- I'm in an abusive relationship

[lindenst]

As the posting title states - I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and have a hard time leaving. I've been with him for almost a year now. My partner insults me on a daily basis and constantly manipulates me so that I shoulder the bulk of the blame for when things go wrong. He's cheated on me many times and has lied a thousand times over. He's currently talking to another girl and is demanding that I accept an open relationship. He says this will helps him get all of his infidelity out of his system before we live together (we'd planned to do so this June). I don't believe anything he says anymore, and I hate him on most days, but I feel bad leaving him. I don't have a pattern of being with abusive men. This was the first one and I'm shocked that I'm still even talking to him. I would consider myself a strong woman with good values. I guess it could happen to anybody at any time. I don't know what to do in order to leave him because every time I do he gets angry and I can't bear that guilt he puts on me. I cried today when he lashed out at me for opposing the open relationship. I just feel so unhappy and want to leave but I think of him being alone and it breaks my heart. Please help!

[preraph]

You need to stop feeling bad about leaving this nut. He's crazy. He is manipulative and you are pretty uncertain of yourself to let him guilt you. You've done nothing wrong while he's behaved like a beast.

 

You need to go to a women's shelter and talk to an abuse counselor or talk to one online (google domestic abuse and find a hotline). You need help to get out because he knows this crap works on you so he'll get worse if he thinks you're really leaving. Those abuse hotlines can help you make a plan to get out cleanly and quietly and have a place to hide until he cools down.

 

Good luck.

[Redhead14]

As the posting title states - I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and have a hard time leaving. I've been with him for almost a year now. My partner insults me on a daily basis and constantly manipulates me so that I shoulder the bulk of the blame for when things go wrong. He's cheated on me many times and has lied a thousand times over. He's currently talking to another girl and is demanding that I accept an open relationship. He says this will helps him get all of his infidelity out of his system before we live together (we'd planned to do so this June). I don't believe anything he says anymore, and I hate him on most days, but I feel bad leaving him. I don't have a pattern of being with abusive men. This was the first one and I'm shocked that I'm still even talking to him. I would consider myself a strong woman with good values. I guess it could happen to anybody at any time. I don't know what to do in order to leave him because every time I do he gets angry and I can't bear that guilt he puts on me. I cried today when he lashed out at me for opposing the open relationship. I just feel so unhappy and want to leave but I think of him being alone and it breaks my heart. Please help!

I think of him being alone and it breaks my heart -- 99% of the time a woman in this position is not afraid of HIM being alone, she is afraid of being alone herself and will tolerate the behavior at all costs. Your statement makes entirely no sense because he obviously has no trouble finding women to be with and, therefore, will not be alone.

 

If you are as strong as you claim to be, you have the ability to not play the victim card and take control of the situation and be a survivor.

[RecentChange]

Time to start loving yourself more than you love your abuser.

[aileD]

You were alone a year ago...that's not that long ago. You can do it again.

[Dolfin80]

As the posting title states - I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and have a hard time leaving. I've been with him for almost a year now. My partner insults me on a daily basis and constantly manipulates me so that I shoulder the bulk of the blame for when things go wrong. He's cheated on me many times and has lied a thousand times over. He's currently talking to another girl and is demanding that I accept an open relationship. He says this will helps him get all of his infidelity out of his system before we live together (we'd planned to do so this June). I don't believe anything he says anymore, and I hate him on most days, but I feel bad leaving him. I don't have a pattern of being with abusive men. This was the first one and I'm shocked that I'm still even talking to him. I would consider myself a strong woman with good values. I guess it could happen to anybody at any time. I don't know what to do in order to leave him because every time I do he gets angry and I can't bear that guilt he puts on me. I cried today when he lashed out at me for opposing the open relationship. I just feel so unhappy and want to leave but I think of him being alone and it breaks my heart. Please help!

 

He's not your partner as you are simply dating him. Also he's not alone as he has several other women on the go. Just change your phone number and don't answer your door if he comes to your house. Do you live with others don't allow them to let him in the house. Abusers are easy to get rid of when u don't live with them. Cut him off at the knees, he won't care he has other women anyways,

[Gaeta]

And I bet you keep this a secret to everyone.

 

It's time to call your mom, your dad, your siblings, and your friends and tell them all what your boyfriend is doing and that you need help to get away from him. Once you do that you can't back track, his abuse will be in the open and you'll have no choice but to face it.

[sandylee1]

You don't even live with him, so leaving him shouldn't be too difficult.

 

Cheating is almost the least of your problems. He's abusing you and making you feel you can't do any better. You can, but only if you get rid of him.

 

Don't let him take away your self respect.

 

Tell him he can speak to and sleep with as many women as he wants, but you are no longer in the relationship with him.

[lbjanieb]

I had also been in an abusive relationship and was surprised to find myself there because I previously had dated nice guys. It's a trap and I promise you it WILL NOT GET BETTER with him. Why would he ever change as long as you accept the behavior? You NEED support and NOW. Get counseling, call a hotline, go to a shelter, go to a church pastor. There is a book called the Emotionally Abused Woman and when I read it I was shocked at how much I had endured. Please get yourself out and get healthy. DO NOT move in with him because it will only escalate. Praying for you...

[spiderowl]

You need to steel yourself and harden yourself to this boyfriend. You say you don't want to leave him because you feel sorry for him? Is that really the case? Why do you feel sorry for him? You seem afraid of hurting him but he is hurting you. No-one has the right to treat you like that. Are you afraid you might be hurting yourself by leaving? That is a different matter. It always hurts when a relationship breaks up but you will become stronger by leaving and respecting yourself.

 

If he is making you feel guilty, that is emotional blackmail. You will need to harden yourself to that and remind yourself that it is his own fault you are leaving. If he had respected you and treated you well, there would be no need. He has had plenty of chances.

 

He is totally disrespecting you by trying to introduce a third person into your relationship. Perhaps you do not feel you have value and that you deserve respect? You do and that should be the baseline for any relationship you have. If they do not respect you, they do not deserve you. It is very simple. Emotional blackmail is wrong and it does put you under pressure. Be prepared to withstand that pressure. If you can, make contact with friends who can support you in this. I sense that your boyfriend is not the kind to give you up easily. It would be too much of an affront to his ego to have a woman walk out on him. If you move out, don't tell him where you are going and swear friends to secrecy.