Author devastatedguy Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 I loved my ex more than anything when we were together. I just took her for granted because I'm starting realize I have issues. I always tend to 'get bored' of the women who actually loves me, and I also always tend to chase after the women who don't give a sh*t about me. My ex was the best woman I ever had, how she actually stayed with me is beyond me. I never appreciated her. Like I have mentioned before, she's the most special woman I have ever met. She's stood by me through times where.. I think most people wouldn't. There's a lot that I can't write on here, but she has the patience of a saint. I remember some of the times myself and her had, I loved her deeply. There's something wrong with me because I every woman who actually cares for me, I get 'bored of'. I don't deserve my ex, but I deeply wish that something could fix me. I keep getting excited over woman who don't care and the women who do.. I throw away. I'm just devastated...
mikeylo Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I loved my ex more than anything when we were together. I just took her for granted because I'm starting realize I have issues. I always tend to 'get bored' of the women who actually loves me, and I also always tend to chase after the women who don't give a sh*t about me. My ex was the best woman I ever had, how she actually stayed with me is beyond me. I never appreciated her. Like I have mentioned before, she's the most special woman I have ever met. She's stood by me through times where.. I think most people wouldn't. There's a lot that I can't write on here, but she has the patience of a saint. I remember some of the times myself and her had, I loved her deeply. There's something wrong with me because I every woman who actually cares for me, I get 'bored of'. I don't deserve my ex, but I deeply wish that something could fix me. I keep getting excited over woman who don't care and the women who do.. I throw away. I'm just devastated... Excitement in a steady relationship is not constant. You are either not cut out for a committed relationship or too young to settle down and want to chase plenty of women. In any case , if you are not ready , don't punish your ex because of your issues. You might lose the best thing that happened to you but she also deserves someone who will get through the boring , everyday life. Everyday life is not a party ! You might realize when you are 50! Don't be That guy.
mikeylo Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Also, don't break the NC with your ex till you are 100% in.
Author devastatedguy Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 She keeps sending me texts saying 'I know now what I have lost and how much I love you, I can't go through life without you, I promise and swear that I will never do it again, please give me another chance to prove to you that I can change' I'm struggling guys. Should I trust her? She's now realized that she has lost me? Is this a genuine apology? Can someone guide me please because I'm really confused.
BluesPower Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) [] Don't go back there. You know what she is, so just don't. Move on with your life and ignore her. Please. Edited February 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Inflammatory content redacted and member moderated 2
bachdude Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Dude listen to me... You get bored with women who love you and you are confused about Stacey because you are utterly addicted to drama. Change starts now. BLOCK Stacey.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 She keeps sending me texts saying 'I know now what I have lost and how much I love you, I can't go through life without you, I promise and swear that I will never do it again, please give me another chance to prove to you that I can change' I'm struggling guys. Should I trust her? She's now realized that she has lost me? Is this a genuine apology? Can someone guide me please because I'm really confused. Wow. When you found out she was cheating on you, you were struck with a sudden clarity that your ex was perfection embodied. Now that she has you partially hoodwinked on a promise of "change," suddenly the ex is back by the way-side, and getting back with the cheater is actually something you're contemplating?? I don't care as much what you decide to do with regards to this new lady, as she certainly seems, erm...resilient. But definitely stay away from your ex. She is too good for you (right now).
travelbug1996 Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) I think you should go back to her. There are obviously lessons to be learned and you haven't learned them. Until the pain gets greater than the pleasure you won't get it. She has successfully created a trauma bond with you. Those are very difficult to break. Its one of the reasons women stay with abusive men. Best wishes Edited January 12, 2017 by travelbug1996 1
Author devastatedguy Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Hi everyone. I am writing here because I genuinely have no where to turn. I am getting to the point where I feel like life is not worth living. I am in the worst state of my life, and I have never been through anything as awful as this. I am usually not an emotional person AT ALL, everyone around me knows this. However the situation I am going through, I cannot even explain what it has done to me. I feel destroyed and I cant speak to my friends about it. I am begging you all for help... I dated a girl on and off for about 8 months, and then for the next 4 months we became a couple (12 months in total). For the first 8 months when I was dating her, she appeared to be extremely classy, a good girl, good morals, calm, sensible and a real lady. Through out our 8 months of dating I started liking her more and more and eventually we became a couple. However, as soon as we became an item...I started learning the truth of who she really was. Its so devastating to say that, I can go on and on about all the horrible things she did but my heart physically cannot take it for me to write it all out so I will summarize it: I found out that through out our 4 months as a couple, from the start she was cheating on me. She cheated on me with approximately 10+ guys, I honestly don't even know the real figure but this is as far as I know. She lives with her best friend, and as we live in a very small town..I found out through mutual friends that random men had been leaving their house at all hours of the nights. She would go out partying, and dance/flirt/grind on other men. She had sex with so many men during our time together. She was having sex with her ex throughout our whole relationship. This kills me to say, but she had unprotected sex with her ex one morning, and I happened to come knocking on her door to ask her out for lunch. She told me to come back later, and we also had unprotected sex. Later on that night, she had sex with her ex again. I would hear stories of how she woke up after a night out with a man in her bed fully clothed, she lied about the incident and I later found out she had been cheating on me with him for 2 months. I would find texts and messages to other men. I would have to physically gather evidence to catch her out, but despite me doing this she would lie in my face and act like I am crazy! She would lie, manipulate me in to thinking I am just being paranoid and sensitive. She even swore on a child's life and my life that she wasn't lying when she was lying. But...what hurts me the most more than cheating (yes it gets worse), is that she would on most days lie and make up a totally fake story about how "someone" had rang her, texted her, she had found out that I am cheating/lying/my intentions with her weren't honest. She would on so many occasions put me in situations where I would have to defend myself, prove to her that I wasn't being unfaithful, prove to her that I had true intentions with her. She would make up completely fake stories of that people had been saying things to her. She would even mention names of the people who she claimed had told her that I was cheating, when the people hadn't even said a word! She made me doubt some of the closest people in my life, people who I trust 100% by claiming they were speaking about me. She put me through absolute hell. Honestly I am balling my eyes out as I write this, and before her...I was a guy who had all the confidence of the world. I can't even remember the last time I weeped like this before this woman ruining my life. The worst thing is, her friends and family would also send me messages and texts, claiming I was "over sensitive" and "a psycho" that made her life hell because I would "falsely accuse her of cheating". All these people, they knew what she was doing behind my back!! When I would go to her house, her friend and sister would laugh in my face and say "youre just crazy, you need to relax. Gosh, you not normal". I even caught my ex and her friend once making up a false story about me cheating and when I caught them out and questioned them about it, they smirked in my face!! I would have to defend myself and fight my corner everyday against false accusations when SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS CHEATING, LYING AND MANIPULATING!!!!!! And to remind you all, this isn't even all she has done. I nearly lost my job! I cannot function after this. I cant believe who she turned out to be, when she showed me a completely different side to herself in the beginning!? Please someone explain how it makes sense?! I also began to see some signs of her being kind of controlling, but I am not sure. She asked me to block a girl off facebook because "she didn't like her", and she wasn't always happy when I was out with my friends and used to tell me to go home, I didnt listen. (is this a sign of controlling behavior?) The worst thing is, and I am struggling so bad with this...Ever since I have broken up with her she has been chasing me. She emails and calls constantly. She came outside my house last week balling her eyes out, she had a panic attack. She begged and pleaded, told me how much she regrets it and how much she loves me. That she has been miserable and she cant be without me. That she has changed, that she has realized what she lost. That she has realized that what she was doing wasn't okay. She spent 2 hours just crying and crying and apologizing. And honestly, I'm starting to believe her!!!! It scares me, because I'm starting to miss her, I'm starting to make excuses for her in my head, starting to think maybe shes being honest with her apology and will never do it again. I don't know if what I have been through is emotional abuse? I feel completely out of my mind..How is it possible for me to want to get back with someone like her? Ive developed horrible anxiety and I am a shadow of the happy confident guy I was once. Sorry everyone for the long post, but please please I am pleading...Help me! What should I do? How should I think? I don't have anyone to talk to because its such a horrible and embarrassing situation. She has crushed me. 1
KC1980 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 2 possibilities. 1 she is sincerely sorry, but will eventually do it again. 2 she is a good actor and lying, in which case she will also do it again. Take it from someone who has been there. If a woman cheats once, she will again. My relationship of 7 years is ending because my gf/fiance cheated using Facebook. She was my first love way back in highschool 19 years ago. I admit part of me still loves her but, this is at least the second time she cheated. I have never and will never cheat on a woman but it doesn't stop them doing it to us. Cut off all contact with her and find one deserving of your love and your time
KC1980 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Also, yes it is emotional abuse because your mind races a mile a minute going back and forth from thinking the worst to thinking about taking her back and even sometimes wondering if it was somehow your own fault. Dump her
Sweetfish Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Hi everyone. I am writing here because I genuinely have no where to turn. I am getting to the point where I feel like life is not worth living. I am in the worst state of my life, and I have never been through anything as awful as this. I am usually not an emotional person AT ALL, everyone around me knows this. However the situation I am going through, I cannot even explain what it has done to me. I feel destroyed and I cant speak to my friends about it. I am begging you all for help... I dated a girl on and off for about 8 months, and then for the next 4 months we became a couple (12 months in total). For the first 8 months when I was dating her, she appeared to be extremely classy, a good girl, good morals, calm, sensible and a real lady. Through out our 8 months of dating I started liking her more and more and eventually we became a couple. However, as soon as we became an item...I started learning the truth of who she really was. Its so devastating to say that, I can go on and on about all the horrible things she did but my heart physically cannot take it for me to write it all out so I will summarize it: I found out that through out our 4 months as a couple, from the start she was cheating on me. She cheated on me with approximately 10+ guys, I honestly don't even know the real figure but this is as far as I know. She lives with her best friend, and as we live in a very small town..I found out through mutual friends that random men had been leaving their house at all hours of the nights. She would go out partying, and dance/flirt/grind on other men. She had sex with so many men during our time together. She was having sex with her ex throughout our whole relationship. This kills me to say, but she had unprotected sex with her ex one morning, and I happened to come knocking on her door to ask her out for lunch. She told me to come back later, and we also had unprotected sex. Later on that night, she had sex with her ex again. I would hear stories of how she woke up after a night out with a man in her bed fully clothed, she lied about the incident and I later found out she had been cheating on me with him for 2 months. I would find texts and messages to other men. I would have to physically gather evidence to catch her out, but despite me doing this she would lie in my face and act like I am crazy! She would lie, manipulate me in to thinking I am just being paranoid and sensitive. She even swore on a child's life and my life that she wasn't lying when she was lying. But...what hurts me the most more than cheating (yes it gets worse), is that she would on most days lie and make up a totally fake story about how "someone" had rang her, texted her, she had found out that I am cheating/lying/my intentions with her weren't honest. She would on so many occasions put me in situations where I would have to defend myself, prove to her that I wasn't being unfaithful, prove to her that I had true intentions with her. She would make up completely fake stories of that people had been saying things to her. She would even mention names of the people who she claimed had told her that I was cheating, when the people hadn't even said a word! She made me doubt some of the closest people in my life, people who I trust 100% by claiming they were speaking about me. She put me through absolute hell. Honestly I am balling my eyes out as I write this, and before her...I was a guy who had all the confidence of the world. I can't even remember the last time I weeped like this before this woman ruining my life. The worst thing is, her friends and family would also send me messages and texts, claiming I was "over sensitive" and "a psycho" that made her life hell because I would "falsely accuse her of cheating". All these people, they knew what she was doing behind my back!! When I would go to her house, her friend and sister would laugh in my face and say "youre just crazy, you need to relax. Gosh, you not normal". I even caught my ex and her friend once making up a false story about me cheating and when I caught them out and questioned them about it, they smirked in my face!! I would have to defend myself and fight my corner everyday against false accusations when SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS CHEATING, LYING AND MANIPULATING!!!!!! And to remind you all, this isn't even all she has done. I nearly lost my job! I cannot function after this. I cant believe who she turned out to be, when she showed me a completely different side to herself in the beginning!? Please someone explain how it makes sense?! I also began to see some signs of her being kind of controlling, but I am not sure. She asked me to block a girl off facebook because "she didn't like her", and she wasn't always happy when I was out with my friends and used to tell me to go home, I didnt listen. (is this a sign of controlling behavior?) The worst thing is, and I am struggling so bad with this...Ever since I have broken up with her she has been chasing me. She emails and calls constantly. She came outside my house last week balling her eyes out, she had a panic attack. She begged and pleaded, told me how much she regrets it and how much she loves me. That she has been miserable and she cant be without me. That she has changed, that she has realized what she lost. That she has realized that what she was doing wasn't okay. She spent 2 hours just crying and crying and apologizing. And honestly, I'm starting to believe her!!!! It scares me, because I'm starting to miss her, I'm starting to make excuses for her in my head, starting to think maybe shes being honest with her apology and will never do it again. I don't know if what I have been through is emotional abuse? I feel completely out of my mind..How is it possible for me to want to get back with someone like her? Ive developed horrible anxiety and I am a shadow of the happy confident guy I was once. Sorry everyone for the long post, but please please I am pleading...Help me! What should I do? How should I think? I don't have anyone to talk to because its such a horrible and embarrassing situation. She has crushed me. I hate to tell you this but you are with a classic sociopath/ NPD She is gas-lighting you, her family, and her friends. This is what they do and this is how they operate. They are professional manipulators and copy cats. Look up on youtube: When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert
Raena Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Your post hits me right in the gut because I was you. Let me tell you, that girl will never ever change. No matter how much you care for her, you can't love the "sickness" out of her. She is who she is and she's already shown you who she is. The more you allow her to talk to you and beg forgiveness, the more confused and upset you will become and you'll talk yourself back into a relationship with her and she'll do it all over again. Your best bet is to walk away now, as fast as you can. Cut her off, don't allow her to cry on your shoulder. Change your phone number, move to a different location, heck move to a different town if you can. Do not listen to her siren calls because she will suck you back in. What happened with her is not normal at all and you deserve better than that.
SevenCity Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 It's totally understandable how you are feeling. You would think it would be easy to get over a girl like this but often it is not. I think most of your self doubt is caused by having her so completely pulled the wool over your eyes. Going back with this girl will be nothing but a life of pain. It reminds me of the parable of the fox and the scorpion: A fox and a scorpion are along side a river bank. The scorpion asks the fox if he can climb on his back and swim him across the river. Fox: I can't do that, you'll sting me and I'll drown Scorpion: if I do that, we'll both drown So the fox thought about it and let the scorpion on his back. About half way through the scorpion stung him. As the poison filled his veins the fox said: Fox: Why did you do that? Now we'll both drown. "I couldn't help it" said the scorpion. "It's my nature" The point is she can't help being the way she is. It's her nature. She cheated and she will cheat again. Don't fall for her bs again. Purge her from your system and find a girl who loves and respects you. This girl will never change.
Marc878 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 stay as far away from this thing as you can get. Block her on everything. You just got a good taste of what life will be like for anyone who's with her. Get an std test. She played you and will again if you give her a chance. 1
LostOnes05 Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Dude, do the only thing you can do...leave her. Pretend she's dead and mourn that way. She's been cheating from the beginning and all of a sudden she realizes what she lost and she won't do it again??! If you believe that, give a drug addict your ATM card and pin number and believe they won't use it when they're broke (or even before then). If you go back, it will be your own fault. She disrespected you as a person and boyfriend. She held your relationship with the same regard as a child holding a balloon at a balloon festival. Don't believe anything she says. You already know it's a lie. And if she does tell you the truth it's only so that she can gain back enough trust to tell you more lies. I've been there when someone lies in a relationship and tries to make you look and feel crazy. You made a mistake believing her, but it's up to you where to go from here. In short...RUN!! 1
Space Ritual Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Just remember you didn't do anything wrong. The cheating was all about her. Actually as hard as it is probably to hear this, I highly doubt you factored into this at all. Had she not been cheating in you, she would have been cheating on any other guy as well. I know it's a tough thing to take, but serial cheaters like that only care what you think as long as you don't smear their good name. It does not matter what they have done to you, they are only concerned that your dim view of them would be aired out in public. They only care about themselves. Your best course of action would be to totally ignore her in any way you can. She only wants some sort of positive validation from you and if you make her insignificant she will eventually move onto the next poor sap that dates her for awhile. Then Lather, Rinse Repeat. Consider yourself lucky you didn't have a kid with her. How would you like to have to be connected to that piece of trash for the next 18 years? 1
Sweetfish Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 stay as far away from this thing as you can get. Block her on everything. You just got a good taste of what life will be like for anyone who's with her. Get an std test. She played you and will again if you give her a chance. I am almost tempted to say she is prostituting her self for cash. Guys going in and out of her room at various hours of the night. I would google her phone number just as a precaution.
BaileyB Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 It does make we wonder if she was prostituting herself. It certainly sounds like a reasonable posibility. I'm really sorry for your pain, but how does it happen that you dated her for that long and didn't know what she was doing? Next time, you will want to be a little more observant. Best wishes.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Get yourself away from her forever, and to your nearest clinic for a full STI/HIV screen. You need it. Where did you meet this person?
mikeylo Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 You posted this before. You should stay complete no contact with her. She is an abuser. Yeah, there are women abusers too. She is doing this because you are allowing her. She is a manipulator and is being successful. Are you still in therapy ? 1
Author devastatedguy Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 Mikeylo, I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED. I don't know what she has done to me. Why can't I just think 'she has done all these horrible things to me. End of story' and move on? Why I do I feel like maybe she is being sincere with her apologies? She isn't right? I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Because she came outside my door and cried for 2 hours and had a panic attack. Has she been emotionally manipulating/ abusing me? I just need someone to explain it to me because I've never been through this before and I can't go through my days living like this anymore
KBob Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Mikeylo, I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED. I don't know what she has done to me. Why can't I just think 'she has done all these horrible things to me. End of story' and move on? Why I do I feel like maybe she is being sincere with her apologies? She isn't right? I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Because she came outside my door and cried for 2 hours and had a panic attack. Has she been emotionally manipulating/ abusing me? I just need someone to explain it to me because I've never been through this before and I can't go through my days living like this anymore Yes! She has been manipulating and abusing you in an extreme way! Block this girl and her friends and family in every way possible. I am absolutely serious about this: your confidence and self esteem are very at risk by keeping her in your life. It seems like she's already damaged that. You need to work on rebuilding it; focus on yourself, pick up a hobby to distract your mind from this and center yourself, and absolutely talk to your friends and family about this, you need their help right now. Don't be afraid to tell them that. And don't be afraid to seek professional help. Best of luck to you, I'm sorry you had to go through this.
BaileyB Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED. I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Come on dude.... I get that you are upset because you thought she was one thing, and she turned out to be something else. But seriously... This woman is messed up! It's not healthy for you to stay with her. And, you should be walking away right now saying "thank God I dodged that bullet." You are messed up in the head if you don't understand that. I would be less upset about the breakup, and more upset about the fact that she had a crazy double life while you were dating, and you were so ignorant that you dated her for months and had no idea this was going on. In the future, you need to be a better judge of character. So, pull yourself together, go talk to your counsellor, and leave this crazy woman behind you... Seriously. 1
mikeylo Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Mikeylo, I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED. I don't know what she has done to me. Why can't I just think 'she has done all these horrible things to me. End of story' and move on? Why I do I feel like maybe she is being sincere with her apologies? She isn't right? I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Because she came outside my door and cried for 2 hours and had a panic attack. Has she been emotionally manipulating/ abusing me? I just need someone to explain it to me because I've never been through this before and I can't go through my days living like this anymore This is your answer. Since it hasnt happened to you before, you are probably not able to believe that it happened to you! Just one of those things that happen to others and not to us kinda thing. This woman probably knows your weaknesses and is abusing them to her advantage. RUN
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