Should I end my relationship?

[conflictedsoul]

This is painful for me to write, but here it goes. I met my current girlfriend about 3 and a half years ago. We've had our ups, but also quite a few downs. I do like her, but here's the biggest problem... before I met her, throughout High School I had a few cute girls I was attracted to admit to me that they liked me, but because of my overly protective parents, I never had a real dating life. Instead of pursuing girls I liked, I eventually went after girls that I knew were desperate and formed very short termed, unhealthy relationships. So I never dated anyone that I really liked.

 

Well, fast forward to 3 and a half years, I met my girlfriend during my lowest point. I screwed up my knee and was losing my physique slowly. She was a little bit on the bigger side, but looked fairly well and very proportionate. We instantly hit it off and I ended up moving, however we kept in touch and kept dating. However, as I began exercising again, and toning down, I noticed she was gaining weight. I moved back and she was literally a lot bigger than me. We had a lot of fights because of this and eventually I stopped working out. I just never got back into it 100% though I had different months where I tried.

 

Well I ended up enrolling back in school and started to work at this one place that payed very well and was able to move out of my parents and live by myself. I tried to get my girlfriend to move in, but she didn't want to. During my time there, I literally had about 6 different girls throughout my 2 year employment there come and go who I was insanely attracted to, who were single and wanted to know if I was single. I didn't want to stray so I turned them down.

 

My girlfriend has a family background where it's easy for them to get overly emotional and depressed, and for the majority of the relationship, I got to witness her parents being unemployed for the first two years of our relationship. They, including her, stayed over at her grandmother's for quite awhile. This added more stress to the point where her hormones went out of whack and she had to have her gallbladder removed. She lost a bit of weight, and I was attracted once more.

 

Well that didn't last very long. The problem here is her weight doesn't distribute evenly throughout her body. I have several different ideal types, including bbws, but her figure just isn't one of them, and it always puts me off when she hits a certain point. For whatever reason, instead of packing junk in the trunk that I like, she gets a lot of fat around her breasts (not on them), which causes major sagging, around her shoulders and big time her arms. Sadly it creates a V-Taper that is commonly seen in 200lb + athletes and bodybuilders, and it just puts me off. What's sad is both her mom and her sister have the BBW figure that I like, but sadly in the trunk department, she takes after her father having a flat one.

 

I see potential in her though, she has a very defined jawline that you see in models, and when she did lose weight during surgery, she did get feminine curves. She has the potential of making a knock out, total heart breaker, but she just doesn't want to put the effort in, and spends money on diet pills that do very little for her.

 

This whole last year has felt like I've settled. I've stopped putting effort in during that duration. I eventually moved again to another city for school, and during that time I came across another girl who was very cute. I took her out behind my girlfriend's back, but never kissed (even cheeked this girl despite her wanting to kiss). I felt so bad because I felt like this is how affairs and cheating starts, so I broke it off completely with the new girl.

 

The thing is, my girlfriend outweighs me quite a bit, and is determined to lose weight, but only takes diet pills. The reason why I brought up my past is to be honest, I feel like I'm not living life. I'm trying to put effort into the relationship again, but it's hard. I see several girls at my new university (transfer student) of various ethnic backgrounds and body shapes (from fit, to thin, to a nice bbw) who I would really like to try and date, but I can't because I'm with someone who's literally 100s of miles away.

 

I think another thing that puts a huge strain in the relationship is the fact that we also have very little in common. One of my dreams is to learn how to dance and she has no desire. I even thought I'd give Zumba a try, something that is growing and becoming very popular among women to learn how to dance and lose weight and she has virtually no interest. I've tried talking to her about these things, but it always ends up with me being the bad guy and a jerk, and her in tears. There's been attempts where I've tried to dump her, but her crying, and the fact that I see so much potential in her, always pull me back.

 

The only positive note about this relationship is its comfortable, and I know I have her support. But that's about it. Other than that, I'm not happy! I've lost a lot of motivation and I went from weighing 160lbs to 215lbs throughout this entire relationship. I hate it! I don't know what else to do, and I'm tired of living an unfulfilled life.

[4x4storm]

I can very much understand the body type of your girlfriend. My first gf was very similar while she wasn't obese or even chubby she stored pretty much all the fat in her back yet had absolutely nothing in the "Trunk". So she didn't have the curves you see in many woman.

 

But I can honestly tell you and I know this may sound cheesy but "Looks aren't everything" yeah these girls that are hitting on you maybe super attractive but doesn't mean they are good partners. At the end of the day you can only decide but to me you sound very much like my friend he is on the edge of been classified obese yet wont touch a girl that weighs more then 110lbs because apparently they are to fat

[Gaeta]

Yes you should end this relationship.

 

I have heard nowhere that you feel a strong connection with her and that you love her.

 

This is a high school romance that has reached its expiration date. At this point you are only keeping each other from growing.

 

I don't see this only as an attraction problem but as a compatibility problem. You do not enjoy the same things, you have different values, different life styles.

 

By the way hormones has nothing to do with gall-bladder being removed. Gall-bladders are removed when they are filled with stones, and those stones are coming from too much alcohol or too much fat food.

 

What you see is what you get. If it's not good enough now it will never get better, and if ever one day she gets pregnant you can be sure she'll put on an ex 50-lbs she'll never lose again. It takes a lot of dedication to lose baby fat.

 

So yes, end it.

[BaileyB]

You should end the relationship because you have many more issues than just the weight she has put on.

 

But, you also need to realize that nobody will ever have your "ideal" body type. And, if they do, a woman's body will change over time as they have a baby and get older. Which is why, you need to be attracted to a woman for many other reasons.

 

Your problems is, you are not attracted by who this woman is or by her body, which is why you need to end it. Staying in a relationship only because it's comfortable is going to be a disaster.

[Brittybritt92]

It's not cool to try and change someone for your personal preferences. Women aren't things you can sculpt to your liking because you 'see potential in their jawline'. Or wish she lost the fat in her back and gained it in her butt.

 

 

Do HER a favor and let her find someone that finds her attractive regardless if she's up or down in her weight. Btw I think it's funny that you never mention once your concern for her health? It sounds like she has depression, maybe if you stopped thinking only with one part of your body you'd realize that and could be her partner at the gym, hiking, cooking healthier meals. Sounds like you have been (or still are) overweight yourself. All of my partners and I have been through life experiences that have caused us to gain and lose weight, if you're their PARTNER and you genuinely care about them, you should realize weight can be gained and lost.

[Knix]

It's not cool to try and change someone for your personal preferences. Women aren't things you can sculpt to your liking because you 'see potential in their jawline'. Or wish she lost the fat in her back and gained it in her butt.

 

 

Do HER a favor and let her find someone that finds her attractive regardless if she's up or down in her weight. Btw I think it's funny that you never mention once your concern for her health? It sounds like she has depression, maybe if you stopped thinking only with one part of your body you'd realize that and could be her partner at the gym, hiking, cooking healthier meals. Sounds like you have been (or still are) overweight yourself. All of my partners and I have been through life experiences that have caused us to gain and lose weight, if you're their PARTNER and you genuinely care about them, you should realize weight can be gained and lost.

 

 

^ completely AGREE.

 

ive dated all body types but I tend to date thicker girls. Can't change people can only change yourself. She'll find someone better for her

[Gaeta]

It's not cool to try and change someone for your personal preferences. Women aren't things you can sculpt to your liking because you 'see potential in their jawline'. Or wish she lost the fat in her back and gained it in her butt.

 

Do HER a favor and let her find someone that finds her attractive regardless if she's up or down in her weight. Btw I think it's funny that you never mention once your concern for her health? It sounds like she has depression, maybe if you stopped thinking only with one part of your body you'd realize that and could be her partner at the gym, hiking, cooking healthier meals. Sounds like you have been (or still are) overweight yourself. All of my partners and I have been through life experiences that have caused us to gain and lose weight, if you're their PARTNER and you genuinely care about them, you should realize weight can be gained and lost.

 

He tried to get her into all types of dancing that would A) be a common activity as they lack common interest B) it would benefit for both their health and weight.

 

She has rejected all attempt for a life style change that would benefit her life and health

 

I hate when people are trying to shame men because they lose attraction toward their girlfriend when they gain a lot of weight. If you let yourself go and your boyfriend losses attraction it's normal. He fell in love with a woman at 175lbs not a woman of 300lbs. When you have gained so much weight that you cannot enjoy sex and you stop doing things you used to do because you've gotten too big than YOU are the source of your own problem. And NO I don't expect a man to continue loving a woman that can't bend down to tie her own shoes.

 

I myself was obese once in my life and lost 127-lbs. Even I understood I could not use 'you should love me still at 100-lbs over weight'.

[smackie9]

You haven't changed since high school.

 

You are the one that is unhealthy in this equation.

 

You have no clue about relationships, you are emotionally detached and so focused on the physical.

 

My assessment: You have an extreme fear of investing your feelings or even falling in love. You keep making excuses, convincing yourself that is the cause of not being able to date someone you are really attracted to...now you are trying to convince others here....I'm not buying it.

 

Should you end the relationship? YES. Break the cycle and learn to take risks, and let yourself be vulnerable and embrace it. Learn to give yourself emotionally.

[PinkPampies]

You haven't changed since high school.

 

You are the one that is unhealthy in this equation.

 

You have no clue about relationships, you are emotionally detached and so focused on the physical.

 

My assessment: You have an extreme fear of investing your feelings or even falling in love. You keep making excuses, convincing yourself that is the cause of not being able to date someone you are really attracted to...now you are trying to convince others here....I'm not buying it.

 

Should you end the relationship? YES. Break the cycle and learn to take risks, and let yourself be vulnerable and embrace it. Learn to give yourself emotionally.

 

I don't think this is fair at all. He's being honest in what he's attracted to and it's really bothering him that he's not attracted to her when she gains weight. It's ridiculous when people always shame others when they don't find someone attractive. I mean, the first thing people notice about one another is their attractiveness, let's be real here. He even says bbw is one of his body types, so how is he just stuck on the physical?

 

Op, if you can't handle her gaining weight and not being attracted to her, then break up with her. Because it's a cycle that's not going to end. In the future, date someone with your body type preference so if they fill out a little, you'll still find them attractive.

[smackie9]

Because he keeps talking about her "potential" to be attractive and is asking how he could go about convincing her to change herself physically. How she could do this or do that, and how unsatisfied he is with things about her....that is all he has talked about...that is what I mean about the "physical".

 

3 1/2 years and he says he "likes" her, he is not in love with her or says she's the love of his life or even says anything about love. Get my point?

[ThisisIt606]

This is painful for me to write, but here it goes. I met my current girlfriend about 3 and a half years ago. We've had our ups, but also quite a few downs. I do like her, but here's the biggest problem... before I met her, throughout High School I had a few cute girls I was attracted to admit to me that they liked me, but because of my overly protective parents, I never had a real dating life. Instead of pursuing girls I liked, I eventually went after girls that I knew were desperate and formed very short termed, unhealthy relationships. So I never dated anyone that I really liked.

 

Well, fast forward to 3 and a half years, I met my girlfriend during my lowest point. I screwed up my knee and was losing my physique slowly. She was a little bit on the bigger side, but looked fairly well and very proportionate. We instantly hit it off and I ended up moving, however we kept in touch and kept dating. However, as I began exercising again, and toning down, I noticed she was gaining weight. I moved back and she was literally a lot bigger than me. We had a lot of fights because of this and eventually I stopped working out. I just never got back into it 100% though I had different months where I tried.

 

Well I ended up enrolling back in school and started to work at this one place that payed very well and was able to move out of my parents and live by myself. I tried to get my girlfriend to move in, but she didn't want to. During my time there, I literally had about 6 different girls throughout my 2 year employment there come and go who I was insanely attracted to, who were single and wanted to know if I was single. I didn't want to stray so I turned them down.

 

My girlfriend has a family background where it's easy for them to get overly emotional and depressed, and for the majority of the relationship, I got to witness her parents being unemployed for the first two years of our relationship. They, including her, stayed over at her grandmother's for quite awhile. This added more stress to the point where her hormones went out of whack and she had to have her gallbladder removed. She lost a bit of weight, and I was attracted once more.

 

Well that didn't last very long. The problem here is her weight doesn't distribute evenly throughout her body. I have several different ideal types, including bbws, but her figure just isn't one of them, and it always puts me off when she hits a certain point. For whatever reason, instead of packing junk in the trunk that I like, she gets a lot of fat around her breasts (not on them), which causes major sagging, around her shoulders and big time her arms. Sadly it creates a V-Taper that is commonly seen in 200lb + athletes and bodybuilders, and it just puts me off. What's sad is both her mom and her sister have the BBW figure that I like, but sadly in the trunk department, she takes after her father having a flat one.

 

I see potential in her though, she has a very defined jawline that you see in models, and when she did lose weight during surgery, she did get feminine curves. She has the potential of making a knock out, total heart breaker, but she just doesn't want to put the effort in, and spends money on diet pills that do very little for her.

 

This whole last year has felt like I've settled. I've stopped putting effort in during that duration. I eventually moved again to another city for school, and during that time I came across another girl who was very cute. I took her out behind my girlfriend's back, but never kissed (even cheeked this girl despite her wanting to kiss). I felt so bad because I felt like this is how affairs and cheating starts, so I broke it off completely with the new girl.

 

The thing is, my girlfriend outweighs me quite a bit, and is determined to lose weight, but only takes diet pills. The reason why I brought up my past is to be honest, I feel like I'm not living life. I'm trying to put effort into the relationship again, but it's hard. I see several girls at my new university (transfer student) of various ethnic backgrounds and body shapes (from fit, to thin, to a nice bbw) who I would really like to try and date, but I can't because I'm with someone who's literally 100s of miles away.

 

I think another thing that puts a huge strain in the relationship is the fact that we also have very little in common. One of my dreams is to learn how to dance and she has no desire. I even thought I'd give Zumba a try, something that is growing and becoming very popular among women to learn how to dance and lose weight and she has virtually no interest. I've tried talking to her about these things, but it always ends up with me being the bad guy and a jerk, and her in tears. There's been attempts where I've tried to dump her, but her crying, and the fact that I see so much potential in her, always pull me back.

 

The only positive note about this relationship is its comfortable, and I know I have her support. But that's about it. Other than that, I'm not happy! I've lost a lot of motivation and I went from weighing 160lbs to 215lbs throughout this entire relationship. I hate it! I don't know what else to do, and I'm tired of living an unfulfilled life.

 

 

 

omg just end it. You're obviously not attracted to her and pulling her body apart in detail here. Everyone is entitled to be attracted to whatever figure and that's fine. But this is definitely not working for you. Will be better for her too in the long run.

 

End it and see if one of those girls that hit on you are still available.

[KC1980]

You need to end this relationship, not for your sake, but for hers. She deserves someone who will love her for her. You're focusing on the wrong attributes and you're always going to do so. If you can't get past her not having a "perfect body" then you're not good enough for her!!