anon Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I have a question for the group. If you found out your spouse had strayed, and had been in the affair for about 85% of the time you have been married, and the OW was an ex wife, would you stay? I can't say anything more than that, I am just curious of the opinions of others around here, as this seems like a very honest, straightforward group. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 No I wouldn't stay. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I think the important consideration is, whether or not there is anything left to build on. If he cheated basically throughout your whole marriage, then there never was a marriage... just a fraud he pulled on you. That's the way I felt, because the cheating started during the engagement and only paused until a few weeks after the wedding. My take on it was, it was shattered before it even began, and therefore effectively stillborn. It never even had a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Hell no. I don't tolerate cheating no matter the circumstances. Even if its a one night stand I would leave. Even if it was just a kiss I would leave. Even if it was just an online emotional affair I would leave. Some would say my standards are too high. I would argue theirs are too low. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Everyone is going to give you their own advice, which will be different. You shouldn't make a decision based on what others would do. How long have you been married? 85% is a big part of the time, plus it's with an ex-wife. Sounds like he never truly gotten over her which makes what you two have almost like a fraud. Has it stopped? Has he said why it happened? You may love him but a marriage takes 100/100 from both sides. Anytime there is a third party involved you are subtracting out of that 100/100. What he has done is totally wreck the foundation of your marriage. Kinda like a house if the foundation is gone what is going to hold it up? Everything that is suppose to be sacred in your vows has been spit upon. Personally I don't believe I could stay in a marriage where my spouse cheated on me during the whole thing. That isn't love. It might be easy for him to say 'I love you' but action speak louder than words. He's also probably good at saying the things you want to hear. He has a moral responsibility towards YOU, his wife to treat you with all the love and compassion he can give. He has failed to live upto any of the vows he promised you. I would highly suggest seeing a counselor. For yourself. I would also suggest reading the book 'Love must be tough'. Right now he has the best of both worlds, his ego is probably soaring. I think (IMO) it's time to cut this guy down to size. Link to post Share on other sites
anon Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Thank you for the responses. Actually it isn't me it has happened to. This happened to a friend of mine recently, and you guys aren't saying anything anyone else hasn't said to her. She wants like crazy to work it out, and thinks they can get past it, but can't/won't accept the fact that the marriage is not really a marriage, and she has been used. This only happened recently, and I think that she is still basically in denial. I am hoping that soon she wakes up and really takes a look at the situation. Personally, I think there was a lot of unresolved issues before she met him. She met him right out of the relationhip he had with the ex, and put too much into the relationship too soon. Thank you for your responses, and all I can do is continue to be a friend and try to be there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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