Gaeta Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 OUFF! what a situation you got yourself in eh! * She stopped looking for a job * She acts as if she is living in a hotel * I didn't read anywhere she is making efforts to save on food, hot water, and is very appreciative of all of your help and she keeps track of some of those expenses she would like to refund you. For these reasons I think she damaged this relationship beyond repair. If her old boss would take her back then have her call him first thing in the morning. She doesn't work so she is free to travel to her old city and make a deposit on an apartment. I would not worry about the kids and their schooling, after all they are going back to their old school. They're going back to known territory and to their old friends. If you want this to be solved promptly yes, help her with the down deposit of that apartment and maybe a first grocery expense than say your good buys. 4
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 She has a job waiting for her back home and you've paid for her car so she's got wheels. You say that you like the kids, except that they're just as inconsiderate as their mom seems to be. She sounds like she was next to destitute when she moved in, so why wouldn't it be fair to simply restore her to her original condition? You've already repaired that piece of crap she calls a car while she's taken a 3 month, all expenses paid vacation from work. You deserve some credit for that. So, how about this: You tell the mom what's what. Give her some clear expectations about what you expect from her children, and tell her if the kids can keep your terms, then offer to keep the kids in your house for 30 days or until she goes back, gets her job and gets a place to stay, whichever comes first. Maybe the two kids can pitch in and get after-school jobs while they're staying with you, so they can help their mother. Or they can pack their stuff in anticipation of the move. Or both. Once she's settled in, you will move her belongings to her, or to storage if she can't get her stuff together. Seriously, how hard is it to get back to almost zero? Of course, there's this idea: I would be pissed if I moved away, took my kids out of school and all that for someone who would dump me three months later. I think your offer is fair. I feel bad for her Children But what kind of woman quits her job and uproots her family to live with someone she's only known long distance without setting up an escape plan or having some Plan B money stashed away? What happened to her security deposit on her previous rental? Did it get consumed, along with all that milk? Or did it pay for all the damage she left behind in the rental unit? Or does she actually have it stashed away? Surely at your age, everybody understands that there are no guarantees, and your kids must come first. This was simply an experiment gone bad. Her predicament is not your fault. You went into this arrangement in good faith, but she appears to have not done so if she's wasting her time on Facebook rather than looking for a job. As for the second chances you're willing to give her, I'd re-read that first post of yours. Nobody who's truly in love with someone talks that way about them. Not even if you're just frustrated. You've made some real value judgments, and I don't think you've seen all there is to see. It sounds like there's more incompatibility unhappiness she's saving up for later. 3
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