Lauren24xo Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 (edited) First of all, thank you for the feedback on my other post. This is my first time on this site and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of straight up information give you, which is amazing. Anyways, In the beginning of my relationship, I honestly pictured a future with my boyfriend. He was a gentlemen, polite, cute, caring. Now he's bitter. He holds grudges, when he drinks he blacks out and is sexually aggressive, he's not considerate about my feelings unless he 100% agrees with what I'm saying and/or I'm crying. But I still love him. His friends cheat, 80% of them believe getting a blow job isn't considered cheating. My boyfriend always asked for pictures of where I am even if I'm at work, but when I ask for a picture, all of a sudden I don't trust him. I feel like he's super manipulative. He always says "you play games with me and I'll make your head spin off. You can't screw me over". He breaks up with me 4x a week, and doesn't even apologize, but acts as if he didn't break up with me 5 hours later. My boyfriend wanted to talk to this woman he hasn't talked to in years. He claims they're friends. My boyfriend has a history of cheating on previous partners and flirting with every girl he comes across. I asked him to not talk to her, out of respect for me because I don't know her and she's super attractive, and he implied for the past two days that she's more important than my feelings. Am I wrong to ask him not to talk to her, when I do everything he has ever asked of me? I care for him a lot, and do love him, but I keep hoping he'll put me first some day down the road. He always tells me "I won't be controlled by you or anyone" even though I just consider myself asking him something as a partner, not controlling. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is him and I are complete opposite. The only thing we have in common is our love for music and animals. Honestly. I feel like this relationship is a dead-end relationship and it won't ever go anywhere. I don't think he's capable of putting me first, he's claimed that other things come before me as well. What's your advice? Try and make it work or move on? And if I do move on, what are the best ways to not go back to someone because you have doubts and are lonely. Edited February 4, 2017 by Lauren24xo More info
coolheadal Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 You have doubts already in your mindset and heart is not in this but you have spent a great deal of time invested in him. You tolerate more than anyone I have known. So your just as tough as him but you seem to really care about him so much you over look his weakness for extra affairs with other women. That's his thing but again you know he does it and kinda except it. Now you want to know what to do about all this stick in there or just do a about face and head for the hills. He will never change with the cheating he can't help himself that's all he knows how to cheat. You on the other hand put up with it and you fight more than you are in this with him. So you are like to peas in a pot with empty spot. You want to leave but you can't you want to hold on and keeping holding. You should really consider leaving him be and move on as this train wreck relationship is not going the direction you have hope it would. Never settle for anyone who cheats on your because in the end your the not loser he is because he has lost your trust, respect and hope his this relationship should come to end now. Never be a pleaser never take back anyone who cheats and gets away with it.
Author Lauren24xo Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Thank you so much, I needed to hear that. I don't know why, but I look for reassurance in what I do through other people.
KC1980 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Reminds me of my situation where after 7 years my gf is cheating with a guy on fb. This guy is thinking of cheating or already cheating. He doesn't respect you and I'd say he's dangerous. Leave him without even talking to him. Don't ever contact him again and if he says anything of a threatening nature, call the cops. You deserve so much better
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 This is a very unhealthy relationship & borderline dangerous. Your BF gets drunk & blacks out. He's an alcoholic. He breaks up with you 4x per week but 5 hours later acts like it didn't happen. That's crazy. You need to stop taking him back. He's trying to control you by asking for pictures but he's also gaslighting you by saying you are insecure when you ask about his whereabouts. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Not with this guy. It's all about him. You know he has a history of cheating. That is why he's so ballistic about your whereabouts. He knows he can't be trusted so he assumes you can't be either. Yet he wants to spend time with another woman. Can't you see where this is going? Ask yourself this -- what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? You're not trusted; you're not valued; you are being manipulated & lied to. Yes change is scary but from where I sit, being alone is way better than continue to live on this roller coaster. 1
ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Wow, I couldn't even finish reading this. This guy is a low life-scum, trash, disgusting chauvinistic pig. He's an abuser. Get rid of him right now.As in you close this screen, call and break up with him. Block his number and get a restraining order if you have to. No more if this sh*t head.
KC1980 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Also on another note, you should kick any guy to the curb who makes you cry more than once. If it happens once, and he regrets it and doesn't do it again that's forgivable, but this guy abuses you emotionally. I know most guys wouldn't give you this advice Cuz most guys are dogs, but I believe a man should make a woman feel special, like his Queen, and to do everything he can to minimize the number of times the woman he loves has to cry in life, and to be there to console and comfort her during the crying times that can't be avoided. He should be your rock, your friend, your lover, your shoulder to cry on, and sensitive enough to know which of those things you need at any given time. Kick him to the curb
Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 First of all, thank you for the feedback on my other post. This is my first time on this site and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of straight up information give you, which is amazing. Anyways, In the beginning of my relationship, I honestly pictured a future with my boyfriend. He was a gentlemen, polite, cute, caring. Now he's bitter. He holds grudges, when he drinks he blacks out and is sexually aggressive, he's not considerate about my feelings unless he 100% agrees with what I'm saying and/or I'm crying. But I still love him. His friends cheat, 80% of them believe getting a blow job isn't considered cheating. My boyfriend always asked for pictures of where I am even if I'm at work, but when I ask for a picture, all of a sudden I don't trust him. I feel like he's super manipulative. He always says "you play games with me and I'll make your head spin off. You can't screw me over". He breaks up with me 4x a week, and doesn't even apologize, but acts as if he didn't break up with me 5 hours later. My boyfriend wanted to talk to this woman he hasn't talked to in years. He claims they're friends. My boyfriend has a history of cheating on previous partners and flirting with every girl he comes across. I asked him to not talk to her, out of respect for me because I don't know her and she's super attractive, and he implied for the past two days that she's more important than my feelings. Am I wrong to ask him not to talk to her, when I do everything he has ever asked of me? I care for him a lot, and do love him, but I keep hoping he'll put me first some day down the road. He always tells me "I won't be controlled by you or anyone" even though I just consider myself asking him something as a partner, not controlling. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is him and I are complete opposite. The only thing we have in common is our love for music and animals. Honestly. I feel like this relationship is a dead-end relationship and it won't ever go anywhere. I don't think he's capable of putting me first, he's claimed that other things come before me as well. What's your advice? Try and make it work or move on? And if I do move on, what are the best ways to not go back to someone because you have doubts and are lonely. In my opinion, you are wrong to invest another minute with this guy. Part of what keeps a person hooked in is you will want him not to talk to this girl friend (or some other small situation) and will ignore the big picture. The big picture is right in front of you: there is no future with this guy. Let him go. You will have to invest in yourself (with hobbies and friends) to bridge the gap of "feeling lonely" until you build some self-worth. If you had self-worth of a decent amount there is no way you would put up with him. Cut it off now. Focus on a better future. You can't have that if you don't start working for it today. In other words you are just wasting time. Good luck
ExpatInItaly Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 This guy doesn't love you, OP. He loves controlling you. There is a significant difference between the two. For him, this is all about his ego and power. You as a person don't come into his consideration at all. He's bad news and I can virtually guarantee he isn't faithful to you anyway. Trying to make it work is pointless and will only hurt you in the long run. Please, get away from him. He is nothing but trouble and it is not going to get better.
Author Lauren24xo Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Thank you all for your replies. I agree, I should end this, it's just hard to let go. I'm not used to being alone and I think that's what scares me more. I appreciate all the thought into the posts to help guide me on the right path!
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Reread your post like you are listening to a friend, and then you will know what to do. There is literally, nothing positive, in what you have written. Why you stay with this man is beyond me... cut your loses now. When you find a man who treats you well, you will better understand. Until then, spend some time thinking about what you really need from a relationship and why you stayed with this man for so long, when he has treated you so disrespectfully. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone... You will rediscover yourself, gain strength and independence, and hopefully have a lot more fun! I'd rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship, beholden to a man who treats me badly... Best wishes!
preraph Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 You need a new boyfriend. Your boyfriend is cheating and all his friends are helping him but at the same time he's monitoring you so he has you at home waiting for him while he does whatever he wants. The worst thing is he is a blackout drunk. People who black out when they drink and then don't remember anything are bona fide alcoholics with a BIG addiction problem. He is never going to be a good partner and probably not even if he got sober, but it would probably make him less aggressive and obnoxious. You are in a bad relationship. He needs to be in AA which he'll probably never do because "all my friends do the same thing and they're okay." He is out getting BJs and more with no remorse, but if you leave the house for a minute, he goes ballistic. Don't ever stay in a relationship this unbalanced! YOU are a better person than he is. You deserve someone who is at least trying....
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