Do you confirm dates or expect a date to be confirmed?

[hippychick3]

  SevenCity said:

It's working fine. I'm not asking for validation - I was curious after reading a post from a woman who said she would not go out with a guy who didn't confirm.

 

My issue isn't getting women out or sleeping with them, it's finding one I want to keep long term.

 

It would seem from your nasty entitled attitude towards me that you are not representative of the type of woman I would be interested in dating. Therefore it's no surprise that our opinions differ.

 

Exactly. Your difficulty finding one you want to keep long term is because the women who are still interested after not hearing from you for a week are probably lacking confidence and self-esteem.

 

And if you consider my attitude to be nasty and entitled because I expect a man to keep in touch within the 7 days before the date takes place, so be it. Given your attitude in this post, I am sure we would not be compatible at all.

 

Thank goodness I kept my standards high during my dating years so I could end up in a relationship with an amazing man who communicated regularly and showed high interest in me from day one. I shudder to think of who I would have ended up with if I accepted anything less.

[SevenCity]

  Disillusionment373 said:

Just so you know, I'm not judging you or your dating process...just trying to give you some insight

 

I think women that are less mature or lack self respect wouldnt care too much if a guy didnt confirm. But as a 30 year old woman who's learned a lot about dating and what I deserve based on what I offer...I dont have time or head space for guys that dont do their part

 

Women that are flaky themselves or not focused on long term relationships probably would settle for this type of thing. But me? I want long term and I have too much to offer to settle for a guy that doesnt 'show up'

 

Hope this helps clarify things a little

 

Interesting perspective. I look at it differently though - if a woman is sure about herself and not insecure, why would she think a guy would flake? Wouldn't she feel that the guy would be lucky to go out with her?

 

That said, I do like a bit of insecurity in women. It makes them try harder. Perhaps those would respond well to a confirmation.

 

Another question, how long do you expect a guy to confirm dates? I might be willing to try on the first to see the result but I can't imagine doing it past that.

 

The other benefit to this approach is it confirms the woman's interest in you. Like I said, the ones that I confirmed (because they didn't and there was travel involved) flaked. If a woman is confirming it's a good sign she has interest.

[Dis]

  SevenCity said:

Interesting perspective. I look at it differently though - if a woman is sure about herself and not insecure, why would she think a guy would flake? Wouldn't she feel that the guy would be lucky to go out with her?

 

That said, I do like a bit of insecurity in women. It makes them try harder. Perhaps those would respond well to a confirmation.

 

Another question, how long do you expect a guy to confirm dates? I might be willing to try on the first to see the result but I can't imagine doing it past that.

 

The other benefit to this approach is it confirms the woman's interest in you. Like I said, the ones that I confirmed (because they didn't and there was travel involved) flaked. If a woman is confirming it's a good sign she has interest.

 

I hear what you're saying

 

But I think secure women actually think the opposite from what you described. A secure woman thinks, "If he doesnt put in the effort then he's not on my level." Rather than, "I hope he shows up." If a guy didnt show me the courtsey of keeping in touch then I wouldnt care if he didnt show up because I sure wouldnt bother to be there to find out

 

The second question, ummmm....until a consistent level of communication is established. If I'm still hearing from him sporadically, my interest in him would be down the toilet and I wouldnt want to go on a date. I like guys who dont make me guess at what they're thinking or where they're at

 

Speaking of secure women....would you say you're a secure man? Is there a reason why you listen to the advice of a PUA? Also, why do you like insecure women? Doesnt seem like a level headed approach to dating that would yeild good results

 

Again, I promise I'm not judging you. You're entitled to your own approach in your dating life. I'm curious about your thought process. I think you'd find mature women would like you much more if you were your geniune self!

[basil67]

  SevenCity said:

That has been my experience. Everyone of them confirmed.

 

Which means they want confirmation. It would reflect very well on you if you confirm first.

 

However, even if you don't want to initiate a confirmation, I still suggest you drop the line about confirmation not being necessary. Just say something along the lines of "Yes, I'll be there. I'm very much looking forward to meeting you".

 

I would also suggest that you drop the line where you tell women you're a man of your word. I still think the line sounds arrogant. Simply show them that you're a man of your word. How long should you expect before confirmations are no longer necessary? It's when they have seen you as being a man of your word.

[basil67]

  SevenCity said:

Interesting. This has not been the effect on women Ive dated.

 

I'm not sure how stating I'm a guy who keeps my word is off putting but to each their own.

 

I'm curious what guys have to say - I seem to have upset the women in this thread. Lol

 

If you're not having a problem with your technique, keep it up.

 

You seem surprised that I find the recommended response to their confirmation off putting (I used the word arrogant). The dating advice given to men by PUAs and dating gurus revolves around teaching men to be arrogant. It's a pretty standard piece of arrogance really. It's not as bad as Negging, but telling a woman that her courtesy is not required is simply not necessary.

 

You haven't upset me. I'm just giving my 2c to your question.

[TheTraveler]

Coach Wayne provides good info, but you definitely have to tweak your "game" as every women you encounter is not the same. From my experience, I DEFINITELY wouldn't follow his information to the T

[introverted1]

I see confirmation as the rule, not the exception.

 

My doctor does it.

My hair-stylist does it.

Business colleagues do it.

 

If a man with whom I had plans -- especially an unknown man whose patterns and habits I know nothing of -- did not confirm, then I would.

 

Sure, you're a man of your word. But the woman doesn't know this yet and may be reluctant to gamble being stood up.

 

I don't see that it takes anything away for you to send a quick text the day before reaffirming your plans - looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at [place, time]. Any woman worth your time will reply to confirm her intent, too.

 

Good luck!

[PegNosePete]

When I was dating I always confirmed. Not confirm as in "are we still on for tomorrow?" because as you say, that sounds weak and clingy. But something more like "really looking forward to meeting you tomorrow!"

 

Especially on OLD, people cancel. Often. Sometimes they will tell you, sometimes they will simply not turn up. The best way to ensure you have at least a day's notice of a cancellation is to send a message the day before. Sometimes you will get "yes me too!" response in which case all is good. Sometimes you will get "oh actually something came up..." in which case you just dodged being stood up. If you get no response then I would take it as the latter. Anyone who is put off by a simple message such as this, wasn't keen on meeting you int he first place. Nobody is going to change their mind just because you say you're looking forward to meeting them.

 

As you say, time is valuable so don't waste it on people who fail to respond positively.

[Finster99]

Giving a confirmation text can often be also giving a way out, however texting something is a good idea. I like to just send a meme or something, purely with the goal of making them smile. Then exchange 1-2 messages, nothing major and say "See you soon!"

 

Sometimes a date for a girl is her going out on a limb. If you give her a chance to say no, she might just take it.

[PegNosePete]

  Finster99 said:

If you give her a chance to say no, she might just take it.

And if she does it proves she was never that into you int he first place. You just saved 3 hours of your life and $30.

[leogirl876]

So I like a lot of things Corey Wayne teaches, but the not confirming dates is one thing that I don't like. I like someone confirming a date because I've had guys make dates and then nothing happen so if someone doesn't confirm, I assume it's off. I work in a dental office and we always confirm our patients. So as a woman, I want the man to confirm, I think it's polite.

[leogirl876]

  introverted1 said:

I see confirmation as the rule, not the exception.

 

My doctor does it.

My hair-stylist does it.

Business colleagues do it.

 

If a man with whom I had plans -- especially an unknown man whose patterns and habits I know nothing of -- did not confirm, then I would.

 

Sure, you're a man of your word. But the woman doesn't know this yet and may be reluctant to gamble being stood up.

 

I don't see that it takes anything away for you to send a quick text the day before reaffirming your plans - looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at [place, time]. Any woman worth your time will reply to confirm her intent, too.

 

Good luck!

 

Exactly, and speaking from experience last year I had a date set up with this guy at a specific time & place. It was made a few days in advance, but it was about an hour drive for me. So about 3.5 hours before the date, I sent him a text asking him if we were still on. It took him about 3 hours to respond which was about 45 min before our date. By then since it took him so long to respond I had assumed our date wasn't on so I washed off my makeup and put on my comfy clothes. When he did respond I told him since it took him so long to respond, I wasn't my makeup off. He went on about how he's a man of his word, blah blah but how do I know this, this was only a second date and if I'm gonna spend a couple hours getting ready and drive that far, I better have a confirmation ahead of time. Needless to say, I didn't respond to him after that and didn't go out with him again.

 

The point is, I think it's common manners to confirm. If you think sending a confirmation text sounds weak, instead of saying "are we still on" say "I made dinner reservations at 8pm and look forward to seeing you then". The second text expresses confidence and is polite.

 

With flaky people on OLD, both men and women, sending a confirmation text is the way to go IMO and the only way I'll meet someone, especially within the first 5 dates. After that, you shouldn't have to confirm ahead of time.

[SevenCity]

  Disillusionment373 said:

I hear what you're saying

 

But I think secure women actually think the opposite from what you described. A secure woman thinks, "If he doesnt put in the effort then he's not on my level." Rather than, "I hope he shows up." If a guy didnt show me the courtsey of keeping in touch then I wouldnt care if he didnt show up because I sure wouldnt bother to be there to find out

 

The second question, ummmm....until a consistent level of communication is established. If I'm still hearing from him sporadically, my interest in him would be down the toilet and I wouldnt want to go on a date. I like guys who dont make me guess at what they're thinking or where they're at

 

Speaking of secure women....would you say you're a secure man? Is there a reason why you listen to the advice of a PUA? Also, why do you like insecure women? Doesnt seem like a level headed approach to dating that would yeild good results

 

Again, I promise I'm not judging you. You're entitled to your own approach in your dating life. I'm curious about your thought process. I think you'd find mature women would like you much more if you were your geniune self!

 

Interesting. I would say I'm secure. I have read PUA books because any information is good information - but Corey is not a PUA. With his approach it weeds out girls who would not make good long term partners. For example, any girl who would be seriously turned off by lack of a confirmation to the point of not going through with an agreed upon date would be playing by a rule book and likely in other areas of a RL.

 

And I'm not doing anything that's not me. When I make plans with a friend I don't call the day before to confirm if the plans are set.

 

And I should note again, them liking me has not been an issue once we've gone out so the lack of confirmation has not been an issue thus far. But I'm seeing that women seem to put a lot of emphasis on it for some reason.

[MrDuck]

  SevenCity said:

ITo which I responded "of course we are on. I made definite plans with you and I'm a man of my word"

Honestly? That comes across to me as arrogant and a little cringeworthy.. thats harsh, sorry! But i just dont think that reads like a real person wrote it..

"of course we are on" says everything you want to say, in a nonchalant, "cool" way.

What you're writing reads like "of course we are on [and in case you don't pick up on what i'm doing here] I made definite plans with you [and im sticking to them so you should take this as prove that i am reliable a man of my word". Its a little defensive, like shes questioning your integrity simply by checking in.

 

I'm a 'man of my word', i try really hard to be reliable, but at the same time, life happens... cars break down, childcare falls through, people get sick, and I'm human sometimes I forget things!! So I always confirm stuff.. with friends, with clients, with my gf...

No one wants a wasted journey or crossed wires.

 

 

You could play devils advocate... surely its more manly and confident to not worry that confirming a date may make it look less manly and confident?

[olivetree]

  PegNosePete said:

When I was dating I always confirmed. Not confirm as in "are we still on for tomorrow?" because as you say, that sounds weak and clingy. But something more like "really looking forward to meeting you tomorrow!"

 

Exactly. No need to phrase it as a question.

 

Assuming you have kept touch with your date consistently so she doesn't think you're going to ghost her, just send her a cute/funny remark that reminds her that you will be seeing her the next day and implies that you are looking forward to it.

 

Trust me, a girl gets more excited about a date when she isn't left wondering.

[TheTraveler]

  MrDuck said:

Honestly? That comes across to me as arrogant and a little cringeworthy.. thats harsh, sorry! But i just dont think that reads like a real person wrote it..

"of course we are on" says everything you want to say, in a nonchalant, "cool" way.

What you're writing reads like "of course we are on [and in case you don't pick up on what i'm doing here] I made definite plans with you [and im sticking to them so you should take this as prove that i am reliable a man of my word". Its a little defensive, like shes questioning your integrity simply by checking in.

 

I'm a 'man of my word', i try really hard to be reliable, but at the same time, life happens... cars break down, childcare falls through, people get sick, and I'm human sometimes I forget things!! So I always confirm stuff.. with friends, with clients, with my gf...

No one wants a wasted journey or crossed wires.

 

 

You could play devils advocate... surely its more manly and confident to not worry that confirming a date may make it look less manly and confident?

 

I recognized that line instantly and it's right out of the Coach's playbook :lmao: I would never use that line and I've known it for years

 

You do you OP and from the threads you've created i'm guessing your x months in on the Wayne Train. You're ALL IN:laugh:

[Redhead14]

The whole "I need a confirmation" comes from all the people who have been stood up by "men/women of their word" . . . it really sucks to get all gussied up and go out to the place for a "no show". The real men/women of their word are paying for the sins of the ones who are jerks, like it or not.

[Shining One]

  Redhead14 said:

The whole "I need a confirmation" comes from all the people who have been stood up by "men/women of their word" . . . it really sucks to get all gussied up and go out to the place for a "no show". The real men/women of their word are paying for the sins of the ones who are jerks, like it or not.

This is why I confirm... for my own self interest. More often than not, I have the longer commute on early dates. I hated driving an hour+ only for the woman to not show up. Confirming saves me from that.

[todreaminblue]

A good doctors surgery will confirm as will a dentist the day before an appointment and i think the night before a date confirmation is a must.....i'm a proactive dater...so i will often confirm a date myself i like a guy who takes the reigns though and confirms the night before its a tick on my list...shows an investment on his behalf...a bit of a go get her drive....its a turn on..deb

[Jj66]

I fully agree with making specific plans. Good advice.

 

However, always confirm with "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow" or similar. Doubly so if you ar looking for a relationship. Not confirming is horrible advice.

 

OLD has so many flakes that women have come to expect no shows. It's my experience when you don't confirm an OLD meeting she is very likely to assume that you aren't going to show and she will make other plans. It has nothing to do with how much she is into you or not. You haven't met yet, so there is no way she can know you keep your word until you show her that you do. Until then she will assume you are just like the other guys on OLD.

[SevenCity]

  Jj66 said:

I fully agree with making specific plans. Good advice.

 

However, always confirm with "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow" or similar. Doubly so if you ar looking for a relationship. Not confirming is horrible advice.

 

OLD has so many flakes that women have come to expect no shows. It's my experience when you don't confirm an OLD meeting she is very likely to assume that you aren't going to show and she will make other plans. It has nothing to do with how much she is into you or not. You haven't met yet, so there is no way she can know you keep your word until you show her that you do. Until then she will assume you are just like the other guys on OLD.

 

Good advice. As both my next dates require travel I sent the "looking forward to meeting you" text. Don't know if I'll see any difference but will report back if I do.

[rester]

I confirm everything, including meeting with friends. What is the harm? That it might scare someone away?

 

If someone is scared away because I demonstrate a bare bones reliability and ability to communicate, they are not worth my time.

 

Not confirming in this context sounds like a PUA tactic to show aloofness and manipulate the other person...keeping them "on edge".

[Jj66]

  rester said:

Not confirming in this context sounds like a PUA tactic to show aloofness and manipulate the other person...keeping them "on edge".

 

This is exactly what it is. And it definitely doesn't work for first meets. She won't be on the edge. She'll just write you off. For this manipulation to work she already has to have very strong interest in you.

 

I'm naturally a bit aloof. I will admit that it does drive some women crazy. Unfortunately, it's the type of women I don't want.

[MrDuck]

  TheTraveler said:

I recognized that line instantly and it's right out of the Coach's playbook :lmao: I would never use that line and I've known it for years

 

You do you OP and from the threads you've created i'm guessing your x months in on the Wayne Train. You're ALL IN:laugh:

 

I've never read that stuff in more than maybe a random article here and there, I've always thought it stupid becuase, for one reason, its trying to make guys appear... suave? ...when whats coming out of their mouths is so so cheesy!! I think it just seems cringy, and tryhard.. which is the opposite of what they are going for!

 

 

You do you, is the best advice you can get OP.

The way i see it...

If you would naturaly confirm a date, and doing so is enough to scare a girl off, then shes clearly not right for you, and clearly wasnt that into you... you lose nothing.

If your not someone who confirms, and you dont, and this scares a girl off, then again she clearly isnt the right girl for you...you lose nothing.

 

If you try to change your actions to appear like something you are not you WILL end up with a girl who is attracted to someone you are not... whats the point in that??