Electrogrrl Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I am and have been having major issues with my b/f lately. His angry drinking episodes have gotten worse and I don't know what to do about them anymore--I don't think there's anything I can do about them. We had a really horrible fight last Tuesday night (we were both drunk) but then made up the next day, even though I am starting to feel a bit awkward around him because of the nasty things he says to me when he's drunk and angry--you can only hear something so many times before you start to wonder if it is true. I know it's not our relationship that's so much the problem as all the issues he's having right now with his family and his job. It seems like every day it's something new. Yesterday/today it is about his work offering him another position with a different department which would allow him to stay in the US on a permanent basis (he's here on a work visa), but they didn't offer him the salary that he thinks he deserves and so he's considering quitting and going to work in Brazil for his dad's company. He's really overly stressed and says he needs to spend lots of time alone to figure out who he is (he's also having major guilt issues concerning his mom as he thinks he should try and do something about her drinking problem, which has, unfortunately, gotten so bad she's very near death). Of course, I will respect his wishes but I can't help but feeling waaaay stressed out over this. I can't get rid of that awful feeling in my stomach that he's slipping further away from me. I've completely let all his problems and all of our fighting consume me. I can't concentrate on anything but him. I am obsessing and I hate it. I am trying to think about my life right now and I just can't and it's really frustrating cause it's affecting every aspect of me. How do I concentrate on me when I've been so consumed with him for so long? I already go to therapy, I already read self help books, I've already tried to change my way of thinking, the way I interact with him when he's angry, but nothing seems to work. I don't want to be codependent forever. I hate it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
mujeep Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I have a very similar problem and my doctor suggested I read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I'm reading it right now and it has helped me understand whats going on in my head.
butterfly29 Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by Electrogrrl How do I concentrate on me when I've been so consumed with him for so long? I already go to therapy, I already read self help books, I've already tried to change my way of thinking, the way I interact with him when he's angry, but nothing seems to work. I don't want to be codependent forever. I hate it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Go to a local CoDA meetings. That's the best help you can get.
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