Jump to content

Should I ask one of my exes out this Valentine's?

February Girl

By February Girl
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
Posted

I'm contemplating between asking out one of my two exes or no one at all this Valentine's.

 

One ex was my college boyfriend with whom I broke up due to long distance and his unemployment. I saw him back recently, after 4 years, at my cousin's wedding. We exchanged our new numbers and have been texting every day since. He doesn't seem to have any resentment towards me. Instead, he is as caring as I remember - maybe even more now that he's older. Because of this, I'm starting to feel like I still love him. However, we are still 4-hour drive from each other. But this time around, he is at least a stable working man.

 

Then there is another ex - a more recent one. I have actually left this guy twice; once because I felt we were moving too fast and another time because I felt I didn't love him anymore. But I'm still considering him because he lives nearby, and he is kind, handsome, educated; basically he is perfect. The only problem was I felt bored with him. But he is near. And my other ex is far. And I feel lonely sometimes.

 

Or should I just remain single this Valentine's? The last time I went out on a date was 2 weeks ago with someone I'd known for only 3 weeks. It didn't work out because it was long distance and he had started seeing someone else who is closer to him. But I'm over him, I think. Been grieving for 2 weeks already. Please help, thanks.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
I'm contemplating between asking out one of my two exes or no one at all this Valentine's.

 

One ex was my college boyfriend with whom I broke up due to long distance and his unemployment. I saw him back recently, after 4 years, at my cousin's wedding. We exchanged our new numbers and have been texting every day since. He doesn't seem to have any resentment towards me. Instead, he is as caring as I remember - maybe even more now that he's older. Because of this, I'm starting to feel like I still love him. However, we are still 4-hour drive from each other. But this time around, he is at least a stable working man.

 

Then there is another ex - a more recent one. I have actually left this guy twice; once because I felt we were moving too fast and another time because I felt I didn't love him anymore. But I'm still considering him because he lives nearby, and he is kind, handsome, educated; basically he is perfect. The only problem was I felt bored with him. But he is near. And my other ex is far. And I feel lonely sometimes.

 

Or should I just remain single this Valentine's? The last time I went out on a date was 2 weeks ago with someone I'd known for only 3 weeks. It didn't work out because it was long distance and he had started seeing someone else who is closer to him. But I'm over him, I think. Been grieving for 2 weeks already. Please help, thanks.

 

Welcome to LS! :)

 

I totally empathize with not wanting to be alone on V day. For the first time in I think 3-4 years I'll be alone

 

I dont think its a bad idea to ask your college ex to go out but the other two....no way

 

I also dont think its a bad idea to just be alone and enjoy your own company....dont get me wrong....I know it sucks to be alone on V day but its better than grasping at straws...trying to make something work with someone whos not meant for you :)

OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm contemplating between asking out one of my two exes or no one at all this Valentine's.

 

One ex was my college boyfriend with whom I broke up due to long distance and his unemployment. I saw him back recently, after 4 years, at my cousin's wedding. We exchanged our new numbers and have been texting every day since. He doesn't seem to have any resentment towards me. Instead, he is as caring as I remember - maybe even more now that he's older. Because of this, I'm starting to feel like I still love him. However, we are still 4-hour drive from each other. But this time around, he is at least a stable working man.

 

Then there is another ex - a more recent one. I have actually left this guy twice; once because I felt we were moving too fast and another time because I felt I didn't love him anymore. But I'm still considering him because he lives nearby, and he is kind, handsome, educated; basically he is perfect. The only problem was I felt bored with him. But he is near. And my other ex is far. And I feel lonely sometimes.

 

Or should I just remain single this Valentine's? The last time I went out on a date was 2 weeks ago with someone I'd known for only 3 weeks. It didn't work out because it was long distance and he had started seeing someone else who is closer to him. But I'm over him, I think. Been grieving for 2 weeks already. Please help, thanks.

 

 

None of the reasons for your potential choices come from a place of wisdom and it sounds like you are trying to fill a void. There is also a lack of excitement and energy when you list those choices.

I think that much of your contemplating is merely a distraction from that void and none of them will bring you any closer to filling it. You are busy looking outward, it's time you looked within for answers.

Edited by OnlyHonesty
  • Like 8
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't. Neither of those candidates seems very promising. It's just one day...Not worth getting desperate over, IMO.

  • Like 1
  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi, everyone who replied. Thank you for replying; I feel the love. :love:

 

I agree, there IS a void in me but I don't know what it is. But there is one thing I didn't mention - it's not just one day. My birthday happens to be a few days before Valentine's. So that's why I'm freaking out about being alone because it would mean I'd spend both my birthday AND V-Day alone.

 

I know I can celebrate them with my single friends...but...I don't know...I'm not used to being single, I guess...

TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

Posted
Posted

I would skip the ex's and go alone.

 

You will come to realize these "holidays" are not that important and it's just another day, but when you do have a special someone it makes it much better.

  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi. You said "but when you do have a special someone it makes it much better." I guess this is what I want?

 

I have a female cousin who is in what I see as the perfect relationship for her, and I want something like that too. Well, minus the extreme activities because I'm not that adventurous. But I want somebody to go to nightclubs with, have romantic dinner with, go on a holiday-in-a-cabin with...

 

I was hoping that my upcoming birthday, followed by Valentine's, could be the start... In a way I do feel like my time is literally running out. And since looking for someone new will take time, I'm considering my exes.

  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I realized this post should've been in "Second Chances" forum. Oh well. It's here 'cause I'm still thinking of whom to date and whether or not to date on Valentine's. And let's not forget my birthday, which is a few days before V Day.

 

I should stop obsessing. Sorry. It's just that I REALLY don't know how to enjoy NOT dating.

ElizabethIII Established Member

ElizabethIII

Posted
Posted

If one of my exes looked me up not because they wanted me but just so they wouldnt be alone on a fake greeting card holiday, I'd be so insulted I'd never speak to them again.

 

Or I'd laugh at them. Desperation isn't attractive.

Tribble Established Member

Tribble

Posted
Posted
Hi. You said "but when you do have a special someone it makes it much better." I guess this is what I want?

 

I have a female cousin who is in what I see as the perfect relationship for her, and I want something like that too. Well, minus the extreme activities because I'm not that adventurous. But I want somebody to go to nightclubs with, have romantic dinner with, go on a holiday-in-a-cabin with...

 

I was hoping that my upcoming birthday, followed by Valentine's, could be the start... In a way I do feel like my time is literally running out. And since looking for someone new will take time, I'm considering my exes.

 

I know it's tough but you should be looking forward, not back. I've been single most of my life and it honestly isn't as scary as you think! It can be quite fun! But in the last few years, I had someone. Which means I got to see special occasions in with someone special. And it was lovely. Going back to being alone is not an easy transition so I do understand. None of these guys are right and you know it. I'd stop texting the ex so much, it's confusing you. Get comfortable being on your own and hopefully the right person will come along to enhance your life but you won't be dependent on them!

hercules22 Established Member

hercules22

Posted
Posted

valentines day just another day if your single i have zero plans for it i would if i was with someone but im not so just another day for me .

Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
Posted

Leave those guys alone, unless you want to hurt them again.

Try to find someone new

  • Like 1
  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If one of my exes looked me up not because they wanted me but just so they wouldnt be alone on a fake greeting card holiday, I'd be so insulted I'd never speak to them again.

 

Or I'd laugh at them. Desperation isn't attractive.

 

Ouch. Now I realize I want them for the wrong reason. Thanks...

  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I know it's tough but you should be looking forward, not back. I've been single most of my life and it honestly isn't as scary as you think! It can be quite fun! But in the last few years, I had someone. Which means I got to see special occasions in with someone special. And it was lovely. Going back to being alone is not an easy transition so I do understand. None of these guys are right and you know it. I'd stop texting the ex so much, it's confusing you. Get comfortable being on your own and hopefully the right person will come along to enhance your life but you won't be dependent on them!

 

Thank you so much... I'll try to find the perks of being single like you mentioned. Happy you've found someone though. :)

Tribble Established Member

Tribble

Posted
Posted
Thank you so much... I'll try to find the perks of being single like you mentioned. Happy you've found someone though. :)

 

Haha, I wish! I'm back to being single again. My point is, I now understand the loneliness that can come with it sometimes.

Lilyana76 Established Member

Lilyana76

Posted
Posted

My plans for valentines day: Work, come home with a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine, turn on Netflix and binge watch Shameless.

 

Being alone has it's perks, I might even take a candle lit bath and relax, ALONE.

 

Spend some time on you, find things you enjoy doing. Find out who you are outside of a relationship, and enjoy being JUST YOU. I find that putting pressure on yourself to not be single and contemplating ex's just to not be alone on a holiday is just self destructive on your part. It doesn't sound at all that you WANT either of these people in your life, you just don't want to be alone. So after your birthday and Valentines Day, what are you going to do if one of them sticks around and you remember why you aren't with them anymore.

 

Bad idea, don't do it.

 

Spend some time and spoil yourself, show yourself some love on Valentines Day. Don't wait for a man to do it.

  • Like 3
  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Haha, I wish! I'm back to being single again. My point is, I now understand the loneliness that can come with it sometimes.

 

Oh, sorry I misread your post and sorry it didn't work out. But good to know someone else is surviving this well. ;)

  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't wait for a man to do it.

 

I like this! Thanks...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You don't really want these guys. You just don't want to be alone. How sad for you.

 

 

Instead of relying on a guy to fill the void in your life, use this V-day & birthday to learn to love yourself. When single I always treated myself to something on V-day & bought a box of candy on the 15th (I'm cheap).

 

 

The college guy will still be an LDR & you don't like LDRs. Why go backwards? The other guys didn't work for other reasons & those reasons still exist. They were bad choices then & worse choices now.

MovingOnIsHard Established Member

MovingOnIsHard

Posted
Posted (edited)

Definitely don't call up your exes to be your valentine's date. You're doing a disservice to yourself.

 

I was one in your shoes. I remember my first ex broke up with me and I couldnt handle being alone.. So i dated and met a lot of different guys, just to fill that void and emptiness. Because of that, I met and dated a couple of unsavory guys so those relationships didnt work out either. Looking back, I dont even know why I dated them. I cringe thinking about them. It was because I was desperate for that 'boyfriend experience' I once had.

 

WhenI broke up with my last ex, I did something completely different. I didn't go out and date guys for 6 months. I didn't Christmas, new years, and valentines day alone. During that time, i emotionally healed, made new friends, and enjoyed being alone! When i started dating again, i met my current boyfriend and he's the best thing that's happened to me. He blows all the other guys I ever dated out of the water! We will be 2yrs together this april and he will be my longest relationship.

 

So please don't look back. I understand it's hard at the beginning but if you take your time and enjoy being single, you'll improve your own life. Great guys will notice your confidence and that's what attracts them to you.

Edited by MovingOnIsHard
Added more info
  • Like 1
Lilyana76 Established Member

Lilyana76

Posted
Posted

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

 

Going back to an ex is like trying to shove poo back in your bottom, why would you want to?

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted

They are your Ex for a reason. You know why they're your Ex. The issue here one your bored with the other is 4 hours away but at the time he was unemployed and you left him for that. Maybe it was more than you really didn't love him if you did love him you wouldn't just abandon him because he didn't have a job. Love means more than money, everyone should understand that trait but distance even if it's 5 hrs away, if you really love and care to be with that person you going to move heaven and mountains to be there for each other! Sounds like you need to pay attention to your needs and wants and don't fall back on Ex's who didn't deliver for you. No one wants to be alone for V-Day, but choose wisely and even if you have chosen to be on your own because maybe your doing the right thing. But again it's your choice to do so, as only you have to live like you are living. Being happy is the most positive fulfillment around. Ex might make good friends but in the end you might decide they're end of the road and the new guy of your life is right around the corner. Always have hope you just never going to know what will turn up the next day.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

The best Valentine's and birthday gift you can give yourself this year is to learn to be happy on your own.

  • Like 3
OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

Posted
Posted

 

I agree, there IS a void in me but I don't know what it is.

 

To begin to discover what that may be will involve introspection, understanding, or trying to understand what lies beneath your ego, who you really are, what your life purpose may be, why you are here etc. It will also involve pain, mostly emotional. It is the pain that leads us to look elsewhere for the wrong answers and distractions.

 

An answer to questions of a more spiritual nature (mistakenly) through physical means. How you go about discovering this will vary but some of the things you might want to look into is mindfulness and guided meditation.

 

Perhaps most people don't want to be alone, not due to loneliness, but because it means facing themselves with no distractions. Perhaps only when you can be truly alone in comfort and contentment, is seeking out others to be with, a true choice.

  • Author
February Girl Member

February Girl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I find it funny that I didn't even realize I don't really want these guys until it's being pointed out to me - several times in this thread.

 

Thank you for the enlightenment. I AM confused about who I really want. Maybe I DO need to do some soul searching - find myself, then only can I find who's right for me.

 

Guess it won't happen by Valentine's. I know some think it's a fake holiday but I just love everything about it - the concept and all. I just can't think of it as just another day...because I simply love the day, like I love Halloween.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...