Does my coworker like me, or is he just leading me on?

[Mandiikai]

So, we've been working together for 6 months now. We're both in our 20s, so it's not a serious job. He started almost immediately after I was hired with the teasing, then added in small compliments over a couple months (things like, "I like your hair today," "Your perfume smells nice," etc). He had a girlfriend, so I didn't think he was serious, and of course kept my distance. Then a month ago, he broke up with her, and I acknowledged to myself I had a crush on him.

 

He continued the compliments and teasing, but would get me alone more often, then started quietly helping me out around the job without me having to ask him, making conversations about my interests, asking how my life outside of work was going, etc. When I finally started flirting back, I'd notice he'd smile and turn red and give me "smile eyes".

 

The past week he's been making comments like, "You're so sassy lately, [X]!" or "I'm really a fan of this new feisty [X] I've been seeing lately!" and a couple days ago I made a really good teasing remark at him and he turned red and smiled and said softly, "Okay, that was cute."

 

I also got a little bout of sadness that same day when he still wouldn't make a move and unconsciously found myself staring into space and scratching my arm so hard it left a little red mark. He made two separate comments on this (both with a smile): "What's wrong (X), you look sad." and "Why are you hurting yourself? Is there something new in your life stressing you out?"

 

Last night though, he randomly started flirting hard with some of the girls we work w/ in front of me (I took it as flirting, anyway), and I got super jealous, but tried to play it off. I asked him teasingly if I was annoying him yet, and he said "Not in the slightest, quite the opposite actually." Pretty obvious, right?

 

But then I asked him why, and he teasingly asked me why I was asking him so many questions, and I got irritable and said, "Because you're being so vague!" and he turned red and smiled and said something about, "It's entertaining, I don't know". I got upset because, mixed with his flirting with the other girls, I suddenly took that to mean I was just a game to him and so barely talked to him the rest of the shift because I was confused and embarrassed.

 

Today it was awkward at first, because he could tell I had been upset so neither of us met each others eyes. I decided to just try and be myself, and I'm generally one of those girls who's really friendly with everyone (which might seem like flirting to some, but when I actually flirt it's different).

 

He seemed to be in a slightly irritable mood, more quiet than usual and walking around quickly and when someone asked if he thought our manager would do us a favor, he replied non-laughingly with "Oh yeah, definitely, he'll do a favor first for the girl he decides he likes the most." So I was standing nearby and decided to say, "Oh, well then it definitely won't be me," and he cracked a smile and looked at me and asked, "Oh, you don't flirt with Fred [our manager]?"

After that he seemed in a normalish mood, but again, I don't know if I'm projecting.

 

But then near the end of shift, he talked to me and I joked with him and he said, "You've been so feisty lately, (X). There must be something really new and exciting going on in your life~"

 

I feel like it's obvious at this point we both know something is going on (much more context to story than can be written here), but he hasn't made an outright or comments yet, or even asked for my number, so I don't know.

 

I've always been horrible at this, so I'm just wondering if he's maybe leading me on, and what to do? I need opinions.

[preraph]

He sounds naturally flirty and he's not really treating you different from other office women he flirts with. I imagine if you weren't working together maybe he'd see if you'd have sex.

 

I'm concerned with your self-mutilation. You should see someone about that. Or if you did it to get his attention, that's a very bad practice to get into.

[Redhead14]

So, we've been working together for 6 months now. We're both in our 20s, so it's not a serious job. He started almost immediately after I was hired with the teasing, then added in small compliments over a couple months (things like, "I like your hair today," "Your perfume smells nice," etc). He had a girlfriend, so I didn't think he was serious, and of course kept my distance. Then a month ago, he broke up with her, and I acknowledged to myself I had a crush on him.

 

He continued the compliments and teasing, but would get me alone more often, then started quietly helping me out around the job without me having to ask him, making conversations about my interests, asking how my life outside of work was going, etc. When I finally started flirting back, I'd notice he'd smile and turn red and give me "smile eyes".

 

The past week he's been making comments like, "You're so sassy lately, [X]!" or "I'm really a fan of this new feisty [X] I've been seeing lately!" and a couple days ago I made a really good teasing remark at him and he turned red and smiled and said softly, "Okay, that was cute."

 

I also got a little bout of sadness that same day when he still wouldn't make a move and unconsciously found myself staring into space and scratching my arm so hard it left a little red mark. He made two separate comments on this (both with a smile): "What's wrong (X), you look sad." and "Why are you hurting yourself? Is there something new in your life stressing you out?"

 

Last night though, he randomly started flirting hard with some of the girls we work w/ in front of me (I took it as flirting, anyway), and I got super jealous, but tried to play it off. I asked him teasingly if I was annoying him yet, and he said "Not in the slightest, quite the opposite actually." Pretty obvious, right?

 

But then I asked him why, and he teasingly asked me why I was asking him so many questions, and I got irritable and said, "Because you're being so vague!" and he turned red and smiled and said something about, "It's entertaining, I don't know". I got upset because, mixed with his flirting with the other girls, I suddenly took that to mean I was just a game to him and so barely talked to him the rest of the shift because I was confused and embarrassed.

 

Today it was awkward at first, because he could tell I had been upset so neither of us met each others eyes. I decided to just try and be myself, and I'm generally one of those girls who's really friendly with everyone (which might seem like flirting to some, but when I actually flirt it's different).

 

He seemed to be in a slightly irritable mood, more quiet than usual and walking around quickly and when someone asked if he thought our manager would do us a favor, he replied non-laughingly with "Oh yeah, definitely, he'll do a favor first for the girl he decides he likes the most." So I was standing nearby and decided to say, "Oh, well then it definitely won't be me," and he cracked a smile and looked at me and asked, "Oh, you don't flirt with Fred [our manager]?"

After that he seemed in a normalish mood, but again, I don't know if I'm projecting.

 

But then near the end of shift, he talked to me and I joked with him and he said, "You've been so feisty lately, (X). There must be something really new and exciting going on in your life~"

 

I feel like it's obvious at this point we both know something is going on (much more context to story than can be written here), but he hasn't made an outright or comments yet, or even asked for my number, so I don't know.

 

I've always been horrible at this, so I'm just wondering if he's maybe leading me on, and what to do? I need opinions.

 

 

You're leading yourself on. Until this man asks you out on a date and is clear about his interest in you, he's just a guy at work who is flirty with women at work and likely elsewhere as well. That's all you should be thinking for now.

 

I also got a little bout of sadness that same day when he still wouldn't make a move and unconsciously found myself staring into space and scratching my arm so hard it left a little red mark. -- The "the damsel in distress"? Don't go there. If he is interested, he's not going to want to be involved with a woman who already shows signs of "drama".

[dispatch3d]

Sounds similar to my work situation with a girl. I have a crush on that girl but it doesn't really matter - she has a boyfriend. Anyhow he could be just flirting with you thinking it doesn't mean anything, or he could be interested in you and flirting, its hard to say.

 

I would say your obvious signals are not so obvious. Obvious is telling him you like him, not so obvious is usually everything else.

 

And the girl at work for me I don't ask her out, get a number, or try to move things forward in a real way just because it'd be a bad idea. She lives with the bf, we work together, and I'm in a real job. I still can't help the crush though.........

[basil67]

Agree with the others....he's just a flirty guy. He's not leading you on and he's not going to ask you out.