Kkristine Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 I mutually broke up with my boyfriend this past summer. I was with him for roughly 4 years. Our last year together was a rocky one, and I found out he had actually cheated on me about a week before the breakup and when I confronted him about it, they were already dating a few days later. I haven’t spoken to him since. I’ve been feeling really down lately about the relationship and my age. I’m living at home with my mother, but I did land a job and am finally finacially stable for the first time in my life. Not quite yet ready to move out on my own, as I think living alone would be terrible with my emotional state right now. I thought I went through my last phase a few months ago, as I’d been feeling wonderful for quite some time. Last week, I passed him on the street and it all came back. I know I’m not the only single, 27 year-old out there. I thinking living alone would make me feel better, but at the same time, I worry. When I get like this, I have to be around people and keep myself busy. I just lack any trust for anyone right now, and still, 8 months later, the idea of dating again is tiring. My ex was perfect on paper and was a good man to me when we were happy. When will it get better? Is it normal to feel like this after almost a year? I want to date again, but I'm afraid one bad date will set me back even more. Should I try dating or keep waiting it out?
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Don't date until you're ready, it won't help, I know exactly how you feel, I'm scared to be the guys who creep on women in the pub well into their 40's, it genuinely worries me. I know people have a hard time finding people but I to always thought that I would meet someone at a young age, experience things together, buy a home, get married and have a family but I'm 24, I've not been able to hold down a steady relationship and I feel the years slipping away. It's completely normal in this day and age but that doesn't help me particularly but it is life these days. Single or in a relationship you've got to learn to be happy.
Purepony Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I'm just wondering Did you consider staying together ? Is there a chance you and the ex could have fixed this ?
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Congratulations on getting a job & beginning your journey to financial independence. Achieving that is the best thing you can do for your own self esteem. Do not get back with a cheater & back into a rocky relationship. Being able to stand up for yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you don't want to live with your mom, would you consider a roommate? 2
Author Kkristine Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 He was pretty clear at the time that his feelings for me had changed, and his heart was with her. I had trust issues prior to his cheating, so I don't want to go down that path again. Years down the line? Possibly a friendship. 1
Author Kkristine Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Congratulations on getting a job & beginning your journey to financial independence. Achieving that is the best thing you can do for your own self esteem. Do not get back with a cheater & back into a rocky relationship. Being able to stand up for yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you don't want to live with your mom, would you consider a roommate? I had a roommate in college, and it wasn't the greatest experience. I'm definitely open to it, but I think if I can afford to live on my own, I need to do that to gain some independence and maturity. Just not there yet. 1
preraph Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 If you get some good emotional support from your family and feel you need that right now, then stay for awhile and save money. But remember, they can still come visit you and you can visit them. Plus you can try to get your friends to hang out some. I do think as soon as you feel like being independent and do that for awhile, they better you will feel about yourself. You've made great strides. It's normal to have a setback when you accidentally run into them. That's why the universe gave us Patsy Cline to sing "I Fall to Pieces." Go listen to it. Don't force yourself to date yet, but do make yourself just get out and be social and keep expanding your friend network and take on some new activities to keep you busy, and be sure one of them is physical to destress your body. Then when you're ready, through the natural course of doing the things you enjoy, you will begin to meet people and consider dating. You're doing great. Nothing abnormal here. You're still putting one foot in front of the other. Emotions fade when you replace them with new memories, but it takes time. Good luck.
mightycpa Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 IMHO, 27 is the perfect age for a young woman. She's at her peak physicality, she's shed the silliness of youth, she's already decided on if she wants to be married or single, and she's made all the significant mistakes with men she's likely to make and she knows how to f*ck. My experience says that she's as close to perfect as she'll ever be. Why would you give up then? 1
Popsicle Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 27 is the age that men love most. You're good!
SevenCity Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 27 is the age that men love most. You're good! Yea seriously. Try being a single guy at 45 when you thought you were going to marry the girl you were dating and she dumps you out of no where. Not to say your pain is any less severe, but your options are far greater.
Knix Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 It's totally fine to live with your mom at 27. If you didn't have a stable job or anything going for you, it would be more of a negative. But you don't. Seriously consider getting therapy before you start dating again. You're putting out a 'desperate vibe' and dating out of a fear of being alone will only bring the scum to the surface. Take some time to be single, you were just in a relationship for 4 years! Take a break, relax, hang out with some friends.
kztar Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I'm in the same exact boat. I'm almost going to be 27 and I have recently mutually broken up with my ex for one last time. We were living together for a few months and while I wasn't quite in a happy situation I also find myself not being happy back at my parents. I'm still stressed and sad about the breakup, although it was mutual because we both realized we weren't happy it still hurts. He dumped me a year ago and I was devastated. He then re appeared a 6 months later but unfortunately a lot of damage had already been done. I still took him back and tried but I just didn't feel the same. Still loved him but felt like something was "missing". I guess the inocence of the initial love. I just starting making a decent salary and could afford to live on my own but like you I'm also scared of moving alone and being lonely with such emotional state sucks. Plus I don't want a roommate. I am going to stay home and save money for a year to purchase a condo. I live in NYC and everything here is sky rocket price. A lot of my friends are getting engaged and married meanwhile I'm here without even considering a relationship. By now I thought I would have been at least getting engaged . Chin up though you're not alone !
FoundLove Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 I felt exactly the same when I was your age. All of my friends were getting married and having kids and I was all alone and living with my parents. I had a couple of heartbreaks to deal with on top of all that and was about to give up on finding love completely when it finally happened. Today I am happily married. So, don't give up hope - the right one for you will show up (as cliché as that may sound).
Lilyana76 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 The fact that you are posting this question shows you already know you are not ready to date. You are at the perfect age to gain some independence and find out who YOU are! Enjoy yourself, have fun meeting new people, learn new things, join groups and socialize. Find out what makes you happy about YOU. When you have all that figured out the right one will come along, and you'll be open to it and ready. Getting out on your own, and being independent will help boost your self esteem tremendously. You got this!
TimmyC Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Sorry to hear what your going through dear, the good news is being 27 just means your still only beginning your life. It's his loss and her problem now. If he's cheated on you once he would cheat again. I know this may be hard to see now but truthfully you deserve better. Instead of thinking "I'm single at 27 and didn't picture my life like this." Say "I'm a beautiful 27 year old, with a job no kids, and ready to mingle." I know that sounds corny...(vintage word ) but it's the truth. Your hearing this from a 24 year old single male here whom has only dated older women. Once you become closer to 50s and 60s and are still living at home then yeah I can understand that but your still just a baby. Get out there and date, give the next guy an opertunity to meet an amazing person like you.
fivegrands Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I'm so sorry for the pain and discouragement you are experiencing. What a blessing for you to have a mother for support and help. My advice to you is to find happiness for yourself without counting on anyone else for now. Find some community groups or volunteer activities that you would enjoy, or that would utilize your strengths. You will find much edification in helping others, and they will value you. Once you feel better about yourself and your personal attributes, you will be in a better position to be part of a healthy dating relationship.
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