I don't know anymore

[gothingitup]

I'm not too sure how to properly start this or if it's gonna make sense or whatever but here we go...

 

I'm a 23 year old female, I've been with my now 29 year old boyfriend for almost 18 months, in that time he's kissed/flirted/sexted a coworker and lied to me about it, I found out and he deleted all her contact information from his phone/tablet etc and yes, I stayed with him and things seemed to be going good, or so I though, a few days after my birthday and a few days before our anniversary, I found out he was back in contact with her(on Snapchat, which was the same way as before) and had been for a few weeks, obviously lying to me about it, I saw some of the messages he'd sent her and he was speaking to her/treating her like he should have been me...he's never treated me like that or spoke to me like it, he always told me he didnt compliment me because he always found it difficult in a relationship but was giving her ones left, right and centre, and you guessed it....I gave him another chance...but all his friends were told what a scumbag he had been and he's been forced to delete Snapchat completely(he has no other social media accounts)

Through all of this, I was staying at his, looking after and feeding his two dogs and making sure there's a cooked meal when he got in from work, as well as getting him groceries etc

 

it's 5 months since then and anytime I've brought it up or had insecurities about it(I will say now that I suffer from quite bad anxiety, depression and low self esteem), he's since told me that me in lingerie doesn't excite him and he still never gives me compliments and any time I have cripling insecurities/worries etc due to my axiety, he makes things worse by giving out or telling me to 'stop it' or to 'stop overreacting' or gets annoyed if I get upset etc(which for anyone who has anxiety, is possibly the worst thing to do) because it makes me second guess myself and not want to tell him things in case he reacts like that

 

I'm a large woman(UK22), which he has always says doesn't bother him in any way, yet I've also found him looking up ways to get me to lose weight and he's pretty much/indirectly told me he would rather watch porn than have sex with me, which has made me stop/severely reduce eating multiple times for an extended period of time

 

Our sex life is also getting worse as I'm not 'cumming' evey time during penetration and he's starting to get really pissed off about it which is stressing me out and upsetting me which is definitely not helping things, he'll mention it every time it happens, I tried to make suggestions, that if they didn't work we'd try something else but he then started twisting my words and putting words in my mouth etc and that's now adding even more strain to the relationship

 

This may seem completely stupid to some people but to me, and hopefully to others, it's incredibly serious, I've cried myself to sleep...and burst into tears when he's left a room many times and I constantly ask myself why I stay, I constantly doubt myself and ask myself if I'm just being stupid

I love this man with all my heart despite everything that's happened...but he doesn't love me and he has told me that.

 

I need advice..or if there's anyone else in a similar situation, how do you do it?

 

I do apologise for this being so long and probably tedious but that's my story/problems

 

Thank you for reading!

[Redhead14]

I'm not too sure how to properly start this or if it's gonna make sense or whatever but here we go...

 

I'm a 23 year old female, I've been with my now 29 year old boyfriend for almost 18 months, in that time he's kissed/flirted/sexted a coworker and lied to me about it, I found out and he deleted all her contact information from his phone/tablet etc and yes, I stayed with him and things seemed to be going good, or so I though, a few days after my birthday and a few days before our anniversary, I found out he was back in contact with her(on Snapchat, which was the same way as before) and had been for a few weeks, obviously lying to me about it, I saw some of the messages he'd sent her and he was speaking to her/treating her like he should have been me...he's never treated me like that or spoke to me like it, he always told me he didnt compliment me because he always found it difficult in a relationship but was giving her ones left, right and centre, and you guessed it....I gave him another chance...but all his friends were told what a scumbag he had been and he's been forced to delete Snapchat completely(he has no other social media accounts)

Through all of this, I was staying at his, looking after and feeding his two dogs and making sure there's a cooked meal when he got in from work, as well as getting him groceries etc

 

it's 5 months since then and anytime I've brought it up or had insecurities about it(I will say now that I suffer from quite bad anxiety, depression and low self esteem), he's since told me that me in lingerie doesn't excite him and he still never gives me compliments and any time I have cripling insecurities/worries etc due to my axiety, he makes things worse by giving out or telling me to 'stop it' or to 'stop overreacting' or gets annoyed if I get upset etc(which for anyone who has anxiety, is possibly the worst thing to do) because it makes me second guess myself and not want to tell him things in case he reacts like that

 

I'm a large woman(UK22), which he has always says doesn't bother him in any way, yet I've also found him looking up ways to get me to lose weight and he's pretty much/indirectly told me he would rather watch porn than have sex with me, which has made me stop/severely reduce eating multiple times for an extended period of time

 

Our sex life is also getting worse as I'm not 'cumming' evey time during penetration and he's starting to get really pissed off about it which is stressing me out and upsetting me which is definitely not helping things, he'll mention it every time it happens, I tried to make suggestions, that if they didn't work we'd try something else but he then started twisting my words and putting words in my mouth etc and that's now adding even more strain to the relationship

 

This may seem completely stupid to some people but to me, and hopefully to others, it's incredibly serious, I've cried myself to sleep...and burst into tears when he's left a room many times and I constantly ask myself why I stay, I constantly doubt myself and ask myself if I'm just being stupid

I love this man with all my heart despite everything that's happened...but he doesn't love me and he has told me that.

 

I need advice..or if there's anyone else in a similar situation, how do you do it?

 

I do apologise for this being so long and probably tedious but that's my story/problems

 

Thank you for reading!

 

 

... , how do you do it? -- I have never nor will I ever be in your position. I would not stay with a man that gave me real reason to feel insecure in the relationship, who lies to me and attempts to criticize/manipulate me.

 

Through all of this, I was staying at his, looking after and feeding his two dogs and making sure there's a cooked meal when he got in from work, as well as getting him groceries etc -- Nor would I take on the role of a wife until I am actually his wife . . . especially if he has said "but he doesn't love me and he has told me that."

 

he makes things worse by giving out or telling me to 'stop it' or to 'stop overreacting' or gets annoyed if I get upset etc(which for anyone who has anxiety, is possibly the worst thing to do) because it makes me second guess myself and not want to tell him things in case he reacts like that -- This man has given you real reasons to feel insecure and anxious and he knows it. He spins it back on you. That is manipulative and insensitive. It is called "gaslighting".

 

Get out of the relationship and start focusing on becoming a strong, secure, mature, independent woman who expects more of and for herself. Stop clinging to a relationship just to be able to say you are in a relationship. You are in a co-dependent relationship at the very best.

[d0nnivain]

I wouldn't put up with it. It doesn't matter that you love him. He Lied to you & he remains in contact with another woman.

 

 

Love doesn't fix dishonesty.

[Tribble]

You leave. That is the only solution. You put your mental health above his selfish a**. No relationship is worth this pain. You can't possibly love someone this mean, disrespectful and deceitful. I honestly don't understand why people fear being single so much. Surely being alone is better than this situation??

[preraph]

He's got you just mothering and taking care of him which frees him up to pursue sexual relationships. I would not stay for that!

[anuba]

Wow. Stop this!

 

You are wasting your love and yourself on the wrong person.

 

I know it's not easy but it is so much better to be on your own than to be stuck being a doormat to someone because you love him.

 

You can't change how you feel about him, but you can change how you deal with it...

[Whodatdog]

So you are with him....why? He doesnt love you, he talks horribly to you, does nothing for you, you cook and clean and take care of the house and dogs, and give him sex. He stays involved with another woman who he's make it obvious he's in love with.

 

Whats in it for you?

Edited February 4, 2017 by Whodatdog

[TheAntiHero]

I mean the solution is simple.

 

This guy can't be trusted and you stay? I don't get it.

[Sweetfish]

I'm not too sure how to properly start this or if it's gonna make sense or whatever but here we go...

 

I'm a 23 year old female, I've been with my now 29 year old boyfriend for almost 18 months, in that time he's kissed/flirted/sexted a coworker and lied to me about it, I found out and he deleted all her contact information from his phone/tablet etc and yes, I stayed with him and things seemed to be going good, or so I though, a few days after my birthday and a few days before our anniversary, I found out he was back in contact with her(on Snapchat, which was the same way as before) and had been for a few weeks, obviously lying to me about it, I saw some of the messages he'd sent her and he was speaking to her/treating her like he should have been me...he's never treated me like that or spoke to me like it, he always told me he didnt compliment me because he always found it difficult in a relationship but was giving her ones left, right and centre, and you guessed it....I gave him another chance...but all his friends were told what a scumbag he had been and he's been forced to delete Snapchat completely(he has no other social media accounts)

Through all of this, I was staying at his, looking after and feeding his two dogs and making sure there's a cooked meal when he got in from work, as well as getting him groceries etc

 

it's 5 months since then and anytime I've brought it up or had insecurities about it(I will say now that I suffer from quite bad anxiety, depression and low self esteem), he's since told me that me in lingerie doesn't excite him and he still never gives me compliments and any time I have cripling insecurities/worries etc due to my axiety, he makes things worse by giving out or telling me to 'stop it' or to 'stop overreacting' or gets annoyed if I get upset etc(which for anyone who has anxiety, is possibly the worst thing to do) because it makes me second guess myself and not want to tell him things in case he reacts like that

 

I'm a large woman(UK22), which he has always says doesn't bother him in any way, yet I've also found him looking up ways to get me to lose weight and he's pretty much/indirectly told me he would rather watch porn than have sex with me, which has made me stop/severely reduce eating multiple times for an extended period of time

 

Our sex life is also getting worse as I'm not 'cumming' evey time during penetration and he's starting to get really pissed off about it which is stressing me out and upsetting me which is definitely not helping things, he'll mention it every time it happens, I tried to make suggestions, that if they didn't work we'd try something else but he then started twisting my words and putting words in my mouth etc and that's now adding even more strain to the relationship

 

This may seem completely stupid to some people but to me, and hopefully to others, it's incredibly serious, I've cried myself to sleep...and burst into tears when he's left a room many times and I constantly ask myself why I stay, I constantly doubt myself and ask myself if I'm just being stupid

I love this man with all my heart despite everything that's happened...but he doesn't love me and he has told me that.

 

I need advice..or if there's anyone else in a similar situation, how do you do it?

 

I do apologise for this being so long and probably tedious but that's my story/problems

 

Thank you for reading!

 

It appears your dealing with a narcissist. While many people think they know what a narcissist is, they really don't. A narcissist is a clinically broken individual who only see people as objects. They will never see a person for who they are ever, because the narcissist them self is not capable of loving another individual.

 

Your boyfriend is with you because you put him on a pedestal and your lack of self-esteem and insecurity is the engine that drives the dynamics of your relationship. He gets his narcissistic supply of you putting him on a pedestal and in return you chase him because he trapped you initially by love bombing you when he needed a victim... Now he has found another victim and uses you and her for his bidding.

 

I suggest you leave this relationship immediately. But this is my advice to you.

 

Do you want to be with someone who will ultimately never love you and systematically damaging your core being that you will will carry for life?

 

If you have family or friends I would confine in them and leave this man.

 

If your concerned about your weight which size 22 UK is very manageable... you can easily just start slowly dieting and walking or working out... I would think there are many gyms you can go were you can join up with other women and befriend other women and build your self-esteem, lose weight, and make friends. You are so young and have plenty of time to find the right man.. There are so many out their that will treat you like a queen even at a size 24.

 

You wasted so much time with this guy and he is burying your self esteem.

 

Good luck and if you have any other concerns... please ask. Its going to be a painful battle... but the main objective is to win the war.

[SaltAndLight]

That is definitely a relationship you should not be in.