bubblegum1234 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Does anyone have any quick tips that seem to work to stop fights escalating? im thinking - be silent as an argument needs two people and then bring up your points in a rational way later, don't argue when drunk, give the person a hug, add a bit of humour or a light touch? please share your ideas! 1
Redhead14 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Does anyone have any quick tips that seem to work to stop fights escalating? im thinking - be silent as an argument needs two people and then bring up your points in a rational way later, don't argue when drunk, give the person a hug, add a bit of humour or a light touch? please share your ideas! You simply make a statement: "hey, things are getting out of hand with the discussion. Let's table this for Xtime and take some time to absorb each others position on this subject and come back with calmer heads and some ideas for resolution/compromise." 4
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Lower your voice. It's hard to escalate a fight when someone is whispering. 2
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 ask yourself (maybe say it out loud): "is what we are arguing about going to matter 1 year from now"???? most times it's "no". 1
carhill Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 OP, are you referring to disagreements with family or a loved one or in general? Each dynamic, and person, can have unique solutions. Also, perception is important. One person's discussion can be anothers fight. Being on the same page regarding perception, understanding perception, can be helpful. My quick tip, one I learned from dealing with a psychotic person over a long period of time, was validate and disengage. Validation shows respect for them as a person regardless of the issues of the moment and disengagement respects my personal space and boundaries. That example underscores my question about who. Each dynamic is different. 2
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 ask yourself (maybe say it out loud): "is what we are arguing about going to matter 1 year from now"???? This is VERY similar to a counselor's suggestion that I received some years ago. He's had a bit of a twist, though:"Is what I am arguing about right now going to matter to me...tomorrow...3 months from now...1 year from now???" It was effective at the time, but, I am sorry to say, I did let that one slide to the back of my mind. . Thanks for the timely reminder, aileD. 1
Author bubblegum1234 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 OP, are you referring to disagreements with family or a loved one or in general? Each dynamic, and person, can have unique solutions. Also, perception is important. One person's discussion can be anothers fight. Being on the same page regarding perception, understanding perception, can be helpful. My quick tip, one I learned from dealing with a psychotic person over a long period of time, was validate and disengage. Validation shows respect for them as a person regardless of the issues of the moment and disengagement respects my personal space and boundaries. That example underscores my question about who. Each dynamic is different. disagreements in a relationship.
eightytwenty Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Our way... Argument starts, we(or one of us) realize it's getting too hot. One walks away for a bit, we both calm down, then we talk it out. Then make jokes about light hearted things to get everything back to normal. Move on.
RecentChange Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I can't stand frivolous arguing, and due to having a mother who LOVES to argue, I have learned some tools to avoid them. First. Listen. And really do listen - I will littterally say "I hear what you are saying". Decide if it's something worth arguing about. I don't always have to be right. I can either give a soft agreement, or if it's something I feel strongly about, but know there is little chance of persuasion, I'll state that we will have to agree to disagree. If it's something that simply must be hashed out. Be sure to never make it personal. Like you mentioned, making the mood lighter, or a touch. I am sure I have smiled, squeezed my husband's hand, said "I love you, but I totally disagree about this!" Usually we see eye to eye on political matters - but recently we had an argument. It was regarding something I feel strongly about and I am not budging on. I stated my case - and he kept to his guns. So I gave it the "we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one".
Larryville Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 ask yourself (maybe say it out loud): "is what we are arguing about going to matter 1 year from now"???? most times it's "no". Good point because in almost every circumstance when an argument starts, it is never about the issue at the moment, the issue at the moment is the boiling over point. This is exactly why you don’t let the little things build.
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Years ago my ex and I ended up in marriage counseling. She told us when an argument came up to hold hands when we argued. It was an amazing trick..when you're both willing to do it. 1
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Depends what it's about, I never seem to end up having 'arguments' in a relationship, when I see them getting wound up, I give them that cheeky grin back, 9 times out of 10 they smile back, then I'll give them a hug, sit back and say come on now, speak to me. Sit and listen and then be an adult and discuss.
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I saw a youtube video once where the woman suggested getting viking hats and putting them on during arguments...it's hard to argue when you look so silly 1
Otter2569 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 You simply make a statement: "hey, things are getting out of hand with the discussion. Let's table this for Xtime and take some time to absorb each others position on this subject and come back with calmer heads and some ideas for resolution/compromise." It was recommended to me by a relationship counselor to take a time out. Tell him / her you need x amount of time to think about whats going on and go for a walk, a drive or go to another room. Then after the designated time come back together and talk rationally. It never worked with my crazy ExGF even though I tried several times. She needed drama and chaos...I did not.
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