WavyG Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I became friends with this girl 5 years ago, we hung out a few times and ever since I have had a crush on her. She's really friendly and we get on really well. She goes through stints as well where she would like pictures of me on Facebook. And she even invited me to see a film the night before Valentines Day a few years ago, I didn't get the chance to ask her out then. Last time I met her though was 3 years ago but we have been talking casually on Facebook Chat since. When we do talk on Fb Chat, we would talk a bit and then she would suddenly go quiet where she doesn't receive the last message. She has said a few times that she's rubbish with replying, and her phone hasn't been working lately. I believe she's just recently come out of a break up, and have seen her on Tinder just this week. I asked her on Fb Chat in the weekend if she fancied catching up some time. She said that she was up for a coffee soon, so I asked her when she'd be free, and she didn't get the chance to read the message. I would wait 3 days for her to say that she's busy this week but might be free next week. I just replied saying that it's no problem. Now...I feel that I need to let her know how I feel and ask her out on a date as soon as possible. But should I wait to see if she does get back to me with meeting up? Or if she doesn't reply next week, should I ring her? Please note that it's been 5 years so I really need to know where I stand so I can properly move on if she doesn't like me. Also with Valentines Day coming up, I'm putting myself under a bit of pressure. Any help would be appreciated. Edited February 2, 2017 by WavyG
hercules22 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) thats a very long time . i would be worried mostly because she come out of relationship just recently could use you as rebound and u might end up feeling crushed . u can try ask her out for a date maybe she only sees you as a friend see what her intentions are but i wouldn't tell her that you got feeling for her , maybe that might help u decide to move on Edited February 2, 2017 by hercules22
Author WavyG Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 thats a very long time . i would be worried mostly because she come out of relationship just recently could use you as rebound and u might end up feeling crushed . u can try ask her out for a date maybe she only sees you as a friend see what her intentions are but i wouldn't tell her that you got feeling for her , maybe that might help u decide to move on I can understand where you're coming from Hercules. I think no matter what happens I need to ask her out so that I know where I stand. Like you said, the main thing is if it goes wrong it should help me move on. She said she might (might being a big word for me) meet me next week, but it's a case of whether I just wait for a response or not. I don't want to feel like I'm bothering her.
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 There's no time like the present. After 5 years I think she may have given up on you, hence the lukewarm response to catching up. Do put that request in more concrete terms.
Author WavyG Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Sorry D0nnivain, but I don't fully understand what you meant with the last sentence.
Lord Humungus Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Sorry D0nnivain, but I don't fully understand what you meant with the last sentence. Call her, tell her you want to take her out on a date to ...(whatever it is you kids do today). ET VOILA... Edited February 2, 2017 by Lord Humungus 1
Miss Peach Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I appreciate it when a man calls for a date since it's so rare nowadays. That's something that gave my XBF big brownie points when I met him. Having said that, just make sure you list a date and time. I hate getting wishy washy date requests like we should catch up sometime.
preraph Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I feel she just likes you as a friend because she's acting like she doesn't see your messages. If she was interested after you'd talked about coffee, she'd be LOOKING for your messages and replying to them.
Author WavyG Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 I feel she just likes you as a friend because she's acting like she doesn't see your messages. If she was interested after you'd talked about coffee, she'd be LOOKING for your messages and replying to them. I was actually thinking of this! She's aware that I want to meet for coffee, so she would've followed up on it by now. But I guess what I'm trying to do is get some official confirmation from her so it can put my mind at ease. And as well I'm worried there won't be anyone else like her who would show a bit of interest in me. To be honest, all this is making me lose sleep. By the way, I really appreciate all the comments on here. Just trying to decide whether to keep pursuing during the weekend, or to leave it.
Lord Humungus Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) I was actually thinking of this! She's aware that I want to meet for coffee, so she would've followed up on it by now. But I guess what I'm trying to do is get some official confirmation from her so it can put my mind at ease. And as well I'm worried there won't be anyone else like her who would show a bit of interest in me. To be honest, all this is making me lose sleep. By the way, I really appreciate all the comments on here. Just trying to decide whether to keep pursuing during the weekend, or to leave it. Sure, you could spend the rest of your life wondering "what if" or you can man up, pick up the damn phone NOW and ask the girl out already! You can virtually guarantee there is another chump trying to build up the courage to ask her out, and sooner or later Mr Confident will make his intentions clear. Do not let those buggers steal your opportunity... Jeezus man, she is another human being, (same species as you); not a mystical goddess, or a mind reader. Ask her out, give her a time and date to show some confidence and if she says no; nothings changed. It's not like you can have a healthy friendship with someone you romanticise about so just do it, I promise you will feel better in the long term. Edited February 3, 2017 by Lord Humungus
coolheadal Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 She's not into and you know she's not and another thing why in the world are you giving into her. Nothing is okay here. You need to have some back bone and you say this to her. What are you doing tomorrow or better yet next week make a date on the day. you want to see if she can do it on her schedule. If she makes up an excuse you say "Well when you can figure out a time and place to meetup then you let me know" Otherwise I have other plans to go out have fun time. Bye.
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 . I asked her on Fb Chat in the weekend if she fancied catching up some time. She said that she was up for a coffee soon, so I asked her when she'd be free, and she didn't get the chance to read the message. I would wait 3 days for her to say that she's busy this week but might be free next week. I just replied saying that it's no problem. After 5 years asking somebody to "catch up some time" is vague. This woman is NOT aware that you would like to date her. It may already been too late because you probably got friend-zoned 4.5 years ago. That said, people make loose non-concrete plans with friends. Hanging out "sometime" "soon." Dates are far more specific. At this point unfortunately, because you didn't take the bull by the horns in 2012 you have to move on her time table. Do be more specific about the date, time & place to get that coffee. Once you see her in person, take her emotional temperature about her interest in you. Hug her hello. Pay for her coffee. Sit a little closer than platonic friends. Ask some vague Qs about whether she ever thought about whether you & she could be more than friends. If she's not interested, she should let you down gently at that point before you actually ask. If she brightens at the prospect ask her for a big deal, fancy romantic date. Having known her for 5 years, to solidify the transition from friends to romance, now is not the time to skimp on the romance. Do not overwhelm her however; keep the date within the confines of things you do together but make it more.
mccluskeyj17 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I would say ask her out but I would not encourage you to express how you feel about her just yet. Plus you said you think she just came out of a relationship. Has she expressed any feelings or interest in you in the time that you have been communicating with each other?
BrianSmith Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 By no means say how you feel like I love you so much and crap. My experience, yes I did it, it never goes well. If you want then just invite her out on a date. Not an afternoon coffee otherwise she will probably think you just want to be friends. I am talking about going out at night with her. She will immediately see your intentions. Only way to know is by asking her out. If she goes on a date then she sees you in a sexual way. A lot of guys fall for the false assumption that she probable isn't into them. Despite they being in date with a girl. If she wanted to go out with friends then she would go out with her girlfriends and not you. So don't act like a nice guy on a date and move forward.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 6, 2017 Posted February 6, 2017 I think if you're older phone calls are fine, otherwise for younger people they're more reserved for when you're more acquainted with each other. Just my .02 I'm 28 and I usually always text for the first couple dates before I start doing phone calls.
Author WavyG Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Hey guys Just wanted to give you a little update on what's happened. I took advice from a few people suggesting that I rang her. So last Sunday I tried to ring her 3 times (once was user busy, and the other 2 were straight to voicemail). So a day later, she Facebook messaged me asking if I rang her. We spoke on there for a little and she said that she'd be up for meeting the next week because she'd be less busy then and asked me what times I finish work. So I answered that question and she read it a further day later, and no reply for about a week. I'm just not sure if this is worth it. It just seems that she isn't really interested or else she would've followed up on it. But a part of me tells me not to give up... Anyway thank you so much for helping me.
angel.eyes Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 This was a non-priority for you for five years. How is she supposed to know that you now want to move urgently? She's under the impression that you're still moving at a sloth's pace. Also, you continue to be vague and non-committal. That's not helping! She said next week. So you suggest a specific date, time, and place. If that doesn't work for her, then ask her for a time that works. On the date, be clear about your intentions. Rather than asking her what she thinks, tell her that you would be interested in dating her. Then ask her what she thinks. If you continue with this vague, non-committal "let's grab coffee sometime whenever" nonsense because you're too frightened to state what you want, you'll continue to flounder.
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