bobsmith76 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I've finally struck a rapport with a woman that I could see myself married to. I'm 40, she's 31. We're in the same graduate class which meets once a week. She asked for my phone number first and for three days in a row we talked for a total of two hours and a half. We also shared numerous text messages and talked on IM for quite a while. On day 4 we had a pseudo date where I showed her how my computer program worked in the library. After that went well, I asked her if she would like to go to the beach Sunday. She said 'maybe'. That night she confessed on IM she had a boyfriend. She said she hoped we would stay friends and I said 'no problem'. Fortunately, she informed me of this on IM because if she had done so on the phone or in the person she would have seen how much I truly care about her, not that that is a bad thing. That night we talked for 30 minutes on the phone and I pretended as if nothing had happened. I also found out that her boyfriend lives in a city located two hours away. I should also add that she laughs at all my jokes and our conversations are very animated and exciting. I've decided that I'm going to try to marry her so I have to figure out what courtship strategy to use. There are only two strategies I'm capable of performing: one is the waiting patiently strategy where I pretend to not care too much about her and just hope that she changes her mind. With this strategy, I would not shower her with too much attention but would just hope that she finally changes her mind. The other strategy is much more natural to me. With this one I would shower her with a lot of attention, give her gifts, send her a lot of emails and make a lot of attempts to contact her. Let me actually spell out just what I believe is the acceptable limit for attention because of course there is a such thing as being too pushy. If I text and do not receive a reply, then wait at least two hours before sending the next one. If I call and she does not pick up then only make one more attempt to call that day. Do not text after 10pm. Also, every morning I send her a text where I say 'good morning' and then a variation on 'did you sleep well'. So far she has always said: 'yes, thanks for asking'. Buy her gifts no more than twice a month. And since Valentine's Day is coming up I'm going to buy her some flowers. I prefer the second strategy but I would like to know what others think.
Larryville Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 “courtsthip strategy”? Seriously? she confessed on IM she had a boyfriend. She said she hoped we would stay friends and I said 'no problem I've decided that I'm going to try to marry her so I have to figure out what courtship strategy to use. Ok was going to post one thing but decided to wait to see if anyone else takes this seriously. I read an article months ago part of a large conversation as to why so many women don’t trust guys and become standoffish because simply being nice and friendly gets misinterpreted. Part of this article states: Women are plagued by stereotypes. Everywhere we turn, someone tries to assign an unfair, sexist meaning to something we did or said. We’re stuck in these boxes in which society has placed us — being attractive means we’re stupid; liking romantic comedies means we’re vapid — and we can’t get out. Until we start being viewed in more complex ways, women will forever be associated with a series of limiting stereotypes. And, thanks to all of these stereotypes, men especially tend to misread a variety of our actions. Sometimes, the misinterpretations are entertaining; sometimes, they’re pretty hurtful. 1. If we’re being nice, we’re flirting. I also found out that her boyfriend lives in a city located two hours away. I should also add that she laughs at all my jokes and our conversations are very animated and exciting. So this equates to marriage? Sounds like you "plan" to engage in stalky and creepy behavior and risk losing the friendship of a nice lady because you found the love of your life. Ok... 4
RecentChange Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I stated to type out a response.... Pointing out things like you have no idea if someone is going to be a compatible partner for life based off of a few conversations.... But then I saw your posting history. Yeah, ahh..... There is a lot of cart before the horse going on. This is not how real life social interactions work. "I have a boyfriend" means I don't want to date you. 4
Ronni_W Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Courtship Strategy #3 Start off by being straightforward, honest and direct: Say to her, "If this is none of my business, then please don't answer, but...what is the true status of your relationship with your boyfriend?" The other strategy is much more natural to me. With this one I would shower her with a lot of attention, give her gifts, send her a lot of emails and make a lot of attempts to contact her. Let me actually spell out just what I believe is the acceptable limit for attention because of course there is a such thing as being too pushy. If I text and do not receive a reply, then wait at least two hours before sending the next one. If I call and she does not pick up then only make one more attempt to call that day. Do not text after 10pm. Also, every morning I send her a text where I say 'good morning' and then a variation on 'did you sleep well'. So far she has always said: 'yes, thanks for asking'. Buy her gifts no more than twice a month. And since Valentine's Day is coming up I'm going to buy her some flowers. Don't do any of this - EVER! - unless you are already in a permanent, established, long-term relationship with the person. 2
eightytwenty Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I would run.... stage 5 stalker.. Please just cool. Atleast if your going to do this "courtship" why not see how friendship goes... 1
sid3 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Maybe sit outside of her bedroom window late at night, I hear women love that.
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 You should not employ any courtship strategy. She has a BF. She is NOT interested in dating you. She sees you only as a friend / study partner. Respect her enough to move on to a woman who is available. She is not. 1
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 She's having an emotional affair with you...that means she is doing something behind her BF's back in secret...that's cheating. This is no victory for you, she is just using you. you will find out soon enough she will meet someone else behind your back (well you are only friends anyways) and end up dumping her BF for him, leaving you out in the cold. Not a good personality trait...she is willing to cheat on her BF....she will do the same to you if you even do have a chance with her. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Maybe sit outside of her bedroom window late at night, I hear women love that. Based on the OP's thread history, this is not outside of his mental or emotional "construct", which is why I have refrained from responding further to his prior threads. I am afraid for his love "interest(s)". 5
Mrin Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Well at least you didn't give the cave man strategy... Just play it really cool. Be friendly but not smothering. Don't even think about number 2 unless you're interested in seeing what a restraining order looks like in person. 2
Space Ritual Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I would like to know what others think. Really? Here's what I think: Time for you to move out of your parent's basement. You are 40 years old with the emotional maturity of a junior high school boy. 1
HadMeOverABarrel Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 maybe sit outside of her bedroom window late at night, i hear women love that. lol!!!!!!! 1
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 You've decided that you are going to try to marry her... I hope this woman runs in the other direction when she sees you walking down the street. This is crazy talk when you haven't even been on a date with her and she has told you that she has a boyfriend. Leave the poor woman alone. She is not available. 1
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