Wings Of Love Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) This might be long. So going back about 20 months I got chatting online to a friend of a friend, who also happened to be someone I'd previously gone to junior school with but had never really spoken to. We got on well and would chat often, eventually leading to many conversations that lasted for hours. He was interested in dating, but I've been hurt badly a few times in the past and was honest from the start about not wanting to pursue anything like that. I wasn't ready. He seemed to accept this and we remained friends. Time passed and we grew closer. If bad things happened, I would turn to him first. If good things happened, I'd also turn to him first. I thought about him a great deal and felt I could be open and honest with him. I trusted him. I started to realise my feelings were growing past friendship. In this time he had been casually dating other women, and was always honest about it. I was glad he was honest, though really it was none of my business as we were just friends. One evening, in early January, we had a very long conversation about our feelings for each other. I was honest and told him how much he meant to me and that I could see us being together eventually. He told me that he had always been interested in me and wanted to be with me, but that he would wait until I was ready, because I was still damaged from my last few relationships. I suffer from severe anxiety so even with someone like him I struggle to be social. Last Friday he asked me if I wanted to spend some time together and I decided I'd like that. We agreed I'd text when I was ready to go. I did so...and he did not reply. A few hours later he told me that he'd gone out for dinner instead, a last minute thing. I was a bit confused but left it at that. Before this we had been discussing Valentine's Day and he told me he was sending flowers to me and would love to see me on the day. This morning he messaged me to say that I'm welcome to call him, day or night if I'm lonely and asked if I wanted to meet that evening. I told him I would if I wasn't busy. Just after this he told me he was no longer free Valentine's Day, he had a date with a woman he had met a few times and that things were now getting serious. Now he is saying he just wants us to be friends. I won't lie, I'm hurt. I feel as though I'm to blame, because maybe if my fear of getting hurt again hadn't got in the way, we might be together now. I've wished him well and told him I'm going to back off for a while but he seems annoyed about this. I'm not sure where to go from here. As I said, he means a lot to me and I feel as though I've just been dumped all over again. I'm not sure I want to sit back and watch him move on. Any advice? Edited February 2, 2017 by Wings Of Love
kendahke Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Unfortunately, you're going to have to dial back your expectations on a romance with him. Perhaps when you told him you weren't ready for a relationship, he took you at your word... and despite you telling him that your mind changed, he went ahead and was looking for someone else and seems to have found her. At any rate, he seems to have lost interest in you or waiting for you. If you're cool being friends, then be friends. If not, then you're probably best served by giving this involvement some space... and in the meantime, keep working on yourself to get yourself ready for a relationship when someone presents himself for it. One of my saying is: any action based in fear has no hope of a good outcome. Get to fearlessness. Edited February 2, 2017 by kendahke 1
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