Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 So I asked this girl out for a drink and she said " Sure but I'm really busy". Was she just being polite or do I have a chance?
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 She's either genuinely busy or only lukewarm about you. If you can find time that works in her schedule -- which will require some back & forth planning -- you have a chance at that drink. Her level of interest will dictate how much adjusting she's willing to do with her schedule to fit you in.
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I asked her out a couple of weeks ago but haven't heard a word from her since. I may see her tonight should I follow it up and she when she is free?
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Yes, follow up but do so lightly. Jokingly open with I know you said you were busy, but jeez, everybody needs a little down time. If you are up for it, I'd really like to get that drink. What does your schedule look like in the next few days? If she is not forthcoming with a opening, don't press. Assume she has little to no interest & move on.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Be a bit flirty but ask her if she's free later in the week. If she specifies a day she might be free, counter with a time & place. If she's still flakey, move on. Another poster on here used a 3 strikes you're out approach, depending on his interest level and the girl's hotness. I like that approach and will be utilizing it myself. If she flakes on you, you need to go into a cooldown period. Go back to occasionally sending a flirty text here and there, be sure you try and match her interest/response level. Then when you feel the time is right, try and setup another first date. Once a girl flakes though she should be put on the back burner and you should put your main focus on other Women. Flakey girls are your backup options. Remember -- even if a girl is flakey before your first date, that can all change. If your first date goes amazing and you two vibe very well with each other, she can do a complete 180. I've had it happen to me. I try not to judge someone TOO much by their pre-first-date behavior. Now if she makes plans with you and no-shows or bails without a REALLY good excuse, cut her loose right away. GOod luck. Edited February 8, 2017 by barcode88
Redhead14 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 So I asked this girl out for a drink and she said " Sure but I'm really busy". Was she just being polite or do I have a chance? When you asked her, were you specific about day, time and place? Whenever you ask a woman out, be specific. If she is busy on the day you offer, she should at least offer an alternate. That would be a little more sign of real interest. If you weren't specific, "I'm really busy" could be a heads up, i.e. "if you want to spend time with me, you need to get on my calendar". So, if you weren't specific, you can reach out again -- once. Call her with specifics and if she says she's busy again or doesn't offer an alternate, let it go.
coolheadal Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 So I asked this girl out for a drink and she said " Sure but I'm really busy". Was she just being polite or do I have a chance? It depends was she really busy or just walked up to her asked her?. If she was doing something then she might be busy. If she was just sitting there on her own for a few hours then she was just brushing off her stool. Where and how did you meet her?
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 We had a meeting about her daughter for a sports team (I'm on the board of directors for the organization) and I have known her through work as well. At the end of the meeting I just asked if she would like to go for a drink, I may have caught her off guard but she said Sure but I'm really busy. She has my number so I thought I would have heard from her when she was free but that was two weeks ago
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 She has my number so I thought I would have heard from her when she was free but that was two weeks ago She's not going to call you. It doesn't work that way. She expects you -- the guy -- to take the lead. When you see her, ask her out again but be specific. Forget what I said before about teasing her about being busy. This is an adult woman (I though you were both younger) who probably is busy. When you speak to her, say something along the lines of let's get something on the calendar. Busy may be a bit more of a shield then I initially realized. She wants to see you make the effort. 1
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I found out through a mutual friend that she still sees her ex and they hang out quite often. I'm guessing this is a huge red flag?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I found out through a mutual friend that she still sees her ex and they hang out quite often. I'm guessing this is a huge red flag? It means that he's probably tappin dat ass -- so yes.
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Then why agree to a drink? Doesn't make much sense to me
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I think I will take one last shot at this and ask her is she is free Friday or Saturday night this weekend.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 They probably have a FWB thing going on, she might want to date other people. Hard to say. Before you ask again, be sure to cool down for a bit. Maybe chit chat and flirt. Focus on other girls though.
Author Smokeshow Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I should have mentioned that I'm 52 and she is 39. Would that be a cause for her not to be interested?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 We had a meeting about her daughter for a sports team (I'm on the board of directors for the organization) and I have known her through work as well. At the end of the meeting I just asked if she would like to go for a drink, I may have caught her off guard but she said Sure but I'm really busy. She has my number so I thought I would have heard from her when she was free but that was two weeks ago Missed this -- I don't think she's interested sorry. She was probably just letting you down easy since it was in person. Be careful mixing business and pleasure.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I found out through a mutual friend that she still sees her ex and they hang out quite often. I'm guessing this is a huge red flag? Yes. She is not emotionally available. Then why agree to a drink? Doesn't make much sense to me She didn't really. She gave you a non committal answer that was designed to blow you off in what she saw as a nice way. She didn't realize it was giving you false hope. This is also a red flag. She can't be direct & doesn't say what she means. I think I will take one last shot at this and ask her is she is free Friday or Saturday night this weekend. No. You can take another shot if you must be don't waste a Friday or Saturday on her. Hold off a bit longer and ask her out for Tuesday the 21st. You need to skip right over next week like it doesn't exist. I should have mentioned that I'm 52 and she is 39. Would that be a cause for her not to be interested? It shouldn't but you never know. I'd think the fact that you are connected to her child & she has to see you routinely would be the bigger deterrent. She doesn't want things to be weird if you don't work out.
Author Smokeshow Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 I really want to pursue this woman, any suggestions on how to do it considering everything?
BlueRidgeMT Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I really want to pursue this woman, any suggestions on how to do it considering everything? Just ask her about that drink. Just say so how about getting that drink or whatever. There is no *secret* way of doing this. You are just gonna have to ask her and see what happens.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I don't really see this going anywhere OP -- you kind of cold approached her through your work function, and she doesn't seem interested in the slightest. I would try to save face and let this one go.
dumbass2 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I wouldn't pursue at this point especially knowing the ex is still around. Even if you were able to start dating her you have that baggage hanging over your head. If you must, try calling her and ask her out for a specific day. If she says she can't and doesn't offer up another day, wish her the best and move on.
Author Smokeshow Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 I asked her out last night again and offered either Friday or Saturday night, she said right now she is really busy with her kids but would let me know when she is available. Is this a good sign?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I asked her out last night again and offered either Friday or Saturday night, she said right now she is really busy with her kids but would let me know when she is available. Is this a good sign? No. "I'll let you know" is code for "I'm not interested". Especially in your context.
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Now she has basically told you I'll call you; don't call me. So don't contact her. Chances are she will never contact you, but if she does, then wonderful. Could be any number of reasons she's not interested, only one of them being the age gap. Could be she doesn't want to date anyone. Could be you're not her type. Could be she's not attracted to your looks or maybe your personality. No more contacting and asking her. It's in her hands now. If you don't hear from her in two weeks, just move on. 1
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