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We were supposed to go out on weekend. He Never responded till Sunday night!

ashy555

By ashy555
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ashy555 Established Member

ashy555

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So I met a 33yo guy online(Im 26). We started chatting a few weeks ago and we decided to meet up. He came across as very lovely in his messages. He actually seemed quite genuine and I could keep a conversation going with him. We would send about 2 - 4 really long messages per day. He asked me again when we could catch up last week. I suggested Thursday night and he came back and said hes booked that now sorry but he is available all weekend finally.

I said I could do either Saturday or Sunday at the end of a long message. That was last Tuesday. By Friday he hadn't responded so I went about my weekend.

 

He continued to post on instagram. One was a video of him doing hoops at the park on Saturday and one of his neice. He also sent me about 4 snapchats on Saturday(one he was at work, the rest was him singing in the car). Gets to Sunday night and he sends me a long message explaining how busy he was and he was working and trying to find a new car etc etc and that he is so sorry. If I'm not too peed off he would love to see me during the week.

 

My initial thought was to respond and say its fine blah blah as his message came across really nice and genuine. But then I realised that these are the type of men I always go for and this is exactly how they treat me. This is the time I should sniff out the red flags and cut them loose. First of all I am in no way invested in him so not seeing him didn't bother me in the slightest. His instagram is also covered in gorgeous women(Also kind of a red flag for me)

 

So I ignored him and I am not planning on responding. I also find myself feeling bad about ignoring him but for all he knew I could have kept both my days free waiting for him to reply for 5 days. He couldn't respond to me to even let me know he was busy, yet had time to post on social media, play bball at the park AND snapchat me multiple times.

I mean to me.. It kinda screams player.

 

I know the saying. You teach people how to treat you. Which is why I decided to cut him loose.

 

So did I do the right thing here? I feel if I responded and said 'yes that is fine' that he would see me as a pushover and have no respect for me. Which is something I am not ok with. Yet for some reason I feel rude for ignoring his message. Haha :confused:

  • Like 5
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You were 1000% right to do what you did!! good job!! If you are looking for a serious man, for a serious relationship then you select only men speaking and acting like gentlemen. It takes seconds to reply a text, there is no such a thing 'I was too busy the past 4 days to answer your question'.

 

Your dating life will get more interesting from here.

  • Like 12
preraph Established Member

preraph

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You're right! If he's like this at the very first date, this is his GOOD behavior! I wouldn't even bother to reply to him. Why? I mean, who needs that?

  • Like 4
Mystyry Established Member

Mystyry

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I will second these opinions also. Perhaps it was your garden-variety oblivious attitude, but you do not want/need to be in a situation to teach a 33 year old man how to behave or treat women.

 

If he is unable to remember, or plan, or focus, or whatever it is that prevented him from firming up the go/no go with you (yet was not so out of his head, that at the end of the weekend he didn't remember that he flaked on you), you do not need to be an afterthought or a second option. Good riddance and good decision.

  • Like 4
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ashy555 Established Member

ashy555

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Ok thank you!!! It makes me feel better. I was told by 2 people close to me that I should have replied in a more passive/aggressive manner. I honestly think just ignoring it altogether is the best as it shows that I really don't care and will find someone better and more respectful. It actually feels kinda good in a way. :)

  • Like 3
TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

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Take it from a guy.

 

If he responds 3-5 days later...he's not that interested or has better options and wants to keep you on the way back burner if everything else fails

  • Like 7
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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5 days and no reply? Then didn't bother sending an actual message until Sunday?

 

He's not that interested, OP. Forget him.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I was told by 2 people close to me that I should have replied in a more passive/aggressive manner.

 

Really ! I doubt those friends of yours are in happy functional relationships, right? Passive aggressive will never generates a positive result.

  • Like 1
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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Clearly he's not totally interested in you otherwise he would never had blown you off like he did. Too busy dating and doing things that he deems more important than you. That's how you handle this. You just don't communicate with him at all. It's his lost not yours remember that. Like the old saying goes "you win some you lose some". The Instagram was you answer though!

  • Like 2
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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Ok thank you!!! It makes me feel better. I was told by 2 people close to me that I should have replied in a more passive/aggressive manner. I honestly think just ignoring it altogether is the best as it shows that I really don't care and will find someone better and more respectful. It actually feels kinda good in a way. :)

 

There's no reason to reward him with your attention IMO. I like the feeling of finality so if you were feeling generous you could have written back something neutral to turn him down like 'I've realize this isn't a match but best of luck'. Then after that I would ignore him.

 

Take it from a guy.

 

If he responds 3-5 days later...he's not that interested or has better options and wants to keep you on the way back burner if everything else fails

 

That's exactly what I was thinking. If he had a legit reason (i.e., travelling on business for a week), he would be telling you about it so you didn't get frustrated and leave like you just did.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Ok thank you!!! It makes me feel better. I was told by 2 people close to me that I should have replied in a more passive/aggressive manner. I honestly think just ignoring it altogether is the best as it shows that I really don't care and will find someone better and more respectful. It actually feels kinda good in a way. :)

 

I'll bet those 2 people suck at relationships, too.

 

Responding the way they said to would have been you planting his hook in your cheek of your own accord--and that's not what you want to do. You are right not to play games and that's what being passive/aggressive would amount to.

 

You completely did the right thing.

  • Like 2
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated.

 

Tip: don't chat for weeks with someone. If they can't get it together and meet you after a couple of messages then dump the chump. You want a guy that wants to get to know you in person ON dates.....texting is just frickin laaaaazzzzyyyyy.

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coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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Don't end up being a text buddy, that's not dating either. Who wants to live day and day just texting for love one. Still a lot like to text and not talk on the phone or meet in you person. I'll never understand the draw to text only. I have one that I never met but no way to call her and yet all she does is text me every day for over a year. I just want to see how long this goes on for funny when I ask why do you continue like this she said she doesn't want to talk about it. :sick:

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ashy555 Established Member

ashy555

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Thanks guys!

 

He actually asked to meet up after maybe 2 texts initially, but I went away for 4 days, then he was away for a whole weekend(Its summer here in Aus). So it boiled down to about 2 weeks plus one extra of him not replying :laugh:

I got a pretty strong idea that maybe he was meeting up with multiple women hence he kept changing his mind about dates he could do. He was the one that brought it up a quite few times though. Just his lack of communication in the end told me he obviously didn't care. Then he pretends he is the nice guy. Cutting contact made me feel good. There was no way I would reply passive/aggressively or blunt even. I am always respectful in my messages. Showing anger and frustration is the biggest turn off/ego stoke for these men. I like my dignity in tact haha.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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just move on, please.

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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Thanks guys!

 

He actually asked to meet up after maybe 2 texts initially, but I went away for 4 days, then he was away for a whole weekend(Its summer here in Aus). So it boiled down to about 2 weeks plus one extra of him not replying :laugh:

I got a pretty strong idea that maybe he was meeting up with multiple women hence he kept changing his mind about dates he could do. He was the one that brought it up a quite few times though. Just his lack of communication in the end told me he obviously didn't care. Then he pretends he is the nice guy. Cutting contact made me feel good. There was no way I would reply passive/aggressively or blunt even. I am always respectful in my messages. Showing anger and frustration is the biggest turn off/ego stoke for these men. I like my dignity in tact haha.

 

Your are now more experience in situations like this from all of us here who have mention to you what you need to do. Good Luck and the right man will await you.

  • Like 1
PhillyLibertyBelle Established Member

PhillyLibertyBelle

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You totally did the right thing. Thumbs up for showing a mega amount of self-respect! On to the next one!

  • Like 1
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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I got a pretty strong idea that maybe he was meeting up with multiple women hence he kept changing his mind about dates he could do. He was the one that brought it up a quite few times though. Just his lack of communication in the end told me he obviously didn't care. Then he pretends he is the nice guy. Cutting contact made me feel good. There was no way I would reply passive/aggressively or blunt even. I am always respectful in my messages. Showing anger and frustration is the biggest turn off/ego stoke for these men. I like my dignity in tact haha.

 

If you met him online (and even if you didn't), it's a good possibility he was trying to juggle multiple women.

 

What you mention here is actually something that took me awhile to figure out when I started dating after my divorce. Just because someone pretends to be a nice guy doesn't mean they are. The way they treat you (in this case his lack of communication) told you he wasn't as he seemed.

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