Lorenza Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) I started talking to an interesting guy lately. He's a very smart, funny and creative person - he have already surprised me many times with the unusual ways he made me laugh. We've met three times so far and had a good conversation going, laughed a lot (he also finds me and my wit hilarious which always pleases me when people do). Besides, he's got a PhD and works at a laboratory which is quite impressive for me. I like people who've achieved something in science field. Nerdy = sexy! We're from the same country and obviously share the same mentality as well. But... There are a couple of things that bother me a little and I'm not sure if I'm being a superficial ahole or it's the chemistry that is absent. While he isn't ugly or anything like that at all, I find a couple of physical things in him off-putting. He's got a weird smell even though he clearly is well kept and clean. And his hair is thinning. Hair is like one of the most important things (appearance wise) in a guy for me - he can have a non-athletic body, be short or have crooked teeth and I won't care if he has an attractive personality and... good hair. Am I being ridiculous and spoiled? Not wanting a guy who's intelligent, witty and shows a lot of initiative because of his kinda weird smell and receding hair line? Should I maybe continue meeting him and see if the first thing changes and the second stops bothering me? Edited February 5, 2017 by Lorenza
Dis Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I started talking to an interesting guy lately. He's a very smart, funny and creative person - he have already surprised me many times with the unusual ways he made me laugh. We've met three times so far and had a good conversation going, laughed a lot (he also finds me and my wit hilarious which always pleases me when people do). Besides, he's got a PhD and works at a laboratory which is quite impressive for me. I like people who've achieved something in science field. Nerdy = sexy! We're from the same country and obviously share the same mentality as well. But... There are a couple of things that bother me a little and I'm not sure if I'm being a superficial ahole or it's the chemistry that is absent. While he isn't ugly or anything like that at all, I find a couple of physical things in him off-putting. He's got a weird smell even though he clearly is well kept and clean. And his hair is thinning. Hair is like one of the most important things in a guy for me - he can have a non-athletic body, be short or have crooked teeth and I won't care if he has an attractive personality and... good hair. Am I being ridiculous and spoiled? Not wanting a guy who's intelligent, witty and shows a lot of initiative because of his kinda weird smell and receding hair line? Should I maybe continue meeting him and see if the first thing changes and the second stops bothering me? I've been in a similar position before. I dont think its about being shallow....we just like what we like I would try to give him a chance though. I remember I thought one or two things were unattractive about my ex when we first met but once I got to know him, they didnt matter to me anymore. No one is perfect. We all have our flaws If you've given him a fair chance and these things are still turning you off, then you did all you could do. Nothing wrong with walking away Do you feel any chemistry with him?
Author Lorenza Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 I've been in a similar position before. I dont think its about being shallow....we just like what we like I would try to give him a chance though. I remember I thought one or two things were unattractive about my ex when we first met but once I got to know him, they didnt matter to me anymore. No one is perfect. We all have our flaws If you've given him a fair chance and these things are still turning you off, then you did all you could do. Nothing wrong with walking away Do you feel any chemistry with him? That's true, I also found a few things about my exes unattractive until I stopped noticing them altogether, but they all had lots of hair haha. About the chemistry - yes and no... I'm not sure. When I'm around him I don't feel much yet but have recently had some spicy dreams about him
Dis Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Yay! Sounds like theres some hope I think sometimes, chemistry can develop over time. Some attraction needs to be there but once you get to know him and maybe develop feelings....things can take off from there Sounds like he has a great personality, so you have some good things to work with. Personality is a big component of attraction and chemistry I do however remember one guy that I dated, he was really short. I loved his personality, he was such a WONDERFUL guy, treated me soooo well! But I couldnt for the life of me get past his height (sounds so shallow, I know) plus I wasnt in a good place and needed a break from dating...so I ended things So it could go either way. But its worth pursuing
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 First opportunity, but him a fancy handmilled soap. Only you know if you can do the thinning hair. I am a hair person. I always felt like I wouldn't probably give a bald guy a chance as a new date but I am convinced that if I was with a guy a few years and he went bald, I'd be okay. 1
Author Lorenza Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 Well he's not bald yet, but I see that he's going there. Gonna meet him tonight but the more I think about it,the less attracted I get. Pity, cause he's got a phenomenal personality. Why do I have to be so shallow. Besides there is one more thing that doesn't bode well. He's got mainly female friends. In my experience, men who prefer female company aren't very... umm manly in other spheres. If you know what I mean. 2
coolheadal Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Wow! Hair is thinning because of his gene pool. A lot of men not including me I have plenty of hair and it just keeps growing even my late father was bald at early age I don't suffer from that. So that's important to you. The smell could be something he eats and it's coming out from his pores or arm pits. That he could correct by stop eating something like herbs or spices or oils. I know from a girl I use to know that dates a guy that leave his sheets yellow because when he sweats out the oil from the olive oil comes out on to his sheets. If these are your pet p's then you need to confront it now because if you leave it to be then your going to be upset with yourself later on. Then date guys that have the qualities you want and the features that go with it. Don't waste your life or settle for what you don't see or want. It's your life and your choice to make so make it count now!
Larryville Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 date guys that have the qualities you want and the features that go with it. Don't waste your life or settle for what you don't see or want. It's your life and your choice to make so make it count now! For me I will go a step further. Ladies if you have doubts and OP clearly you do or you would not be posting here, There are a couple of things that bother me a little and I'm not sure if I'm being a superficial ahole or it's the chemistry that is absent. While he isn't ugly or anything like that at all, I find a couple of physical things in him off-putting. He's got a weird smell even though he clearly is well kept and clean. And his hair is thinning. Hair is like one of the most important things (appearance wise) in a guy for me - he can have a non-athletic body, be short or have crooked teeth and I won't care if he has an attractive personality and... good hair. Ladies I will say if you have doubts, don’t date a dude. Better if dude is disappointed NOW than investing time, money, interest, feelings and getting jacked later on. To me this is exactly why dudes talk all the time about women being selfish and flaky. He could do absolutely everything right, be the perfect gentleman and end up on the cutting block. If you have your standards and if chemistry is important to you, fine, nothing wrong with that. Stick you your standards. Settling hurts far more people in the long run. 1
preraph Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Sounds like he's just not right for you but that a lot of women would be into him. So just don't.
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 We all have a personal smell no matter the soap and the frequency of showers. Our personal smell is genetic + caused by what we eat. If someone eats a lot of garlic he won't smell good even after 3 showers with javex. The garlic smell not only affect our breath but the smell of our skin. Not only garlic but all types of spices and food will give your body a smell..and a taste. That being said: Humans functions like animals on several levels. We don't kneel and smell each other for greetings BUT enjoying our partners smell is a must to bond. We all know the power of smell. When my bf gets up for a shower I roll on his side of the bed just to be wrapped around by his smell. I am not addressing the other issues Lorenza, to me not liking his smell is an indication you are not compatible at a very basic instinct level. 2
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 The right smell is very important...it may not be from what he eats but we are pretty receptive to pheromones. They have done tests on this, having a group of men sweat in a tshirt and have a panel of women smell each shirt. It turns out, what smells bad to one women, smells good to another. IMO these issues are telling you he is not your match. 2
KBob Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 We all have a personal smell no matter the soap and the frequency of showers. Our personal smell is genetic + caused by what we eat. If someone eats a lot of garlic he won't smell good even after 3 showers with javex. The garlic smell not only affect our breath but the smell of our skin. Not only garlic but all types of spices and food will give your body a smell..and a taste. That being said: Humans functions like animals on several levels. We don't kneel and smell each other for greetings BUT enjoying our partners smell is a must to bond. We all know the power of smell. When my bf gets up for a shower I roll on his side of the bed just to be wrapped around by his smell. I am not addressing the other issues Lorenza, to me not liking his smell is an indication you are not compatible at a very basic instinct level. I remember reading somewhere that a way to stoke attraction for you in a partner is to consistently wear the same cologne or perfume, or shower with the same soap or body wash. Your partner will instinctively equate that smell with you, and if they encounter it outside of interaction with their partner, it will biochemically cause feelings of desire for their partner. That's how powerful smell can be. 2
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I remember reading somewhere that a way to stoke attraction for you in a partner is to consistently wear the same cologne or perfume, or shower with the same soap or body wash. Your partner will instinctively equate that smell with you, and if they encounter it outside of interaction with their partner, it will biochemically cause feelings of desire for their partner. That's how powerful smell can be. And to add to that, smell is the sense the most connected to memory. That is why sometimes we come across smells that instantly throws us back into childhood. 3
kendahke Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 If it bothers you now, it's really going to bother you later and he won't understand why when you finally blast over it. Pet peeves are what they are... everyone is entitled to their preferences. 1
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Once you get used to him you may get over the weird smell, you may even learn to love it, but his thinning hair is only going to get worse and if bald men do not float your boat then... Could the weird smell be a chemical smell - he does work in a lab.
olivetree Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I say give it a chance and see what happens. It's amazing what you can overlook when you grow to truly love someone for who they are. 1
coolheadal Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Boy the smell is the hot topic here just ask him what he's eating and might need to quit eating that item. You don't want to live with that smell 24/7 do you! LOL
No_Go Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I think you're just wasting your time... and his. IME if there is a physical deal breaker, it is a barrier that is near impossible to jump over. Smell is one of those - imagine having sex with him. It is not that he's dirty - it is the pheromones that each one of us releases. I believe smell is a sign for genetic compatibility, but let's not go there. just think about it - are you excited about being intimate with him? If not... let him go. (Hair - not that big of a deal IMO, unless you have really strong preference, at least 1/2 of men will have a receding hairline sooner or later) Well he's not bald yet, but I see that he's going there. Gonna meet him tonight but the more I think about it,the less attracted I get. Pity, cause he's got a phenomenal personality. Why do I have to be so shallow. Besides there is one more thing that doesn't bode well. He's got mainly female friends. In my experience, men who prefer female company aren't very... umm manly in other spheres. If you know what I mean. 1
No_Go Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Once you get used to him you may get over the weird smell, you may even learn to love it, but his thinning hair is only going to get worse and if bald men do not float your boat then... Could the weird smell be a chemical smell - he does work in a lab. Yikes he must really not follow safety rules if he brings out the smell from the lab (I can't imagine he works without a lab coat etc in a place working with stronger odor chemicals)... But it is remotely possible.
Author Lorenza Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 I just met him and now I'm sure there can't be anyhing between us. Even though I spent the evening laughing almost hysterically and having a great time with him, that smell was present and it's definitely not a lab smell. When he leaned in to kiss me I was immediately "nope, no can do". Then he asked me if he has any hopes and I told him that I like him only as a friend. I won't be able to look past the hair thing either. I mean lots of hair (and especially longer hair) is almost a fetish of mine. Pity cause I really thought I won't care about those things if I meet someone funny, intelligent, thoughtful and taking all kinds of interest and initiative. Oh well. Oh and btw when the chemistry is right even the smell of guy's sweat is kinda sexy. 1
Dis Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I just met him and now I'm sure there can't be anyhing between us. Even though I spent the evening laughing almost hysterically and having a great time with him, that smell was present and it's definitely not a lab smell. When he leaned in to kiss me I was immediately "nope, no can do". Then he asked me if he has any hopes and I told him that I like him only as a friend. I won't be able to look past the hair thing either. I mean lots of hair (and especially longer hair) is almost a fetish of mine. Pity cause I really thought I won't care about those things if I meet someone funny, intelligent, thoughtful and taking all kinds of interest and initiative. Oh well. Oh and btw when the chemistry is right even the smell of guy's sweat is kinda sexy. Kuddos for giving it one more shot! Thats all you can do Its weird because things like height, hair, smell etc can seem so trivial but they can actually make or break chemistry and attraction I'm sorry it didnt work out Lorenza, I know you were trying to be hopeful because he was such a nice guy....have hope though.... theres other nice guys out there that will have a smell you like and plenty of hair!
Author Lorenza Posted February 6, 2017 Author Posted February 6, 2017 Kuddos for giving it one more shot! Thats all you can do Its weird because things like height, hair, smell etc can seem so trivial but they can actually make or break chemistry and attraction I'm sorry it didnt work out Lorenza, I know you were trying to be hopeful because he was such a nice guy....have hope though.... theres other nice guys out there that will have a smell you like and plenty of hair! Haha that's right! There MUST be a guy a nice guy with good hair genes out there To be honest I wasn't so very hopeful, since I'm still not taking dating very seriously and keep on meeting guys just to "keep my dating skills fresh" but I made an exception for this one, thinking that maybe I should check him out a bit more closely.
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