Would you stay with a guy who is amazing but extremely poor college student?

[ManyDissapoint]

You don't get it. Everyone's entitled to their own desires and has their own inclinations -- regardless of how right/wrong/socially acceptable they are in someone else's mind. It doesn't matter what the issue is -- if it's bothersome (which it seems to be by the fact that she made a whole thread about it asking for advice) to the OP, then her concerns are valid, regardless of how ridiculous they might to someone else. At the end of the day, everyone's issues and desires are relative. You can't really change what you like and what will make you feel comfortable. You might be able to get some perspective, but it's going to take a lot of time and understanding to deal with whatever's going on in your mind.

 

I was recently dating a girl who at first seemed like every man's dream, or at least mine at first -- she was incredibly smart, had a great job, was drop dead gorgeous, incredibly classy, nice, etc. Looking at it objectively, anyone would be stupid not to pursue things with her. But there was a problem, and it was that while I clicked with her physically, ethically, and morally, she was much too shy and reserved and amongst other things, our conversations always lacked a playful, carefree element that I was craving and I couldn't get over it or imagine life with her in 20 years. I had an itch that she just couldn't scratch. It's not that she "wasn't good enough," it's that we as humans have desires that range from rational to irrational.

 

 

 

 

Ludicrous is telling other people what they should be satisfied with in order to make themselves happy.

 

If he likes women with slightly bigger chests, the other girl wasn't "perfect," was she? It's not our place to judge what other people like or don't like even if it makes you feel like you've on some moral high ground. Building a relationship on shaky footing to be "fair" or "nice" isn't going to do you any favors in the long run. If you're bothered by something -- whatever it is -- enough that it causes your worry or dissatisfaction, you should consider alternatives, and leave other peoples' judgment out of it. If you like sketchy looking guys with tattoos and the middle management guy is just a little too boring for you, make the decision that you feel will bring you happiness, not the one that you think will bring other people happiness. Just my two cents.

 

Your argument is conflated. What you're really discussing is the ethics of leaving someone who's a good person for someone who's also a good person, but more desirable to you. That's a different discussion.

 

A lot of text but I'll just say that I have no problem with people going after whatever tickles their fancy, it's the treating of people (especially good people) like disposable garbage while doing so that I think is gross.

 

When you involve someone in a deep relationship, to me that means that you will do your best to examine your motives to see if they are rational or irrational, and act like a virtuous human being accordingly.

[GunslingerRoland]

So he is in about the third toughest undergraduate program you can take, he's almost complete it, and yet you are worried his situation won't ever improve? I mean computer science is generally fairly easy to find a job in once you complete it. Is there an underlying reason for this fear? Obviously he is late going back to school, but given the situation you don't seem very understanding.

[thecrucible]

I'd see what he's doing in a positive light. He's set on completing a personal ambition which will help his career and is prepared to sacrifice some independence and income in order to achieve it. To me that shows great personality traits and life values in a partner.

 

I wonder if you're getting lost in observing your friends' relationships. You say that their boyfriends pay for a lot and they must be keen to tell you this (as most people tell you the best parts of their relationships). It's easy to compare your relationship to your friends' and I don't think it's helpful.

[joseb]

Everyone's entitled to their own desires and has their own inclinations -- regardless of how right/wrong/socially acceptable they are in someone else's mind. It doesn't matter what the issue is -- if it's bothersome (which it seems to be by the fact that she made a whole thread about it asking for advice) to the OP, then her concerns are valid, regardless of how ridiculous they might to someone else.

 

Yes, but it sounds like the OP is basing a lot of this on what here friends are doing and saying and how their boyfriends are paying for everything, rather than something that is really a problem for her.

 

She probably also needs to get a handle on what extremely poor really is, this guy does not sound like what I would describe as poor.

Edited February 10, 2017 by joseb