Would I be foolish to end my healthy relationship

February 3, 2017

My boyfriend and I have a really healthy and honest relationship - we share similar values and we respect and love each other. There's no real 'reason' why we should break up and to the outside world looking in, we're a great couple.

He's emotionally healthy, genuinely cares for and loves me. We laugh a lot (usually) and I can talk to him about anything. But over the past six months, I've started to have doubts.

I posted a while ago as I'd had a nagging urge to be single and it was confusing the hell out of me. I also pointed out that there were 2 things that concerned me about our relationship. 1. Our sex life has never been particularly exciting - he's a 'nice' guy, and he's 7 years younger than me, and despite honest conversations and effort on both our parts, he still doesn't turn me on like other men have previously.

And 2. He's very laid back and I feel like sometimes I need him to be more in control and to take charge; both in and out of the bedroom. But it's just not really who he is, which I accept, as you can't change people and also shouldn't try to.

I have been honest with him and suggested that after two years we could be in a rut. He half heartedly agreed but also didn't really share my view that we could work at being more spontaneous together and try to keep things exciting. He basically said that he's happy and he does his best; and can't do any more. I think he missed the point - or maybe he's right and it is what it is.

He actually said he thinks we're perfect for each other and a great match. He's so kind hearted and has all of the qualities and values that I could ever want in a partner. But I'm feeling so disconnected from him right now and I do feel as though we're in a rut. As I say, he's 7 years younger than me and I'm wondering whether I've just come to the realisation that I need someone closer to my own age.

To add to the confusion, an old friend who I dated around 10 years ago (have been friends ever since) was recently in town and I felt like we had so much in common and were much more in tune with each other than ever before. I felt excited to be around him and I could tell he felt the same. I joined him and his friends for a drink twice, but despite thinking about him for the whole week I didn't really think it was appropriate to see him again. I'd never cheat and even having these feelings and enjoying his company felt like somewhat of a betrayal.

Now he's gone, I feel sad that I won't see him again for who knows how long. I actually think we could be amazing together, whereas in the past we were never quite ready for each other/on the same page. I was already having my doubts about my relationship, and I think seeing my friend/ex has sent these doubts into overdrive as I felt excitement like I haven't felt for a while.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't end my relationship for another guy, I was already having doubts and if things did end, I would be taking some time to be by myself.

Anyway, the bottom line is; I feel like I'd be ending a really great relationship just because I have itchy feet and am a bit 'bored'. I think we could work at making things a bit more exciting, but that would take commitment from both of us - and my boyfriend seems pretty content with the way things are. I'm just really not sure where to go from here. Any advice appreciated! Thanks for reading

February 3, 2017

Just because it's not bad doesn't mean it's right. You have been thinking of making a change for a while. You have to do what is best for yourself.

February 3, 2017

emily_m,

When it comes to relationships, 'healthy and honest' is some distance from 'happy and fulfilling'.

If you are not genuinely, honestly seeing lots of potential for growth well into the future -- for you as individuals and as a couple -- within the relationship, then it might not have the long-term health or foundation for health that it needs.

Not sure if this helps at all...but...it is what comes to mind.

Best of luck with your decision; I know it's not an easy one.

Ronni

February 3, 2017

My boyfriend and I have a really healthy and honest relationship - we share similar values and we respect and love each other. There's no real 'reason' why we should break up and to the outside world looking in, we're a great couple.

He's emotionally healthy, genuinely cares for and loves me. We laugh a lot (usually) and I can talk to him about anything. But over the past six months, I've started to have doubts.

I posted a while ago as I'd had a nagging urge to be single and it was confusing the hell out of me. I also pointed out that there were 2 things that concerned me about our relationship. 1. Our sex life has never been particularly exciting - he's a 'nice' guy, and he's 7 years younger than me, and despite honest conversations and effort on both our parts, he still doesn't turn me on like other men have previously.

And 2. He's very laid back and I feel like sometimes I need him to be more in control and to take charge; both in and out of the bedroom. But it's just not really who he is, which I accept, as you can't change people and also shouldn't try to.

I have been honest with him and suggested that after two years we could be in a rut. He half heartedly agreed but also didn't really share my view that we could work at being more spontaneous together and try to keep things exciting. He basically said that he's happy and he does his best; and can't do any more. I think he missed the point - or maybe he's right and it is what it is.

He actually said he thinks we're perfect for each other and a great match. He's so kind hearted and has all of the qualities and values that I could ever want in a partner. But I'm feeling so disconnected from him right now and I do feel as though we're in a rut. As I say, he's 7 years younger than me and I'm wondering whether I've just come to the realisation that I need someone closer to my own age.

To add to the confusion, an old friend who I dated around 10 years ago (have been friends ever since) was recently in town and I felt like we had so much in common and were much more in tune with each other than ever before. I felt excited to be around him and I could tell he felt the same. I joined him and his friends for a drink twice, but despite thinking about him for the whole week I didn't really think it was appropriate to see him again. I'd never cheat and even having these feelings and enjoying his company felt like somewhat of a betrayal.

Now he's gone, I feel sad that I won't see him again for who knows how long. I actually think we could be amazing together, whereas in the past we were never quite ready for each other/on the same page. I was already having my doubts about my relationship, and I think seeing my friend/ex has sent these doubts into overdrive as I felt excitement like I haven't felt for a while.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't end my relationship for another guy, I was already having doubts and if things did end, I would be taking some time to be by myself.

Anyway, the bottom line is; I feel like I'd be ending a really great relationship just because I have itchy feet and am a bit 'bored'. I think we could work at making things a bit more exciting, but that would take commitment from both of us - and my boyfriend seems pretty content with the way things are. I'm just really not sure where to go from here. Any advice appreciated! Thanks for reading

Is he an introvert or type B personality?

I suggest you do some reading on how to date an introvert before you pull the trigger on this and lots of information online. I suggest he read a book on how to date an extrovert.

If you were clear to him on how you feel and he does not COMPROMISE... It maybe time to have a talk with him and I suggest if you do breakup with him to not get into any other serious relationship for 6-8 months

February 4, 2017

When you say you want excitement.... what are you seeking?

February 4, 2017

I think switch the order of your post would be wise, it would make more sense, since the second part is likely the reason for the first.

February 7, 2017

Thank you all for your insight.

Sweetfish: No I'd actually say he's the extrovert and I'm the introvert. We're both very outgoing socially but I like my alone time too...whereas he doesn't really need time to himself to recharge.

DKT3 - I don't agree with that as I've felt like this for at least 6 months now. My friend/ex only came to town a couple of weeks ago. I just feel like we'd be so much more compatible than my bf and I, so I suppose it heightened my existing feelings about the whole thing.

I'm really nervous about this. I think if I end it he'll be so upset, as will I. And I'm sure I'll feel like I've made the wrong decision at first also. But honestly, my gut tells me it could be the right thing to do. I don't want us to end up really miserable, resenting each other or worse.

Has anyone ever felt like I do and chose to end it? I'd be really interested to hear how it worked out...

February 7, 2017

I've been that guy except for the sex bit

Look, when you talk this over with him, you need to make it clear it's getting serious.

All women I have dated never have THAT TALK and simply let the issue grow and then pack their bags.

He needs to know how serious this is. It wont be a pleasant talk but it will be a better talk than a full on breakup.

If after a few months post-talk your still in the same spot, you will have comfort in the fact you gave things every chance possible.

Sometimes nice guys need a bit of a kick up the backside to get the point. Sadly most of the time, its the woman just leaving with no warning at all. Hopefully in your case, you will have that SERIOUS talk.

Edited February 7, 2017 by marky00

February 7, 2017

Has anyone ever felt like I do and chose to end it? I'd be really interested to hear how it worked out...

Yes. Mine was a great guy on paper, and very well liked by one and all. We even had a fair bit in common, on multiple levels. I don't remember a single major fight or 'blow up'. I might even say that we should have worked...but, that would be only on paper.

Divorcing him was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make and situation I've ever had to face and overcome;

required therapy and support-group assistance after the fact.

It was the best decision I ever made for myself, and a self-preserving one. There were valid and necessary reasons for the divorce. But, this only really became evident two to three years after the fact. (And, those were some super-difficult years! .) Sometimes we just have to suck it up - especially when we already know in our gut that we're following a higher vision for our Self.

February 7, 2017

apparently a passive person can learn how to be assertive with practice. I looked this up online once and that's what it said, but HE has to want to learn and it doesn't sound like he wants to. He probably will not learn with you but with some other girl in his future.

February 7, 2017

You know if you just don't feel it, then you don't feel it.

Where your at is life, and I am guessing fairly young but not a kid, if you are not headed were you want long term, you may need to end it.

Sometime we do go through dull almost lifeless periods in relationships. When the honeymoon phase is over. But sometime it is because the relationship is "DULL AND LIFELESS".

You can have a really serious talk with him and maybe you should. A conversation free from distraction where you REALLY make him understand that this relationship is just not going where it needs to go for you. You need more and you need this...whatever it is.

But as I am in my 50's on thing I can tell you is do not waste your life waiting on someone to change for your or trying to change them into someone that you like more. That is never going to happen.

As far as the sex thing goes, understand that if you want to get married and if you want to have kids it will only get worse over time for the most part.

So, if sex is not great right now, it will not get great over time, it degrades over time. If you are not completely happy now, in the long run it won't get better for the most part.

If you BF is type B, it is not that he cannot change it is that he probably won't change, especially if he is happy. He could, I mean it is possible but he probably will not change.

Take your time for a little while, try to talk to him. And I mean really talk and help him to understand where you are at, and then see what happens.

Good luck...

February 8, 2017

I agree marky, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. I think many couples may reach this point and not discuss it...they just let resentment build and that's sometimes how cheating etc occurs. I have more respect for my relationship than that. I have discussed it with him, but maybe I do need to be more serious about it as some of you suggest.

Thanks for the insight Bluespower. I'm 31, and I feel like this could be a really exciting decade! But part of me does feel held back by my partner/relationship, as he's not as driven and is younger so is at a different stage in his life. Maybe it's a case of - we were on the same page when we met, and now we're not. I also feel unfair to him as he's a great guy who I'm probably taking for granted...

Edited February 8, 2017 by emily_m

February 8, 2017

My boyfriend and I have a really healthy and honest relationship - we share similar values and we respect and love each other. There's no real 'reason' why we should break up and to the outside world looking in, we're a great couple.

He's emotionally healthy, genuinely cares for and loves me. We laugh a lot (usually) and I can talk to him about anything. But over the past six months, I've started to have doubts.

I posted a while ago as I'd had a nagging urge to be single and it was confusing the hell out of me. I also pointed out that there were 2 things that concerned me about our relationship. 1. Our sex life has never been particularly exciting - he's a 'nice' guy, and he's 7 years younger than me, and despite honest conversations and effort on both our parts, he still doesn't turn me on like other men have previously.

And 2. He's very laid back and I feel like sometimes I need him to be more in control and to take charge; both in and out of the bedroom. But it's just not really who he is, which I accept, as you can't change people and also shouldn't try to.

I have been honest with him and suggested that after two years we could be in a rut. He half heartedly agreed but also didn't really share my view that we could work at being more spontaneous together and try to keep things exciting. He basically said that he's happy and he does his best; and can't do any more. I think he missed the point - or maybe he's right and it is what it is.

He actually said he thinks we're perfect for each other and a great match. He's so kind hearted and has all of the qualities and values that I could ever want in a partner. But I'm feeling so disconnected from him right now and I do feel as though we're in a rut. As I say, he's 7 years younger than me and I'm wondering whether I've just come to the realisation that I need someone closer to my own age.

To add to the confusion, an old friend who I dated around 10 years ago (have been friends ever since) was recently in town and I felt like we had so much in common and were much more in tune with each other than ever before. I felt excited to be around him and I could tell he felt the same. I joined him and his friends for a drink twice, but despite thinking about him for the whole week I didn't really think it was appropriate to see him again. I'd never cheat and even having these feelings and enjoying his company felt like somewhat of a betrayal.

Now he's gone, I feel sad that I won't see him again for who knows how long. I actually think we could be amazing together, whereas in the past we were never quite ready for each other/on the same page. I was already having my doubts about my relationship, and I think seeing my friend/ex has sent these doubts into overdrive as I felt excitement like I haven't felt for a while.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't end my relationship for another guy, I was already having doubts and if things did end, I would be taking some time to be by myself.

Anyway, the bottom line is; I feel like I'd be ending a really great relationship just because I have itchy feet and am a bit 'bored'. I think we could work at making things a bit more exciting, but that would take commitment from both of us - and my boyfriend seems pretty content with the way things are. I'm just really not sure where to go from here. Any advice appreciated! Thanks for reading

As a guy, I'd like to say that without a doubt you have your head screwed on so straight that many women should take notice. All of your "reservations" and "questions" about the relationship, are hitting square on the head of sadly a relationship that has run it's course. The incompatibility you are facing is not something that can really be "fixed" or "adjusted". It's very possible that if you guys were to try to "adjust" to each other the comfort level would not be there. In other words, a feeling of "Am I doing things right?" might develop.

That is not to say that both parties in a relationship should not have to make sacrifices in their comfort level, but this one sounds like more of a compatibility issue.

Whatever you do, don't feel bad about how you feel. You are seeing things very clearly and perhaps there is a touch of guilt in you because of that. As a man, I would rather have a woman be completely honest with me and hurt me than to hear months from now that "I have been trying, but it's not there". Is it going to hurt him? Yup. But perhaps there is someone out there a little more in tune to what makes him tick.

February 8, 2017

Because I'm a take-charge woman, I have attracted a couple of men who were not. At first I kind of liked it, but once there were real-world tasks to be done, like calling the phone company and negotiating or whatever, I quickly became disgusted with their passiveness. In bed, it's not good or exciting. If it was exciting it was because of me, not them.

So I would not want to spend my life with someone like that. You need someone who can equally take charge and handle things, especially if you have kids with them. Otherwise, you just have a third child who becomes more of an obstacle than a help.

February 9, 2017

he's not as driven

Its funny.

I met u with an ex about a year ago and we hadn't spoken for almost 10 years.

I straight up asked her why she broke it off.

She said something along the lines of your quote. Basically suggesting I was content with LESS and not attacking the world at full throttle. Also said something like she felt I would not be able to keep pace with or something similar.

But here is the irony, she had no job (I did eventually help her find one but almost had to drag her to her shifts sometimes), she dropped out of university but I paid some of her fees an got her back in. I saved her from being kicked out of the country because of her breaking all her VISA requirements. I stopped her from committing suicide a hundred times.

But yeh according to her, I was the one dragging my feet.

What I have noticed with women is that it's all about perceptions of what their guy may or not be capable of. The actual actions their man does do usually fall below the radar and have little significance.

I off course re-butted my ex during this conversation. I asked her how can she say that I wouldn't be able to keep up when she wasn't exactly leading us into this supposed greater place. I don't recall her response but I didn't agree with it. It was hard for me to argue this point because I didn't think it was right for me to bring up all those issues she had that apparently she has totally forgotten.

I argued the point in the end that ultimately it seems, women demand leadership from their man. They probably do know that if they move forwards, their guy could keep up (and if he loves her, he definitely will keep up). But a woman just feels uncomfortable in this position. My ex started getting all defensive (probably because she knew I nailed it).

You might want to explain this to your bf. I believe its the key to 99% of women leaving relationships. Leadership seems to be case of taking risks and making mistakes but not allowing those set backs to affect the relationship.

The woman doesn't leave because their guy isn't capable or because he can't grow at the same pace, it's simply because the woman has a perception he isn't leadership material. Justified or not.

As I have proven from my case with my ex but, sadly this can be a perception even when not a reality

Edited February 9, 2017 by marky00

February 9, 2017

I have mixed feelings about this. Everyone is chasing a 'feeling', not a life long partner hoping the 'feeling' will last forever with the next person and the next person and the next. And it won't. It'll always fade.

March 6, 2017

Fair, I suppose this kind of follows on from your post. I'm basically in the same situation as when I originally posted. I've tried to spend more time with friends, take on more responsibility at work, take part in activities. All things that I've hoped may help me look at my relationship differently; as something that enhances my life, rather than placing so many expectations on it. But I still feel the same nagging feelings.

I have figured something out though - something pretty simple. I just don't think I'm ready to settle down. I'm not ready for the comfortable stage of ANY relationship. My bf is an amazing gorgeous guy, but I miss the excitement, newness and passion of dating someone new. The feeling of freedom and independence I get from being single. I feel like I'm not done with that part of life yet. I really do appreciate having a loving relationship and feeling so comfortable with someone; I realise how special it is. I just don't think I'm ready for it right now. And when I am, I will know deep inside that it's right...and that I'm finally at 'that' stage of my life.

Part of me sees it really clearly, and yet I really wish there was a way to take my relationship back to the new and exciting stage; rather than throw it all away...

March 6, 2017

My boyfriend and I have a really healthy and honest relationship - we share similar values and we respect and love each other. There's no real 'reason' why we should break up and to the outside world looking in, we're a great couple.

He's emotionally healthy, genuinely cares for and loves me. We laugh a lot (usually) and I can talk to him about anything. But over the past six months, I've started to have doubts.

I posted a while ago as I'd had a nagging urge to be single and it was confusing the hell out of me. I also pointed out that there were 2 things that concerned me about our relationship. 1. Our sex life has never been particularly exciting - he's a 'nice' guy, and he's 7 years younger than me, and despite honest conversations and effort on both our parts, he still doesn't turn me on like other men have previously.

And 2. He's very laid back and I feel like sometimes I need him to be more in control and to take charge; both in and out of the bedroom. But it's just not really who he is, which I accept, as you can't change people and also shouldn't try to.

I have been honest with him and suggested that after two years we could be in a rut. He half heartedly agreed but also didn't really share my view that we could work at being more spontaneous together and try to keep things exciting. He basically said that he's happy and he does his best; and can't do any more. I think he missed the point - or maybe he's right and it is what it is.

He actually said he thinks we're perfect for each other and a great match. He's so kind hearted and has all of the qualities and values that I could ever want in a partner. But I'm feeling so disconnected from him right now and I do feel as though we're in a rut. As I say, he's 7 years younger than me and I'm wondering whether I've just come to the realisation that I need someone closer to my own age.

To add to the confusion, an old friend who I dated around 10 years ago (have been friends ever since) was recently in town and I felt like we had so much in common and were much more in tune with each other than ever before. I felt excited to be around him and I could tell he felt the same. I joined him and his friends for a drink twice, but despite thinking about him for the whole week I didn't really think it was appropriate to see him again. I'd never cheat and even having these feelings and enjoying his company felt like somewhat of a betrayal.

Now he's gone, I feel sad that I won't see him again for who knows how long. I actually think we could be amazing together, whereas in the past we were never quite ready for each other/on the same page. I was already having my doubts about my relationship, and I think seeing my friend/ex has sent these doubts into overdrive as I felt excitement like I haven't felt for a while.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't end my relationship for another guy, I was already having doubts and if things did end, I would be taking some time to be by myself.

Anyway, the bottom line is; I feel like I'd be ending a really great relationship just because I have itchy feet and am a bit 'bored'. I think we could work at making things a bit more exciting, but that would take commitment from both of us - and my boyfriend seems pretty content with the way things are. I'm just really not sure where to go from here. Any advice appreciated! Thanks for reading

Thx for the invite into a woman's mind exactly wat I've come to learn aftrr many relationships n broken hearts ur driven by how u feel on any given day and definatly needs based. Did u ever hav attraction to ur current partner? Or was it a gradual decline. If it's been the case since the get go then u settled for a partner u had little connection wth I can relate to that. On the other hand if it's something gradual I think u got the grass is greener syndrome. Only u kno. If it's been like this since day one wth ur partner then I know from my own experience it's gonna be hard to grow the attraction unless he dumps u lol funny how that works wen its reversed. U sound unsure how u feel. Ask ureself hav3 u always felt this way and be honest wth ureself. Just remember once u break up wth him it's not gonna make things better it's gonna make it worse initially he will chase beg that comes wth rejection then he'll rebuild ull be drawn back to him that's part of attraction but u stand a good chance of losing him as the trust has been broken by the break up aND the amount of damage done from the hurt he would of experienced from being dumped so think carefully ur next step u cld end up making a very big mistake

March 6, 2017

I have mixed feelings about this. Everyone is chasing a 'feeling', not a life long partner hoping the 'feeling' will last forever with the next person and the next person and the next. And it won't. It'll always fade.

Totally agree

March 6, 2017

Thank you all for your insight.

Sweetfish: No I'd actually say he's the extrovert and I'm the introvert. We're both very outgoing socially but I like my alone time too...whereas he doesn't really need time to himself to recharge.

DKT3 - I don't agree with that as I've felt like this for at least 6 months now. My friend/ex only came to town a couple of weeks ago. I just feel like we'd be so much more compatible than my bf and I, so I suppose it heightened my existing feelings about the whole thing.

I'm really nervous about this. I think if I end it he'll be so upset, as will I. And I'm sure I'll feel like I've made the wrong decision at first also. But honestly, my gut tells me it could be the right thing to do. I don't want us to end up really miserable, resenting each other or worse.

Has anyone ever felt like I do and chose to end it? I'd be really interested to hear how it worked out...

1st of all why is he ur ex same thing u lost the feeling for dude as well sorry man but u sound a lil full of it

March 6, 2017

Maybe you just don't love him as much anymore. If you really loved him, it would be hard to leave him. That's how I feel anyway. Also, 7 years is a big age difference if you are 31, and he is 24. Those are totally different stages of life at that point. Maybe that has something to do with it.

March 6, 2017

Our sex life has never been particularly exciting - he's a 'nice' guy, and he's 7 years younger than me, and despite honest conversations and effort on both our parts, he still doesn't turn me on like other men have previously.

This says it all for me. I mean, if it had been good at the beginning and was just going through a rough spot currently, I'd say you might want to try various methods to spice things up before throwing in the towel. But if it has NEVER been good? The two of you were just not meant to be, honestly. You can't force yourself to feel something when there was nothing to start with.

If being single feels a lot more appealing to you than remaining in this relationship, then you have your answer there. Don't try and make yourself stay based on what people tell you you "should" do or "should" feel. At the end of the day, all the "should"s in the world will never turn a person who doesn't light your fire into a person who does.

Leave, don't wait til you have children and a house together and have been together for a decade.

For all those saying "the spark fades" - not true and not applicable in the OP's case, especially given that they've only been together for 2 years. Sure, things might slow down a little, there will be ups and downs - but the spark can last for far longer than 2 years, if there was a good foundation to start with. It just turns into a gentler sizzle rather than all fireworks and explosions, but it can certainly remain.

March 6, 2017

Thx for the invite into a woman's mind exactly wat I've come to learn aftrr many relationships n broken hearts ur driven by how u feel on any given day and definatly needs based. Did u ever hav attraction to ur current partner? Or was it a gradual decline. If it's been the case since the get go then u settled for a partner u had little connection wth I can relate to that. On the other hand if it's something gradual I think u got the grass is greener syndrome. Only u kno. If it's been like this since day one wth ur partner then I know from my own experience it's gonna be hard to grow the attraction unless he dumps u lol funny how that works wen its reversed. U sound unsure how u feel. Ask ureself hav3 u always felt this way and be honest wth ureself. Just remember once u break up wth him it's not gonna make things better it's gonna make it worse initially he will chase beg that comes wth rejection then he'll rebuild ull be drawn back to him that's part of attraction but u stand a good chance of losing him as the trust has been broken by the break up aND the amount of damage done from the hurt he would of experienced from being dumped so think carefully ur next step u cld end up making a very big mistake

PLEASE please pleaseeeeee this is NOT only a woman's mind. I've met so many men that have had a great relationship and WALKED because they seem to always be chasing this new SPARK, therefore PLEASE stop talking about women. This has NOTHING to do with gender but rather immaturity.

Now to the OP I think it's time to bail. He's still young. I think you should let him go and let him find someone who actually has no doubts about him or the relationship. The foundation here was weak as you mentioned alot lacking from the start. As I said, he is young, therefore it wont be as bad.

March 6, 2017

...I really wish there was a way to take my relationship back to the new and exciting stage; rather than throw it all away...

Well...it's not, of course, actually the relationship itself - rather, it's how you have ended up perceiving and treating each other; that is, stopped appreciating what you used to appreciate in the beginning - and stopped doing what you used to do in the beginning that the other one used to appreciate. 'Twas pretty much the same in my marriage.

As far as going forward, a different perspective is that you won't be 'throwing it all away' as much as taking away with you all the learning and growing that you have done

up until now.

March 6, 2017

I have mixed feelings about this. Everyone is chasing a 'feeling', not a life long partner hoping the 'feeling' will last forever with the next person and the next person and the next. And it won't. It'll always fade.

What they are chasing is what's missing in the relationship that they lack with themselves. It won't matter who they find next. It's also linked to the chemicals produced from finding a new person which is a substitute or a distraction from the internal void.

At first, those chemicals feel great and distract away from what is really missing but in time, they fade and expose the gaping hole. But, no one recognizes the gaping internal hole because they have been conditioned to seek answers externally.

Take a look at the patterns of many relationships and you will see exactly the same.

The OP mentioned how excited she was about that ''new'' guy but she may not realize that in time, the guy would be seen by her exactly as she is seeing her current one.

Before one looks for another, they should look within.

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