ezcreepin Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Be prepared, there is a lot of information here, but I'll try to condense it the best I can! About a year and a half ago, I met this wonderful girl on Instagram. She was 19 and I was 21. She happened to like my band's page, and randomly I found her, so I checked her out and what not, noticed we had exactly the same tastes in music, which is an immediate plus for me. So we started talking, and I found out she was incredibly smart, a wonderful person, a bit pessimistic, but it was who she was so it was all good. We had conversations about literally anything, it was amazing. The only problem was that she was currently in a relationship. She didn't like the guy a whole lot, and after 2 weeks of being infatuated with each other, we had to take a step back and just let things be. I wasn't that kind of dude who would "home-wreck" things, so we calmed it down with the overall infatuation with each other. Great part in that, was we became best friends, so a year after meeting her, when her and her boyfriend broke up, I was honestly blown away and thought maybe something could work. Only issue is that at the time this happened, my band and I were going on tour. I promised her that I would come visit, but I was really on guard because I thought she might make a move on a dude she had been hanging out with (she says it was nothing and ended their friendship after he was being weird with her). So after we got back from tour, I visited her and we fell in love. It was an amazing week that we had and it couldn't have been better. So I leave and we start up school and then she has a bad first speech in her class and gets very depressed. It becomes very hard to talk to her because nothing is interesting to her anymore. After what seemed like 2 weeks, finally she comes back to herself and everything seems fine. We have our arguments and stuff, but nothing crazy. Fast forward to September. My bassist and I happen to both have LD girlfriends from the Carolinas. We get an opportunity to go visit them on a weekend so we jump on the chance. We get there and it is really great, we're having a good time, and then decide to play a drinking game with a movie (I am not a drinker, but play along) and they give me a wine cooler. Eventually like 20 minutes into the movie, I become sick, I pout a bit, but I don't want to ruin the evening so I try to continue, but just can't. My gf decides to make a drink for me that I might be able to have, but has a snarky tone the whole time, but I let it slide. At the end of the night, we argue about the fact that I thought she was making fun of me and she berates me for having that thought. My bassists gf comes down to try to calm her a bit, and in the process she would later tell me that this girl is insane. Anyway, the rest of the weekend was good, we saw a band we both liked, I missed a day of school, and my friend and I drove home. Again, over the course of a few months, we would have our arguments, but nothing I thought that would be detrimental. One time she got mad at my friends because they jokingly mocked her on Facebook, and of course I come to the rescue and tell her it's only a joke and that they don't mean any harm. Well, it explodes and she is furious. Says she doesn't even want to visit here to meet my friends because of it, etc. This is after me and her discuss her coming to visit me for thanksgiving, which never ends up happening. She attributes it to her financial situation and because she can't take off work, but I offer to help pay for her ticket and she's shown she can take time off to visit. Anyway, I do what any other guy in a long distance relationship would do, I go visit her. To preface, I tell her that I loved eating her out and that I wanted to do it when I saw her for thanksgiving. So I fly in, and also we bought 2 nights at a hotel with a jacuzzi so we could have some fun, which we did. We had sex I think like 3 times, though unfortunately only got off 1 of those times (sorry for the info, though I do redeem myself lol). The only problem is that I didn't eat her out at the hotel. No biggie, I really wanted to spend time with her as opposed to trying to have sex the whole time I was there. So we get to her house, She happens to see this shirt I'm wearing and I told her I finally got it, ordered 2 of the shirt because I had to wait over 2 years to finally get it, and she asks if she can have one. I told her no, I got it for me not for her, she asks if she can buy it from me, and I say no, and long story short, she threw a bit of a fit. Moving along, I end up meeting her grandma and aunt (she lives with her gma) and we have a good time. I also told my gf I wanted to go out on a nice date with her while I was there too, but that didn't end up happening. So on the second to last day, she brings up that I haven't eaten her out, and I'm like, "****... I completely forgot, ok I got the hint". But this is the same night she brings up going out for dinner, which in my infinite wisdom tell her "Aww babe... I'm not very hungry right now, do you want to maybe get ice cream or something?" Ohhh man, she became furious; I was in the doghouse. That night it was really very tense and I didn't know what to do or how to approach it. I believe I apologized, but it really wasn't enough. She goes crazy about how I never ate her out and because I was a douchebag about not giving her my shirt and because we didn't go out to dinner, etc. In my head, I never thought there was an appropriate time after she mentioned it do eat her out, maybe after we went out to eat, but that didn't happen, she was just so mad. So the next day comes along and its just super weird and tense and she still mad about what happened. Finally I fly back home, I'm super upset to leave her because I love the girl a lot and I'm sure she loves me too. After this incident after thanksgiving, she reams me when I get back home, telling me I lied to her about a bunch of stuff and that I'm an ******* and this and that. I apologize for it, though in my mind I'm really only sorry for technically lying, not for some petty thing like eating someone out. Anyway, our relationship becomes extremely tense; she really never forgave me for anything and hardly wants anything to do with me, which hurts my feelings. Things start to unravel, I ask her if I should call her after work from now on to talk to her more on the phone, and she assumes that I'm going to do it all the time, but never gave me an answer. Then she starts saying I need to put forth more of an effort in the relationship and that she puts more effort than I do. This is because I wake up at 11 am my time and she's an hour ahead so I wake up super late for her, and she happens to stay up later so she can talk to me, at least thats what she says. She also says that I backstabbed her because I would talk to my friends about mine and her problems, but apparently never brought that to her attention. I admit that I wasn't very good and telling her my problems in our relationship, but I never kept what problems we had together a secret from her, we always would discuss it. It was the things that she would do that I didn't like that I never discussed with her. This situation because extremely tense, and heres where you all come in. So on January 9th, we took a break. I told her I needed to think things through and of course we cried and she was extremely upset, but each day after thanksgiving we would text each other, it would always end up in an argument, and I couldn't keep on with it (this went on for nearly a month and a half). The next day, she calls me saying how she was sorry and that she could do a break, it was either break up or work on things. I felt cornered, so I said we need to work on things. That following Sunday, I told her we needed an actual break from not talking. We had an argument that Friday prior because she blamed me because my bassists gf didn't really converse with her a lot anymore, but it was in fact not because of me at all. Her actions showed his gf that my woman was crazy or whatever she claimed she was. So that created tension again after a few good days, and that's when I had to make the break on that Sunday. I went about a week and a half without talking to her and then she calls me telling me that we are better off not being together and this and that, and I really didn't want that to happen, I really wanted to think things through so that maybe I could have a sense for what we needed to do to maybe work on things. Well, it didn't happen. So tonight, she texted me and berated me after I told her I really wanted to discuss some things with her, some things I didn't think were right and how I felt about certain situations. I texted her on Wednesday for context. had every intention on talking to her, but I never gave her a day that I would call her, and she's giving me the "you're wasting my time" line. Anyway, she basically went from being my lover, to being neutral, to being an enemy, and it hurts because I never wanted this sort of thing to happen. I had hoped that it would end in something great, but to me, I think she is a bit mature, even though she has a lot of mature qualities about her. My friends, who are 31 and 26 respectively, tell me that she is crazy and that I don't need that nonsense in my life. It's just extremely hard when I thought she could be the one and when I still have a lot of feelings for her. I really don't know how to handle this from here on out.
anuba Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 My God, man... Too much info! Seriously, though, just reading what you posted, this relationship went from one hissy fit from this chick to another as soon as you guys "fell in love". She seems possessive, demanding, insecure and unstable on top of batcrap crazy... How to proceed from here is to avoid her. No contact. She doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs a therapist. I'm sorry but she sounds like bad news and this is early in a relationship, can't imagine how much worse it gets when she gets more comfortable!
Hopefuleddie Posted February 7, 2017 Posted February 7, 2017 Sorry that your heart is braking; I know this is hard. It sounds like you guys are on two extremely different maturity levels, and one is pulling down the other. No relationship is perfect, so you must decide what is tolerable for you in a relationship and what isn't; and use it as your guide.
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