Went on another date (diff girl) tonight - met her on OKCupid - *sigh*

[HandsomeAndLonely]

So okay, I have been using OLD, as you know, in addition to getting matched up on blind dates by church friends, hair stylists, etc.

 

One of the OLD I've been using is OKCupid.

 

Well, low and behold, I've been chatting online with a girl, and she's like, 9 years younger than me, but I found some great qualities in her. I decided to give her my phone number, and then she started to send text messages to me to introduce herself.

 

We agreed upon a date get-together at a coffee shop two weeks ago.

 

She's a nice petite girl, studying pre-nursing at a community college located 36 miles away from her home (which is nuts). She actually lives together with her older sister who is married, and older sister has two sons (the girl's nephews). The girl I've met lives about 18 miles from my town, so location-wise we're kind of close to each other. She's also an international student who came from Cambodia.

 

After coffee, I decided to have dinner with her at a Thai restaurant because in the past, I only had coffee with a girl and called it a night. No way, not with this chick. We talked about family, cultural stuff, her career, and my profession.

 

I also walked with her to and from the restaurant to my car, holding my arms around her.

 

Fast forward to last weekend, I texted her that I was back in town, since I took a week off from work because it was my birthday, and I wanted to visit my parents and friends back in my home state. I also brought her a box of chocolate from back home.

 

She invited me over to her house (her sister's house) to have lunch together. She told me via text message that she cooked some "delicious coconut curry" and I just got up from my slumber that day, and decided to head over to her house. Got there, gave her my choco box gift, which she was happy, and hugged her.

Then we had lunch together. I also got to meet her older sister, and one of the two nephews of the girl. We chatted about school work, her anatomy exam, and I praised her on her ability to cook food.

Parted ways after spending about three hours at her house. No kissing or making out as it was the sister's house and the sister's husband was home too, and they come from a conservative Cambodian background.

 

Fast forward to two days ago, I sent her a text message, asked her how she's doing, how she did on her Nutrition class quiz, etc. She said that she was depressed because one of her friends from Cambodia who was living somewhere in Oregon, committed suicide last week.

We also agreed to meet up last night to have dinner together.

 

Met up last night for dinner, and during dinner, I decided to be bold and ask her about relationship and her thoughts.

 

Same crap like the other girl I was paired up with, she said that she used OK Cupid to look for friends, because she came from Cambodia, and that it was hard for her to find real friends in the pre-nursing classes that she was taking (her English is not too good, and people in this area tend to be anti-social and standoff-ish). She said that she felt lonesome at times (although she lives with her older sister and sister's husband) but only wanted friends to be with. She also went on to state that her studies right now is most important, because she's applying to a nursing program in the fall, and if she does not get admitted to the nursing programs she's applying to, she loses her student visa (which expires at the end of this year), and will have to go back to Cambodia.

 

She said that she mis-understood the "culture" of using OKCupid, and thought it was a friend-finding website. I wanted to laugh at her, but kept it to myself.

 

Somehow, like the first meet up, I wanted to do something else besides just eating dinner. So I told her that we should watch a movie together.

 

We decided to watch the movie "A Dog's Purpose," since it was not too fancy for her taste, and looked like a decent movie.

 

It was a decent movie. Touched on single-ness and loneliness, and honestly, it made me have tears roll down my cheeks.

 

When headed to the theater from the parking lot, I placed my arms on her shoulder and commented on her fuzzy jacket.

 

However, when seated in the theater, she kept her arms crossed.

 

 

It really was a sad movie, and it also showed a lot of lonely people's lives. Lonesome like me. Lonely like the black single lady, but lucky her, she got married to a black guy and had three kids. I don't know if I will ever find the person where I can start a family.

 

There was also the guy Ethan who was lucky to find a girlfriend at the state fair. Lucky him. However, I think he was dumb to separate/dump the girlfriend when he went off to college. I then had tears rolling down my face towards the end of the movie when Ethan pretty much grew old and lived a single life after he dumped his girlfriend back in his teenage years. It was his former pet dog (who was Bailey at that time), who found his former girlfriend, and they ended up getting married.

 

I also felt sad/depressed while watching this movie because the dog Bailey was used a lot. I also feel the same way about myself - good guys get used, we finish last, and we never get a girl.

 

Anyhow, ......there was (still is) a snow storm here in the Pacific Northwest tonight. When we both exited the movie theater, she decided to take photos of the snow because there was literally 4 inches of snow all over the parking lot. I too got out my camera, and took photos of the snow, and also a photo of both of us. However, i think it's just a waste of time being with her.

 

While driving home she kept recording videos of the snow coated roadways and trees. I was wayyy more focused on not getting into an accident or sliding off the freeway or roadway, as her sister's house is located in a hilly area. Luckily, I got her home safely, and I somehow, thank the Lord, arrived back home safely.

 

 

What are some of your opinions? Forget about pursuing a relationship with this girl?

Edited February 6, 2017 by HandsomeAndLonely

[Smearkat]

Quick answer?

 

Yes. She made it clear she only wants to be friends; if you can't respect those boundaries then you need to move on.

 

She sounds like a wonderful person, and a wonderful possible friend. Just realize that, that is all she is going to want. If you keep persuing or pressuring her for more...That makes you the bad guy.

[elaine567]

She has made it crystal clear she wants nothing romantic with you.

I am not sure if she is truly using OKCupid to find friends or she just said that to make you feel better, but I suspect the latter.

When she made the decision to friend-zone you, who can say?

BUT she has, so either stick around as her friend with no expectations or move on.

 

As you are on a quest to find a gf then you should move on.

Accumulating friends who are women can muck up any serious relationship you do enter.

Not many women can deal with stray women hanging out with their bf.

Childhood friends, friends from college, long term neighbours, family friends maybe, but not girls you met on OKCupid...

[BaileyB]

It would seem that she would be a really good friend, if you are interested.

[PegNosePete]

She said that she mis-understood the "culture" of using OKCupid, and thought it was a friend-finding website. I wanted to laugh at her, but kept it to myself.

Goodness, if you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you. Clue's in the name. Cupid. If she honestly believes this is a friend-finding site then she is 2 cans short of a 6 pack. I certainly wouldn't have been able to keep the laughter in if someone pulled that line on me!

 

Accumulating friends who are women can muck up any serious relationship you do enter.

Agreed, especially when you say "oh I met her last month on OK Cupid".

 

I would just let this one fizzle out, OP.

Edited February 6, 2017 by PegNosePete

[Mrlonelyone]

Goodness, if you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you. Clue's in the name. Cupid. If she honestly believes this is a friend-finding site then she is 2 cans short of a 6 pack. I certainly wouldn't have been able to keep the laughter in if someone pulled that line on me!

 

 

Agreed, especially when you say "oh I met her last month on OK Cupid"..

 

Not everyone is on Earth is that familiar with European culture. In a lot of cultures OLD would be immoral and vulgar to them.

 

 

I would just let this one fizzle out, OP.

 

Agreed. I am all for interracial dating but find someone from our culture and there will be less confusion.

[PegNosePete]

Not everyone is on Earth is that familiar with European culture.

It's not a question of culture.

 

Go to OK Cupid homesite. What does it say in big letters?

 

"The best free dating site on Earth"

[HandsomeAndLonely]

Agreed. I am all for interracial dating but find someone from our culture and there will be less confusion.

 

^^ What an ignorant comment of yours. First of all, this wasn't an inter-racial relationship, because I'm an Asian male - it was more like an inter-ethnic relationship.

 

Sure, in fact I prefer women from my ethnicity, but a lot of them living here in the US are brainwashed by the media. Okay, enough.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Being friends with a girl you have/had recent romantic ambitions doesn't work out great. Take it from someone who's tried OP.

 

She doesn't sound too interested. Think you might have waited too long to break the touch barrier maybe. All the dinners out and movies is very vanilla and lacking thought.

 

The move to a Thai place was smart on date one to extend the date. On date two I would have done an activity like ice skating, makes it easy to hold her hand.

 

Also try and lock up the emotion at the movies. It's okay to feel emotion, but if you lose it and start crying that MIGHT be looked down on by a lot of Women.

Edited February 7, 2017 by barcode88