Gaeta Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 He does text his kids for that. The ex plays games thinking she will get a response. You know it takes 2 to tango. He does not need to answer her. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 Then he can put them on his own cell phone plan and leave her out of communications with them. He can also get them their own debit cards on put them on his account so that if they need money for something, they can get the cash out themselves and again, leave her out of it. I did this with my daughter's dad when she was in junior high school, not because we had a bad relationship--we didn't; we have a great co-parenting relationship, but because he lived in Missouri and she and I lived in California and it was easier for him and her. All I had to do was take her to the bank, not negotiate the logistics with him. There are way to limit interaction with a difficult ex/parent, but only if he can be arsed to do it. There comes a time when you have to face the fact that he gets something out of the drama--otherwise, he'd have squashed this a long time ago. If it was me, I'd maintain my dignity and stay away from her. That's just some unnecessary drama around a bunch of people who are not loyal to you or your safety. Well every time she starts her crap he would tell me and was all stressed out about it. He is a direct person, so he tells her straight up and she still doesn't get it. She even lied with some rumors about the two of us and saying their daughter was upset, come to find out she made that up. A woman in her late 30's acting like she is in high school! The debit card is actually a great idea. I'm going to suggest that.
Author enchanted771 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 You know it takes 2 to tango. He does not need to answer her.95% of the time he doesn't. There was a situation with his daughter a week ago and so he had to communicate with her because it was serious.
Author enchanted771 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 The kids are old enough to understand. I thought they were little. Because you have a child & managed to resolve your issues with your child's father without all this you know that his EX is the problem. Her lying & manipulating won't ever change. If he told her the right things & she's still doing this, you have to assume she will never stop. I dated a man with an EX wife who was the mother of their son. When she started contacting me & when she showed up at my house screaming, I put an immediate stop to it. I told her that the only thing I ever wanted to hear from her are Qs like "Is my son there? Can you please put him on the phone?" or "Can I drop him off / can you please pick him up?". If she was required to make small talk I expected it to be limited to the weather. If anything else, I would file harassment charges. (Her behavior qualified). I also called her divorce lawyer & told him my conditions. I knew the lawyer & he talked to her about her interactions with me. The met my conditions thereafter. I don't know how well that would work for you because her lies tend to be designed to get your EX to do things. I don't think you can count on this getting better any time soon. I do think that since the birthday is in a public place that your BF has the right to bring you if that is what he wants. Showing up & forcing the issue might be good for everyone. The little girl may also need to see what happens when she doesn't accept that daddy & mommy need to do things with her separately. I honestly don't agree with him going to that Birthday function but it's what his daughter wants so he's doing it. And I have no desire to be around his ex because it would make me feel very uncomfortable so I made other plans. I don't feel it will get better anytime soon but a person can only take so much. I don't want to give up the relationship because then his ex wins. They were never married, he was never in love with her (which she knows), so to pursue a man knowing that tells me how little she respects herself. However, I know what I am ok with and not ok with, so if things start really getting out of hand then he will need to step up or step aside. I know that if my ex were this way, I think I would have to be single or fight him in court.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You know, in extreme cases, people can use a 3rd party involved to avoid communicating together. I have seen this. It's a sibling or a parent that will communicate important information to each party.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I don't feel it will get better anytime soon but a person can only take so much. I don't want to give up the relationship because then his ex wins. This is nowhere near being a good reason to stay in a difficult relationship. They were never married, he was never in love with her (which she knows), He loved her enough to make 2 babies with her. I would not believe him when he said he never loved her. I think you can find much better for yourself. You sound like someone grounded that does not invite conflicts and dramas. Surely you don't want to deal with that for the next 10 years maybe more. If he does not reply to her 96% of the time how come he has all that stuff to report to you about her? 1
phineas Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 The kids arn't the problem. Your BF is. It seems like he pee's sitting down when it comes to his ex. IF he wanted to he could easily find an affordable family lawyer in his ex's town and take her back to court. He doesn't even need a lawyer to file the paper work. They have a custody order and she is violating it. The longer he lets her do this the harder it will be to put it back into place because the judge is going to ask "why?" and assume he doesn't want to see his kids. I've walked away from women whose ex's were dirt-bags and caused issues when they decided not to pay child support that week or some nonsense. Tell him to start acting like a man or you are gone. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 The kids arn't the problem. Your BF is. It seems like he pee's sitting down when it comes to his ex. IF he wanted to he could easily find an affordable family lawyer in his ex's town and take her back to court. He doesn't even need a lawyer to file the paper work. They have a custody order and she is violating it. The longer he lets her do this the harder it will be to put it back into place because the judge is going to ask "why?" and assume he doesn't want to see his kids. I've walked away from women whose ex's were dirt-bags and caused issues when they decided not to pay child support that week or some nonsense. Tell him to start acting like a man or you are gone. I agree. He needs to take care of the situation & take her butt to court. He told me he was in court with her over a year when his daughter was younger, and doesn't want to go through it again. He will have no choice because I'm not tolerating his ex nonsense. I ignore her, but if she steps over the line I will tell him once he has the guts to take her to court let me know, because I'm not dealing with her anymore,
kendahke Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) I don't want to give up the relationship because then his ex wins. this tells me you're into playing power games and he's the prize. He's not in a place to be in a new relationship because he can't get a grip on his ex. He won't administer stern consequences so therefore she isn't afraid of him or you or anyone else because she knows how to snap her fingers to make him come running to the game... and he's willing to play it. Period. He loved her enough to make 2 babies with her. I would not believe him when he said he never loved her. This. Right. Here.^^^^^ One child, OK. Two? Nah... he created a second child with someone he didn't love? Nope. He's lying to you on that front. Edited February 11, 2017 by kendahke 1
Recommended Posts