Karma89245 Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 So me 27[m] met my ex 25[f] on a small island I was deployed here and she visited for work/education reasons. We met on the 2nd day of her being here, and didn't spend a day apart after that. Endless trips to the beach living on a luscious island with hardly any people. Everything was like a scene from a Hollywood movie, no arguments but simply a crazy amount to love for each other. 3 weeks of dating and I dropped the "I love you" which was responded to with "What took you so long? I have been thinking this for a while." 2 months passed and she left the island, I continued to be deployed there, we struggled with long distance, not having the physicality of each other and also the shoulder to lean on. A month after I left on leave to visit her for 3 weeks, I saw her world for the first time and loved it, I met her parents who loved me, she admitted they had never reacted like that with bf's before. Still the relationship was like something out of a movie! I went back to deployment and it started to break down, over the next few weeks I started to get frustrated with distance and feeling less of a man for not being able to be with her as much as she wanted me, stress came from future plans, being from different countries pressure was put on marriage and plans to be together cause of visa issues. Causing us to sacrifice things on either side. But on the other hand we both wanted this so much and frequently talked about it. My anger started to get a hold on me with the lack of sleep from time zones and internet usage times, I was talking to her in an irritated state. She would but a lot of effort into searching for careers for me after deployment and I would be afraid to persue them as my current job is all I know. Arguments started to happen and it progressed to a point where she said she could not do this anymore. I went into panic mode and did the usual stupid male mistakes, like begging and not giving her the space she would ask for. It culminated in us breaking about 4 weeks ago. We continued to talk on and off as she was having a rough time with college and her exam situations. She continued to say she loved me and apologise for putting me through this and she was not trying to lead me on. I wrote her a letter like a few I had before, she received it said it was very kind and articulate but felt what she did was right for her in the current situation. The proceeded to block me on messenger. Looking back I could of handled the situation a lot better and not been as needy as i was, I could of made moves to show her I thought about long term as much as she did, and wanted the things she wanted. So now self improvement is the key, but I struggle everyday waking up thinking of her and how i messed up. Of how I would do so much for her, but I can't. NC rule has to be obeyed. Valentines approaches and I wish I could show her how much I still love her, but alas I can't. I'm not so much looking for answers anymore, other then? Do I hang on for the love of my life? Do I hope and pray she comes back? I'm a realist and a romantic at the same time. I know this girl was thinking I would be the one, she wanted to marry me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. So do I hang around? I can't see her in person, probably won't be able to for a while. Thanks for reading.
Danielsbrokenheart Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) I was kind of in the same situation, but my ex all of a sudden unblocked me and tried to hurt me by insulting me in horrible tradition. All you can do is bro, move on. The moment your ex sees you have moved on and when your ex sees you smile, is the moment when she wants you back. Best thing is to move on, AS HARD AS IT SOUNDS move on bro. i LOVED MINE and spend thousands of euros, 6 months and everything yet she blocked me. When we guys become clingy and keep trying and trying and trying most of the time woman think they're too good for us because we keep chasing her so much. My ex literally thinks shes a queen and everybody else will love her the same way i love her, but i know they won't. Its because i didn't give her the space to miss me, and THATS WHY NC IS THE BEST THING you can do. IF she TRULY loved u she wouldn't block u but knew how hard you're struggling and would appreciate it. I broke up 1 month ago, but i kept calling, begging her to come back. You know what she did? She kept rubbing it in my eyes that she has someone else, and that someone else "truly" loves her. Woman like being chased, and when you stop CHASING her it will all back fire on her. As soon as the new person stops with the attention you know what she will do? Run back to you. So bro, move on. I cried EVERYDAY for 4 weeks straight that i lost her, but in the end i lost someone who truly didn't care about me and she lost someone who would DO ANYTHING for her. Her loss bro, ur a great guy and woman literally would love to have someone like u in their lives. Edited February 7, 2017 by Danielsbrokenheart
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) Your relationship wasn't strong enough to endure the test of distance. While it may be easier if you can reestablish physical proximity, is that truly an option? If it's not, what are you fighting to regain? Also since she didn't seem to understand you had work commitments, she doesn't really seem mature enough to be a quality life partner. In the face of any adversity, she is going to expect you to shoulder all the responsibility for fixing anything & everything to her whims no matter what. Edited February 7, 2017 by d0nnivain
Author Karma89245 Posted February 7, 2017 Author Posted February 7, 2017 I was kind of in the same situation, but my ex all of a sudden unblocked me and tried to hurt me by insulting me in horrible tradition. All you can do is bro, move on. The moment your ex sees you have moved on and when your ex sees you smile, is the moment when she wants you back. Best thing is to move on, AS HARD AS IT SOUNDS move on bro. i LOVED MINE and spend thousands of euros, 6 months and everything yet she blocked me. When we guys become clingy and keep trying and trying and trying most of the time woman think they're too good for us because we keep chasing her so much. My ex literally thinks shes a queen and everybody else will love her the same way i love her, but i know they won't. Its because i didn't give her the space to miss me, and THATS WHY NC IS THE BEST THING you can do. IF she TRULY loved u she wouldn't block u but knew how hard you're struggling and would appreciate it. I broke up 1 month ago, but i kept calling, begging her to come back. You know what she did? She kept rubbing it in my eyes that she has someone else, and that someone else "truly" loves her. Woman like being chased, and when you stop CHASING her it will all back fire on her. As soon as the new person stops with the attention you know what she will do? Run back to you. So bro, move on. I cried EVERYDAY for 4 weeks straight that i lost her, but in the end i lost someone who truly didn't care about me and she lost someone who would DO ANYTHING for her. Her loss bro, ur a great guy and woman literally would love to have someone like u in their lives. Thanks for the reply man, I've been the guide for a few friends on relationship issues and I know everything your saying is true, our stories differ a little, cause she isn't running anything in my place and is in a real stressful situation right now. I think the block might be for both or sakes. Also Donnivain I do think we struggled on the LDR front and maybe I wasn't strong enough, but we had tentative plans, nothing concrete which I realise I should of had. She's in a super stressful situation with her PHD she is a miracle due to circumstance no one thought she would let alone go to college but do this. So I understand her stress at the moment, and my love for her is still strong and will always be, but leaving myself vulnerable at a time like this, where I pray she is ok everyday is craziness.
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 She's in a super stressful situation with her PHD she is a miracle due to circumstance no one thought she would let alone go to college but do this. So I understand her stress at the moment, and my love for her is still strong and will always be, but leaving myself vulnerable at a time like this, where I pray she is ok everyday is craziness. I don't get this. When I was getting my graduate degree I enjoyed my LDR. I had time to study & when it was time to get on a plane to see him, I had my plate relatively clear. I would bring books on the flight but had enough time to concentrate on my studies without wondering if he was upset because I didn't have enough time for him on a weekly / daily basis. I do hear you saying you love her but I don't think that is enough.
JMiller1 Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 So me 27[m] met my ex 25[f] on a small island I was deployed here and she visited for work/education reasons. We met on the 2nd day of her being here, and didn't spend a day apart after that. Endless trips to the beach living on a luscious island with hardly any people. Everything was like a scene from a Hollywood movie, no arguments but simply a crazy amount to love for each other. 3 weeks of dating and I dropped the "I love you" which was responded to with "What took you so long? I have been thinking this for a while." 2 months passed and she left the island, I continued to be deployed there, we struggled with long distance, not having the physicality of each other and also the shoulder to lean on. A month after I left on leave to visit her for 3 weeks, I saw her world for the first time and loved it, I met her parents who loved me, she admitted they had never reacted like that with bf's before. Still the relationship was like something out of a movie! I went back to deployment and it started to break down, over the next few weeks I started to get frustrated with distance and feeling less of a man for not being able to be with her as much as she wanted me, stress came from future plans, being from different countries pressure was put on marriage and plans to be together cause of visa issues. Causing us to sacrifice things on either side. But on the other hand we both wanted this so much and frequently talked about it. My anger started to get a hold on me with the lack of sleep from time zones and internet usage times, I was talking to her in an irritated state. She would but a lot of effort into searching for careers for me after deployment and I would be afraid to persue them as my current job is all I know. Arguments started to happen and it progressed to a point where she said she could not do this anymore. I went into panic mode and did the usual stupid male mistakes, like begging and not giving her the space she would ask for. It culminated in us breaking about 4 weeks ago. We continued to talk on and off as she was having a rough time with college and her exam situations. She continued to say she loved me and apologise for putting me through this and she was not trying to lead me on. I wrote her a letter like a few I had before, she received it said it was very kind and articulate but felt what she did was right for her in the current situation. The proceeded to block me on messenger. Looking back I could of handled the situation a lot better and not been as needy as i was, I could of made moves to show her I thought about long term as much as she did, and wanted the things she wanted. So now self improvement is the key, but I struggle everyday waking up thinking of her and how i messed up. Of how I would do so much for her, but I can't. NC rule has to be obeyed. Valentines approaches and I wish I could show her how much I still love her, but alas I can't. I'm not so much looking for answers anymore, other then? Do I hang on for the love of my life? Do I hope and pray she comes back? I'm a realist and a romantic at the same time. I know this girl was thinking I would be the one, she wanted to marry me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. So do I hang around? I can't see her in person, probably won't be able to for a while. Thanks for reading. You two are both in very stressful situations. Before my husband and I got married, he was in S. Korea in the Army and I was getting my Bachelors in pre-med here in the States. I know what stress is! I would really recommend the option you mentioned of praying!!! That's your most effective tool. Give her time. If you hold too tightly to her, it's so true that you will "strangle" her like the story says about birds being held too tight. Forgive yourself, let go of your anger, let go of the future worries, different ethnicities, etc. It will all work itself out when you pray!
Author Karma89245 Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 You two are both in very stressful situations. Before my husband and I got married, he was in S. Korea in the Army and I was getting my Bachelors in pre-med here in the States. I know what stress is! I would really recommend the option you mentioned of praying!!! That's your most effective tool. Give her time. If you hold too tightly to her, it's so true that you will "strangle" her like the story says about birds being held too tight. Forgive yourself, let go of your anger, let go of the future worries, different ethnicities, etc. It will all work itself out when you pray! Thanks for the replies guys and girls, I appreciate them so much, having a tough time, a lot of the island reminds me of her and while working I have a lot of time to think which does not help. I'm hoping me giving her space will bring her back, she always said she hopes we could work things out before and it would take time but it would work. You were right to say the girl of my dreams. I've spent my life in service of other people, but I want to spend the rest of my life in service of her.
Author Karma89245 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Really struggling with the break up right now, waking up and falling asleep I feel sick. It's starting to effect my work & gym effort. Valentines stuff is everywhere and will not seem to leave me alone. Still NC. I'm left with this feeling that things could work out if I was with her not thousands of miles away. Needed to vent*
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