Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Hi guys! I swore off OLD awhile ago. I deleted all my OLD profiles and hid my match profile I was bored one night and decided to hop on match. I was thinking I was going to see the same old BS but I got an email from a guy and I thought wow....where did he come from? The email was well thought out....referenced my profile, thoughtful, complimentary, intelligent. He has a great job. Lives close by. My type physically....so I emailed him back Our convo has been going great...he asked to get together...but one thing is bothering me..... One of his profile pics is of him and a cute blonde woman. Their body language is pretty close and they dont look anything alike, so I'm thinking she might be an ex??? IMO, posting a pic of you and your ex on your OLD profile is in really poor taste...it also might mean you might be a little hung up on her. It would be a red flag I wouldnt ignore So my question is....do I ask about the pic??? Or do I agree to go out and figure it out later??? Thanks guys!
BlueRidgeMT Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I would go on the date, and then at some point *CASUALLY* ask him about it. 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Thanks guys for your input I'm torn After having had so many bad experinces with OLD I kind of just want to cut to the chase and ask in a very polite, non-confrontational way but I know I would def run the risk of looking a little crazy On the other hand I want to take the more relaxed route, I'm tired of overthinking dating...if I'm going to date I'm going to have fun...not over think things. Maybe having a pic of an ex on your profile isnt as bad as I think it is??? Either course of action kind of sucks.... 1
Jj66 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 This is the reason I didn't put up pics of me with women. It was a tough decision though since some of my best pics have women in them. I figured that women might assume I was trying to play myself off as a ladies man so I went with somewhat less flattering pictures of me instead. Discussing his profile and any pics in them is definitely fair game when you meet. You can ask about the story of each picture if you want. Might be easier to work that into a conversation if you are concerned about asking about a specific person in a picture. On our first date my current gf told me one of my pics made me look like I could be a serial killer. I changed it later that night. 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Thanks guys for your input I'm torn After having had so many bad experinces with OLD I kind of just want to cut to the chase and ask in a very polite, non-confrontational way but I know I would def run the risk of looking a little crazy On the other hand I want to take the more relaxed route, I'm tired of overthinking dating...if I'm going to date I'm going to have fun...not over think things. Maybe having a pic of an ex on your profile isnt as bad as I think it is??? Either course of action kind of sucks.... Well, HE was the one who put the picture up (I agree that was a poor decision on his part), so asking about her (as you suggested, in a polite nonconfrontational way) is fair game. And whatever his answer is, it will save you energy. He says she is someone he dated long ago, your mind will be at rest. If he says he just broke up w her, that will save you energy too. I mean otherwise why waste your time w someone who isn't over someone else, right? 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Well, HE was the one who put the picture up (I agree that was a poor decision on his part), so asking about her (as you suggested, in a polite nonconfrontational way) is fair game. And whatever his answer is, it will save you energy. He says she is someone he dated long ago, your mind will be at rest. If he says he just broke up w her, that will save you energy too. I mean otherwise why waste your time w someone who isn't over someone else, right? Agreed!! Thanks Imajerk! Thats what I'm thinking....that I dont want to waste my energy But I'm also thinking that maybe I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion??? Maybe he just likes that pic of himself and doesnt know its a no no And when do I ask???
KBob Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 After having had so many bad experinces with OLD I kind of just want to cut to the chase and ask in a very polite, non-confrontational way but I know I would def run the risk of looking a little crazy. Why would you worry about what he thinks after you break it off? 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Why would you worry about what he thinks after you break it off? I wouldnt care about that What wouldnt be cool is if she wasnt an ex (maybe a cousin) and he gets the impression that I'm one of those jealous types...and there goes that date
Space Ritual Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 But I'm also thinking that maybe I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion??? Maybe he just likes that pic of himself and doesnt know its a no no Some guys are under the assumption that if they post a pic of themselves with an attractive woman that means a prospect might think" Gosh, if he has such a pretty woman next to him he must have something going for him that makes him interesting." Then you learn later it was a picture of his sister and you'll feel duped. LOL 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Some guys are under the assumption that if they post a pic of themselves with an attractive woman that means a prospect might think" Gosh, if he has such a pretty woman next to him he must have something going for him that makes him interesting." Then you learn later it was a picture of his sister and you'll feel duped. LOL Lmao! I thought of this too! Thats why I dont want to jump to hasty conclusions
Popsicle Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I don't know, in the past, I avoided guy who did this unless they labeled the picture as "Me and my sister" etc. 2
rushed Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I'm terrible about directness. I'd probably ask something like, "Does your sister live in the area?" "My sister?" "Yeah, the one in that picture with you." His reply after that will tell you what you need to know. 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I'm terrible about directness. I'd probably ask something like, "Does your sister live in the area?" "My sister?" "Yeah, the one in that picture with you." His reply after that will tell you what you need to know. Oh wow this is good!! Thank you! His last message to me was about his sister whos pregnant! I can segway into, "Oh thats great! Is that your sister in your last profile pic?" What does everyone think about that??? 5
Popsicle Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Oh wow this is good!! Thank you! His last message to me was about his sister whos pregnant! I can segway into, "Oh thats great! Is that your sister in your last profile pic?" What does everyone think about that??? yeah do it.
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 yeah do it. Just did it! Phew! Thanks rushed! I'll keep you guys posted! 2
Space Ritual Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Oh wow this is good!! Thank you! His last message to me was about his sister whos pregnant! I can segway into, "Oh thats great! Is that your sister in your last profile pic?" What does everyone think about that??? If she has a quote on her page that says: "Brother, don't crush my pack of Marlboros when you lay on top of me out back behind the outhouse". I urge you to not have any more contact with him. lol 2
Versacehottie Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 You could ask in a teasing, upbeat way (not confrontational or put out). The way he answers will give you more information if he is a person who does more than one thing in bad taste OR if the way he explains and the explanation is normal and works for you. I think you need more information. I agree that would be in bad taste however, even some great guys i know do things that are questionable but harmless at times. What a shame if this is a great guy who is judged so harshly by someone who truly doesn't have enough info & would miss out on the rest of him. And the same goes in reverse: if he is the type to pull the plug in a knee jerk reaction or be really hostile or defensive over you asking him about it. What a shame if he would judge you on just one element of your behavior. You will learn a lot by asking and by that I mean so much more than the ACTUAL answer (about who she is). Good luck
Shining One Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 What wouldnt be cool is if she wasnt an ex (maybe a cousin) and he gets the impression that I'm one of those jealous types...and there goes that dateSo you want to judge him for his choice of OLD photo, but you don't want him to judge you for judging him for his choice of OLD photo? 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) I get that it's in bad taste to have an Ex in a photo. But if you like them enough to go out with them, why does it even matter in the end? After I've gone on 1-2 dates with someone I forget all about their OLD Profile. All of you gals are acting like it's an important mystery to solve If an OLD prospect was asking me who a female in my pictures is, I would probably answer and try to make light of the situation. Although it would probably put me off a bit -- if they're going to get jealous about a picture when we haven't even gone out yet, there might be more jealousy in store down the road. Edited February 8, 2017 by barcode88
dumbass2 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Since it's match, what did he put for his relationship status? Does he mention anything in the profile that hints to relationships or kids?
NuevoYorko Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I wouldn't have mentioned a thing like that at all unless I was dating the person and needed to know; I'm not sure if it would even have registered with me at all. If I was questioned about a person in my photos by someone I hadn't even met, I suspect that it would give me pause. 2
Miss Peach Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I get turned off by seeing pics with women and kids. I have one pic on mine with two guys but I caption in there it's their wedding so I would hope people would figure out they're not an ex. For the one guy I ran across that had a women in his pics that I actually went out with, it turned out the pics were his sister. If he's otherwise a good prospect I would meet him and get to know him. You could also ask later who that is if he doesn't bring up a sister or a good friend who may be that woman. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Why does it really matter? I mean sure, if it's painfully obvious it's an EX, you can skip over them. If it's ambiguous I think you just give the benefit of the doubt, and forget about it. If you bring it up with the guy (even casually) you're going to get dinged for being insecure/jealous. I see plenty of Women with guys in their Photos on Match, and it doesn't faze me at all. They're usually just family/brothers/etc. I don't get bent out of shape about it. If there are pictures of Kids, I assume they're nephews or nieces. After all in the section where it says "HAS KIDS" they usually have "NO". 1
Author Dis Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 Thanks for all your replies! The last message he sent me, he was talking about his sister so I casually asked him if that was his sister in the pic. There's nothing wrong with asking. And I'm not saying there's definitely something wrong if that is his ex. If he judges me for asking then he shouldn't have put the pic up. Like VH said, one needs to ask questions to get to know someone. Our convos are always upbeat and fun. I've been my sweet self. Hes been great too. I'm not worried about asking in the polite, casual way I did. It's not the end of the world either way 1
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