hughd12 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Hi there, Been seeing girl for nearly a year. She said recently if she was single she would possibly try a threesome (she said always try new things according to her) However, in a relationship she wouldn't & its too much pressure. Whats your thoughts, unsure whether to ignore (possible red flag) or continue relationship. I'm more traditional (1 person no other thoughts) I suppose, each to their own. Thanks
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She's trying to tell you it's a kink she wants to try with you. I would confront the problem, ignoring it will only make things worse. 2
NomiMalone Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Don't let yourself be pressured into it if that's not what you want to do. It may lead to resentment and cause problems in the relationship further down the track. I agree each to their own. I was involved in a few threesomes when I was single in my 20s. I was not emotionally invested in any of the people involved. However, at this stage in my life, and in a serious relationship, I'm not inclined to ever say yes to a threesome.
central Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 If it's not your thing, don't do it. If it is her thing, then you may just be sexually incompatible. If it's only a fantasy of hers, and not something she wants or needs to make real, then perhaps run with it have some fantasy fun. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I took it to mean that in a committed relationship she wants things to be 1 on 1. However, if she was single, she wouldn't mind being the 3rd wheel.
Miss Spider Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 It'd be a red flag for me. I guess I'm relatively "traditional", though 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I took it to mean that in a committed relationship she wants things to be 1 on 1. However, if she was single, she wouldn't mind being the 3rd wheel. I think she's trying to hint at something that she wants, without asking for it outright. A lot of Women like being subtle about things.
Author hughd12 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Thanks. Yeah found it a little off putting. Unsure if it was a true feeling and she's was suppressing it, would it cause issues further down the line in the relationship. She said when she was younger she tried it on with another girl to experiment, so my gut is it would be 2 girls and me as the guy. (maybe she said this so it wouldn't be another guy initially but later it would) Was just taken a back a little as no previous gf has ever mentioned anything like that. In saying that I have only had partners and im now 27. Unsure if In being naive or what. Any further advice would be appreciated
Author hughd12 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Was just speculating it may be another guy most likely a girl....if indeed her thought where infact true Should I confront her about the topic in general
noelle303 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Why would it cause problems for you? She said that she is not interested in threesomes while she's in a relationship, so it doesn't seem like something that will come up while you guys are together. Do you have a problem with her fantasizing about this in general? Because plenty of girls do, it's not as uncommon as you think.
coolheadal Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 3 some is that what you want to give in for her to please her your royal highness! This woman isn't for you unless that's what you want out of relationship with her. That's what she craves for now and if you don't do it with her she'll still do it. With or without you. Can't stop her that's her will to or intent to have a 3 some. I've met one woman that was into that and told me all about it. I was shocked but I am not doing that I am not into and I rather wait for the right woman to drop at me feet who wants a normal relationship. One-on-One instead of One-on-Two...
Author hughd12 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Thanks guys, there seems to be a split between: 1. She said she wouldn't do it in a relationship so move on who cares OR 2. She will always have it in her mind & it will end up happening anyway so move on. Don't want to jump the gun and make this an issue if its not or to act. Will ultimately determine how I feel for her in my opinion/to continue
KBob Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Not all fantasies are required to be fulfilled by the people who have them. I would like to have a threesome with a girlfriend if it were a healthy thing that would enhance the sexual aspect of the relationship and was 100% endorsed by both parties. But if it couldn't work out like that, oh well, I can live without it. That may be how she feels and she's just probing to see what your thoughts are on the subject. Ignore the reactionaries telling you to ditch her immediately. Instead, talk to her and find out how important this is to her. If it's something she can't go without and that's not what you want, then obviously you're not compatible. Maybe that isn't the case and she'll be fine without a threesome.
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Was just speculating it may be another guy most likely a girl....if indeed her thought where infact true Should I confront her about the topic in general You certainly need to know if she is bisexual.
BluesPower Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Hold on for a second... I think you have gotten a lot of advice from various perspectives, but lets look at this more objectively. First and foremost, if you are not now, and think you never will be into any type of group sex and this is not for you, that is fine. Be true to yourself. Now, on the other hand, dude you are 27 and you have only had two partners, no offense but wow. This maybe something that you want to think about a little more carefully. You still young and handsome, you defiantly need some more experience, again, no offense. It really could be interesting either way that it goes. And why do you have to "Confront" her about it. Why not just have an open and honest conversation about her and your thoughts about the concept. It never hurts to talk. Are you sexually insecure about yourself? Do you think you could deal with her having sex with you and another girl? Or guy? There are ways to go about this but the best way is to just talk about it with each other. And if you decided to go through with it, and it goes badly, what have you really lost? You are only in a year long relationship. I mean it would not be the end of the world. If you go through with it and it goes well for every one, it could be some really interesting times that you two could have together. No matter what, you have to talk to her about it, not confront her about it. There is a huge difference between the two. And you don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but it never hurts to have a conversation about it...
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 She's trying to feel out your boundaries in the bedroom, OP. My sense is she told you she wouldn't do it while in a relationship to "save face" in case you weren't keen on the idea. Full disclosure: as someone who's participated in threesomes with a partner, I can tell that the biggest source of excitement in this scenario comes from sharing that "kink" with a like-minded partner. Being able to share an intimate fantasy is a turn-on. Having said that, it's also perfectly okay if you are not interested and not comfortable. It is something that both parts of the couple need to be on board for, as with any sexual adventure. I can't tell you not to feel insecure about it, as I can understand why many would. But please don't interpret her revelation to mean you're not enough in the bedroom. However, you do need to find out if she actually is attracted to women on a deeper level, and if she really wants to try out a threesome with you. Communication about sexual matters is critical. You also need to have a voice here, and if this isn't for you, that's fine too. 1
Miss Peach Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I've done threesomes when single. My last BF was really taditional but brought up he had that fantasy. I was actually the one who put the breaks on it and it just became something we used in the bedroom such as "what would you like her to do to you?" type of talk. He used to get butt hurt easily and I didn't want to risk my relationship over it. My current BF also has that fantasy but he's very vanilla so again it's not something currently on the table for real but every once in a while we talk about it. Besides him being vanilla, he doesn't yet get how the women would be into each other. He's looking at it as HE has to satisfy two women which isn't how many of them turn out - especially when you get two bi women together. If I were dating someone who I really felt got it and could handle it, then I would be willing to put it in the table. Having said all that, there are several fantasies I have that I don't know if I would ever do IRL. I think you should talk to her more about it with an open, non-judgemental stance and see what she says. There could be so many thing happening - she's feeling you out, it's something she could only do with someone she wasn't attached to, etc.
Author hughd12 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Thanks for your advice. Yeah totally agree after a year it's not a long time at all. Iv had more sexual partners just had 2 serious relationships. Will have a conversation as you say, rather than it sounding like a confrontation. Anyone experienced anything similar disclosure or possible thought from their partner?
OatsAndHall Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 There's really nothing to do. It's "Chasing Amy": you could screw up a good relationship by looking at someone's sexual past. Now, if she asks you to jump into a threesome, I would decline and have a serious conversation about where the relationship was going. If you think she wants a more kinky sexual relationship, then talk about doing other things and/or bringing "toys" to bed with you. You can have a lot of fun and experiment without a third person. 1
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