missjbed Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I'm 26 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We met at work (bar/restaurant) and still work together. We recently decided to live together and we're getting along perfectly. The only thing that's bothering me is he never asks me out on dates. When I first noticed this I decided I'll be the one to ask him out and he'd say yes and be excited about our plans. However he'd always come up with a last minute excuse to not come with me and suggest I go with friends instead. This happened 3 times in a row and really upset me. He loves sitting in with me and drinking some beers and watching a movie but that's all he wants to do with me it seems. Which is fun-don't get me wrong but now we live together it has lost it's feeling of being a "date". When I casually brought it up he shrugged it off and said "don't worry we'll do stuff together". I don't want him to spend loads of money on me or anything like that- even a walk together in the park would be nice. I don't want to have to ask him to ask me out. (I've never had a proper boyfriend before whereas he has had several serious relationships in the past- so maybe he's over the romantic thing but I would like a little bit of romance some of the time) What's the best way to bring this up with him without sounding like a needy girlfriend?
Redhead14 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I'm 26 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We met at work (bar/restaurant) and still work together. We recently decided to live together and we're getting along perfectly. The only thing that's bothering me is he never asks me out on dates. When I first noticed this I decided I'll be the one to ask him out and he'd say yes and be excited about our plans. However he'd always come up with a last minute excuse to not come with me and suggest I go with friends instead. This happened 3 times in a row and really upset me. He loves sitting in with me and drinking some beers and watching a movie but that's all he wants to do with me it seems. Which is fun-don't get me wrong but now we live together it has lost it's feeling of being a "date". When I casually brought it up he shrugged it off and said "don't worry we'll do stuff together". I don't want him to spend loads of money on me or anything like that- even a walk together in the park would be nice. I don't want to have to ask him to ask me out. (I've never had a proper boyfriend before whereas he has had several serious relationships in the past- so maybe he's over the romantic thing but I would like a little bit of romance some of the time) What's the best way to bring this up with him without sounding like a needy girlfriend? I've never had a proper boyfriend -- You still don't. Seeing him for 5 months and now living together??? Why would he take you out? What's the best way to bring this up with him without sounding like a needy girlfriend? -- You've already addressed it with him. Now, you sit back and observe whether he attempts to accommodate your needs. You give it "mental time limit" -- say a month, and if he doesn't initiate plans with you, you end it because your lifestyle choices are not aligned. Moving in with someone at only 5 months, is ridiculous and a sure fire way to set yourself up for a mess. . . 1
Author missjbed Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 Thanks for your thoughts Redhead 14. I know it seems ridiculous to move in this quickly but we've known each other for years before we started dating so it happened quite naturally. We're also trying to save money for studies it made sense to split rent costs. I hope you're wrong and it doesn't end up messy but I will take your advice on putting a time limit to get his ass in gear. I love him very much though so doubt I would let this be the reason to break up. Just need to get more creative if need be. Thanks again for replying ☺
preraph Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 You made a bad choice here. He simply doesn't like doing things. He's a hermit. And you are not a hermit. This type thing isn't a big deal right now, but if you have kids, it soon will be a very big deal because he won't want to go do anything with or for them and help out. So take your birth control pills and don't have kids with him at least. I wouldn't waste my restless youth on anyone who didn't want to go do things.
Zahara Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) Thanks for your thoughts Redhead 14. I know it seems ridiculous to move in this quickly but we've known each other for years before we started dating so it happened quite naturally. We're also trying to save money for studies it made sense to split rent costs. Moving in for financial reasons = bad decision. And knowing someone for years and jumping into living together = two very different dynamics. I hope you're wrong and it doesn't end up messy but I will take your advice on putting a time limit to get his ass in gear. I love him very much though so doubt I would let this be the reason to break up. Just need to get more creative if need be. Thanks again for replying ☺ If within 5 months of dating you're already having to go through these lengths, I think the writing is on the wall. I think he is not as invested and doesn't see the need to put in any effort into making the relationship work. I think you living there helps with the cost and you being there gives him good benefits and that's about it. As Red mentioned, give it a timeline. And if nothing changes, don't invest anymore of your time in this. Edited February 6, 2017 by Zahara
basil67 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 When a couple is living together, they don't "ask each other out". However, it's totally reasonable to expect him to come and do nice things with you. I agree with Preraph. He's a hermit. You like to go out. At best, you will find some type of compromise, but I doubt you'd both be happy with the outcome. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I too was going to advise not moving in. If you are not getting what you want / need out of the relationship there is no reason to get in deeper. Now you are stuck. You have 2 choices: 1). nag him to plan dates or 2). plan them yourself & drag him along. I expect you will have more success with the latter. 1
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