Gaeta Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Would love a women's perspective or hear from men who have gone through something similar. Lately when asking women out online, (on dating apps after we've exhanged a fair amount of messages etc.) so I've been asking them out, and been running into the problem of uncertainty from their end. I'll ask "Would you like to grab some drinks? When are you free this week?" And lately been getting responses such as "I think I'm free Friday" "Hmmm maybe Saturday night" So these girls don't give definitive answers and I'm curious as to why. Does this signal low interest and I should just move on to people who seem more excited? Are they just nervous and saying that just to see if I'll insist and try to move it forward by setting up details? I know I should think of a better date idea/have a better "plan" in place for what to do, but I don't see anything wrong with meeting up and casually grabbing some drinks at a bar to get to know each other. It's pretty low investment for both parties on a first date, and I feel like that should be the way to go about it. Thoughts? Is it possible you are getting bogged down on the wording? Also if, as your usual you are exchanging with women younger, early 20s, than don't look for confidence, you won't find it. I explained that to you last time * I think * and * hhhmmm maybe * is what you'll get for dating women barely out of their teens. "I think I'm free Friday" You answer: 'great! about we meet at XYZ at 8pm' "Hmmm maybe Saturday night" You answer: 'great! about we meet at XYZ at 8pm' That is how you deal with it. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Be definitive in your plans. Say "Let's do ___ at 7pm". If time won't work she can always say how about 8pm? Don't ask for permission or sound like you're not sure yourself.
Redhead14 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 If you ask her with specifics, day, time, place and she is busy that day but offers and alternate, great. If not, leave it be. And, the first time you meet someone from OLD, it's not a date, it's a "meet up" to confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures, etc. You don't spend alot of money on these meet ups because if they don't match up with profile, pictures or you just don't "feel it", you aren't wasting a lot of time or money. If there is enough for you to want a "real" date, you set that up or call her a day or so later to set one up.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) If you ask her with specifics, day, time, place and she is busy that day but offers and alternate, great. If not, leave it be. And, the first time you meet someone from OLD, it's not a date, it's a "meet up" to confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures, etc. You don't spend alot of money on these meet ups because if they don't match up with profile, pictures or you just don't "feel it", you aren't wasting a lot of time or money. If there is enough for you to want a "real" date, you set that up or call her a day or so later to set one up. Exactly. Other posters may suggest doing dinner or other expensive first dates, but it's really a bad idea and will turn off most women. I've never had a Woman who was interested say NO to drinks. Do something simple like Coffee/Drinks where you can sit down and talk. First date ALWAYS needs to be low-pressure/easy exit, she doesn't want to feel trapped with a guy she can't stand or looks nothing like his pictures. Online Dating is a numbers game, and even though you might hook some Women with a thoughtful/expensive first date -- you are really not being expedient about things. On rare occasion I'll come across a profile that says "If you want to do drinks/coffee move along" -- best to avoid these ones altogether -- they are usually high maintenance. My last first date we met for drinks, after things were going really well, we went to a nearby bar and played Trivia together. You can always extend the "first meet" into a date if things are going well. Edited February 8, 2017 by barcode88 1
Miss Peach Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I beg to differ... maybe looking from a 1 point perspective. But a female gets 100 guys asking her for going for drinks or netflix cuddle dates... Dime a dozen... Best bet 2 peaking her interest with something DIFFERENT. that is the key to OLD I sort of agree and disagree with this. I like the first meet to be something low investment like drinks or coffee. But I do agree with the advice that 95%+ men all seem the same prior to the first meeting so the ones I give my time to are the ones that either build up a good connection or have something different and appealing to me going on. Never ask... tell them. "Meet me for drinks @ "Perry's 9pm" I respond better to this than something like 'drinks sometime'. This is asking for a date IMO. From here I need to either say yes or renegotiate the date/time/location. At least where I live, people are very flaky and say things like that all the time and half the time don't mean it when they are vague. So I always look for a date, time, and location to gauge they're serious. Well, there's one of several things going on: a) They're not that interested and just won't say it. I ran into quite a few women over OLD sites that wanted to be internet buddies but didn't want to actually go on a date. b) They're hitting the OLD scene hard, are chatting with multiple men and are juggling dates. They may not want to commit to a date with you on Friday because they're trying to line up other dates for the weekend. c) They don't quite understand that OLD sites are there to break the ice and nothing more. They think that their going to develop some deep, emotional compatibility with a person over the internet. Also, some women enjoy drinks on a first date but I have found many that are put off by it. They're hesitant to drink alcohol on a first date. A female friend of mine has had a few bad first dates when they went out for drinks as the guy either drank too much or was pushy about them drinking more. I always suggest a coffee or dinner date initially. I agree with everything here except C. Lunch is also a good option as it's not as heavy as dinner. I'll ask "Would you like to grab some drinks? When are you free this week?" And lately been getting responses such as "I think I'm free Friday" "Hmmm maybe Saturday night" It's either low investment on their side or they are feeling low investment from you. I've found that guys who don't list a date are usually lower investment than ones who can ask a date/time/location.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I sort of agree and disagree with this. I like the first meet to be something low investment like drinks or coffee. But I do agree with the advice that 95%+ men all seem the same prior to the first meeting so the ones I give my time to are the ones that either build up a good connection or have something different and appealing to me going on. Yes, it's important to flirt while messaging prior to the first date/meet. You need to stand out from the other 50 guys. Notice something in her pictures/profile and make it obvious you're paying attention. I respond better to this than something like 'drinks sometime'. This is asking for a date IMO. From here I need to either say yes or renegotiate the date/time/location. At least where I live, people are very flaky and say things like that all the time and half the time don't mean it when they are vague. So I always look for a date, time, and location to gauge they're serious. Most guys won't come out guns blazing with a time/date/place before they know you're even free or interested. This is especially true when I'm dealing with particularly attractive Women, they already have 100 super eager guys trying to date them -- I'm not going to go in there guns blazing. Just play along and let them know what works for you -- if they're interested they'll set something specific. It's a two way street, don't play games. I agree with everything here except C. Lunch is also a good option as it's not as heavy as dinner. Lunch is anti-romantic IMO. It's probably OK for a first meet though. It's either low investment on their side or they are feeling low investment from you. I've found that guys who don't list a date are usually lower investment than ones who can ask a date/time/location. We will ask if you're free later in the week in case you are busy on certain days. If you say "Saturday works for me", we will counter with a date/time/place. Too many times I start out specific and the time/date doesn't work for her, and it just ends up taking too much work. Some girls won't offer an alternative and we'll take it as disinterest -- even though they might not be intentionally doing it. Since guys have to ask girls out, it's just EASIER asking when she's free. That way if a certain date/event can only happen on a certain day, we can plan more efficiently/effectively. Just my .02 cents
Miss Peach Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Just my .02 cents You have every right to do it how you want. You asked for opinions so I'm giving you mine. For a first meet I like the idea of something light that can be short like lunch, coffee, or a drink. Things like that can always be extended. If I met the guy IRL I feel better about doing dinner dates and the like. I'm not opposed to dinner or other activities but I see first dates on OLD as a meeting to see if there's some chemistry. I also tend to go for the confident guys and planner guys so I prefer a guy to just ask me and firm things up ahead of time than to do the polite 'what do you want' sort of dance. I can handle it for a bit but too much of it becomes a big turn off for me. If a guy asks me out and I can't go at that date/time then I always counter. Even if you don't want to say 'meet me for dinner at McDonalds at 5' you can at least say what do you think about dinner Thursday night and then firm up the details. I rarely leave the entire day open for a guy so I like to know if we're talking morning, afternoon, night, etc. so I can plan my day.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 You have every right to do it how you want. You asked for opinions so I'm giving you mine. For a first meet I like the idea of something light that can be short like lunch, coffee, or a drink. Things like that can always be extended. If I met the guy IRL I feel better about doing dinner dates and the like. I'm not opposed to dinner or other activities but I see first dates on OLD as a meeting to see if there's some chemistry. I also tend to go for the confident guys and planner guys so I prefer a guy to just ask me and firm things up ahead of time than to do the polite 'what do you want' sort of dance. I can handle it for a bit but too much of it becomes a big turn off for me. If a guy asks me out and I can't go at that date/time then I always counter. Even if you don't want to say 'meet me for dinner at McDonalds at 5' you can at least say what do you think about dinner Thursday night and then firm up the details. I rarely leave the entire day open for a guy so I like to know if we're talking morning, afternoon, night, etc. so I can plan my day. You might counter, but not all Women do. Yes there are (some) clueless Women out there too. Sometimes being specific off the bat is shooting yourself in the foot. Otherwise I think we generally agree on things.
SevenCity Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I got the "maybe Thursday" from the last girl I dated for a month when I asked her out on the phone the first time (we met online). I said "Ok if you're not sure give me a call when you know your schedule". She responded with "No I can definitely make Thursday" I refuse to deal with maybes. Another woman could be filling the slot and I don't waste my time.
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