Having a horrible, heartwreching breakup...

[devastatedguy]

Hi everyone.

I hope you are all well.

 

I have turned to this forum because I honestly do not know where to seek comfort and advice. I have never in my life felt this awful. Please, whoever is reading this..if you have time and patience, read my story and apologies in advance because I know it will be quite a long one. I also want to ask, please do not judge me. I am in a screwed up position and I am honestly a screwed up guy.

 

Let me start off by introducing myself. I am a male, age is 27 and turning 28 in 2017 May. I broke up my ex girlfriend of 4,5 years in Feb 2016 (more about her later). After I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, I started casually dating the woman who is now my current girlfriend, lets call her Stacy.

 

Stacy and I, we casually start dating soon after I broke up with my ex, because to be honest I felt like I was completely over my ex. I had mentally, emotionally and physically "checked out" of my relationship with my ex many months prior to actually making the hard decision of breaking up with her. Things were just not working anymore, we were arguing and our relationship somewhat became "forced" and "boring", and I will admit, my ex tried her hardest to fix us but I needed to be single.

 

Back to Stacy, so we casually start dating...for the first 6 months or so we kept it very light, very casual, went on dinners, went to the movies, went on small trips..It was just nice and light. Just what I needed. Stacy is a very very very attractive woman, I would say she looks like a model and many of my peers agreed to that. Walking next to her made me feel amazing, and she was just so fun, she went with the flow, she was mysterious and sexy, she had a soft and feminine voice, everything about was just so feminine and so alluring. I never really developed feelings for her at this stage, I was just enjoying her company and she was making me feel on top of the world.

 

So, in these first 6 months I was still in touch with my ex...Honestly, I will admit that I kept her around for selfish reasons. My ex is my best friend, she is my biggest fan, she is my motivator, my confidant and the only human in this world i can be ME with. I trust her with my life. Also, my ex and I we share alot of the same religious and cultural values and I wanted to keep her for the future (I know, Im awful and a horrible person), while I was single and playing the field.

 

Of course, my ex was still very much in love with me and I did not feel the same way, so we would argue alot due to various reasons. We had different expectations and I take full responsibility and I hands down admit, I was the biggest jerk in the world for not just leaving her alone when I knew she wanted more than I did.

 

Anyhow, after the initial 6 months, Stacy and Myself became more serious. We started speaking more and seeing more of eachother. Again, I emphasize that initially I did not really feel much for Stacy (more than that she was very sexy and attractive), however the more we met...my feelings grew stronger for her. She still did not open up much to me, to be honest I dont know many things about her to this day, but I did grow feelings for her. Eventually Stacy and I decided to start a relationship. I always knew mine and her relationship would never go anywhere in the future because as I mentioned previously, culture and religion are two huge factors for me and Stacy and I were not compatible on those matters, however we both knew this. We still decided to enter a relationship. I slowly began to distance myself from my ex girlfriend and our contact became less.

 

So here is comes, the reason of my post....

A few weeks after Stacy and I became an item, I started hearing things about her. We all live in a very very tiny city and everyone knows everyone really. I started finding out that she had been seen out in the clubs grinding on other men, fooling around with other men. Several people stated this to me, and instead of believing them I believed her claims that she didnt.

I found out that her and her friend (they live together in a house) had been having visitors from men at all hours of the nights. Many people had been seeing all sorts of different men walking in and out of their house. Of course this made me uncomfortable but Stacy claimed that these were men that her friend were dating. I did not feel like I could judge (even though her friend was in a relationship) however these men could just be friends and believe me Stacy convinced me that this was the case.

 

I found out that Stacy was texting and sexting other men. She never admitted to this. I kept hearing things about Stacy and it eventually drove me completely crazy. I asked Stacy to give me her phone as I wanted to look through it, she never let me. In the end I had to force her to show me a phone bill. There were reoccuring numbers on there which I found out was her ex boyfriend and a few other men. I never knew what they had been saying but I saw these numbers on the phonebill many times.

 

I also heard a rumour that she had woken up next to a man in her bed. I confronted her with this and she had that one night she had been so drunk that a man came home with her but they woke up fully clothed. I demanded to know who this man was, and I would not let the topic go until she gave me answers. She said that she absolutely did not remember who the man was but the best she could do was to message her girlmate who went out with her that night to ask her who he was. So she sends a text to her girl mate (theyre both latvian, and she texts her friend in their language). The girlmate then sends back a text with a name I had not heard of. However, When she was texting her friend I very slyly took a picture of her text. I showed the picture to another latvian friend of mine who said to me that the text read "Send me a random male name, I do not want my boyfriend to know who was in my house that night"

 

So, Again, I confront her about this and she comes clean with who it was. Turns out I actually know the dude. She still insists nothing has happened. She does not know I know the guy. So i ring the guy and I ask him "did anything happen between u both that night" and he says "no nothing happened between us....ON THAT OCCASION" and he carries on telling me how on other occasions he has slept with her several times (while me and her were together).

 

I go to her with this information and I ask her again "are you sure nothing happened with him, on any occasion ? I need you to swear on your 3 year old nieces life" (her niece means the world to her so I needed to get the truth out of her) and she says..."No, nothing has happened to him, not on that night and not on any other night".

 

I completely flipped out. I couldnt stand it anymore. This horrible horrible human being. She is the biggest liar I have ever met, and she is horrible. After that, it all comes out. She had been having men over at all hours, sleeping with them. Her friend was sleeping with them. She had been texting and sexting her ex, she had been talking to about 7-8 other guys innapropriately, she had been flirting with men on instagram (i dont have instagram). And the worst part, she lied about it, over and over and over. and she actually at one point in our relationship accused ME OF CHEATING!

 

The most disgusting part? I went one day and knocked on her door and she claimed I couldnt come in because there was a man in her friends room. She told me to come back after half an hour. So I did, and we slept with eachother. She has now admitted that she had her ex in her room who she slept with sent him home and half hour after slept with me.

 

I am completely and utterly devastated, humiliated, broken, I cant even describe the pain I feel. I havent eaten or slept. And the thing that haunts me the most? MY EX GIRLFRIEND. The one I LEFT! Honestly, she was the MOST AMAZING PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN. She has supported me through the worst times of my life, she knows my deepest insecurities, secrets, she has supported me financially, she had only been with one guy in her life (me!!!) I could trust her WITH MY LIFE, she suppported me through illness, she supported my family, she helped my friends, she is the most UNSELFISH AND CARING human being on this planet. She honestly loved me with every inch of her. I cannot emphasise enough on how good she is, how amazing she is. The only way I can describe her is: ANGEL. And Im honestly not exxagerating. You know in movies when you have that perfect girl, whos smile and laugh can heal wounds, who is kind to every single person on this planet, whos laugh is infectious, and oh my god..she is beautiful, she is smart. That girl could have any guy in the world, yet she chose me for all those years, she was loyal to me. I never felt the need to ever check her phone or anything. I knew that I could leave her in a room with 1000 guys who look like models and she wouldnt even look at them. She is just so pure.

I know now...I broke up with her because..I was bored, she was too good. I know its the most immature reason ever but its the truth.

 

And i left her...for Stacy. Its hitting me now, that I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do not know what to do. I am still in a relationship with Stacy because she says that she will "change". I feel so devastated that someone would be capable of doing this to me. to hurt and lie to me to such an extent. Im constantly crying, Im screaming because of the pain. Ive never felt like this before.

 

I dont know what to do? I dont know how to fix this situation. I cant stop thinking about my ex and I cant bare the thought of my misstake. Please guide me anyone, help me. What should I do? Im so sorry for the long post again and please dont judge me because believe me...no one can be more dissapointed and digusted in me than I am in myself.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

What do you think you should do?

[umirano]

Well... it's pretty fncked up. Next time don't stick around forever, it'll save you a great deal of pain. The signs were there pretty early. If you have to investigate your GF's behavior it's time to bail. A girl who makes me do detective work is not a girl I want around for anything.

 

What am I reading? You seriously haven't broken up with "Stacy" yet? WTF man... that's sick.

 

She's not going to change. LOL, why would she. All your actions are telling her is "Great, good for you! Go on!" You've caught her lying on several occasions, you know she sleeps around before and after you sleep with her, on a daily basis? All you do is buy her BS and then get mad the next time, only to forget and forgive again.

 

What's wrong with you? You're in pain? Then stop being around this girl who gives 0 fncks about you. Are you afraid of being alone? That's no reason to be treated that way.

 

By the way, it's your fault that you're so broken. You're keeping her around and enabling her. Yes she's a mess of a person, but you let her, and you don't extract yourself of this situation. Unless you're willing to ditch her, no one can help you. It starts with you

 

Stop seeing her. Delete her number, delete her from all social networks, put all her stuff in a garbage bag and throw it out. Do it now. Don't talk to her, don't take her calls. Block her.

[DKT3]

Funny thing happens when people talk alot...The truth. So you cheated with this woman now she is cheating on you....Maybe karma? Now your ready to go back to the woman you tossed aside for a woman who is tossing you aside.

[basil67]

In the beginning of the post, you said that you had long fallen out of life with your ex and got together with Stacey afterwards. You didn't leave your ex for Stacey, you left your ex because the relationship wasn't working for you.

 

End it with Stacey. End it with your ex. Go work on yourself and make a new start in the future.

[travelbug1996]

So you're telling us you broke up with your ex girlfriend who you didn't give a ^%$# about only to become attached to someone who doesn't give a ^%#$ about you??

 

Don't tell us the sex is amazing with the new gf? We know.

 

Its classic.

 

You don't deserve the ex. Please leave her alone. You want the girl that's promiscuous who could potentially infect you with a boatload of STD's.

 

Please don't have sex with the ex. She doesn't deserve to sleep with all the men your current gf has slept with. That's basically what you'd be doing.

 

My suggestion would be to CUT CONTACT WITH BOTH of them and find yourself a good therapist. What is it about you that still thinks its okay to be with the woman? Not to mention why you were unable to receive and appreciate the love and kindness from the ex.

 

 

Best wishes to you.

[Gloria25]

Maybe it's time for a clean break?

 

I was watching Andy Stanley, and love his show. Anywho, he was advising some people to literally take a year off from dating. Why? Cuz, sometimes we need to take a step back and look at improving ourselves before we can be ready for someone else.

 

It hurt when my FWB, upon his divorce, told me he didn't wanna be with me or anyone at the time. And, while I hurt, I respected him for not jumping w/o taking the time figure out himself and heal from his over-decade marriage.

 

So, maybe your ex isn't what you need - but we all seem to go back to what's familiar to us. Seems like "Stacy" was a fun rebound and that's all good, but you don't try make a decent woman out of a party gal (actually, I have a MUCH cruder way to describe it).

 

So, Stacy gave you some fun and distraction for a minute...but still, I believe you need a break from Stacy, your ex, and dating. Hopefully you can heal, do some self-discovery - and come out with a fresh and clean start for the right woman.

 

I was listening to my fav podcaster about people in their 20's vs 30's who date. She was saying how a lot of 20's peeps are more about "needing" to be loved/desired...which results in them getting serious out of desperation and usually with the wrong person; and, how in your 30's you're more mature, comfortable in your own skin, experienced and make a decision to date not based on desperate "need", but "want". In other words, you pick someone not out of "loneliness" - but out of "preference".

 

So, get out there - do some meet-ups, hobbies, sports. Put dating on the back burner for now.

 

Well wishes

[Pill]

Goodness man....

 

Don't blame her for "breaking" you, you broke yourself by playing stupid to her ways. That woman had more red flags than a Chinese embassy and you willfully chose to ignore them.

 

You need to ask yourself why you allowed yourself to be played like a fool and work on that. You don't need to be with anyone at the moment. Sounds like you couldn't leave due to the sunken cost of leaving your ex for this woman.

 

Couldn't come in her room because there was a guy in her roommates room? It takes a special person to fall for something like that.

[bachdude]

devastatedguy, from what I can see, I think you have come to an important realization in your life, and I hope you focus on this, that this was a tremendous learning experience for you.

 

It seems to me you have a renewed appreciation for qualities in a partner that truly are important. This will serve you well in the future, which you can change. The past is done.

 

The way I see it is you took your ex for granted because you assumed that all women or most women are like her. You learned the hard way that this isn't the case. You continued to hold on to this notion and so you continued to believe your new GF even though the evidence was hitting you in the face to the contrary.

 

You may have lost your ex, but you have gained a great deal of wisdom.

 

I suggest for the time being you take a break from relationships. Please dump this new GF like...NOW, if you haven't already done so. Don't even worry about doing it in any way that is traditionally honorable (i.e. in person). Just send a freakin' text and tell her the relationship is over and block her number and block her in every way possible. Seriously, DO IT NOW!

 

Cut this toxic woman out of your life.

 

Just take some time and heal, bro. And reflect and learn from this.

 

And consider getting some counseling to work through it all.

 

But first things first...BREAK UP WITH YOU CURRENT GF!

[devastatedguy]

Hi everyone.

thank you so much for your replies.

 

After reading you replies, I went to Stacys house this morning with a bag of her stuff. I told her to never contact me again and it was over. I blocked her on all social media, whatsapp, snapchat, Facebook etc. So thank you all so much, reading opinions of people aren't directly and personally involved in the situation really helped and now I have some more clarity.

 

For those who wonder why I still stayed with her, I did this because she made me feel so horrible about myself. I kept wondering "why?" why would she do that to me, why did I deserve it, how could she sit and lie to me straight in my face, how could she sleep with a guy and half hour sleep with me without any remorse, any guilt! Honestly, I am shocked. How can a human being be so cruel, so cold?! And why to me? I treated her well. I have never been "rejected" by a woman in this way, and it was my first experience. My self esteem took a huge toll, so I guess I stayed with her to get answers to my questions, clarity and validation. I know that mine and her relationship could never become anything real, its ruined and it just makes me feel sick. She's probably done it to many other men too.

 

In regards to my ex, I have learnt SO MANY VALUABLE LESSONS in this experience, Oh my God. I can't ever describe how much of a reality check and slap on the face that I have got. I admit more than anyone, I was the HUGEST most horrible jerk to my ex and there is not an ounce of me that deserves that woman. I broke up with her only because I was bored! I love the thrill in a relationship, and it wasn't there anymore. We had been going out for nearly 5 years. One day I just realised I wanted to live the lifestyle I lived in my early 20s, going out partying, meeting women etc. I needed to get out of the relationship cause of that.

 

I am now tortured though, realising what a HUGE MISSTAKE I MADE. Honestly I know many of you are saying to leave them both alone. I can't lose my ex. I just can't. I know if I do, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I see so clearly now that I never appreciated my ex, I took her for granted so badly. I am not exaggerating when I say, she is the kindest, sweetest, most loving, most supportive woman I have ever met. I have never met another human being with a heart so pure, with so much love in her. She just radiates love. She's like that girl who just loves to help everyone, who will pick anyone up when they are down. Honestly she is just angelic. I have never met a girl with that much kindness and patience. And she's smart, she's hard working, responsible, she's really beautiful. I just wish I had the chance to show her how much I value her. Its never a good sign when you have to investigate into a womans life and look through phones and phone bills, and its such a humiliating feeling to stoop that low. With my ex...never ever did I feel the need. She's a very attractive girl my ex is, and I remember when I first mer her. She hadn't ever had a boyfriend before and she was the most "wanted" girl in our university because not only did she have the looks, she had the personality. Every guy I know, my closest friends always said "She's wife material" and she truly is.

 

I need to get her back guys. How do I do this? I can't let her go. I don't even know what the situation is with her right now, if she is single or not but I do know I need to try. I am just scared to be shut down. Any opinions or advice is really appreciated. And thanks again for helping me take the final step I needed to take.

[heavenonearth]

Now that Stacy is out of your life, you should focus on some other things first. Self-reflect some more - all of this doesn't happen so quickly, you are still speaking emotions. I liked the suggestion someone gave of finding a good therapist or counselor, someone who can guide you through your thought process and advise you better on how to move on from this, find some self worth but also how appreciate others good will.

 

Maybe, if you are meant to be, you and your wonderful ex will get back together one day, but I don't think now is the right time.

 

If she will have moved on by the time you are TRULY ready, then it wasn't meant to be. But please, do HER a favor and don't jump back into being with her now. You said you wanted to be single, you said you were bored... be single. Don't even date, just be single. Do 'You'-things.

And reflect.

And then if in 4-6 months you still want her, then go for it.

[Gloria25]

Hi everyone.

thank you so much for your replies.

 

After reading you replies, I went to Stacys house this morning with a bag of her stuff. I told her to never contact me again and it was over. I blocked her on all social media, whatsapp, snapchat, Facebook etc. So thank you all so much, reading opinions of people aren't directly and personally involved in the situation really helped and now I have some more clarity.

 

For those who wonder why I still stayed with her, I did this because she made me feel so horrible about myself. I kept wondering "why?" why would she do that to me, why did I deserve it, how could she sit and lie to me straight in my face, how could she sleep with a guy and half hour sleep with me without any remorse, any guilt! Honestly, I am shocked. How can a human being be so cruel, so cold?! And why to me? I treated her well. I have never been "rejected" by a woman in this way, and it was my first experience. My self esteem took a huge toll, so I guess I stayed with her to get answers to my questions, clarity and validation. I know that mine and her relationship could never become anything real, its ruined and it just makes me feel sick. She's probably done it to many other men too.

 

In regards to my ex, I have learnt SO MANY VALUABLE LESSONS in this experience, Oh my God. I can't ever describe how much of a reality check and slap on the face that I have got. I admit more than anyone, I was the HUGEST most horrible jerk to my ex and there is not an ounce of me that deserves that woman. I broke up with her only because I was bored! I love the thrill in a relationship, and it wasn't there anymore. We had been going out for nearly 5 years. One day I just realised I wanted to live the lifestyle I lived in my early 20s, going out partying, meeting women etc. I needed to get out of the relationship cause of that.

 

I am now tortured though, realising what a HUGE MISSTAKE I MADE. Honestly I know many of you are saying to leave them both alone. I can't lose my ex. I just can't. I know if I do, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I see so clearly now that I never appreciated my ex, I took her for granted so badly. I am not exaggerating when I say, she is the kindest, sweetest, most loving, most supportive woman I have ever met. I have never met another human being with a heart so pure, with so much love in her. She just radiates love. She's like that girl who just loves to help everyone, who will pick anyone up when they are down. Honestly she is just angelic. I have never met a girl with that much kindness and patience. And she's smart, she's hard working, responsible, she's really beautiful. I just wish I had the chance to show her how much I value her. Its never a good sign when you have to investigate into a womans life and look through phones and phone bills, and its such a humiliating feeling to stoop that low. With my ex...never ever did I feel the need. She's a very attractive girl my ex is, and I remember when I first mer her. She hadn't ever had a boyfriend before and she was the most "wanted" girl in our university because not only did she have the looks, she had the personality. Every guy I know, my closest friends always said "She's wife material" and she truly is.

 

I need to get her back guys. How do I do this? I can't let her go. I don't even know what the situation is with her right now, if she is single or not but I do know I need to try. I am just scared to be shut down. Any opinions or advice is really appreciated. And thanks again for helping me take the final step I needed to take.

 

Dude, you say your ex was boring, you two never did anything fun - yet you miss her so much. Exes are exes for a reason. Your situation reminds me of one guy. He called his first wife a "slug" cuz she had no drive/ambition, she quit her military career and just sat around once he married her....sooo, he goes to the other extreme and married an ultra professional woman who was a b-buster, who bullied him, the ex and ended up cheating on him after two more kids.

 

You go from your boring ex - to ultra Miss Party Animal.

 

Dude, there are women who are wholesome "home bodies" (not couch potatoes), who can also put on some sexy heels and are down for a nite on the town - I'm one of them.

 

What I'm trying to say is again, instead of running back to the ex, maybe you could use a break. Learn to be comfortable being by yourself. You can still go out and have a social life with friends/family, or just chill at home. But jumping from person to person without taking time to breathe is gonna just push you into someone from fear of being alone - rather than b"selecting" the right person for you.

 

Once you take that breather, I guarantee that you'll be able to see both your ex, Stacy, and/or any other woman with a fresh perspective.

 

What you're doing now is the equivalent of grocery shopping while hungry. Get some food and relax before you go grocery shopping again.

 

Well wishes.

[Gloria25]

Goodness man....

 

Don't blame her for "breaking" you, you broke yourself by playing stupid to her ways. That woman had more red flags than a Chinese embassy and you willfully chose to ignore them.

 

You need to ask yourself why you allowed yourself to be played like a fool and work on that. You don't need to be with anyone at the moment. Sounds like you couldn't leave due to the sunken cost of leaving your ex for this woman.

 

Couldn't come in her room because there was a guy in her roommates room? It takes a special person to fall for something like that.

 

Yes, gotta love the skill these girls have to manipulate guys. Yet, men I meet treat me like crap and wonder what my ulterior motives are cuz I treat them well and am straightforward .

 

If I had one ounce of game these manipulative girls had, I wouldn't be posting this. I'm so upset. Gloria25 = zero, Manipulative person = 1.

[Pill]

Yes, gotta love the skill these girls have to manipulate guys. Yet, men I meet treat me like crap and wonder what my ulterior motives are cuz I treat them well and am straightforward .

 

If I had one ounce of game these manipulative girls had, I wouldn't be posting this. I'm so upset. Gloria25 = zero, Manipulative person = 1.

 

It's mostly contingent on the guy. I assure you most men wouldn't fall for these manipulation tactics. Manipulators know who are weak and lack confidence and target them. And also younger people as a whole tend to be easier to manipulate, I wouldn't be surprised if OPs woman is older.

 

But it is a shame when being treated well is so rare it's assumed to be manipulation.

[mikeylo]

Angels on earth also have hearts that get hurt and need someone who will take care of their heart and not tear it apart.

 

What if you get bored again ? You might. Are you going to keep her and another for your thrill and adventure? While you will answer as No but what is it that you will do ? Any plan ? You can't jump in without that.

 

Assuming your angel is still available and open to accepting you , you need to have ' eyes only for her '. Can you be the guy form of her if there are 1000 women models around you and you don't ' see' them? Again ,your answer will be yes but can you really do that ?

 

Basically, can you make her feel the way she made you feel ? That's all what you need to do.

Edited January 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[kendahke]

don't throw stones.

 

you were in touch with your ex the whole time you were supposed to be in this relationship with Stacy. I really don't see your moral high ground here.

Edited January 4, 2017 by kendahke

[devastatedguy]

Dude, you say your ex was boring, you two never did anything fun - yet you miss her so much. Exes are exes for a reason. Your situation reminds me of one guy. He called his first wife a "slug" cuz she had no drive/ambition, she quit her military career and just sat around once he married her....sooo, he goes to the other extreme and married an ultra professional woman who was a b-buster, who bullied him, the ex and ended up cheating on him after two more kids.

 

You go from your boring ex - to ultra Miss Party Animal.

 

Dude, there are women who are wholesome "home bodies" (not couch potatoes), who can also put on some sexy heels and are down for a nite on the town - I'm one of them.

 

What I'm trying to say is again, instead of running back to the ex, maybe you could use a break. Learn to be comfortable being by yourself. You can still go out and have a social life with friends/family, or just chill at home. But jumping from person to person without taking time to breathe is gonna just push you into someone from fear of being alone - rather than b"selecting" the right person for you.

 

Once you take that breather, I guarantee that you'll be able to see both your ex, Stacy, and/or any other woman with a fresh perspective.

 

What you're doing now is the equivalent of grocery shopping while hungry. Get some food and relax before you go grocery shopping again.

 

Well wishes.

 

Hi Gloria, Thanks for your reply.

 

My ex was never boring. She was actually one of the most fun people I know. She knew how to have a good time without crossing boundaries of a relationship. She has a really bubbly personality. I broke up with her due to MY faults, not hers. I am a messed up person, and the experience I have been writing about have REALLY woken me up. I can't begin to explain what a reality check I have received. We had a good relationship (other than the arguments in the end). I was just...bored! I don't know, I wanted to feel those butterfly feelings again and I wanted to have the thrill of the chase. Its immature, its stupid. I get that now. I never realised what true love is, and now I realise I had it right in front of me.

 

By the way Gloria, you describe yourself to be a fun girl, yet honest and straight forward. I cant justify that men treat you like crap, but I can just apologise on their behalf. You seem like a good woman, so be proud of that. The right guy who deserves you will see all that.

[devastatedguy]

don't throw stones.

 

you were in touch with your ex the whole time you were supposed to be in this relationship with Stacy. I really don't see your moral high ground here.

 

 

You are right, and everyone who has offered their advice are as well.

Yet again, Im a complete idiot for handling things the way I did. If I could go back in time and handle things in a respectable manner I would.

 

I am actually currently in counselling because of this. It took a toll on my self-esteem. The post from Pill was right, I have always suffered from low self esteem. I don't know why. My ex always made me feel like I was the best man on the planet. My self-esteem was great when I was with her. She actually helped me become someone I was proud of. There are many things in life I have struggled with that I can't share here, but she helped me overcome every hurdle and made me feel like a King.

 

I haven't eaten or slept in days. Its a horrible feeling. Im going to continue with my counselling. Im going to work on myself and I going to see this experience as a blessing. It woke me up. I can't describe it in any other way. I don't want to risk months passing and my ex finding another man. I need to get her back. For the first time, I am actually thinking clearly and seeing life in a mature way rather than focusing on shallow things in life. How can I approach my ex girlfriend again, and how can I reassure her that I will not hurt her again? Im afraid to contact her.

[devastatedguy]

Angels on earth also have hearts that get hurt and need someone who will take care of their heart and not tear it apart.

 

What if you get bored again ? You might. Are you going to keep her and another for your thrill and adventure? While you will answer as No but what is it that you will do ? Any plan ? You can't jump in without that.

 

Assuming your angel is still available and open to accepting you , you need to have ' eyes only for her '. Can you be the guy form of her if there are 1000 women models around you and you don't ' see' them? Again ,your answer will be yes but can you really do that ?

 

Basically, can you make her feel the way she made you feel ? That's all what you need to do.

 

I know that I can value my ex girlfriend now and make her feel loved again, make her feel the way she deserves to feel. Do you think I should go for it?

Edited January 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[VeveCakes]

I think you need some major time alone. You say yourself you are messed up and your ex is this amazing woman, so why bring your ex down with your messed up head and terrible relationship skills.

 

You need some major time on your own to grow and become emotionally healthy.

[bachdude]

You are right, and everyone who has offered their advice are as well.

Yet again, Im a complete idiot for handling things the way I did. If I could go back in time and handle things in a respectable manner I would.

 

There is no moral equivalency here between what you did by keeping in touch with your ex and what Stacy did.

 

Look OP, I understand the urgency you feel in trying to get your ex back, but the problem is your emotional state at the moment is likely far from being in a place where you can function well in a relationship and your ex deserves better.

 

The general thinking around here at LS is that people need time to heal after a relationship ends before moving on to the next one. Otherwise you bring all the baggage from the previous relationship into the new one. And from what I have read in your posts you need some time to work through what has happened.

 

Have you talked to your counselor about this?

[mikeylo]

I guess go complete NC for 2 to 3 weeks with your ex ( I'm not sure if you are still in contact ?) and continue your therapy. If after that complete NC, you still see her as an angel (lol) then go for it. Your views might change during that time. You also need time to dump Stacy out of your head.

[olivetree]

I don't want to risk months passing and my ex finding another man. I need to get her back. For the first time, I am actually thinking clearly and seeing life in a mature way rather than focusing on shallow things in life.

 

I understand feeling like you've had an awakening and not wanting to risk letting your ex move on, but if you act now and you two actually get back together, you'll probably regret not giving yourself a chance to clear your baggage.

 

You'll be increasing the odds of you not working out.

You're not in a good place.

People need time to heal between relationships.

You think you see everything clearly but you're all pumped up right now. Wait until things have settled and THEN you will actually start to see things closer to reality.

 

Imagine roles are reversed:

It was your ex that dumped you.

She then dates a train wreck of a man.

She became a train wreck herself.

She then immediately comes grovelling back to you.

Not very attractive is it?

 

So take time for yourself.

Work out, eat well, get sleep, continue with that counsellor.

Get to a place where you are happy and have self-esteem again.

Then, if you're still into it, call up your ex.

You will be more attractive and have more to offer.

She will be confident that you came back for the right reasons.

Same applies to a brand new relationship.

It's a win-win scenario.

[Formerfiveo]

I had mentally, emotionally and physically "checked out" of my relationship with my ex many months prior to actually making the hard decision of breaking up with her. Things were just not working anymore, we were arguing and our relationship somewhat became "forced" and "boring", and I will admit, my ex tried her hardest to fix us but I needed to be single.

 

 

It sounds like you have a bad case of the GIGS.

 

I think the above bolded applies here. You need to be single for awhile.

[travelbug1996]

You've put your ex on a pedestal and that is not what you should be doing right now. Trust me dude nobody is that perfect. She is a flawed human being like the rest of us.

 

You say that she made you feel like a king and made you feel good about yourself. What people are trying to get into your head here is that feeling good about yourself is your personal responsibility. When we depend on others to help us feel good about ourselves we're also giving them the power to make us feel the opposite. That's codependency.

 

You have to become whole on your own first. No one else is responsible for building your SELF esteem. Its good to have a mate but its not fair to put your happiness in their hands.

 

You are not ready to have a healthy relationship with your ex. You probably won't take this advice and that's your choice. We will be here if and when you're ready.