Dumped and work together

[Maldives]

Keep this as a lesson for the future. When women say that they mean it AT THAT MOMENT. As guys we tend to cling onto stuff like that.

 

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean S*&t.

 

"AT THAT MOMENT" that's gold that's the best thing I've read about this situation right there that makes a hell of a lot of sense. It's funny wen we men see logic in the emotional state the penny drops. Frightening tho isn't it to be up to speed wth there emotions. A lot of it was handling and accepting a woman wth kids it wasn't easy. New post above that's the part im upset about she knew clearly It wasny working out but moved here anyway and begged to try and make it work. Wen she moved up I hadn't really forms a large network of go friends up here and really started to reconnect wth her. The custody battle ensued and caused lots of problems for me and her well for at least 2 or 3 mths before it settled. It all went pear shape when she lost her son. I noticed she was different towards me. By September we we re e just floating around and she'd u know sms m3 after wOrkney say like shopping night she'doesn't message me wat im doing just as the shops were closing and we were going home u know like availing spending time wth me and it got to a point where I'd had 3nough and a fight and that was it

[Marc878]

Love is blind but from reading your posts your X was not a keeper and like many you couldn't or wouldn't see it.

 

You my friend are better off. Trust me!!!!

[Maldives]

You know they say past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. And she has quite a history of leaving loved ones behind in the dust. I honestly just think she has bigger problems than you can even fathom that enable her to do this type of irresponsible stuff that would never occur to most parents. She probably isn't able to handle responsibility, which commitment is a part of, and who knows where it started, maybe a chaotic childhood, like maybe this is what seems normal to her. Or she just got off track sometime or was never taught to be a responsible adult.

 

The more you write about her, the more I want just say, Hey, you dodged a bullet. She's a mess. She would have created a huge mess if she had remained like family and more kids. I know it's hard to change emotions you feel, but honestly, you are probably lucky this one has walked away to wreak havoc in someone else's life and is out of yours.

 

Once you get a new girlfriend, you'll wonder what you ever saw in this one. I'm guessing you were "saving" her, because Lord knows she needs it!

 

Thanks for the feedback yes she's messy alright. Her family is kinda not that close well especially wth the dad they r hot n cold because of how she's been wether that comes from him as she would always tell me how bad his treated her mum and that she never wants to be like that. Apparentlyrics her last relationship 10 yrs he was controlling and a narcissist but having spent time wth her she's that type of person where it's always someone else's fault. I don't realy know him accept that he still wanted to be involved always in her life and she wanted nothing to do wth him yes there's definatly a pattern wth her and I knew it wen I 1st met her but put aside in my mind because of the way I felt about her. Her last ex she also met at work.. I saw how hurt she wss een she lost her son and I know how difficult it would I been for her to go back yet that's her son I couldn't imagine if my mum did that. I dono wat she tells them she probably has som plan on bringing him back up i dont kno but I know it won't be easy I saw how fierce the ex fought to get his son. He has a lot of money too

[Maldives]

Love is blind but from reading your posts your X was not a keeper and like many you couldn't or wouldn't see it.

 

You my friend are better off. Trust me!!!!

 

 

It sure is

[Maldives]

Hey everyone,

 

Most of u know my story pretty well i think.

 

A short recap together 6 yrs never easy as she had a cpl kids.

 

4 yrs into the relationship it was a dream of mine to move to a holiday destination near the beach interstate. We discussed she encouraged but it was hard on her and me.

 

We were apart 2 yrs till she moved up but she moved at a time wen we were having some problems and I thought it wasnt the best time especially since she applied for a job at the company where I work she went thru wth it anyway as better money and got it.

 

She moved she has 3 kids to 2 men one to one who's grown up now and the other 2 are 11 and 12. She left the girl behind because she didn't wanna go and took the boy who was having issues wth the dad and hadn't spoken to him for almost a yr at that stage. Anyway the father never really agreed and 2 mths in he went to court to get the kid. It was hell for me as well and I went thru a lot of **** wth that.

 

Anyway she lost him and she decided to stay while the son went back. She didn't want the ex to dictate to her how to live her life basically and stayed and the judge psssed onr of the fathers demands the son having to live no further than 25ks from him which meant if she went back she was limited in her living choices. A few mths after this she dumped me saying the feeling had all gone u know the old I love u but I'm not in love wth u. I suspected another party but she flat out denied it. 3 to 4 mths there's a guy on the scene. I'm really just trying get some insight into guess into wat people on here think 1 about her and if it was a a 3rd party.

 

I sort of found out thru fb he'd been floating around pretty close to us breaking up. As soon as a mth and remember seeing a photo of him cooking a BBQ at her bday.

She won't post a photo of them as in like u know a couple on fb as in to make it official and still claims his a friend on her posts. She calls him her good friend lol in her posts wen its just them 2 either going for a long drive or somehere enjoying a wine together but I know it's more as I've seen his car at her place late one night wen I was going home and the posts suggest more than that. Ye her place is on the way home now I go a different route after seeing that. But anyway I dono why but I seem like I can't stop trying to figure out why she's not making it official.

 

1 I think she just wants to ease her kids in wth this and probably make some crap up about me how I left lol.

 

2 she doesn't wanna look bad to people at work because everybody knows we were together at work. And

 

3 in case it doesnt work out. I guess I'm trying to work out if it always was this guy we broke up. I'm surprised she's gone for him as i wouldnt of thought he'd be her type he's fat and ye pretty ugly and she's a very sexual person where body type is important. my sister says it's attention rebound im not so sure I see them at work he's a work colleague ye talk about torture. It makes moving on hard as things get reset emotions. I guess I just want to see wat people make of her having left her kids behind and wat she's done wth me wth work thing she's basically turned my life upside down now where its hard for me to remain focused and it's thrown everything up in the air.

 

I oscillate about going back home interstate because of the challenge working wth her. It's a big company and I guess the good thing going for me is i have an excellent job there and recently got better pay etc. However it's not easy to just leave and find another job as this is probably one o the biggest co's in the country and it's a blessing there here where I live as its a holiday destination. Then I think I put so much into coming up here selling the house etc and that I tough it out. Anyway that's just to give u an idea how it's impacted me. Obviously distance of any sort is better to heal.

 

We had issues so I mean I take ownership for my end in the problems in the relationship but that's why I didn't think it was a good idea her coming up at that point but she still did and basically sold me on why we cld work. Wen we broke up all that was reversed and it was the opposite so everything she said about how we cld work was the reverse wen she broke it off. I feel really bitter and angry wth her at the way shes gone about everything I feel like it's at my expense. Mixed in wth memories of better times and missing her from time to time but not missing wat I've come to see of her.

 

Wat does everyone here think about all this? It's more about me so I guess wanting some insight into this. For a lot or our relationship I was negative about how we would work etc because of the issue of kids I found it challenging but she thought it cld but that's where I guess the bitterness comes I feel like she was just pursuing her lifestyle sometimes than us then I get all lost about it. Love to your thoughts on this

Edited April 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs, please use them

[Knix]

Well the bottom line is you can't control other people or their decisions. It sucks that she took a job at the same company as you (jeez!) but if you like the job and pay perhaps you'll outlast her. She sounds like a very confused person and I'm sorry she has so many kids involved.

 

It would be easy to say don't worry about what she's doing but that's not easy when she works at your job.. With that said it's not healthy to drive by her place and look to see who's there, figure out who she's dating/what they do together and what he looks like. That's not your business and why would you want it to be? It's also a waste of time worrying about whether or not she was seeing him before you two split up, she's not going to tell you and regardless you're split now so it's just unnecessary suffering.

 

This is a good time to move forward. Look for things that make you happy and go towards them. Completely ignore this woman, even if she's trying to get your attention (which I have a good idea she is). Date a little bit, work out, try a new sport, spend time with friends.

 

Best of luck

[Maldives]

Well the bottom line is you can't control other people or their decisions. It sucks that she took a job at the same company as you (jeez!) but if you like the job and pay perhaps you'll outlast her. She sounds like a very confused person and I'm sorry she has so many kids involved.

 

It would be easy to say don't worry about what she's doing but that's not easy when she works at your job.. With that said it's not healthy to drive by her place and look to see who's there, figure out who she's dating/what they do together and what he looks like. That's not your business and why would you want it to be? It's also a waste of time worrying about whether or not she was seeing him before you two split up, she's not going to tell you and regardless you're split now so it's just unnecessary suffering.

 

This is a good time to move forward. Look for things that make you happy and go towards them. Completely ignore this woman, even if she's trying to get your attention (which I have a good idea she is). Date a little bit, work out, try a new sport, spend time with friends.

 

Best of luck

 

Thx knix yes you r right she laughs at work very loud lol.

 

Amongst other things unfortunately it's hard to ignore her as we sit pretty near each other just this stupid work thing where our pcs have certain permissions set up and our team just happens to be next to hers I try and listen to music on the ipod wen I'm working to drown her out.

 

The other is she's seeing a guy at work lol talk about a cruel turn of events at my expense the only consolation being his fat and ugly but looks like he pays a lot attention that type.

 

It's a single floor office call centre that's why I tried to resist her going for the job but not much I can do there. Management knows but kinda don't really wanna know if u know what i mean I've tried to sit away but the manager is in a hard spot as its a real team based role.

 

That's where my challenge is. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do tonight I was thinking to myself I'll basically just bury myself behind the desk. The problem is wen u stand up and go to the kitchen etc then sometimes u see things that you'd rather not. Believe me I totally try and ignore her work.

 

Yes I'm sure she's finding it amusing. I hope one day this bites her in the back side it's one thing to suffer another to be put in such a compromising position. Even tho there were issues what I've come to learn about her is the type of woman I was with. A selfish one. Thx for your input yes sometimes I have some moments of weakness like driving passed but I've never ever contacted her after she broke it off 5 months ago and definitely don't intend to.

Save

Edited April 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~T

[angel.eyes]

From your posts, it's clear you're very angry and hurt by the breakup. That being said, stalking her Facebook page searching her photos and posts for clues, driving by her house at night to see who might be staying there, etc. is incredibly unhealthy. She is moving forward in her life while you remain mired in a dead end. You are dragging this out unnecessarily and making things way more difficult for yourself.

 

Delete her contact info. Block her on social media. Busy yourself with other things to avoid perseverating on what she might be doing and what might be going on in her life. Who cares? She's an ex. What and why she does what she does are no longer relevant in your universe. Let it go.

[Maldives]

From your posts, it's clear you're very angry and hurt by the breakup. That being said, stalking her Facebook page searching her photos and posts for clues, driving by her house at night to see who might be staying there, etc. is incredibly unhealthy. She is moving forward in her life while you remain mired in a dead end. You are dragging this out unnecessarily and making things way more difficult for yourself.

 

Delete her contact info. Block her on social media. Busy yourself with other things to avoid perseverating on what she might be doing and what might be going on in her life. Who cares? She's an ex. What and why she does what she does are no longer relevant in your universe. Let it go.

 

 

You are right Angel eyes. I think I have been and it's not a good thing.

[BluesPower]

You want the bottom line???

 

You won't like it very much. But here you go. And BTW, I'm going to be pretty correct with this, I have a lot of exp with crazy women.

 

About you... You were in love, you are a little bit weak, no offense. Hopefully you will learn from thing, get healthier, and move on sooner rather than later.

 

About her...

 

1) She is bat **** crazy. If you had a little more experience you should have seen this coming. I am betting that the sex being good clouded your judgment. But that is a guess.

 

FWIW, if you don't know it yet, there are plenty of women that you can have really good sex with. You will have a better connection with some than others.

 

2) You need to understand that she was cheating on you with the new guy. No doubt. Don't know if that makes it better or worse.

 

3) You really did nothing wrong, this is her. She is a user. She used you and dumped you and cheated on you.

 

4) Besides being BSC, she is a selfish, entitled, party girl, and not a great mom by any measure.

 

5) You are so much better off with out her, you actually dodged a huge bullet. Be glad she did not want to get married.

 

6) Move on and count your blessings.

 

That about sums it all up.

 

Questions? Comments?

[Maldives]

You want the bottom line???

 

You won't like it very much. But here you go. And BTW, I'm going to be pretty correct with this, I have a lot of exp with crazy women.

 

About you... You were in love, you are a little bit weak, no offense. Hopefully you will learn from thing, get healthier, and move on sooner rather than later.

 

About her...

 

1) She is bat **** crazy. If you had a little more experience you should have seen this coming. I am betting that the sex being good clouded your judgment. But that is a guess.

 

FWIW, if you don't know it yet, there are plenty of women that you can have really good sex with. You will have a better connection with some than others.

 

2) You need to understand that she was cheating on you with the new guy. No doubt. Don't know if that makes it better or worse.

 

3) You really did nothing wrong, this is her. She is a user. She used you and dumped you and cheated on you.

 

4) Besides being BSC, she is a selfish, entitled, party girl, and not a great mom by any measure.

 

5) You are so much better off with out her, you actually dodged a huge bullet. Be glad she did not want to get married.

 

6) Move on and count your blessings.

 

That about sums it all up.

 

Questions? Comments?

 

Haha that gave me a bit of a laugh I appreciate your input and yes you are right about the sex etc. I'm weak because of the work situation, not like you may think. I haven't contacted her once and I know I wont like one of the other poster's mentioned on here I'm angry about being manipulated to some degree as I see it. She did chase for years so I don't wanna paint a unbalanced picture of things but yes you are spot on when you say she is selfish that is correct. She was right never wrong that should of been another warning sign. I don't know about the cheating but I do believe he was in the picture early in the piece still I'm surprised because he isn't a good looking guy and over weight works where we are and wth the salary where on I wouldnt think his loaded. Posssibly could have been cheating with him I wouldn't be surprised. He probably gave her attention or something like that when we were fighting a lot. Your post doesn't upset me ive been through worse, I'm too close to it so I'm little blindsided and appreciate peoples perspective and truth in the matter. Yes I think shes one very confused soul.

[Maldives]

BTW she did wanna get married I actually proposed and we got engaged a few years back but had doubts about her and trust issues maybe my own baggage coming out there from the past but some things about her didn't add up and that could of been my baggage shes never done anything in the past for me to not trust her accept for this now. I had quiet a bit to lose so it was me protecting my assets as well. You are definatly correct about her being a user.

[Maldives]

meaning I never went through with the engagement so I guess that says a lot about where I was.

[LostThatLovinFeeling]

Hey Goodguy, you're right. Sans the children in the story, it does sound pretty familiar to me, and I totally feel and empathise where you're coming from.

 

From what you just said about the engagement - I think you truly dodged a bullet there too. All most of us guys expect is that a lady is attractive to us and most of all loyal. Sounds like she fit the former but not the latter. The entire process of forgetting is hard and I'm sure you've shared wonderful moments together, but this relationship doesn't seem any longer to fit the bill. (If it did at all, like you said about the engagement)

 

You seem like an excellent and successful guy. You can definitely do better, not just in terms of traits but also someone with less baggage that you can properly start a family with.

[Maldives]

Hey Goodguy, you're right. Sans the children in the story, it does sound pretty familiar to me, and I totally feel and empathise where you're coming from.

 

From what you just said about the engagement - I think you truly dodged a bullet there too. All most of us guys expect is that a lady is attractive to us and most of all loyal. Sounds like she fit the former but not the latter. The entire process of forgetting is hard and I'm sure you've shared wonderful moments together, but this relationship doesn't seem any longer to fit the bill. (If it did at all, like you said about the engagement)

 

You seem like an excellent and successful guy. You can definitely do better, not just in terms of traits but also someone with less baggage that you can properly start a family with.

 

 

Thank you dude for taking the time to read I hope you were able to get something out of it yes mines got that extra twist where we work together. I actually may have another problem if she applies for the role I do as its more money Fwaaag I really donno wat I'll do then she didn't apply last time but who knows what she's gonna do she's a walking disaster. Yes me and you both are good successful guys. And like you because it was a long relationship it's just gonna take some more time to get over and heal. If there is one thing I would like to share and it's only really hit me now and makes sense after many break ups and heart break and that is the easy part is healing the hard part is unraveling the damage they caused you meaning the potential baggage you cld bring with you to the next relationship. I've seen how this has sabotaged future relationships. I have trust issues because I've had cheating happen to me in the past. It's good to have your eyes open but it's also important to recognise that carrying that kinda baggage with you can not really be fare to the new person as in putting them on trial or questioning there motives all the time that's wha r baggage does. I recommend a good support network or therapist that can help you unravel the baggage and give you an awareness so you don't sabotage the next relationship. That's what is key. Anyway keep us posted on your progress.

[Maldives]

And that's not saying you sabotaged this i personally think she just gave up and couldn't wait any longer with the ldr. I donno in my experience with woman I don't mean to be stereotypical or anything but they do seem to give up a lot easier than men that's been my experience

[EmilyJane]

I don't think she was a keeper mate.

 

She doesn't seem to have a great track record at maintaining relationships. Even with her own kids.

 

Plus she seems to latch on to men to get her life fixed. Like in all the jobs she's presumably qualified for she's gone for one at your company? That if off.

 

No reason you can't start quietly looking about for other job roles.

 

I'm now getting the strangest impression you're Australian. I think from the woman who has a gaggle of kids by different guys and just keeps dumping them on other people and running away. That's a definite thing here.

[Maldives]

I don't think she was a keeper mate.

 

She doesn't seem to have a great track record at maintaining relationships. Even with her own kids.

 

Plus she seems to latch on to men to get her life fixed. Like in all the jobs she's presumably qualified for she's gone for one at your company? That if off.

 

No reason you can't start quietly looking about for other job roles.

 

I'm now getting the strangest impression you're Australian. I think from the woman who has a gaggle of kids by different guys and just keeps dumping them on other people and running away. That's a definite thing here.

 

Hi Emily Jane

 

You are spot on. Yes I'm an aussie to lol haha.

 

You are so spot on with your observations. It always teaches me something reading your take on things. Thank you.

And yes you are right that's how we met at work working together. She was still with the ex but assured me he knew it was over. I still considered it cheating and would often state that because she didn't tell him about us till he found out a few weeks later.

She's left all her kids. I'm sure she's putting on a facade about being so happy or Wtf lol.

She's doesn't have a good relationship with her father and my guess is that is where alot of her impulsiveness stems from.

 

The work thing is gonna be tricky. At the moment what seems to work is totally ignoring her and where I sit. As long as I can't see or hear her im ok im managing. The other tricky thing is if she applies for my role that means we are the same role and will sit even closer. The other problem is this is a holiday destination and it's probably the biggest company in the country I like my job too however I am thinking about other options always believe me. It's not easy to get a good job like this up here. I've considered going back home but I don't wanna decide on anything just yet and make a rash decision I might regret. My manager knows so that's a good thing.

I only see this now about her. Thats why i hesitated with her the engagement and things like that and I guess she's got a lot of baggage.

 

Btw, I did the best I can to make sure I didn't txt type haha.

 

Thanks again Emily

[Maldives]

When she applied for the role up here, I had such a bad feeling about it to the point it was making me ill from stress. It wasn't well thought out.

[Maldives]

Btw, she met her ex at work but not the one prior so I had no idea she latches on like that to men. Latches on would be the correct description too lol.

[EmilyJane]

Haha isn't it hysterical that two Aussies can recognise each other anonymously online?

 

Hey, I think sooner or later she will find another guy to latch on to or won't be able to keep the cracks from showing at work.

 

If the company is as big as you say start working on transfer opportunities. Especially as your manager is supportive.

 

I think it might be also time to refresh with some counselling for what it is worth, only because the situation is so difficult and because you've previously said you don't want to have too much baggage in the next relationship.

 

But bottom line is that this situation is temporary. You've got away from her and you seem like you've no desire to go back bar being a bit lonely. You've just got to wait out what happens at work until she stuffs up or you can get transferred.

[Maldives]

Haha isn't it hysterical that two Aussies can recognise each other anonymously online?

 

Hey, I think sooner or later she will find another guy to latch on to or won't be able to keep the cracks from showing at work.

 

If the company is as big as you say start working on transfer opportunities. Especially as your manager is supportive.

 

I think it might be also time to refresh with some counselling for what it is worth, only because the situation is so difficult and because you've previously said you don't want to have too much baggage in the next relationship.

 

But bottom line is that this situation is temporary. You've got away from her and you seem like you've no desire to go back bar being a bit lonely. You've just got to wait out what happens at work until she stuffs up or you can get transferred.

 

That's the other tricky part to this equation, the role I just started ceases down south meaning I have to apply for a role go through the interview process etc but I don't mind I can do that if I decide to go back. She's already seeing someone at our work. I'm surprised she's gone for him I never in a million years would of picked this guy. He's ugly and overweight haha so I guess it's not as bad as it could of been. She just hasn't made it official. She refers to him as her good friend lol they're more than that I'm sure but I hav no idea how she feels etc but anyway it's neither here nor there now we're over.

[Maldives]

Im going to get back in touch with a councillor I use to see years ago. She was really good and knows a little about my past. We have a counselling thing with work but I haven't found them to be as good as this lady. I actually just thought of it the other day. Yes I'm tired of taking my luggage into the next relationship im sure if I was travelling overseas they wouldn't even allow the amount I have on the plane lol.

[EmilyJane]

Im going to get back in touch with a councillor I use to see years ago. She was really good and knows a little about my past. We have a counselling thing with work but I haven't found them to be as good as this lady. I actually just thought of it the other day. Yes I'm tired of taking my luggage into the next relationship im sure if I was travelling overseas they wouldn't even allow the amount I have on the plane lol.

 

Hahahaha not allowed on the plane

 

Yup, I think this was a good thought of yours. Go see her again.

[LostThatLovinFeeling]

Thank you dude for taking the time to read I hope you were able to get something out of it yes mines got that extra twist where we work together. I actually may have another problem if she applies for the role I do as its more money Fwaaag I really donno wat I'll do then she didn't apply last time but who knows what she's gonna do she's a walking disaster. Yes me and you both are good successful guys. And like you because it was a long relationship it's just gonna take some more time to get over and heal. If there is one thing I would like to share and it's only really hit me now and makes sense after many break ups and heart break and that is the easy part is healing the hard part is unraveling the damage they caused you meaning the potential baggage you cld bring with you to the next relationship. I've seen how this has sabotaged future relationships. I have trust issues because I've had cheating happen to me in the past. It's good to have your eyes open but it's also important to recognise that carrying that kinda baggage with you can not really be fare to the new person as in putting them on trial or questioning there motives all the time that's wha r baggage does. I recommend a good support network or therapist that can help you unravel the baggage and give you an awareness so you don't sabotage the next relationship. That's what is key. Anyway keep us posted on your progress.

 

Hahaha you're right once again.

 

I've spent more time actually ruminating about "If she and I didn't work out (she was sweet, had a great family background and was supposedly very values-driven and religious), what the hell kind of hope do I have for other relationships with other girls?", and have been questioning every relationship I come across now - when I used to believe in the Disney sort of unconditional love.

 

Will definitely look for a therapist like you did, and we're all in this together - be here checking in on your progress too.