Met a guy for 36 hours... After 9 days, I traveled to another country with him.

[skinnychowder]

(This going to be a detailed breakdown of what happened so you can fully analyze my situation.)

 

I met this guy through Tinder one Sunday evening. He was visiting South Korea where I live (FYI I'm a Eurasian expat working here while he's Norwegian-American) from China where he's interning for 3 months. Our initial meeting was nothing special. There's this gorgeous blonde, 6'5 guy who dresses well, sounds American (which appealed to me right away since I put a huge stress on English proficiency) but not really my type. I didn't read too much into our first meeting although I felt oddly comfortable around him like we've know each other for years. Not to solidify Tinder's running stigma but he did end up going home with me. I took a leave off work so I can spend my whole Monday with him. He also canceled his tour trip so he could with me. We just stayed in my room the whole day and night, mostly just talked (also had sex once). I haven't met anyone before whom I could talk to continuously without having awkward moments in between. It was amazing. He had to leave for Japan the next day and we continued speaking. He wanted me to fly to Japan and offered to spot half my ticket there but I couldn't coz of work. That's when we decided to meet in another country after a week. He flew back to Norway from Japan to be with his family (even cut his trip short home to a few days so he can accommodate Thailand in his schedule). He told his parents about me too that he's gonna be off traveling to another country with a girl he just meet for a couple of hours. After 9 days since our initial meeting, we both flew to Thailand and had the most amazing 6 days there. It was easily the best trip of my life and I am a well-traveled person. Yes, we ed like bunnies while we were there. Every opportunity available, we would have sex. We also spent quality time together, touring the island we stayed at and talked al ot. He wasn't much of a sweet talker but he would always ask if I was happy because that's what matters to him.

 

He had to leave earlier than me. I was unexpectedly devastated. As a matter of fact, I tried not to cry but I did. Weird thing is not once did we talk about what's after Thailand. The closest we got was saying how much we enjoyed the trip and each other's company nothing more. I decided to rebook my ticket to go home the same night coz I was so out of it. Now it's been a week since the trip. He's in Denmark right now for his new job's orientation. Next week he's going back to Norway to start his job there. He's extremely busy and barely goes online. We talk but not the same way we did beore. Only when it's necessary. Also time difference doesn't help.

 

I know it's too early to ask and I know Norwegian men are just not expressive in general plus the concept of dating is alien to them. I've never been pro-LDR but this guy got me reconsidering the idea. I am just getting over a guy I was seeing a couple months back and here I am again with another problem. I didn't want to get into anything serious since I'll be leaving the country but I can't stop thinking about him and the possibility of getting together even if it's long distance.

 

I guess my question is, since we don't talk as much anymore, he doesn't initiate convos regularly like he did in the past, do you think he's not interested in me? Was our trip to Thailand a holiday romance I should just move on from? I really like him and I want to tell him I do but I am afraid of the consequences of my words.

 

Help. I haven't been functioning properly the past week since I've been back from Thailand.

 

 

 

PS. I am moving to Spain from South Korea around October and also just recently decided to visit my auntie in Norway.

[Miss Spider]

Wow.

 

Starting a relationship from long distance is very tricky. Both people need to really want it. I suppose if you think there is was a good enough connection it wouldn't hurt to ask.

[kidm]

Has he hinted in his post-trip communications that he would like to see you again? The fact that his communication has decreased doesn't bode well for a relationship. Also you both live in different countries so it make the chances of something substantive and long term even more less likely. I'd say his lack of communication may be telling- this may have been an exciting one-time fling or you could be relegated to a long distance f**k acquaintance if he's looking for some excitement. At this point, you might as well ask to see where his head is at but it doesn't sound promising based on what you've described. I wouldn't be surprised if this is not his first rodeo with something like this.

[basil67]

It sounds like a glorious holiday romance. Wrap it up as a wonderful memory and move on.

[skinnychowder]

We have not discussed anything remotely close to future plans. I am trying hard to move past this as I am not very enthusiastic about LDRs myself but I have been in a full-blown funk this week. He has been extremely which I respect that's why I don't message him. It may or may not be the reason.

 

I know he hasn't done this before. The guy abstained from sex/dating and alcohol for 3 years and only got back to it mid last year so I know for a fact he isn't a playboy/****boy.

[PogoStick]

Tell him how you feel. It won't hurt anything. But be prepared to learn (sooner or later) that he's moving on now that you're apart.

[skinnychowder]

Has he hinted in his post-trip communications that he would like to see you again? The fact that his communication has decreased doesn't bode well for a relationship. Also you both live in different countries so it make the chances of something substantive and long term even more less likely. I'd say his lack of communication may be telling- this may have been an exciting one-time fling or you could be relegated to a long distance f**k acquaintance if he's looking for some excitement. At this point, you might as well ask to see where his head is at but it doesn't sound promising based on what you've described. I wouldn't be surprised if this is not his first rodeo with something like this.

We have not discussed anything remotely close to future plans. I am trying hard to move past this as I am not very enthusiastic about LDRs myself but I have been in a full-blown funk this week. He has been extremely which I respect that's why I don't message him. It may or may not be the reason.

 

I know he hasn't done this before. The guy abstained from sex/dating and alcohol for 3 years and only got back to it mid last year so I know for a fact he isn't a playboy/****boy.

[skinnychowder]

Tell him how you feel. It won't hurt anything. But be prepared to learn (sooner or later) that he's moving on now that you're apart.

I'm gonna wait it out one more week if I do it. But a guy would go as far as coming back to Asia if he only wanted to ****? and if he did have feelings beyond physical, could it have fizzled out hence our current situation?

[anna121]

Yes I think you should move on.

 

First of all you can't take anything he says about himself at face value. You have no idea what his past was - I am not saying he is a liar but you simply do not know.

 

What you describe sounds like great chemistry aided by the unreality of being in Thailand with no real responsibilities. That's great, but that really doesn't tell you anything more than you enjoy having sex and can talk.

 

If he was keeping in touch, telling you about his feelings, making plans to see you again that would be more hopeful but until any of those things happen you need to be very realistic and, frankly, ruthless.

 

A SK-Norway LDR would be very tough even for an established couple, obviously, and it doesn't sound likely to change.

 

As far as "well, but why would he have done XYZ?"...that's a fool's game. Your focus needs to be on what he is doing NOW. And, taking a hard look at the situation.

 

Sorry to be a downer, but that's my $.02.

[kidm]

We have not discussed anything remotely close to future plans. I am trying hard to move past this as I am not very enthusiastic about LDRs myself but I have been in a full-blown funk this week. He has been extremely which I respect that's why I don't message him. It may or may not be the reason.

 

I know he hasn't done this before. The guy abstained from sex/dating and alcohol for 3 years and only got back to it mid last year so I know for a fact he isn't a playboy/****boy.

 

You barely know him so you don't know anything for a fact. Even if what you're saying is true, he went from O to 100 very quickly. Abstinence and now gallivanting around the world and having a brief fling and then tapering off communication.

 

 

Anyway I think you lay your cards on the table and go from there but usually, if you have to ask a guy how he feels about you and if he sees a relationship forming, the answer is probably no.

[skinnychowder]

Yes I think you should move on.

 

First of all you can't take anything he says about himself at face value. You have no idea what his past was - I am not saying he is a liar but you simply do not know.

 

What you describe sounds like great chemistry aided by the unreality of being in Thailand with no real responsibilities. That's great, but that really doesn't tell you anything more than you enjoy having sex and can talk.

 

If he was keeping in touch, telling you about his feelings, making plans to see you again that would be more hopeful but until any of those things happen you need to be very realistic and, frankly, ruthless.

 

A SK-Norway LDR would be very tough even for an established couple, obviously, and it doesn't sound likely to change.

 

As far as "well, but why would he have done XYZ?"...that's a fool's game. Your focus needs to be on what he is doing NOW. And, taking a hard look at the situation.

 

Sorry to be a downer, but that's my $.02.

Yea, I'm slowly accepting the situation. It's cut and dry. if he wanted to anything more, he should've continued to communicate with me. I'm still a tad hopeful. Not as much but it's still there. I should've laid everything out before going on the trip.

[Ronnys93]

I think if it's bothering you so much, you should definitely consider reopening communication to see where he stands. Assess his response, and go from there. Worst/most likely case scenario is that you'll have to move on.