Stillwaiting213 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Hello everyone. So about a few months ago I met a girl on a dating app. We chat daily and soon we started having dates (dinner, movies...etc). Everything went well and I asked her to be my girlfriend on christmas eve. She happily said yes. Now, we've been together for a month. Meeting up once every week or 2 weeks Everything is going well. She's still a student in the medical field and I also happen to work in that field too, so I understand what she's going through. Lots of exams and pressure. These few days she got sick so she stayed at home. This prolly made her think a bit more about stuff. She said it;s going to be a really busy year with lots of studying and exams and she may not have as much time to commit in the relationship. She doesnt think that's how a relationship should work: as in the guy commiting more while she commits less. I told her I understand totally where she's coming from and im willing to take it. I guess it's just her who cant get past herself. She suggests putting the relationship 'on hold' and pick it back up later. In the meantime, she still wants to chat everyday about everything, meeting up occasionally. Nothing's changed apparently. So I asked her what it means if we both go out together. Are we just normal friends or are we still going to be intimate like holding hands, hugs..etc. She said she doesnt really know. So im kinda confused. I understand she has to fully commit to her studies now. But there's no saying when she can be 'free'. So does that mean as long as she's still studying this relationship is on hold ? What am i to do ? I really love her and I know she loves me a lot too. This is really heartbreaking
Ronnys93 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She's not ready to be in a romantic relationship with YOU. She wants to be friends though. Not saying she hates you or anything. I think she just realized over time that she really isn't romantically interested in you. The studies/exams I think are the perfect excuse to put her blame upon. If she really wants you then maybe something will blossom after she's not 'busy'. I wouldn't hold on to that though.
SevenCity Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She's not ready to be in a romantic relationship with YOU. She wants to be friends though. Not saying she hates you or anything. I think she just realized over time that she really isn't romantically interested in you. The studies/exams I think are the perfect excuse to put her blame upon. If she really wants you then maybe something will blossom after she's not 'busy'. I wouldn't hold on to that though. Yep. When a girl tells you how busy she is going to be, it means she's going to be too busy for you. She is trying to plant you in friend zone. Your only course of action is to tell her your interest is only romantic and to call you if she changes her mind. Then walk away and never look back. When you don't know this stuff it appears that she is being honest. She is not. 2
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 There is no putting a relationship "on hold". You're either both committed to it equally or there is no relationship. It appears that she just wants to be friends and no more with you. You can't do that once you enter the romance part of a relationship. Sorry, but she is not interested you as a romantic partner. Do not wait. Tell her that there is no way you can just be friends with her and wish her well. 1
coolheadal Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Sums it up right she's not really into you other than friends but again it will never feel right as friends once you cross over to romantic relationship and she said yes too you on top of that. Someone else has come into her life and that's why women the oddest things to us men to confuse us more. They always use something else to put the doubt out there for you. But maybe she cares not to hurt your feelings and not just say she's not really into this relationship now and feels that the two of you can wait. If she wanted to be with you she would never throw in the towel now on top of things. They always like to say things like this about school an etc. is the main reason why the relationship is on hold and what are you suppose to do sit and wait. Nope you move on. Telling her you can't be in a friend zone might work or not. She might as wells say Goodbye for good!
Erik30 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I think she's probably just using it as an excuse. She wants to break up but doesn't have the balls to straight up tell you that. 4
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Yes, she needs to concentrate on her studies but if she was really into you she would make it work. If she has time to text you all the time and meet up then she has time to be in a relationship with you. Here, she is not prepared to make it work, so she is breaking up with you. DO NOT wait around for her, she has not even given you a date for when she is less busy, "later" is pretty woolly. It is over. My guess is that someone else has taken her eye and she wants to be free to take up other offers. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) So I asked her what it means if we both go out together. Are we just normal friends or are we still going to be intimate like holding hands, hugs..etc. She said she doesnt really know. So im kinda confused. I understand she has to fully commit to her studies now. But there's no saying when she can be 'free'. So does that mean as long as she's still studying this relationship is on hold ? What am i to do ? I really love her and I know she loves me a lot too. This is really heartbreaking Commitment isn't whether or not you hold hands, kiss, hug, be intimate vs. friends. If she doesn't know if she wants to be just friends or be intimate with you, that has to do with her romantic/physical attraction, not commitment. And if she can't figure that out, it's low. Where did she get this "the guy should commit more" and why do you agree? I've never heard that. I know med students who are able to balance study and their relationship. Maybe she is one that does not want to deal with any relationship while she is studying. That is fine, but there is no reason for you to give more than she does. Protip: When a person says they can't handle/aren't ready/can't have a relationship, because x, roughly 95% of the time they just aren't that into the person they are saying it to. May want to consider exploring options Edited February 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough
coolheadal Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) This girl knows what she wants, don't let her fool you for one minute. It's all her and not you. Don't let the holding hands and kissing and hugs mislead you thinking there is hope with her. No hope there is someone else between you two. She values you as a friend only (FRIEND ZONE) this you do not want to be in or be some sort of Buddy Blah, Blah. Just drop her. Again you say you do not want that or be her friend only you wanted a relationship, you can try to convince her all you want be with you but she already told you the dreaded yawn speech about why she thinks she can't be in a relationship with you now. Stop text and stop calling her up. Put her on the back burner and don't spend anymore of your money on her. If she wants to be with you let her come to where you live. When she comes you don't nothing or she can bring wine or food! Why would you treat/please her grace with your loyal presence for her? Otherwise look at what she is doing to you no respect for you. You can't even trust her not no turning back she ruin things. Edited February 5, 2017 by coolheadal
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Given her studies she has a limited amount of time. When she thinks about spending her limited free time with you, it's not something she wants to do. However she doesn't have the fortitude to come right out & break up with you so she's beating around the bush offering you table scraps, if that, hoping you will man up & say thanks but no thanks & break up with her so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Given her studies she has a limited amount of time. When she thinks about spending her limited free time with you, it's not something she wants to do. However she doesn't have the fortitude to come right out & break up with you so she's beating around the bush offering you table scraps, if that, hoping you will man up & say thanks but no thanks & break up with her so she doesn't have to be the bad guy. Exactly this. OP, she is trying to let you down gently. It hurts but I don't think she's trying to be malicious. She just doesn't want this and doesn't really know how to tell you that directly.
Versacehottie Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I have a slightly different opinion than most. I don't agree that it necessarily means she doesn't want a relationship "WITH YOU". It MAY be that, it MAY NOT be that. You will have to take a leap of faith of sorts and take her at her word. However, I do agree with most that have said how to deal with it. Under no circumstances should you accept the "lesser" deal where she holds all the cards. Stop seeing her if she doesn't want a relationship, doesn't have time & it may or may not be about her wanting you. You can have VERY LIMITED contact with her, once a month or every other month and in the meantime date others. The answer will come out eventually but you need to proceed as if it's not really going to happen as that is exactly what SHE is prepared to do. That is your best chance with her. If you accept her conditions, it's just not very guy like and she will lose respect. (Sorry, but it's true). I do know a few people who are together this way--but don't you hold out hope too much it also could be an easy & torturous let down from her. Good luck.
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She not ready? Then you limit your texting and date other women. 1
LostOnes05 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Life doesn't get any easier...whether it's school, work, family, or friends. If she's not ready, when?...when she has to work 40+ hours a week, when she has a child to care for before and after work? When she has a big project due at work and things aren't going well? When a close relative dies and she's upset? See, life (and death) keeps coming no matter if you're ready or not. If there was a movie star that was interested in her and she wanted him, she'd study on the way to class, coming home, on the pooper, etc. She'd go out of her way to be available and committed. She isn't doing that with you, so you know where you stand. Stop keeping in constant contact with her because you're giving her what she wants without getting any of what you want. In the long run you'll be nothing more than her BFF that she feels comfortable telling anything to, while she makes time for the guy she wants to be with. I do understand the time constraints of college, graduate school, and other professional studies but I guarantee that it is something that can be accomplished while in a relationship. And working on yourself is something you do every day (or at least should be) whether you're in a relationship or not. Best of luck, but I'd curtail the amount of time I spend with her whether talking, texting, or hanging out to almost none.
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