Mjm1014 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Just wondering your thoughts, good or bad idea...she's never gone skiing before and asked me if I would teach her this weekend for our second date. Part of me thinks, wow we get to spend almost the entire day together, I get to show her how to do something I'm good at, but the other part of me thinks, it's not very romantic, it's going to be expensive for me, and that's a lot of time to spend with one another (more time to screw up around her). its a 2 hour drive up and 2 hours back plus hours on the mountain. I've always heard that the first and second date should be relatively short so this will be against the norm, but she called last week and asked if I would teach her. She seems very excited and so am I, but at the same time, I'm wondering if it will backfire especially if she gets frustrated learning/too much time together. Plus, I'm not really sure her interest level in my completely since she rarely reaches out to me between dates (and she blew me off last time I asked her out), options please. Regardless I'm most likely going because I don't want to disappoint her, and to be honest I'm very excited, but I feel like it might be a very stupid move on my part by agreeeing to this on date two. Edited February 2, 2017 by Mjm1014
kidm Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 It's always a good idea to go a few dates and make sure the person is genuinely interested, get to know each other better and make sure you are on the same page as far as level of interest, before investing more time and effort. Hopefully she is not using you for free ski lessons (it will take more than 1 to learn) but then again, I doubt she would agree to spend that many hours with you just to learn how to ski on your dime and time but you never know these days. 1
TheWoman Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 That is a lot of pressure on a second date, 2 hours up 2 hours back and a ski lesson. You'll have a good idea of how you feel about each other by the end of it ! One way or the other.... 2
stillafool Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Well you don't have to spend all day skiing. She may get tired and cold so don't let her over do it. I think it sounds romantic and you can definitely have fun but be careful that she doesn't get hurt.
Simple Logic Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Just wondering your thoughts, good or bad idea...she's never gone skiing before and asked me if I would teach her this weekend for our second date. Part of me thinks, wow we get to spend almost the entire day together, I get to show her how to do something I'm good at, but the other part of me thinks, it's not very romantic, it's going to be expensive for me, and that's a lot of time to spend with one another (more time to screw up around her). its a 2 hour drive up and 2 hours back plus hours on the mountain. I've always heard that the first and second date should be relatively short so this will be against the norm, but she called last week and asked if I would teach her. She seems very excited and so am I, but at the same time, I'm wondering if it will backfire especially if she gets frustrated learning/too much time together. Plus, I'm not really sure her interest level in my completely since she rarely reaches out to me between dates (and she blew me off last time I asked her out), options please. Regardless I'm most likely going because I don't want to disappoint her, and to be honest I'm very excited, but I feel like it might be a very stupid move on my part by agreeeing to this on date two. Actually it sounds like really fun date. 2
clia Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I don't know. This seems like a lot for a second date, and frankly, a lot to ask of someone she's been on one date with. It could be a lot of fun, but it will be a very long day with all the driving and skiing. And you really won't get to ski normally since you will be stuck with her on the bunny hill. How long have you known her and what did you do for your first date? I do think she should pay for her own rentals and lift ticket. If you want to pay for something, cover gas and lunch. 1
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 I don't know. This seems like a lot for a second date, and frankly, a lot to ask of someone she's been on one date with. It could be a lot of fun, but it will be a very long day with all the driving and skiing. And you really won't get to ski normally since you will be stuck with her on the bunny hill. How long have you known her and what did you do for your first date? I do think she should pay for her own rentals and lift ticket. If you want to pay for something, cover gas and lunch. Clia, I agree, but she asked me if I'd take her..personally I wouldn't have asked her to do this on a second date but wasn't thinking and agreed to it. First date we just met for an hour for a drink. From what I can tell, she seems very excited, but at the same time, because she doesn't really reach out to me (and blew me off last time) I'm not sure if she's more excited to ski or spend the day with me. Ugh haha
clia Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Clia, I agree, but she asked me if I'd take her..personally I wouldn't have asked her to do this on a second date but wasn't thinking and agreed to it. First date we just met for an hour for a drink. From what I can tell, she seems very excited, but at the same time, because she doesn't really reach out to me (and blew me off last time) I'm not sure if she's more excited to ski or spend the day with me. Ugh haha Eek...I was hoping you were going to tell me your first date lasted eight hours because you just couldn't get enough of each other! What do you mean she blew you off? I don't know...for some reason I have a bad feeling about it. It just doesn't seem normal to ask a guy you've been on one date with (for an hour!) to drive you two hours away and teach you how to ski. That's essentially at least an 8 hour day or more and feels like an activity for a more established couple. (I would feel different if she already knew how to ski and asked you to go skiing for a second date. Now that would probably be fun!) Why doesn't she just go and take a lesson? But I don't know, maybe I'm the weird one. Provided you get along and like each other, it could be very fun. Do not pay for her lift ticket or rentals, though. 1
planb1973 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I am a die hard skier, have been for 30 years, and live by a couple rules... #1 There are no friends on a powder day! #2 Never try to teach your GF how to ski. That said if you really want to get her up to the mountain sign her up for some lessons. Let someone else do the teaching then join her for a couple runs. Guaranteed if you attempt to teach her she will get frustrated with you. 2
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Posted February 5, 2017 I've been out with a girl now on two dates now in the past 2-3 weeks. First date was for a quick drink, and the second date was a snowboarding date yesterday (her idea)-spent all day and night together which went really well..tons of making out and she told me a bunch of times how much fun she was having. She told me she didn't want me to take her home and wanted to spend time with me... Anyways, one thing I've noticed is she doesn't reach out to me in between dates at all. No texting, if I call her she's really to the point for the most part but still friendly..I texted her last night and told her "I enjoy spending time with you" and she responded ":)" basically she never flirts with me or says anything to make me think she's interested. Even in person I'm the one making all the moves...today I asked her out for a 3rd date and didn't really give me an answer. I know she likes me (I think) but I feel like something is off. i don't don't mind if she's not a big texter but when we are only going out once every 1.5 weeks I feel like it's weird she won't flirt at all via text or phone..be brutally honest am I overthinking things? I have a tendency lol
ElizabethIII Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 why dont you ask her out more often. she clearly enjoys your company.
DarrenB Posted February 5, 2017 Posted February 5, 2017 Maybe some clarification from what she wants from all this would be beneficial for you? I wouldn't suggest actually asking her or confronting her, because it might provoke the situation further... however, I would express that you'd be more than keen for a 3rd date with her and I guess just see how it escalates from there.
stillafool Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 This girl isn't your gf yet and since she asked you to teach her to ski she should pick up at least some or most of the expense. 1
Larryville Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 Wow I wrote something completely different then I saw what someone commented on, I missed it… since she rarely reaches out to me between dates (and she blew me off last time I asked her out), options please. In that case absolutely NOT. More about the activity than any sincere interest in you. I small a flake. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I was actually thinking of doing this in the future with the girl that I'm seeing, not that far away of course but I think it might be a better idea when you're more established with each other.
SoThatHappened Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I am a die hard skier, have been for 30 years, and live by a couple rules... #1 There are no friends on a powder day! #2 Never try to teach your GF how to ski. That said if you really want to get her up to the mountain sign her up for some lessons. Let someone else do the teaching then join her for a couple runs. Guaranteed if you attempt to teach her she will get frustrated with you. This needed to be repeated... The rules and the advice on the lesson, at least for the morning get her a lesson. At least it's not snowboarding. That's a day-long beating. Get her a lesson and meet up for lunch and see how she's doing then.
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 (edited) I'm been seeing a girl for about a month now, we usually go out once-twice per week. We've slept together very recently, so I know she's at least attracted to me, but one thing that's driving me crazy is her lack of affection. I feel like I make all the moves, initiate all the calls/texts (I've backed way off to the point I hardly do anymore besides to set a date), and the biggest issue is she doesn't reciprocate interest in me...if I tell her I had a great time with her, she doesn't say anything. If I tell her I'm really into her, she doesn't say anything...she never tries to hold my hand or show me she cares. basically she doesn't flirt/act like she's all that interested, but she still wants to get together to go on dates. I brought it up with her early on because I didn't think she was into me at all, and she told me she's just bad at talking about her feelings, but I felt like it was an excuse. Her best friends husband pulled me aside at the bar last night and told me she can be a "pain in the butt when it comes to men" and told me with this girl I need to go "super slow" and she usually rejects guys for small things (she broke up with the last guy because he had small hands he said lol). I'm not sure what to think about the conversation I had with this guy-it seemed like he was warning me about dating her...he didn't seem too positive about it. How do I proceed? I do enjoy being around her, but it's going on a month, and I see little progress in things Edited February 12, 2017 by Mjm1014
preraph Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Well, don't worry about what that guy said. For all you know, he tried her and failed. She just isn't demonstrative. There are plenty of restrained people in the world who aren't comfortable talking about feelings, and there's some who may not have enough feelings that they feel they need to talk about them. She isn't the touchy-feely type. A lot of women and men are not the touchy-feely type outside of bed. So if she's not what you want, stop dating her. You can't change people. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 I dated a woman who had a very difficult time being affectionate. I eventually married her (and divorced, but for other reasons). Anyway, during the time I was with her, I helped her along and she became much more affectionate. Like the previous poster said, some people find it difficult to show emotion/affection for whatever reason. Also, there are some ladies who believe that initiating contact or affection should come, first, from the man. My ex was like that in the beginning. 2
stillafool Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 She is emotionally unavailable. Women are warned about emotionally unavailable men and how they will break your heart. You have been warned about this girl. 5
Author Mjm1014 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Well, don't worry about what that guy said. For all you know, he tried her and failed. She just isn't demonstrative. There are plenty of restrained people in the world who aren't comfortable talking about feelings, and there's some who may not have enough feelings that they feel they need to talk about them. She isn't the touchy-feely type. A lot of women and men are not the touchy-feely type outside of bed. So if she's not what you want, stop dating her. You can't change people. Thanks for the response, I don't doubt there are people that are like that, but this girl takes it to the extreme...if I text her she takes all day to respond and gives me one word answers, and when I ask her out she gets all wishy-washy usually..thing is, she always asks me out the day of and says she wants to get together then the cycle repeats. Even when she's around me, she doesn't seem "into me" at times. Zero affection and if I say something sweet, she won't acknowledge it. I'm just not sure what her motive is or if this is going anywhere...just don't want to be strung along if I'm some kind of back up guy. We've had a bunch of fun on these dates, but I feel like she's holding back on me for some reason. I want to bring it up again if things don't change soon, but I'm afraid it will backfire on me.
stillafool Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Stop saying all the nice stuff to her and treat her the way she treats you. She will like you better. 2
M_D90 Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Either she's emotionally unavailable or she's just not that in to you right now. She is either unable to show physical and emotional affection or she is unwilling to. Communication is both verbal and non verbal. If she is lacking in one area, that can generally be worked on. But both? That's a problem. What you also need to consider: there is a real possibility you show her how to do everything she's not doing right now, you break up, and she gives the next guy everything you wanted from the start. Basically you teach her how to be a better girlfriend...for the next guy, and you've wasted 3 or 6 months of your life trying to get her to live up to the "potential" you think exists. 1
GoldSparkz Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 It sounds to me like you need someone who is open emotionally and this is a fundamental quality that you need in your partner. If you continue to pursue this girl, it will grate at you over time, so you are best cutting ties with her now before the relationship becomes too frustrating. It's interesting that she slept with you though. Her actions seem very masculine...very unusual. I sense some deep rooted issues there. Best avoid her and invest your time in someone more deserving. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 She is emotionally unavailable. Women are warned about emotionally unavailable men and how they will break your heart. You have been warned about this girl. Absolutely agree with this as well.
Recommended Posts