linzmoon Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Dating this guy since December, I finally got around to having the "what are we talk?", although we're on the same page and not seeing anyone else he still wants to go with the flow/take our time until we can officially call each other "bf/gf", what throws me off is he still hangs out with his ex occasionally (they'll walk trails/she offered to go grocery shopping with him/have lunch); I found out through a source and when I asked him about it he says it's only to give her her mail. I asked if she was still trying to get with him and he said "yes", I asked what he does regarding that and he said "she can keep trying to get with me but it's not happening", I believe that him keeping communication with her is giving her false hope and also keeps him from focusing on "us". I was straightforward and said I didn't want to be a rebound and don't want to date someone who's ex is still in the picture, he said she's not in the picture and "I really like you and I'm not seeing anyone else", he claims to not love her anymore. At this point, I don't know what to do, although I really like him I don't know if I should wait for us to become official for him to cut off contact with his ex or just walk away now before I really start to catch feelings.
Poutrew Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Yeah, you know what to do. Since when does handing someone her mail involve going on long walks with them? Taking them out to lunch? Especially when he was honest enough to tell you she is still wanting to be with him... He is a cake eater. My advice would be to walk away. Next time find a guy that is 100% into you... 1
OatsAndHall Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I won't date someone that has this much involvement with an ex. I know there are people who maintain some innocent contact with their exes via social media and what not but I am not going to date them if they're hanging around with their exes. I may ask them to cease contact with them or I may just call it off depending on how committed I am to the relationship after finding out they're paling around with their ex. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 This would be a deal-breaker for me. He might not want her, but he also has not enforced appropriate boundaries, which often leads to bigger problems. They're essentially still going on dates, even if he doesn't call it that. I can promise you that what she is hoping for her, and the fact that he's going along with it is not good. I would tell him he's too involved with her and walk away. If he really wants to be with you (or anyone else, for that matter) he is going to need to dramatically reduce the level of contact and time spent with her. No new woman is going to be okay with their "friendship" 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 He seems overly involved with his ex. I would probably end things without a word, he should be able to figure it out. If she's trying to get back with him, and he's spending time with her -- I will guarantee you that he is CONSIDERING it. He is flat out lying to you that he isn't. In case it doesn't work, or he decides not to, he's keeping you as a safety net. The fact that you guys had the DTR talk, he's not seeing other people (which is BS, he is seeing his ex, sorta), and he doesn't want to be BF/GF yet, should be enough to spell it out for you. You will only end up hurt. Run away screaming from this one... 1
Author linzmoon Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Update: so we ended whatever we were doing. He just said he didn't know what he wanted although he does like me. 2
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Update: so we ended whatever we were doing. He just said he didn't know what he wanted although he does like me. And he couldn't tell you that in the beginning? They are still dating don't kid yourself. He was stringing both of you along. 2
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Stay away from him now because as the above poster states, he will try and play both of you. Don't fall for it. 2
Author linzmoon Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) And he couldn't tell you that in the beginning? They are still dating don't kid yourself. He was stringing both of you along. I guess not, in the beginning he said he was looking for long term. On Friday we had the DTR talk, he had his chance to talk and chose not...yet he still decided to make plans yesterday to see me again this week. It feels like a slap to my face. I told him that his ex is very much active in his life and he said that it's not true and he's been single for months. Right.... sure didn't look like it. Still stings feels like a heartbreak. He said he wanted to remain "friends" lol... no thanks. Edited February 5, 2017 by linzmoon
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 This would be a deal-breaker for me. He might not want her, but he also has not enforced appropriate boundaries, which often leads to bigger problems. Heck ya to this!
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