VeveCakes Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 She knows they are exclusive she wished him a happy "one month" which is ridiculous in my eyes. Anyone who feels they can confront you over not texting them soon or fast enough after one month is not ready to date in my eyes. It's controlling and psychotic this behaviour. 1
RecentChange Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Boy, that sort of behavior would turn me off of someone real quick. One month anniversary?! We arent 13..... Pump the brakes and chill a bit lady. It's one thing to feel a bit insecure, it's another to lay that all on the new guy you just stated seeing. She needs to practice some self awareness and self control. 1
Miss Peach Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Needing constant reassurance is very tiring OP. If you can't have fun and enjoy yourself/the companionship, it's not worth it. I'm in the camp that it only gets worse - if it's only been 5 dates and she behaves like this, imagine what it's like when you guys are firmly "together" - reporting in x number of times a day, or you must be straying. If you really like her and want to give it a chance, you can have a discussion with her. I suspect that will just turn into the, "I don't know why you're losing your feelings for me, I need to rekindle things" type of discussion, though. I totally agree with you. I've dated men and women who needed that and it's tiring. Even if she needs some reassurance, there are more adult ways to do that. That reassurance and the unhealthy dynamic of that has a lot to do with why I broke up with my last BF and turned down the last woman I dated. Her problem may just be that you had sex and no exclusivity talk yet. So, offer exclusivity, reassure her and see how it develop for the next couple of weeks. If there is no change at all than terminate the relationship. I agree with this if you can give it a little time. I suspect she's just trying to feel secure. If it were me, I wouldn't let on about it though.
Author campeo Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 Well, I probably didn't handle it too well. I told her what was bothering me and we agreed to cool it a bit, but I was a bit too aloof or long in reconciling and she essentially ended it. She then asked if I wanted her to mail me my Valentine's gift, or have her email it. I told her a gift was unnecessary. She emailed me my gift and wanted to know how my feelings had changed, because her behavior had not. This is true, it just became overwhelming for me. Her gift was a PDF ebook containing every single text from the 6 weeks we were talking/dating, titled "our love story." There were a lot of texts exchanged: that's not a problem. And I get that there is a text to PDF app so it took zero effort. However, this was far too much. If we had been dating a year, such a gift remembering our first few months would be sweet and well received. But after so few dates and time, it was completely overwhelming - especially in response to me telling her I felt too much intensity. I don't think I did the best job communicating my boundaries or why I was bothered prior to this. I think my reversal in attention did appear sudden and I should have called her rather than emailed. I really liked her. But I'm confident that if I tell a woman who cancels on me because she's sick "as long as you aren't cancelling to go on a date with another woman," she won't find it cute. And I'm confident if I gave a woman such a gift after only a month of dating she'd probably find it too much too soon (not everyone, and it is a sweet gift, just not so early). It sucks because I really did feel a connection with her. I just wanted feelings to develop a bit more slowly, getting to know each other by going on fun, experience oriented dates. I wasn't going anywhere. I really was hopeful for a relationship to develop with her. I just need less intensity. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Well, I probably didn't handle it too well. I told her what was bothering me and we agreed to cool it a bit, but I was a bit too aloof or long in reconciling and she essentially ended it. She then asked if I wanted her to mail me my Valentine's gift, or have her email it. I told her a gift was unnecessary. She emailed me my gift and wanted to know how my feelings had changed, because her behavior had not. This is true, it just became overwhelming for me. Her gift was a PDF ebook containing every single text from the 6 weeks we were talking/dating, titled "our love story." There were a lot of texts exchanged: that's not a problem. And I get that there is a text to PDF app so it took zero effort. However, this was far too much. If we had been dating a year, such a gift remembering our first few months would be sweet and well received. But after so few dates and time, it was completely overwhelming - especially in response to me telling her I felt too much intensity. I don't think I did the best job communicating my boundaries or why I was bothered prior to this. I think my reversal in attention did appear sudden and I should have called her rather than emailed. I really liked her. But I'm confident that if I tell a woman who cancels on me because she's sick "as long as you aren't cancelling to go on a date with another woman," she won't find it cute. And I'm confident if I gave a woman such a gift after only a month of dating she'd probably find it too much too soon (not everyone, and it is a sweet gift, just not so early). It sucks because I really did feel a connection with her. I just wanted feelings to develop a bit more slowly, getting to know each other by going on fun, experience oriented dates. I wasn't going anywhere. I really was hopeful for a relationship to develop with her. I just need less intensity. Her gift was a PDF ebook containing every single text from the 6 weeks we were talking/dating, titled "our love story." -- She sounds like Andie, the character that Kate Hudson played in "How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days" . . . I hope you're watering the "love fern" 2
Raena Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 There is something about this that is just bugging me. I mean, you are entitled to the way you feel (and this seems like a moot point because you've since ended it with her) but it just seems to me that with a few timely responses you could have fixed this with no issue. She sends you a text before bed, did she know you were in bed? No, probably not, she isn't there with you after all. All she knew was that you said great game and she responded to you with a comment about a one month anniversary. A simple response the next morning when you saw it would have sufficed. Why did you wait until much later in the day to respond to that comment? It seems like you expected her to read your mind or to know what you were doing and know why you weren't responding to her. A "hey" text during the day with no response 4 hours later seems rude as well. How hard is it to respond with "I'm in meetings, can't talk right now"? It takes 2 seconds. Were you in meetings for 4 hours straight? Are you not allowed to send a text at all during that time? I have a friend you will respond with "working" so I know he can't talk right then but he'll respond later. It's just rude to just outright ignore it. I just feel like this kind of stuff needs to be discussed in advance almost. I have cleared this kind of issue up with my coworkers and friends who text me. I make it quite clear that if you text me early in the morning or after a certain time at night, I more than likely will not respond until I have a chance to or all you will get at those times is a simple "ok" acknowledging that I saw it and will discuss it later or respond later. It seems to me that you didn't make this stuff clear to her and so she's sitting there wondering why you aren't responding at all. She can't just assume that all is ok, you've only been on a couple dates so she probably had no idea where she stood. Were you responding to her more often before you slept with her? I'm just playing devil's advocate here really and trying to see it from her point of view based on what you've said. Her comments about how she liked your former banter better tells me that something changed with the way you were communicating with her. You can't just assume that she's needy and clingy if you hadn't made your intentions clear and then suddenly stop responding or change the type of responses you give her from flirty to more business like. I could see how she would be confused by your behavior. 1
Sweetfish Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Holy cow! This woman has serious emotional dysfunctions. Today it's clignyness and tomorrow it will be control and manipulation. There is nothing good waiting for you there. End it. I had a friend who's wife wanted to smell his penis any time he came home late... Don't be that guy... lol
Author campeo Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 There is something about this that is just bugging me. I mean, you are entitled to the way you feel (and this seems like a moot point because you've since ended it with her) but it just seems to me that with a few timely responses you could have fixed this with no issue. /QUOTE] I agree a timely discussion would have better. As for the texts, I was literally in different meetings for 4 hours. It was 2.5 hours between "hey" and "hmph. Bi". I had no time to say "working." When I responded "sorry, I was in meetings" she asked "do you still miss / want me?" The second time, she texted me at 10 pm. She said "you didn't respond to my text last night" at 830 am. I had a meeting from 8-9. While it only takes a few moments to respond, what's the hurry? Give me until lunch time. Everything else, you are right. I jumped to a lot of conclusions that perhaps could have been cut off.
olivetree Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Maybe stuff could have been fixed with communication, but probably not. She was way too much, too soon. When someone says/does that stuff off the bat, it feels disingenuous. Like they are desperate for love and it doesn't matter who you are.
Raena Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Maybe stuff could have been fixed with communication, but probably not. She was way too much, too soon. When someone says/does that stuff off the bat, it feels disingenuous. Like they are desperate for love and it doesn't matter who you are. Sleeping together after only a few dates was probably way too much too soon too. It sends the wrong message if you haven't made your intentions clear.
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 There is something about this that is just bugging me. I mean, you are entitled to the way you feel (and this seems like a moot point because you've since ended it with her) but it just seems to me that with a few timely responses you could have fixed this with no issue. She sends you a text before bed, did she know you were in bed? No, probably not, she isn't there with you after all. All she knew was that you said great game and she responded to you with a comment about a one month anniversary. A simple response the next morning when you saw it would have sufficed. Why did you wait until much later in the day to respond to that comment? It seems like you expected her to read your mind or to know what you were doing and know why you weren't responding to her. A "hey" text during the day with no response 4 hours later seems rude as well. How hard is it to respond with "I'm in meetings, can't talk right now"? It takes 2 seconds. Were you in meetings for 4 hours straight? Are you not allowed to send a text at all during that time? I have a friend you will respond with "working" so I know he can't talk right then but he'll respond later. It's just rude to just outright ignore it. I just feel like this kind of stuff needs to be discussed in advance almost. I have cleared this kind of issue up with my coworkers and friends who text me. I make it quite clear that if you text me early in the morning or after a certain time at night, I more than likely will not respond until I have a chance to or all you will get at those times is a simple "ok" acknowledging that I saw it and will discuss it later or respond later. It seems to me that you didn't make this stuff clear to her and so she's sitting there wondering why you aren't responding at all. She can't just assume that all is ok, you've only been on a couple dates so she probably had no idea where she stood. Were you responding to her more often before you slept with her? I'm just playing devil's advocate here really and trying to see it from her point of view based on what you've said. Her comments about how she liked your former banter better tells me that something changed with the way you were communicating with her. You can't just assume that she's needy and clingy if you hadn't made your intentions clear and then suddenly stop responding or change the type of responses you give her from flirty to more business like. I could see how she would be confused by your behavior. I agree. I think OP just wasn't as into her as he thought he was. Op distant with her. That's fine, but don't expect a girl who is feeling you not to be bothered by it and label her as insecure because of it. She was a little much at times, but not so much that if he was really digging her, he would have shut it down like he did. Nahh
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She's on the needy side... She might be generally needy or you two not quite meshing might be increasing her neediness tendencies (not meaning it's your fault, or hers; just that you're not a match). I don't know...I would feel a little uncomfortable.
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