Charmed22 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I met a guy i'll call Bob, 2 months ago and hooked up with him that night. I figured it would be just a random hookup till we started spending more time together. Turns out we have a lot in common. We decided to keep things casual as he is moving to a nearby city. I thought we were simply going to enjoy things and when he moves, it ends. I told Bob if I become involved with someone else, things with him would end and I will be honest and let him know. 2 weeks ago, my ex came back into the picture trying to reconcile. Because of this, I let Bob know that I cannot be physical with him anymore until I figure out what is going to happen. Bob didn't seem upset. In fact he still wanted to go to an event we planned on going to that day. I ended up having an amazing time just hanging out with Bob and started to realize that my feelings for him were more than casual. I didnt want to tell him cause we had an agreement. The next day Bob tells me that he can no longer hang out with me until I figure out what is going on with my ex which was random and confused me. The next day I ended up cutting off contact with my ex after realizing that he isn't good for me and there are better guys out there such as Bob. I had every intentions on going back to what I had with Bob, until last weekend my friend had a birthday party I attended that Bob happened to be at. At that party I met a guy and by the end of the night we kissed. Bob happened to notice and the next day told me that he no longer wants to be physical with me and acted kinda upset. I was confused and asked him why does he even care since its casual. Apparently he liked me too and said his actions made it obvious that he liked me more than casual. He said no relationship he has been in started as an immediate relationship. Apparently he thought we were building to becoming a couple. He said he has no right to be upset because we aren't a couple but my actions clarified a lot for him. I was pissed and felt like a fool but I understood that I looked like a train wreck to him and respected his decision to no longer want to pursue this. Yesterday he randomly contacted me and we talked on the phone for about 7 hours. We didnt really talk about us or what happened, more just joked around and lighthearted stuff like usual. Some of it was kinda flirty but not too much. This was during the day while we were at work (our jobs allow us to use our phones while working). Im not sure if this means we could still become something or not? Most ppl I ask say that he wouldn't talk to me on the phone at work for that long if he wasn't still interested. How do I go about this so there isn't another mis-communication ?
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Do you want something serious & exclusive with Bob? If not, leave him alone. If you do, tell him you're sorry about kissing the other guy & that you would like to try for more with him (Bob) and only him. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Do you want something serious & exclusive with Bob? If not, leave him alone. If you do, tell him you're sorry about kissing the other guy & that you would like to try for more with him (Bob) and only him. Agreed.... Also I will add - Even if you have a casual thing with Bob, kissing another Man in front of him is cold & harsh. 4
todreaminblue Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 for me, casual means just to not have a title yet .....seeing where things go before defining the relationship.....casual doesn't mean multi dating not for me anyway...because whether defined or not i still only date one guy at a time....sounds like he is really actually into you and you want to play the field.....casual doesnt mean not serious either to some people,some people date with a serious intent to form a lasting relationship or even marriage even fi it starts casually that intent is there.. i think you should talk to him more and if you arent really interested in him let him go....deb
dumbass2 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Yep, have a heart to heart talk with him, but make sure you 100% want to try a relationship with him and if not, then just tell him that you enjoy going out with him, but are not looking for anything serious at the moment. Really think about this and figure out what you want and just communicate it to him. Expect him to be a little gun shy at first after what has gone down. You get a sense of what he wants.
Author Charmed22 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 for me, casual means just to not have a title yet .....seeing where things go before defining the relationship.....casual doesn't mean multi dating not for me anyway...because whether defined or not i still only date one guy at a time....sounds like he is really actually into you and you want to play the field.....casual doesnt mean not serious either to some people,some people date with a serious intent to form a lasting relationship or even marriage even fi it starts casually that intent is there.. i think you should talk to him more and if you arent really interested in him let him go....deb I have had guys in the past use the casual term but really only wanted to have sex with no intentions on committing to me. Its happened enough to where I hear the word casual I think of something like a fwb. He made the point that he is moving in the summer so I assumed casual and moving to mean I shouldnt be expecting a future with dude. I assumed that he just wanted to hookup until he moves. I don't like to multi date or play the field however I can't commit myself to someone who to my assumptions, was planning on moving and forgetting me. I also wasn't planning on kissing that guy either. I had a lot to drink and it happened. I completely regret that it happened in front of Bob but my mind was in the same frame. Why lose on a good guy for someone who I thought isn't going to last. no matter what my feelings were.
enddeck Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Maybe stop playing high school games and try and settle for one guy at least for a few weeks and see how it goes.You knew Bob was at the party but you still kissed another guy,that was just mean.If you want to portray yourself as a casual lay for anyone who gives you a second glance, well you're going the right way about it.Whether you slept with the guy at the party or not is immaterial,Bob thinks you did.
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