E3ZY219 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 So I am a college senior and this quarter, I am attracted to a girl in my Philosophy class who I normally don’t sit with in lecture since it is a 300 person lecture hall, but I do see her in my TA section (when there are only 30 students). The problem is that TA sections are only once a week, so it doesn't give me a lot of time to interact with her. So anyway, the first day of section we were in the same group so I was able to notice her and make my presence known. The second week, she sat behind me and after finishing our work, we started talking and learning about each other. The third week, she sat right next to me and I said hi to her but we got split into different groups, and didn’t get to talk. However as I looked at her a few times, I caught her looking at me (eye contact), but because the TA asked my group if one of us wanted to go to a different group. I later added her on facebook to ask a question about class (obviously I didn't really need anything), but she never replied or accepted my friend request. This was a dumb move by me, and probably weird as well. I regret doing this. Anyway, I want to ask her this week if she wants to study with me for an exam we are going to have, but I can only ask on that one day I see her. Based on everything that has happened, do you think I should ask her to study with me? Does it seem like she has any hint of interest at all?
Erik30 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Yeah you can ask her, why not. At least you'll know for sure. (It's still just studying though) But her not accepting your friend request and not replying to your message is a bad sign.
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 After the big lecture say "hey can I talk to you for a sec?" and ask her out then. I think she knows who you are so the ask won't be completely out of left field. 1
Author E3ZY219 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 I do understand that it is only studying, but I plan to study, talk to her, learn more about her, and possibly throw in some flirting here and there to show her my interest.
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I do understand that it is only studying, but I plan to study, talk to her, learn more about her, and possibly throw in some flirting here and there to show her my interest. That is a one way ticket to the friend zone. If you can accomplish all that in the 1st study session & end that initial encounter with a request for a date, fine. You drag out it & it will result in her letting her buddy down easy. 2
ElizabethIII Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I do understand that it is only studying, but I plan to study, talk to her, learn more about her, and possibly throw in some flirting here and there to show her my interest. Dont do it under the guise of studying. Talk to her after class and say something like: wow big exam coming up, fancy a coffee, I'm going for one.... Whatever.
ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Just ask her to study, not a big deal. If she doesn't like you, you can easily play it off as "hey... I was just asking you to study, we have an exam coming up". Or if she shows signs she DOES like you, then there you go, pathway to dating carved out.
WaitingForBardot Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Just ask her to study, not a big deal. If she doesn't like you, you can easily play it off as "hey... I was just asking you to study, we have an exam coming up". Or if she shows signs she DOES like you, then there you go, pathway to dating carved out. I really don't understand why this matters. When I like someone it's not contingent on them liking me. Do you think she will somehow think less of you because you asked her out? I don't.
Author E3ZY219 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 (edited) I know it sounds stupid, but I always feel like if I show interest in someone, they are more likely to back off. Also on the study date (assuming it happens) do you think I should say something like this at the end: (1) This was fun. We should definitely study/do this again. (2) I had a good time. Next time we should just go out together for fun. Which one sounds better? Is #1 too casual/friendly? Or should I say something else? Edited February 4, 2017 by E3ZY219
basil67 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 If she's not interested in you romantically - or has a boyfriend - will you be totally cool with that and still want her as a study mate? Will you be OK being 'just a friend'? If not, don't start out by pretending that you want her to be your study buddy. 1
basil67 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I know it sounds stupid, but I always feel like if I show interest in someone, they are more likely to back off. No, it's not stupid at all. Back in my dating days, if someone expressed interest in me but I wasn't interested in them, I would back off. Being around them would be too awkward.
Author E3ZY219 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 No, it's not stupid at all. Back in my dating days, if someone expressed interest in me but I wasn't interested in them, I would back off. Being around them would be too awkward. The only issue is I think having her as a study partner would be benefical, and I would want to keep that. I guess it's going to be up to me to evaluate if it is worth it or not by risking it.
Author E3ZY219 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 If she's not interested in you romantically - or has a boyfriend - will you be totally cool with that and still want her as a study mate? Will you be OK being 'just a friend'? If not, don't start out by pretending that you want her to be your study buddy. I would still be fine with being her study mate, because I think that would benefit both of us. I don't think her saying no will kill me to the point where I have to avoid her and be miserable. Rejections hurt, but it is part of life (still learning this).
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