cjdimitrov Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Hey everyone, My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for three months now. Everything is going great and we are both very much smitten with each other. We are very lovey dovey and I feel like I met an old friend from years ago even though we just met. Everything is great....Except one problem.... Okay, so my boyfriend and me are sexually active. I wanna lay that out. He assures to me that he is sexually attracted to me and has proven it. That's not the issue. The issue is that...He says that in order for him to come back "stronger", he likes to masturbate by himself. Which I am fine with. It's totally cool. The thing is though that the past two times that he has done it, I get this like sort of sad, strange gut feeling like I am not sexually attractive or not wanted. Furthermore, it's like whenever he goes into the bathroom, or whenever I take a nap or sleep in, I get that dying fear that he is jerking off. I don't want to feel like this, it just happens. He assured me that he won't cheat and I believe him. I really do. I just don't know what to do, I am at my whits end. Half of me wants to break up with him and be single, because this hasn't happen with any other guy I've been with. The other half of me wants to stay with him and pretend I am happy when I have this feeling deep inside. Just an FYI, yes we have discussed this twice. Edited February 3, 2017 by cjdimitrov
preraph Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Has he been or still is a porn addict? Because when they're used to porn masturbation but not real sex, it can mess them up a few different ways. One way is that they get in a rut of only getting off to this one special thing they like in porn or with this one body type they like in porn (which are mostly all alike, though, big boobs, etc) And then they find it hard to function with a living breathing woman who doesn't follow their script they've probably been masturbating to since they were 14, so they have a range of problems from that. On top of that they certainly get unreasonable ideas of what sex is and of course porn just objectifies the woman, so he may have trouble seeing someone who is a human being as a sexual object too. And yes, he may have to go look at that or think about it to get himself going. The cure if porn is the culprit is for him to totally stop porn for a couple of months at least and probably real sex as well to get him back on track. He'll probably never agree to that. I wouldn't find this very stimulating. All that time he's wasting getting it up and then coming in to finish off, he should be using to warm you up properly with foreplay and just spending time. So to me, this is a dealbreaker unless he fixes it. And if it's not porn related, I'd be very surprised.
anuba Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Well, guys jerk off, it's not an insult to you. You shouldn't take it personally or spend time worrying about if/when he is, it's just not worth it. Have you asked how he feels about you masturbating? Maybe this could turn into a foreplay thing. If you're happy in every other way, at least try to figure it out before ending the relationship.
Vinny1951 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 You made me smile. My wife had not idea of how much men masturbate until I told her how often I did. At first she was upset because she felt like you but she has come to accept it. I even bought her a nice vibrator and two weeks ago I told her that she was greedy because she had 10 orgasms and I only had two. She replied that 10 orgasms were the only ones I knew of. So now we are completely fine with each other masturbating. It does not bother us nor do we think about the other doing it. It does not interfere in our sex lives and sometimes we masturbate together. One fun thing is that she will call me from the bedroom and let me listen to her masturbate. A man has hormones urging him to orgasm that build up for about 10-14 days after his last orgasm. It is nature's way to make sure we make more humans. For me it starts the second day after my orgasm so I time myself to masturbate two days before my wife and I have sex. That is what you boyfriend might be experiencing. Do not take it personal. Even guys married to super models or porn stars masturbate. I have masturbated in my hospital bed the day after surgery, in combat and living in barracks with 39 other guy sleeping there, each trying to masturbate quietly. I used to travel on business a third of each year so I masturbated to not be horny or otherwise after a few weeks, my brain would be telling me to have sex with any woman around. Sometimes we masturbate together. I know that she is not thinking of me and she knows I am not thinking about her and we are fine with that. The funny part is that most times we are thinking about our old girlfriend. Do not sweat it and perhaps if you watch him masturbate it might ease your mind. It takes it from something secretive to something that you can watch once in a while.
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