Karl90 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I've known my girlfriend since we were both at school. I am 26 now and am getting sentenced at the end of the month and am expecting to get 18 months to 2 years in prison. My gf has stuck by me through all this. We also have a 6 year old son and another child on the way. She was angry with me but says she will stick by me. We have been apart before - the longest being 6 months when I was away with the Army but I know that this is a different situation. Am I being stupid in thinking we can get through this together and plan on staying together? Have you ever been in this situation or know somebody who has and what happened? I haven't told my son about's what happening and I don't even know how to explain it to him. I know I will miss them both so much but hopefully they will visit me. Any advise or opinions on the best way to handle this? 1
RecentChange Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I think it would really depend on what sort of trouble he got into to land himself in this position. Is there a reason why you two have children but have not committed to marriage? 3
Author Karl90 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Well one child right now and a second on the way. We are not really religious but did plan on getting married soon but that is off for now. Both of our parents have split up so not really important for us 1
RecentChange Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Well, I am not religious either, confirmed atheist from a non religious family. That said - children are a much bigger commitment than marriage, and I feel that people should be willing to commit to each other before they commit to bringing children into this world. If someone is good enough to be the father of your children, they should be good enough to be your husband - in my mind at least. And marriage means an extra level of commitment. That means a couple has verbally, and legally agreed to try to work it out through think and thin. There are also important legal aspects to consider - with you going away to prison, if she were your wife, she would have the legal ability to do things on the behalf of both of you (important for things like insurance, rental contracts etc) - but you are not married so she has no legal rights. Well - now you have hit one of those rough patches - but you do not have this pre-agreed upon commitment to stand by each other. You aren't the "boy friend" heading off to prison. You two aren't merely "dating" you are building a family with this woman. Giving your hand in marriage to her would have been a good first step. Thats why I asked about marriage - And I am not some traditionalist (my husband and I got married after 14 years together!). I think "husband going off to prison" is a much different story than "boy friend" For ME if it were my boyfriend, and kids weren't in the mix - I would be gone. Husband, I would most likely stick it out. Baby Daddy - eh, I don't know. And WHAT it was for would be important to me as well. Fraud? Reckless driving? Serious drug issues? Violent behavior? 3
preraph Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 It would depend why you're going to jail and whether I was already fed up with you being irresponsible before you got busted. But even if she is with you on those things, a very practical matter is how very unemployed you are probably going to be once you get out. 4
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 How I would feel is irrelevant. The Q is how does she feel. If she said she'd stick by you, you have to take her at her word. You are the children's father. With two kids now you have to start getting serious & stop doing whatever the heck it was that landed you in this predicament. use your 18 months wisely. Read. Educate yourself. Learn a trade. You have to be ready to step up & support your family when you get out. If she sees you are trying, she's more likely to keep the faith while you are in prison. 7
Satu Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 How I would feel is irrelevant. The Q is how does she feel. If she said she'd stick by you, you have to take her at her word. You are the children's father. With two kids now you have to start getting serious & stop doing whatever the heck it was that landed you in this predicament. use your 18 months wisely. Read. Educate yourself. Learn a trade. You have to be ready to step up & support your family when you get out. If she sees you are trying, she's more likely to keep the faith while you are in prison. Quoted for wisdom. 2
Author Karl90 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Why are you being incarcerated? I got into a fight and assaulted a person pretty bad and then tried to resist arrest. One mad night that has ruined my life. Not like me at all - I only have one other conviction for simple assault. 1
basil67 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I got into a fight and assaulted a person pretty bad and then tried to resist arrest. One mad night that has ruined my life. Not like me at all - I only have one other conviction for simple assault. The fact that you already have one conviction and have now hurt someone sufficiently enough to land in jail would be a dealbreaker. Mainly because it would show that you haven't learned to control your temper. If you've also been in fights where police weren't involved, it would make things even worse. That's some scary stuff you've got going on inside your head there. Have you done anger management therapy? 11
Satu Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I got into a fight and assaulted a person pretty bad and then tried to resist arrest. One mad night that has ruined my life. Not like me at all - I only have one other conviction for simple assault. If you haven't had any help with dealing with your anger issues, now would be a good time to seek some help. No disrespect intended, but you really need to change. You need to totally eradicate your violent tendencies. That's something that can be done, but it won't be quick and easy. You need to heal that part of you which is broken. Good luck. Take care. 4
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I couldn't do it, personally. But she says she's going to, so why are you worried? There are people out there who stay romantically attached to people in prison. It happens. She gave her word. That's all she can do. You will see how it goes from here. 2
RecentChange Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Yep - doesn't matter what we think, matters what she thinks. For me, assult is a deal breaker. Early on in our dating my husband tried to get in a fight, I let him know right then and there, if he wants me in his life - no fighting period. He composed himself and made a better choice. I made I clear that in my opinion fighting was for people with nothing to lose. No assets to lose, no future to lose, no girlfriend to lose. You found that out the hard way. Please do somehow address your anger issues. 4
BaileyB Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 One other conviction for simple assault... I suggest that you find some assistance to deal with your anger. 4
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Resisting arrest is one of the stupidist things a person can do. It makes no sense. All it does is triple whatever trouble you were already in and nobody wants to see that on a background check when you fill out a resume. 2
darkmoon Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 if she has two children by you, imo, she will still want to know you, I take it you are not aggressive with her 1
Author Karl90 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 The fact that you already have one conviction and have now hurt someone sufficiently enough to land in jail would be a dealbreaker. Mainly because it would show that you haven't learned to control your temper. If you've also been in fights where police weren't involved, it would make things even worse. That's some scary stuff you've got going on inside your head there. Have you done anger management therapy? That other case was nearly 2 years ago. It's not like I get into fights all the time. Resisting arrest is one of the stupidist things a person can do. It makes no sense. All it does is triple whatever trouble you were already in and nobody wants to see that on a background check when you fill out a resume. I don't know why I did resist - it definitely makes thing worse. I ended up getting chased and sprayed - not nice. if she has two children by you, imo, she will still want to know you, I take it you are not aggressive with her No I have never and would never do anything to hurt her. That's not what I'm like and she knows it. 2
Dis Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Nope...no way would I stick around First off, I wouldnt have kids with a guy who has a record...I wouldnt even go out on a date with a guy who had an assault charge Getting arrested, esp for crimes of assault suggests you're likely not a responsible adult who a woman can raise a family with Her promise to stand by you sounds great in the moment but while you're in prison and shes off living her life....theres a good chance she could come across a guy whos interested in her (who doesnt have a record) and she could chose him...and if she decides to stay....you're unemployment status and lack of accountability/responsibility will wear on her (if shes smart) and she'll move on to greener pastures In the future...if you're going to bring children into the world....grow up first 3
Satu Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 snip *That's not what I'm like and she knows it. *If that's "not what you're like," why are you going to prison? I'm sure that you're a sweet guy 99.9999% of the time, but you're someone who can lose self-control in certain situations, and hurt people. Get yourself mended so that you don't do it again. Ever. Take care. 1
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I think if you use your time productively while incarcerated like taking anger management courses, being a part of a help group, get some education, or if they offer, learn a trade, or just want to work in the kitchen or something...this will keep you busy, show her you are working to be a better person, and possible early parole for good behavior. Take advantage of your time in there. Have you written an apology to the victim? Time to not blow this off, but focus making some positive changes in your life. As for your GF, there are no guarantees in life.....while you are in there she too will have time to reflect as she struggles to raise kids on her own. 1
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