How to love again: is it self-sabotage or just bad luck?

[MaggieJo]

So all in all, I’ve been quite lucky with the guys I dated: they weren’t emotionally unavailable or douchy, or jealous or obsessive.. And I always end up having really intimate relationships coupled with really good friendships (its really important for me to connect on a deeper level),, However, they all ended and the common denominator is me. My recent ex said that he couldn't live up to all of my expectations, but in the same time his heart was never in 100% and he expected things to change but it developed into something unhealthy, cos I felt that kind of so that just made me sometimes to need reassurance and so on (I was never controlling or jealous or super needy- but I always found small ways to ask for reassurance..). It’s been a while now so I’m over it. But I cant stop feeling terrified of love. Cos it was like catch 22: the more you want someone to be in, the more you have to relax and let things go.. but if you feel like something is off- should you trust the other person and give the relationship time or let go? My ex was also super intense person saying i love you really fast, asking me to live with him, introducing me to his family really fast, so even tho I felt that something was still off I couldn’t justify it by his behaviors cos’ it seemed like he is the one who’s over investing.. The relationship lasted for 8months, and the external factors were difficult: it was long distance (we saw each other 2-3 times a month for long weekends etc), he was also suppose to move to another country temporarily so the decision had to be made since it was always coming up, plus there was some issues with his ex who reappeared after 2months (I gave him the freedom to walk way in a really honest manner- but he said he was over it & he never talked to her again)..

 

So how do you know when it’s right? How to stop overcomplicating things and creating small dramas if you feel that something is wrong (or maybe nothing was wrong)? How to keep your standards and not settle as well? I ended up feeling guilty and ashamed for making dramas & I feel that it pushed him away.. but is that solely the reason? Maybe I expected too much and I was wrong to do it? All in all, I believe that it’s not about “having a relationship” but more about being with someone who is great, so I don\t want to feel like that ever again (the guilt)..but then again, maybe I was just ignoring the obvious, maybe that would not have changed anything?

 

It’s really hard for me to connect with most boys, im good at attracting them but I can’t seem to continue that easily..and then i did and I got my heart broken. And i’m left with guilt.. with shame that I let my fears sabotage it, but is that really the truth?

 

I’d appreciate your feedback and stories on this.. I’m tired of this feeling..I want to be happy..so if you are- please share your thoughts) <3

[diddy]

Well, i think its time u followed your instincts cos if your already on catch 22,and same issues ,(something is off and so on) probably something is really off then.