SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 How do you guys cope in the evenings? It's dark before I get home from work, gym classes are an option but frankly I'm tired and once I've showered, eaten and sat it's too late but mostly my weekends are fine. Apart from Sunday's, I'm miserable because I do nothing and it was a day I would just chill with my ex or go for a cute walk or for a coffee or explore somewhere different! Honestly, most of my evenings are spent watching Corey Wayne and Craig Kenneth YouTube videos on my couch with my dog. I'm exhausted when I get home. I tried a self defense class but that didn't last. The worst part of the day is the morning for me. Waking up alone is not fun.
Cornelius_Smiff Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Honestly, most of my evenings are spent watching Corey Wayne and Craig Kenneth YouTube videos on my couch with my dog. I'm exhausted when I get home. I tried a self defense class but that didn't last. The worst part of the day is the morning for me. Waking up alone is not fun. Damn, I hear that! Mornings were and still are a killer at times for. It's when you're at your most vulnerable I think. You have not adjusted to the routine of the day ahead, you are still constructing your thoughts, your brain is not yet functioning proper and you are totally blindsided by the feelings. For me it's that moment you wake up and for a few seconds you are not yet fully aware of reality, then it hits you and that empty space next to you might as well swallow you whole. One thing I have learnt, there is no time limit for these feelings and it does take time. It's different for everyone. It's completely normal to feel this way. There is a fallacious mantra in society that almost has this cult of positivity in which you must try and 'get over it' or ‘plenty more fish in the sea’ to paper over the bad feelings. Whilst it's good to keep yourself busy and meet people, you should never try and run from the bad feelings because they will always catch up with you. Think of it like a crazy dog that you must tame. Accept how you are feeling, lean into it without letting it consume you, make friends with the emotion and then finally you own it. I know it sounds crazy but this is the best way to longer lasting happiness. I am still incredibly irrational and pathetic during those down times, but by accepting it (even when it hurts) it does help. 1
PLT Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 That's actually a good idea! Do you live in the states? I don't know anybody who volunteers in England. I'm a Brit and I volunteer for a local charity that helps homeless people, people who have addiction issues, and isolated families. I'm very much in the backroom admin side of things, rather than client side, so its more about saving the organisation money so they can spend more on helping clients (Making our own ID cards rather than pay a company a lot of money to do it, for example). I find it very rewarding. There are volunteer positions for most skillsets. After a breakup, especially if it was a rough one, it can do as much for you as you are doing for who you volunteer for. I've only actually been doing it for ~2 months but already I've felt my confidence rising. I've felt less isolated, more motivated, and just generally starting to get back on the life train.
Ellef36 Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Really ??? This was exactly what I did 5 yrs ago and now going through the heartache of splitting up ... I say you have to struggle with it to the end ... there is always a light at the end of a tunnel, in most case no matter how long the tunnel.. If your not ready for a relationship then surrounding yourself with women I think could potentially create more problems ... just my opinion
SevenCity Posted February 3, 2017 Posted February 3, 2017 Damn, I hear that! Mornings were and still are a killer at times for. It's when you're at your most vulnerable I think. You have not adjusted to the routine of the day ahead, you are still constructing your thoughts, your brain is not yet functioning proper and you are totally blindsided by the feelings. For me it's that moment you wake up and for a few seconds you are not yet fully aware of reality, then it hits you and that empty space next to you might as well swallow you whole. One thing I have learnt, there is no time limit for these feelings and it does take time. It's different for everyone. It's completely normal to feel this way. There is a fallacious mantra in society that almost has this cult of positivity in which you must try and 'get over it' or ‘plenty more fish in the sea’ to paper over the bad feelings. Whilst it's good to keep yourself busy and meet people, you should never try and run from the bad feelings because they will always catch up with you. Think of it like a crazy dog that you must tame. Accept how you are feeling, lean into it without letting it consume you, make friends with the emotion and then finally you own it. I know it sounds crazy but this is the best way to longer lasting happiness. I am still incredibly irrational and pathetic during those down times, but by accepting it (even when it hurts) it does help. That's exactly it. For that very brief time between when you wake up and when you become alert the reality of the current situation has not yet hit you. It's like "It's gonna be a good day" and then 2 seconds later you are all "Oh...it's not..." It's difficult to deal with the break in routine even though she has not been here since June (8 months) and officially moved out on Labor Day Weekend (5 months). I feel like this will never get better. I've had ups and downs and seem to be in a down now. And yes, I learned to face my emotions. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting past it but then it returns. Sucks.
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