ThisisIt606 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 I met this guy on a dating app and we’ve been out 7 times. He said he likes me and I told him I like him. We’ve been intimate, he’s also a busy med student and studies A LOT. He lets me know (about a week in advance) if he has an exam and will have to kick into higher studying gear. He next exam he told me is next Friday. We last saw each other Monday. We went to dinner (he paid) and a sports game (I paid) although he offered to reimburse me. He stayed over my place after. At the game, he seemed to be having a really good time. Had his arm around me and asked if I was a “back scratcher, rubber, or nothing” as he was rubbing my back (basically asking what I preferred). He also took his phone out to take a selfie of us. I saw he was texting someone pics of the game. After the game, he came back to my place. Our method of protection broke. I told him I'm also on the pill but I just started it again (been on it a little over a week). He wasn't confident it was working yet so he called our local 24/7 drug store to ask if plan b was in stock. It was, he said he would go out to get it and he’d be back. I told him I will come too bc I’d just be sitting at home waiting. We both went to get it (he paid) and I took it. He also bought me a new box of condoms (the brand he uses) and ripped each condom into it’s individual squares so he said it would be easier to grab (preventing a rip into the next condom). He kept apologizing and I told him it wasn’t his fault. We laughed a lot about it. I told him it was only funny bc I had access to the pill right away. He joked “I like you name, but I’m not ready to have kids with you yet” I laughed and said “understood, I’m not either”. He also said “aww our first awkward adventure together” I told him “it wasn’t that awkward” and he said “I know, wasn’t awkward at all”. We then started sharing different funny "awkward" stories. We walked home, laughing, I took the pill and we agreed I should follow-up with a test a week or so later. Then we went to bed cuddling. Tuesday AM, we cuddled after his phone alarm went off. He told me he was thinking about skipping class but decided to go anyways. He picked me up gave me a kiss/hug, told me “thanks for taking me to the game” I told him “yeah, thanks for coming. It was fun” and he said and “I’ll see you later”. When I got home from work I realized he left his phone charger. I texted to let him know and he said “ oh right! Oops. Good think I have about 7. I’ll grab it next time i’m over” I said “sounds good, enjoy the rest of your night” he replied “so much studying!” I told him good luck. Wednesday: no contact Thursday: He texted me in the evening “Hey, How was your day?” I responded 4 minutes later. Told him briefly about my day and asked “ how was your day?” NO response. It’s now the next day. Why would HE initiate convo, then be radio silent? I responded pretty quickly (less than 5 mins) so it wasn’t like a whole hour went by. We had a date last Thursday around the same time he texted me. Before our date last Thursday he said his school thing ran late and he was just getting home. So it’s possible that when he texted me last night he was at school still and his group meeting ran late. Then he got home and fell asleep? I hate making up excuses bc a quick text is so easy. What possible reason could he have for just going MIA when HE initiated convo? Is there anything I should do? I was thinking of calling him when I got out of work to just ask how things are going. He told me he finishes with classes in the early afternoon on Friday.
Redhead14 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 I met this guy on a dating app and we’ve been out 7 times. He said he likes me and I told him I like him. We’ve been intimate, he’s also a busy med student and studies A LOT. He lets me know (about a week in advance) if he has an exam and will have to kick into higher studying gear. He next exam he told me is next Friday. We last saw each other Monday. We went to dinner (he paid) and a sports game (I paid) although he offered to reimburse me. He stayed over my place after. At the game, he seemed to be having a really good time. Had his arm around me and asked if I was a “back scratcher, rubber, or nothing” as he was rubbing my back (basically asking what I preferred). He also took his phone out to take a selfie of us. I saw he was texting someone pics of the game. After the game, he came back to my place. Our method of protection broke. I told him I'm also on the pill but I just started it again (been on it a little over a week). He wasn't confident it was working yet so he called our local 24/7 drug store to ask if plan b was in stock. It was, he said he would go out to get it and he’d be back. I told him I will come too bc I’d just be sitting at home waiting. We both went to get it (he paid) and I took it. He also bought me a new box of condoms (the brand he uses) and ripped each condom into it’s individual squares so he said it would be easier to grab (preventing a rip into the next condom). He kept apologizing and I told him it wasn’t his fault. We laughed a lot about it. I told him it was only funny bc I had access to the pill right away. He joked “I like you name, but I’m not ready to have kids with you yet” I laughed and said “understood, I’m not either”. He also said “aww our first awkward adventure together” I told him “it wasn’t that awkward” and he said “I know, wasn’t awkward at all”. We then started sharing different funny "awkward" stories. We walked home, laughing, I took the pill and we agreed I should follow-up with a test a week or so later. Then we went to bed cuddling. Tuesday AM, we cuddled after his phone alarm went off. He told me he was thinking about skipping class but decided to go anyways. He picked me up gave me a kiss/hug, told me “thanks for taking me to the game” I told him “yeah, thanks for coming. It was fun” and he said and “I’ll see you later”. When I got home from work I realized he left his phone charger. I texted to let him know and he said “ oh right! Oops. Good think I have about 7. I’ll grab it next time i’m over” I said “sounds good, enjoy the rest of your night” he replied “so much studying!” I told him good luck. Wednesday: no contact Thursday: He texted me in the evening “Hey, How was your day?” I responded 4 minutes later. Told him briefly about my day and asked “ how was your day?” NO response. It’s now the next day. Why would HE initiate convo, then be radio silent? I responded pretty quickly (less than 5 mins) so it wasn’t like a whole hour went by. We had a date last Thursday around the same time he texted me. Before our date last Thursday he said his school thing ran late and he was just getting home. So it’s possible that when he texted me last night he was at school still and his group meeting ran late. Then he got home and fell asleep? I hate making up excuses bc a quick text is so easy. What possible reason could he have for just going MIA when HE initiated convo? Is there anything I should do? I was thinking of calling him when I got out of work to just ask how things are going. He told me he finishes with classes in the early afternoon on Friday. Seriously???? You wrote this much because he didn't answer A text??? Paleeze. 6
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Posted February 3, 2017 Ok, fair enough. I'm just curious if this is a freak out worthy thing or not. Wanted to provide a bit of background as well.
Ronnys93 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Just call him, give a quick check in on him to see how he's doing and end your worries. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Posted February 3, 2017 called, didn't pick up. Left a brief upbeat message and to call me back when he gets the chance. Any thoughts on this? Does it sound like he's ghosting (or already did)? Or is this still all premature and I shouldn't worry yet..?
Sara1989 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 called, didn't pick up. Left a brief upbeat message and to call me back when he gets the chance. Any thoughts on this? Does it sound like he's ghosting (or already did)? Or is this still all premature and I shouldn't worry yet..? What is contact usually like?
introverted1 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Do you know what exam he's taking today? If it's one of the Step exams, it's a huge deal and an 8-hour test!
Lilyana76 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Exam time is rough, I would give him some time to respond. Relax, take a deep breath. Don't go crazy with text and calls... give him a little time.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Posted February 3, 2017 I didn't text/call anymore. He responded via text. He said the reception sucks in his school and his text never went through last night. He asked if I was free for lunch this weekend. I said I was and we decided on a place/date. Then made some small talk about if I had any fun plans/what he's doing. Everything worked out fine...I don't think I over reacted as I just placed one call on my break the next day after not hearing back. I DO find it a little odd that it took me calling for him to realize his text didn't go through (since he knows school connection is bad). I'm just going to enjoy the lunch date and not bring this up again as it seems to be resolved. he seems to be a bit more aware of communication now. Also just as note his exam wasn't today it's Next Friday. Today was whatever his regular friday classes are
Miss Spider Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Thursday: He texted me in the evening “Hey, How was your day?” I responded 4 minutes later. Told him briefly about my day and asked “ how was your day?” NO response. It’s now the next day. Why would HE initiate convo, then be radio silent? What possible reason could he have for just going MIA when HE initiated convo? Keeps you on the hook without having to actually having to do any work. You are not his priority right now and you really should try to chill because if this is what your brain does when he doesn't answer a text I can only imagine what it will do when this thing ends. 2
ReformedPUA Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) So you're the same woman who worried about whether she should text this guy to tell him he left his charger at your place, and (earlier on) to see if he was feeling better from the stomach flu. All this angst over a silly text. In all 3 threads. I can only imagine what you'd be like 3 months in, a year in, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, in all of your threads you were making a huge deal about nothing. I mean, a guy wouldn't stop being into you because you deigned to send him a text checking in on if he is feeling better from the stomach flu. Geeze Louise! OP, you seem to spin way too much. Meanwhile this guy is getting ready for his exams, you really need to chill out, THAT is your huge problem here. Edited February 3, 2017 by ReformedPUA 3
joseb Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Honestly, I can't believe you would write all of this about pregnancy scares, who pays for what, etc and the punchline is so unimportant and irrelevant. He is busy with exams and he initiated texting you, but rather than be pleased, you are annoyed because he didn't want to waste hours in meaningless back and forth texting. If you keep on like this he will tire of it pretty quickly. 4
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Honestly, I can't believe you would write all of this about pregnancy scares, who pays for what, etc and the punchline is so unimportant and irrelevant. He is busy with exams and he initiated texting you, but rather than be pleased, you are annoyed because he didn't want to waste hours in meaningless back and forth texting. If you keep on like this he will tire of it pretty quickly. Ok least reel, back. The pregnancy scare was scary and more so for me because it is MY body, MY potential pregnancy and would be MY abortion. I have been more sensitive due to this. While he can carry on with life ( the joys of being a man) So to have him initiate a text and then drop of was unsettling for me. He only "came back" when he received my ONE (singular call). THat's all I did in follow-up ( didn't not send mult texts or text again asking why he hasn't answered. If his reception was bad at school, he wasn't there all day/night. Could have texted when he was home, but didn't. I realize it's not THAT big of a deal in the grande scheme of things but after you have a pregnancy scare and someone doesn't respond (or doesn't later tell me that had bad reception) is unsettling. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 So you're the same woman who worried about whether she should text this guy to tell him he left his charger at your place, and (earlier on) to see if he was feeling better from the stomach flu. All this angst over a silly text. In all 3 threads. I can only imagine what you'd be like 3 months in, a year in, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, in all of your threads you were making a huge deal about nothing. I mean, a guy wouldn't stop being into you because you deigned to send him a text checking in on if he is feeling better from the stomach flu. Geeze Louise! OP, you seem to spin way too much. Meanwhile this guy is getting ready for his exams, you really need to chill out, THAT is your huge problem here. The charger thing was THREE of my friends adamantly saying DO NOT text, I will look clingy, etc. I thought that was completely absurd and saw no reason not to text. I just wanted to take it here to ask the opinions of others to make sure I wasn't off in my thinking (and I wasn't). We also haven't defined the relationship, so... he can carry on his merry way breaking condoms and not answering texts, while I'm left in quite a questioning state. Ya feel me now? Make more sense where I'm coming from? Sometimes of the times I do need to chill. These posts show my "freak outs" however all HE received was ONE phone call, that's it. Phone conversations are better than text anyways because someone generally can't go mute and not talk on the phone. All i'm saying is for him not to figure out his text didn't go through, have a pregnancy scare, and no upcoming date to see me... all in combo makes me a bit unsettled. HOWEVER... we do have a date scheduled this weekend and I'm note bringing this up bc it's over and done with. In a few dates ( if I still like him and if he seems to have enough time, I'll have a DTR talk).
Dis Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Ok least reel, back. The pregnancy scare was scary and more so for me because it is MY body, MY potential pregnancy and would be MY abortion. I have been more sensitive due to this. While he can carry on with life ( the joys of being a man) So to have him initiate a text and then drop of was unsettling for me. He only "came back" when he received my ONE (singular call). THat's all I did in follow-up ( didn't not send mult texts or text again asking why he hasn't answered. If his reception was bad at school, he wasn't there all day/night. Could have texted when he was home, but didn't. I realize it's not THAT big of a deal in the grande scheme of things but after you have a pregnancy scare and someone doesn't respond (or doesn't later tell me that had bad reception) is unsettling. Why were you surprised about possibly being pregnant when you're not using birth control??? I dont know why but it IRKS me to no end when I hear women (and men) not using birth control but are somehow surprised when they have a pregnancy scare or actually do become pregnant Please protect your health and your future and use condoms!!! Also...go get tested for STIs I agree with the others...you've been overthinking every....little...detail thats not even indicative of a problem Stop driving yourself crazy and take a deep breath If he's doing a slow fade right now....then its going to be what its going to be...you cant control the future....all you can do is try not to overthink things and know you'll be fine no matter the outcome 2
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Do you know what exam he's taking today? If it's one of the Step exams, it's a huge deal and an 8-hour test! The exam was not today, it's next friday and it's a regular classroom exam. Not any boards or application exam
Dis Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Edit to my previous post If you have a problem with condoms breaking Theres an easy solution Oral contraceptives or IUD Either one and do it sooner than later
Dis Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 The charger thing was THREE of my friends adamantly saying DO NOT text, I will look clingy, etc. I thought that was completely absurd and saw no reason not to text. I just wanted to take it here to ask the opinions of others to make sure I wasn't off in my thinking (and I wasn't). We also haven't defined the relationship, so... he can carry on his merry way breaking condoms and not answering texts, while I'm left in quite a questioning state. Ya feel me now? Make more sense where I'm coming from? Sometimes of the times I do need to chill. These posts show my "freak outs" however all HE received was ONE phone call, that's it. Phone conversations are better than text anyways because someone generally can't go mute and not talk on the phone. All i'm saying is for him not to figure out his text didn't go through, have a pregnancy scare, and no upcoming date to see me... all in combo makes me a bit unsettled. HOWEVER... we do have a date scheduled this weekend and I'm note bringing this up bc it's over and done with. In a few dates ( if I still like him and if he seems to have enough time, I'll have a DTR talk). Is having sex with him without being in an exclusive relationship a good idea for you??? It doesnt seem like it
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Why were you surprised about possibly being pregnant when you're not using birth control??? I dont know why but it IRKS me to no end when I hear women (and men) not using birth control but are somehow surprised when they have a pregnancy scare or actually do become pregnant Please protect your health and your future and use condoms!!! Also...go get tested for STIs I agree with the others...you've been overthinking every....little...detail thats not even indicative of a problem Stop driving yourself crazy and take a deep breath If he's doing a slow fade right now....then its going to be what its going to be...you cant control the future....all you can do is try not to overthink things and know you'll be fine no matter the outcome yeah, people that don't use birth control... I can't fathom. However WE/I did. We used a condom (which broke) and I'm on the pill. however it has only been a little over a week on the pill. I'd rather be safe than sorry so I took plan B within a few hours of the condom breaking. We already talked about STIs and we're both clean. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Edit to my previous post If you have a problem with condoms breaking Theres an easy solution Oral contraceptives or IUD Either one and do it sooner than later I'm on the pill again but it has only been for a little over a week. He wasn't confident I was fully protected yet ( even though my pack said I was) so he bought me plan b.
ReformedPUA Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 The charger thing was THREE of my friends adamantly saying DO NOT text, I will look clingy, etc. I thought that was completely absurd and saw no reason not to text. I just wanted to take it here to ask the opinions of others to make sure I wasn't off in my thinking (and I wasn't). We also haven't defined the relationship, so... he can carry on his merry way breaking condoms and not answering texts, while I'm left in quite a questioning state. Ya feel me now? Make more sense where I'm coming from? Sometimes of the times I do need to chill. These posts show my "freak outs" however all HE received was ONE phone call, that's it. Phone conversations are better than text anyways because someone generally can't go mute and not talk on the phone. All i'm saying is for him not to figure out his text didn't go through, have a pregnancy scare, and no upcoming date to see me... all in combo makes me a bit unsettled. HOWEVER... we do have a date scheduled this weekend and I'm note bringing this up bc it's over and done with. In a few dates ( if I still like him and if he seems to have enough time, I'll have a DTR talk). Actually, not really. I mean, this is the third time you freaked out. The first being when he was sick, the second over the silly phone charger thing. You really do need to chill out OP. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 (edited) Girl. You have zero chill. Your anxiety and lack of confidence are leaping through the screen. If we can sense it, he definitely can. You need to relax and not over-analyze so much. You're creating problems where there really aren't any. What's the reason you have so much self-doubt? And PS: You need to not take the advice of these friends who clearly don't have much experience with men. The ones who advised you that you would look clingy for letting him know he forgot his charger are plain silly. Edited February 4, 2017 by ExpatInItaly 3
leogirl876 Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 Please chill out!!! He's in medical school. Do you have any idea how busy he is? I'm finishing my master's in public health and let me tell you how busy I was with just that. An ex of mine was a lot like you and it drove me away. He'd freak out if I didn't text him back right away or if I'd forget to call him back. We were together for like 4 years and he was so needy and clingy I couldn't take it. He still calls me sometimes and it drives me nuts. If you're not busy, get busy and find hobbies. If you like this guy, then find things to do because he'll get tired of your anxiety.
Dis Posted February 4, 2017 Posted February 4, 2017 yeah, people that don't use birth control... I can't fathom. However WE/I did. We used a condom (which broke) and I'm on the pill. however it has only been a little over a week on the pill. I'd rather be safe than sorry so I took plan B within a few hours of the condom breaking. We already talked about STIs and we're both clean. I'm on the pill again but it has only been for a little over a week. He wasn't confident I was fully protected yet ( even though my pack said I was) so he bought me plan b. I'm SO glad you're using birth control! Kuddos on getting plan B! Very proactive step right there I would like to mention that until you two are exclusive you still NEED to use condoms. You have no way of knowing if he's sleeping with other women and if he is....you are too. Condoms and the pill are needed in this situation I do emapthize with your anxiety. I used to be very anxious regarding the guys I dated. I worked myself up into a frenzy sometimes There really is no quick fix for it though. I think its just a process of discovering that you dont need him or any other guy to be a whole, happy person...as well knowing that you ARE ok no matter the outcome Focusing on other things helps. That puts things into perspective. Knowing that you have a whole life, career, school, friends, family etc that will continue to be a part of your life well after some guys takes off or well after he stays Catch yourself when you're thoughts snowball. Check yourself. Breathe After reading your threads, I dont think you can handle having a sexual relationship with this guy without exclusivity...and theres nothing wrong with that. I couldnt do it..which is why I wait until I'm in an exclusive relationship for sex. Figure out what you're comfortable with and dont compromise on your boundaries Lastly, if you cant date without experiencing this over the top anxiety...take yourself off the market for awhile and learn to depend and rely on yourself
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 Please chill out!!! He's in medical school. Do you have any idea how busy he is? I'm finishing my master's in public health and let me tell you how busy I was with just that. An ex of mine was a lot like you and it drove me away. He'd freak out if I didn't text him back right away or if I'd forget to call him back. We were together for like 4 years and he was so needy and clingy I couldn't take it. He still calls me sometimes and it drives me nuts. If you're not busy, get busy and find hobbies. If you like this guy, then find things to do because he'll get tired of your anxiety. I have LOTS of hobbies, so many it raises eyebrows because people aren't used to all my "activities". Been there and done that with the advanced degree. I told him I was crazy busy with it and always studying. It wasn't a "wah he didn't text me back" it's a lack of consideration that he didn't realize/resent/explain that his text didn't go through that got me upset in light of recent events. I'm not your ex bf... I called him ONCE. I think people are forgetting it was ONCE as in 1 as in singular. Calling is mature. Much more mature instead of sending multiple hey what's up? did you get my text? etc texts. If I don't have a lot to do at work, it's not like I can leave. So I treat this board as a diary that can talk back. Is great entertainment.
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