Posting this so I don't text my ex

[Bromeo]

Just realised I had a missed call from a withheld number at 2 in the morning, 10 minutes before she liked my instagram post. Why wouldn't she just leave me alone?

 

Mine did the same thing. In the beginning, it was 3am hang ups, random texts, bikini pics, etc.

 

As time went on, she switched to quotes and memes.

 

FB notified me she was stalking my page. Games.

 

Then came the first round of true nc, leading to her emailing. After I waited a week and texted back, games started again.

 

Now, true nc a second time, two weeks later.

 

Doesn't all that sound like fun? This was 4-5 months of intense pain.

 

Learn from my mistake. Realize you are a good catch as I did, and shortcut the above bs.

 

Dave

[Sweetfish]

I mean her friends probably don't like me cos one has blocked me on instagram after I liked a picture and the other who I had given plenty of advice to I added on Snapchat and her and my ex obviously took it as trying it on with her when I only wanted advice and went mad at me. Me and my ex had a few words to exchange, I got some things off my chest and wished her all the best and haven't spoken to her since. Weird how last night she liked and unliked my post, I don't even follow her now but she still follows me...

 

I mean women have a short memory, they don't remember the good stuff you done, they just turn to hating you, that's how they initially deal with it.

 

Just realised I had a missed call from a withheld number at 2 in the morning, 10 minutes before she liked my instagram post. Why wouldn't she just leave me alone?

 

 

Do not get confused... this is very common for women and do not get hurt about the good things or favors you have done. I have a policy.. If I did something for someone no matter how awesome or great it is, do not expect returns or gratitude back. Do not expect these people to be in debt to you.

 

The liking and un-liking. Block and unblock. The breadcrumbs and miss calls do not take them at face-value. They mean nothing, The only time any form of communication is valuable to you is when they say they %#$#$ up.

Even this should concern you because if you get this with in weeks or a month into a breakup the person shows how flaky and volatile they are and no one changes in a couple weeks.

 

No take this to script..but it will save you a lot of grief.

 

 

BTW: Women have excellent memory

[GeorgeWP93]

I know not to read into it, I'm sure she was drunk, with friends and they thought it would be a laugh to phone me up and either prank me or just give me ****. Maybe it wasn't even her but 10 minutes later she's liking a picture on my instagram of me and my demented grandad, she's knows I'm going through some crap, I didn't make her happy, leave me alone and move on.

[GeorgeWP93]

She basically said that she knew she messed up and that she was sorry and that she had gotten scared when things moved along too fast for her but she missed me.

 

Help, she's 27, had a 9 year relationship before me, we were together for 6 months before ending it two weeks ago because she wasn't happy. No arguments in the relationship, loads planned and I believe her, she's probably not wrong in what she says.

 

All my friends are saying delete, ignore but I hate what ifs...

Edited February 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Copy of text removed by OP request ~T

[Lostandconfused12]

I've been down this road. Don't let it drag out another months and years. This is an early sign and will save you a lot of future heartache. Have more respect for yourself. It's only been 2 weeks he has no idea how to stand on his own and wants you there because the pain hurts. But he will not commit to you. Keep your distance for a few months atleast. Make him really see. He will respect you more for it and you may have a chance. Don't make the same mistake i did and waste years of your life. It's hurts you but it won't hurt forever.

[BC1980]

How long was she out of her 9 yr. relationship before dating you?

[preraph]

If you want to get back with her, get back with her. You said "loads of plans" and she said "moving so quickly," so I'm guessing you need to slow it down and give her more space and time to herself, but talk about it with her. Ask her what she needs and then weigh that against what you need and see if it's doable.

[Sweetfish]

She basically said that she knew she messed up and that she was sorry and that she had gotten scared when things moved along too fast for her but she missed me.

 

Help, she's 27, had a 9 year relationship before me, we were together for 6 months before ending it two weeks ago because she wasn't happy. No arguments in the relationship, loads planned and I believe her, she's probably not wrong in what she says.

 

All my friends are saying delete, ignore but I hate what ifs...

 

Day after we are back she tells me she's not happy and the spark has gone...

Just remember that one statement my friend.

 

I would take some time to think about everything before moving forward.

Edited February 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SevenCity]

Breadcrumbs. Lol - just kidding

 

 

I'm happy for you but I worry as well. Nothing has changed in two weeks other than you losing trust in her.

 

You have to decide what you want and what you're willing to risk. Imagine she dumped you after 6 years? It can happen with women.

 

And why the change of heart? Did another prospect not work out for her?

 

Follow your gut but keep both eyes open. Women don't typically leave for no reason. Whatever that reason was has not been resolved in 2 weeks.

[bluefeather]

Breadcrumbs. Lol - just kidding

 

I don't get why you present that as a joke. They are breadcrumbs.

[marky00]

OP,

 

 

That's definitely a substantial and rather nicely sugar-coated breadcrumb.

 

 

I went through that 6 weeks ago and I am glad now I did not respond.

 

 

Look, until she drops these types of messages consistently and frequently, you have to see it for what it is.

 

 

At first it's hard to decipher but when you give it closer analysis, you will be able to see the difference between someone contacting you out of guilt and someone contacting you because they truly care.

 

 

That monologue smacks of pure guilt and nothing more. The trick to knowing this is its just TOO MUCH TOO SOON. If she really wanted a reconciliation, she wouldn't offload like that in one fowl swoop. She's done it this way to maximise her chances that should u reply, she can lower her guilt substantially since well, she just wrote you a MONOLOGUE.

 

 

Don't fall for it.

 

 

The crumbs I got were hard to ignore, because for first time in ages, her crumbs were being delivered in a respectful tone, addressing me by name and asking me how I have been etc. The more guilty they are and the more thy realise how bad their behaviour was, the more intense these crumbs can be.

 

 

Don't respond. Keep giving her that silence sandwich and let her really deal with that guilt, not as a punishment but because that is the only way she will take a lesson out of this.

Edited February 9, 2017 by marky00

[Blue1988]

She basically said that she knew she messed up and that she was sorry and that she had gotten scared when things moved along too fast for her but she missed me.

 

Help, she's 27, had a 9 year relationship before me, we were together for 6 months before ending it two weeks ago because she wasn't happy. No arguments in the relationship, loads planned and I believe her, she's probably not wrong in what she says.

 

All my friends are saying delete, ignore but I hate what ifs...

Ignore!!! If she did it once, she will do it twice. There are much valuable species around you. Dumpers don't deserve 2nd chances.

[Bromeo]

She basically said that she knew she messed up and that she was sorry and that she had gotten scared when things moved along too fast for her but she missed me.

 

Help, she's 27, had a 9 year relationship before me, we were together for 6 months before ending it two weeks ago because she wasn't happy. No arguments in the relationship, loads planned and I believe her, she's probably not wrong in what she says.

 

All my friends are saying delete, ignore but I hate what ifs...

 

Realistically, what more would the community want her to say? Don't we all wish, and state emphatically that unless the dumper says almost this exact thing verbatim, not to consider it? And here she is beginning that process (somewhat), and the advice is make her pay for it? lol

 

Op, do what you think is best, but for heavens sake, take it slow.

 

Hell, if mine would have said she missed me, I'd have been happy. Lol

[whatdeww18]

She basically said that she knew she messed up and that she was sorry and that she had gotten scared when things moved along too fast for her but she missed me.

 

Help, she's 27, had a 9 year relationship before me, we were together for 6 months before ending it two weeks ago because she wasn't happy. No arguments in the relationship, loads planned and I believe her, she's probably not wrong in what she says.

 

All my friends are saying delete, ignore but I hate what ifs...

 

I tried to dig through your threads so you don't have to repeat some things.

However, if you don't mind answering how long she waited after the 9 year relationship prior to dating you?

 

What it seems like to me, is that she wanted to go out and explore and didn't want something serious. Just something casual, hence, the relationship moved too quickly for her. She broke up with you as she may have been conflicted about her feelings for her prior ex and you.

 

What I assume happened is she tried to get back with her ex, things didn't pan out the way she had hoped, and now she's back to you. Also, it's only been two weeks. I don't really know any dumper who comes around that fast, where they truly matured and learned from the break up. May be that she's lonely and is so used to having someone beside her that she's reaching out, which isn't for the right reasons.

 

Might not be true at all and she may have just realized things were indeed moving too fast for her, but you don't break up because of that. You communicate about that at the ripe age of 27. If she doesn't understand that, she's got a lot of growing up to do, still.

 

I think your friends have given you the proper advice. Delete, ignore. If she really wants you back for you, she'll make it obvious. If she's matured from all this, she will be able to do all that. If not, it wasn't meant to be and you'll find someone that won't leave when the spark disappears. I know that feeling, I've gotten that lame bs excuse too... It hurts

 

Despite all my advice, I advocate doing what you feel is right. This is your journey, your path, your life. We can only give our opinion, you're the only one who knows the girl better than we do. Wishing you all the best!

Edited February 9, 2017 by whatdeww18
Didn't realize it has only been 2 weeks since the BU

[SevenCity]

I don't get why you present that as a joke. They are breadcrumbs.

 

I swear the original post had more details than what is there now.

 

I don't get how someone saying what everyone says they should here on LS is a breadcrumb?

[SevenCity]

Realistically, what more would the community want her to say? Don't we all wish, and state emphatically that unless the dumper says almost this exact thing verbatim, not to consider it? And here she is beginning that process (somewhat), and the advice is make her pay for it? lol

 

Op, do what you think is best, but for heavens sake, take it slow.

 

Hell, if mine would have said she missed me, I'd have been happy. Lol

 

Totally agree. I think the expectation is sky writing and a marching band.

[marky00]

Realistically, what more would the community want her to say? Don't we all wish, and state emphatically that unless the dumper says almost this exact thing verbatim, not to consider it? And here she is beginning that process (somewhat), and the advice is make her pay for it? lol

 

Op, do what you think is best, but for heavens sake, take it slow.

 

Hell, if mine would have said she missed me, I'd have been happy. Lol

 

That's the thing here.

 

 

This is way too much too soon. It's a facade. 2 weeks later the guilt has finally hit and she looking for a fix.

 

 

If this message came after 6 months hard NC, maybe then it would be taken a little more seriously.

[marky00]

I swear the original post had more details than what is there now.

 

I don't get how someone saying what everyone says they should here on LS is a breadcrumb?

 

Because its only been 2 F*** weeks.

 

 

Had you read the full sms originally written by OP, you would see it different. Incidentally OP, why you edit your first post? Worried your ex will be trolling the forums?

 

 

I can understand that but ultimately to give the best advise, it's hard when you don't have the exact words in that sms.

[SevenCity]

Because its only been 2 F*** weeks.

 

 

Had you read the full sms originally written by OP, you would see it different. Incidentally OP, why you edit your first post? Worried our ex will be trolling the forums?

 

 

I can understand that but ultimately to give the best advise, it's hard when you don't have the exact words in that sms.

 

Interesting. I would feel less inclined to get back the more time has passed.

 

I read it quickly on my iPhone so I may have missed some details - do tell.

[bluefeather]

I don't get how someone saying what everyone says they should here on LS is a breadcrumb?

 

I do not say that that is what the dumper should say, so you can scratch out your "everyone says." The key ingredient to even consider getting back together is, "I want to try again." It doesn't have to be that verbatim, but, what was said here is nothing close to it. If you've experienced and learned about this enough, you would know that "I'm sorry" and "I miss you" are both breadcrumbs.

 

Hell, if mine would have said she missed me, I'd have been happy. Lol

 

That is beta male thinking.

[marky00]

Interesting. I would feel less inclined to get back the more time has passed.

 

I read it quickly on my iPhone so I may have missed some details - do tell.

 

There was a lot to take in and I have forgotten some myself. But the dumper was spilling a lot of info. Saying that she had messed up because she was scared and a whole bunch of other stuff.

 

 

No one flips like that after 2 weeks. It takes a lot of time and mental work for someone to possibly re-think a decision for the right reasons. Had it been a couple of days and due to a fight or w/e , that's a different story but from what I recall she admitted she left due to not feeling it anymore.

 

 

Second guessing after 2 weeks is just someone being weak because the decision makes them feel uncomfortable.

[marky00]

Interesting. I would feel less inclined to get back the more time has passed.

 

But this right now has nothing to do with how the dumpee feels.

 

 

We were simply analysing the context of the sms as to whether its a breadcrumb.

 

 

It's a nice bite sized crumb, almost a crouton. But it is still a crumb.

[SevenCity]

There was a lot to take in and I have forgotten some myself. But the dumper was spilling a lot of info. Saying that she had messed up because she was scared and a whole bunch of other stuff.

 

 

No one flips like that after 2 weeks. It takes a lot of time and mental work for someone to possibly re-think a decision for the right reasons. Had it been a couple of days and due to a fight or w/e , that's a different story but from what I recall she admitted she left due to not feeling it anymore.

 

 

Second guessing after 2 weeks is just someone being weak because the decision makes them feel uncomfortable.

 

I recall her admitting she made a huge mistake. No?

[marky00]

I recall her admitting she made a huge mistake. No?

 

Yeh, as I quoted, she admitted to messing up out of being scared. But it was written in the context of feelings. Hence why I say its just an attempt to offload guilt.

 

 

Coming back after 6 months and in a normal tone (with less emotion) saying she made a mistake could be taken more seriously.

 

 

I remember reading though the words carefully and seeing through the words she wrote. It's take some lessons and experience to read between the lines.

 

 

Maybe the OP might re-consider posting the original SMS again. I can understand his reasons for not doing so but its pretty much the crux of the whole post.

Edited February 9, 2017 by marky00

[GeorgeWP93]

I edited the original post just in case she was lurking although I don't think she's the type to.

 

She's 27, so has been in a solid relationship for her whole adult life, I'm not sure exactly how long until she met me, let's say 8 months so maybe not long enough but she spent a good bit of time alone, she loves her own company, lives alone, family lives away.

 

She didn't want a relationship when she met me but it just worked, I don't think people's lives should really change in a relationship, she can still have her freedom as I want mine I told her to make sure shes missing my company not company from anybody, we definitely spent too much time together but for me it was okay as I've never had a long long relationship.

 

She mentioned that she realised it had gotten serious quickly, and it panicked her, she was very very vague in the breakup, and gave me no reasons why.

 

Her ex was on the scene trying to get her back when I first started a relationship with her but she always told me about the messages he sent, and she blocked his number, he messaged her friend and she told him that she is happy and to leave it alone now so I doubt it's the ex but it could be a I guess. In dealing with him it didn't drag out, he said he wanted to leave, she said there's the door and apart from meeting a couple times, that was it.

 

My advice to myself would be delete, ignore move on but I'm going to see her on Sunday and told her to take the weekend to really think about what she wants, it's me who has to live with the what ifs.

 

She's not a massive texter but it wasn't a breadcrumb, it wasn't a 'I miss you' or a 'I've been thinking about you' it was a full blown admission that she had messed up.

 

To me it ended basically as the 'honeymoon period' had ended and she panicked. I was fine but her reasons are fairly legit, we hadn't done as much fun things as we usually had, she mentioned that but then said she knows it's because of the bad weather.

 

And in the terms of offloading guilt, I guess possibly, I told her I felt abandoned when i was having a hard time, but after the breakup I told her I was gutted but it takes two, life goes on, all the best. she asked why I didn't tell her I was struggling, honestly, I deal with things alone, I always have.

 

I'm going to see her Sunday with an open mind and see what she has to say.

Edited February 9, 2017 by GeorgeWP93