nor will I end up being friendzoned-dumped. However I am trying to figure out what really caused her to lose attraction in the first place.I can't figure out where I went wrong with this one since she was the one constantly reaching out to me then all of a sudden she went cold and distant on me
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 You keep saying you are not going to chase her, but in fact you are. After the first bit of her going cool you should have dumped her and move on. And here you are still leaving the door open...dude slam that damn door shut! Why she lost interest? Some people thrive on living in the thrill of the moment and then go........"Squirrel"!
coolheadal Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 You date and she puts in you the friend zone and now you don't understand what's wrong? You have been pushed out of the relationship into no-man-zone. But you can always reject this and say "you lost something better than you have you lost me" I am not interested in just being your text buddy or anything else other than your boyfriend. I am not hanging around for this. You want to be in a relationship or not? If not I will never be in your life again GOOD BYE!
lurker74 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Pretty much can guarantee you that she's seeing someone in the town she in at school. Maybe not seeing but at least interested, which is why she's distant when she's there. Then she comes back and feels a bit guilty about it before she decides that she wants some extra romance and says, hey, where ya been? So you have two choices...play the game or not play the game. If you want to play the game, you have to make it clear that you are out of her class rather than the other way around. Personally, I hate that game and consider it borderline unethical and immoral, but to each their own. Otherwise, refuse to play and move on. If you do, I'd also be willing to bet that she'll be back, although I personally wouldn't take her even if I was clear to her about why. 2
GoldSparkz Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 When you mentioned that she was flaky, even after coming to your town, then my immediate assumption is that she is dating other guys and doesn't want to lead you on in case she is unable to see things through with you. There is nothing wrong with dating other people as this is normal dating behaviour nowadays. So my advice would be to pull away from her and pursue other options.
preraph Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Please realize that why she lost interest may have zero to do with you. She may have met someone she was more interested in. She may have some quirk to her personality that can't appreciate something just fine about how you are. So don't self-blame when a new person moves on from you. Just accept they know that you are not a match and be glad they didn't waste 3 years of your prime time.
Author Jim nine three Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 I know I really shouldn't have,but two days ago I reached out to her.Basically I reached out to tell her I won't tolerate her behavior and that if this is the way things are going to go,I would prefer to end things between us.It basically went something like this : I told her that I don't appreciate being treated like this and will not tolerate it and she told me that she was really stressed out due to the fact that she failed her exams and also the family health issue I mentioned above,and that she had told me her approach on the relationship thing,and her being afraid to enter a new one due to a bad experience she had before.She then told me that she was talking with her parents through skype so she could not discuss it right now and that she would call me to talk.Well,2 days have gone by and not a word from her whatsoever.At least there is no point in me reaching out now however. Pretty much can guarantee you that she's seeing someone in the town she in at school. Maybe not seeing but at least interested, which is why she's distant when she's there. Aside from the last couple of weeks (the one she was studying for her exams and the last one which we didn't talk),we talked every night through phone,camera all the time so even though this could be the case,especially in the last week,I don't think this is the case.I know for a fact however that her ex also studies at the same town and there are a couple more guys who chase after her.It's when she visits town that she act being flaky about dates.
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