GeorgeWP93 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Anyone got any tips for getting over the relationship side of things more than the person? I find it easier and easier to get over the person with more experience but I really struggle with the having nobody to talk to after a stressful day, no cute messages in the mornings, getting into bed alone, no sex and especially not being able to make the kind of plans you do with a boyfriend of girlfriend? Anyone got any tips for filling this void? 1
Sweetfish Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Anyone got any tips for getting over the relationship side of things more than the person? I find it easier and easier to get over the person with more experience but I really struggle with the having nobody to talk to after a stressful day, no cute messages in the mornings, getting into bed alone, no sex and especially not being able to make the kind of plans you do with a boyfriend of girlfriend? Anyone got any tips for filling this void? It will take you months and for others years to resolve not having your other half with you anymore. However, that is the nature of the problem... making that person your other half from the beginning so now you are left half empty or with a massive void to fill when they step out of our lives. In relationships we tend to kill a part of our selves and let another person move in to make us whole. To me that is how relationship eventually die. When you do this.. you lose friends, hobbies, connections with family and so on. You start to invest too much into the other person. So the things that made you happy prior to the relationship you need to pickup those old pieces... dust them off and learn to love them again. Assuming that you did. Hopefully, there is something you do love that is a part of you and focus on that. Plus, work on you and become self-aware and read books, think about places to travel or get on living social site. Tons of deals their. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 My go to's for the post break up blues include the following: 1. At least one weekend of wallowing & having a pity party but no more than 2 weekends. This includes ice cream, listening to Love Stinks at high volume & throwing darts at pictures of the EX. Sometimes it includes ripping or cutting up old t-shirts I long ago pilfered from him. 2. Surround yourself with good friends who are positive. 3. Making lists. The 2 most helpful are all the reasons you are better of apart (it can be the other person is a jerk for dumping you) and all the things you didn't have time to do while you were in a relationship. Another good one is new things I'd like to try. 4. Rearranging the furniture helps. Fewer visual reminders of the EX. 5. Box up all the stuff, photos, trinkets etc. If you can't bring yourself to throw them out bury them in the back of a closet somewhere
SevenCity Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Get a new chick. That and relish in the ability to go to the bathroom with the door open again. And seriously, get a new chick. You can have all the hobbies in the world but you need a replacement for your ex. 2
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Ah that is the only way really isn't it, another chick. I don't really want to and I tend to not even bother looking anymore just letting it happen because I can never fake it. I have plenty to do on the weekends it's just during the week after a hard day when I miss having someone there, someone to text and vent who actually gives a ****. Men don't have this luxury so much with friends
Cornelius_Smiff Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Get a new chick. That and relish in the ability to go to the bathroom with the door open again. And seriously, get a new chick. You can have all the hobbies in the world but you need a replacement for your ex. I don't really believe getting another chick is the right answer, if anything it's probably the worst idea. I totally get that it will probably mask the feelings of loneliness etc, but I believe (and this is from experience) that you should only really open yourself up again once you are happy on your own and as a result you do not define your happiness by your relationship. Don't get me wrong your romantic relationships are a fundamental part of your wellbeing emotionally, but they should never be the altar on which you place your happiness. I made this mistake and ultimately paid the price. My advice, fill the time with new activities or those things you have been meaning to do and have been procrastinating about. I joined a gym (in December!), I reconnected with old friends and rediscovered my love of music. 3
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 I don't really believe getting another chick is the right answer, if anything it's probably the worst idea. I totally get that it will probably mask the feelings of loneliness etc, but I believe (and this is from experience) that you should only really open yourself up again once you are happy on your own and as a result you do not define your happiness by your relationship. Don't get me wrong your romantic relationships are a fundamental part of your wellbeing emotionally, but they should never be the altar on which you place your happiness. I made this mistake and ultimately paid the price. My advice, fill the time with new activities or those things you have been meaning to do and have been procrastinating about. I joined a gym (in December!), I reconnected with old friends and rediscovered my love of music. I never lost those when I am in a relationship, my only difference when I'm in a relationship is I have someone to share things with, do the things you can't do on your own, I get miserable when I look at my phone and I don't have a message from someone I love. When I'm excited about something and want to tell someone about it you have someone that really cares. I like being single but I prefer having someone to experience things, it's the going to bed and waking up alone, after a day at work sitting alone and those things that are difficult. I don't have the energy to do stuff every night of the week it's just dealing with those feelings.
Lilyana76 Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I totally understand where you are coming from. Loneliness is suffocating. I have jumped into keeping myself busy.. 2 million projects at once. Sometimes I think I'm overextending myself with all my activities, but honestly I'd go stir crazy sitting alone at night thinking about it.
jorgeg3d Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Ah that is the only way really isn't it, another chick. I don't really want to and I tend to not even bother looking anymore just letting it happen because I can never fake it. I have plenty to do on the weekends it's just during the week after a hard day when I miss having someone there, someone to text and vent who actually gives a ****. Men don't have this luxury so much with friends Surround yourself with women. Go on online dating sites. Talk to women online/get their numbers and text. It helps fill the void for sure. Just careful on your intentions. Sometimes it leads to more serious talks and potential relationships. I've made the mistake already, when you're not ready its no fair to get the other person involved just yet. But its still fun to meet new women and chat/flirt.
Cornelius_Smiff Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I never lost those when I am in a relationship, my only difference when I'm in a relationship is I have someone to share things with, do the things you can't do on your own, I get miserable when I look at my phone and I don't have a message from someone I love. When I'm excited about something and want to tell someone about it you have someone that really cares. I like being single but I prefer having someone to experience things, it's the going to bed and waking up alone, after a day at work sitting alone and those things that are difficult. I don't have the energy to do stuff every night of the week it's just dealing with those feelings. I am sorry you are going through this man. I myself am circa 10 weeks since who I thought was my soul mate, cheated and left me for someone else. I am in a much better place than I was, but I am totally with you on the day to day feeling of not having that person. The loneliness is a living hell some days. That empty space next to you in bed when you go to sleep and wake up somehow seems like it's the size of a football field. The half full bathroom cabinet or that empty spot on that shelf in the living room is haunting and the silence is deafening. I am not sure if you have already done it, but rearranging my furniture did help a little and everything now seems a bit newer. It helped to see my surroundings as a new start, it didn't fix me overall but it at least meant I didn't have to stare at the same setting (only without her things). Unlike past breakups I reached out to my friends and they have dragged me through this. Don't worry about annoying them, a true friend will be there so listen to your hopeless pathetic rantings whilst you heal. I found a good book on Audible 'Wisdom of a Broken Heart' by Susan Piver. I was very sceptical at first but it has helped me massively and in particular in making sense of the things I was feeling and how sadness/loneliness etc are actually a good sign of a healthy healthy healing process. This loneliness and apathy are normal whilst you adjust to life alone again. I know how it feels, I am there with you. You got this man! 1
SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I don't really believe getting another chick is the right answer, if anything it's probably the worst idea. I totally get that it will probably mask the feelings of loneliness etc, but I believe (and this is from experience) that you should only really open yourself up again once you are happy on your own and as a result you do not define your happiness by your relationship. Don't get me wrong your romantic relationships are a fundamental part of your wellbeing emotionally, but they should never be the altar on which you place your happiness. I made this mistake and ultimately paid the price. My advice, fill the time with new activities or those things you have been meaning to do and have been procrastinating about. I joined a gym (in December!), I reconnected with old friends and rediscovered my love of music. I agree you should not rest your happiness on that of another. However, the person you were with filled a void in your life that was likely developed in childhood. Until you find someone else to fill that void you will never really recover. I'm not saying to fall in love with the first woman you date, but get yourself out there and get practice. You, like I did, might find that you are with someone so bad that you would rather be alone. The 2nd girl I dated after my breakup was like that. I was so consumed about not spending the holidays alone that I spent them with someone who was a terrible match. It made me realize I value my single life more so than companionship. It made me stronger in that I realized I would rather be just with me. By dating you also open up the possibility of finding a good match. And it won't happen right away - you need to put in time and effort. The beginning phases when you are figuring out if a girl is right for you can be rewarding. It's much more helpful in a recovery to have women giving you attention. But it's more important to practice. The next great love of your life is out there and you don't want to screw it up when she comes along. If you don't practice now you are doomed to failure. Edited February 2, 2017 by SevenCity 1
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 I agree you should not rest your happiness on that of another. However, the person you were with filled a void in your life that was likely developed in childhood. Until you find someone else to fill that void you will never really recover. I'm not saying to fall in love with the first woman you date, but get yourself out there and get practice. You, like I did, might find that you are with someone so bad that you would rather be alone. The 2nd girl I dated after my breakup was like that. I was so consumed about not spending the holidays alone that I spent them with someone who was a terrible match. It made me realize I value my single life more so than companionship. It made me stronger in that I realized I would rather be just with me. By dating you also open up the possibility of finding a good match. And it won't happen right away - you need to put in time and effort. The beginning phases when you are figuring out if a girl is right for you can be rewarding. It's much more helpful in a recovery to have women giving you attention. But it's more important to practice. The next great love of your life is out there and you don't want to screw it up when she comes along. If you don't practice now you are doomed to failure. Very very well put, I don't feel like dating at the minute and didn't when I met my last girlfriend because I find it too much effort to keep trying to impress, with her it just worked, it was effortless and honestly, that's the only time I will date from now, I'm done with online dating and trying to force it. Not that I won't be putting myself in the positions to find someone but the small town I live in tends to be slightly repetitive, seeing the same faces, same pubs, I love jiu jitsu but the nearest place is 40 minutes drive. And frankly when I get home from work, have dinner, shower and sit down it's difficult to have the energy to exercise for me. Is that hard to meet someone you click with? I mean it does take me a while to meet someone I want to go out with, a lot of the women in pubs and bars never seem like my type, maybe that's shallow of me. What do you guys do in the evening? How does a 23 year old male meet women?
Jimmyjackson Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Very very well put, I don't feel like dating at the minute and didn't when I met my last girlfriend because I find it too much effort to keep trying to impress, with her it just worked, it was effortless and honestly, that's the only time I will date from now, I'm done with online dating and trying to force it. Not that I won't be putting myself in the positions to find someone but the small town I live in tends to be slightly repetitive, seeing the same faces, same pubs, I love jiu jitsu but the nearest place is 40 minutes drive. And frankly when I get home from work, have dinner, shower and sit down it's difficult to have the energy to exercise for me. Is that hard to meet someone you click with? I mean it does take me a while to meet someone I want to go out with, a lot of the women in pubs and bars never seem like my type, maybe that's shallow of me. What do you guys do in the evening? How does a 23 year old male meet women? Totally get what you mean. I think the answer is to expand your range, go to new and bigger places. Meet new people and visit different bars. Is there a city near you with a relatively high population? If you surround yourself with a ton of people you'll have more opportunity.
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Get a dog! One from a shelter It will bring you so much love and happiness, keep you active and teach you things about life you never knew.
SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Get a dog! One from a shelter It will bring you so much love and happiness, keep you active and teach you things about life you never knew. Awesome idea but it is a responsibilities you will have for 10-15 years. Don't do it for the wrong reasons and unless you are ready for the commitment. That said, my shelter dog got me though some tough days after being dumped. She still does. 1
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Totally get what you mean. I think the answer is to expand your range, go to new and bigger places. Meet new people and visit different bars. Is there a city near you with a relatively high population? If you surround yourself with a ton of people you'll have more opportunity. Yeah, it's a really nice city, it's finding the people to go with, I need some new single friends . Don't really like going to clubs and busy bars just nice clubs which is why I find it difficult. I'm fairly successful with women, just never meet ones I actually click with which is why I find break ups so difficult!
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Awesome idea but it is a responsibilities you will have for 10-15 years. Don't do it for the wrong reasons and unless you are ready for the commitment. That said, my shelter dog got me though some tough days after being dumped. She still does. Absolutely it is a huge commitment. I assumed OP would know that but maybe not. One of my dogs definitely kept me alive through my darkest hours. Couldn't live without them.
SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Absolutely it is a huge commitment. I assumed OP would know that but maybe not. One of my dogs definitely kept me alive through my darkest hours. Couldn't live without them. Many people do not unfortunately. My dog did the same for me. If not for the responsibility of caring for her I would have a fatal gunshot wound to my head. Although the strong commitment of taking care of a dog, they will unconditionally love you forever. Unlike your ex. There is no love as pure as that between a dog and it's owner.
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 Many people do not unfortunately. My dog did the same for me. If not for the responsibility of caring for her I would have a fatal gunshot wound to my head. Although the strong commitment of taking care of a dog, they will unconditionally love you forever. Unlike your ex. There is no love as pure as that between a dog and it's owner. same as me...I just kept thinking of my Mojo and how devastated he would be without me. Oh, they bring me sooo much happiness every day. SOrry for hijacking OP.
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 same as me...I just kept thinking of my Mojo and how devastated he would be without me. Oh, they bring me sooo much happiness every day. SOrry for hijacking OP. I would absolutely love a dog but unfortunately I can't
SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 I would absolutely love a dog but unfortunately I can't Have you thought about volunteering at a shelter? Some of them are happy to take people who just walk them. 1
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 Have you thought about volunteering at a shelter? Some of them are happy to take people who just walk them. That's actually a good idea! Do you live in the states? I don't know anybody who volunteers in England. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 That's actually a good idea! Do you live in the states? I don't know anybody who volunteers in England. those Brits are so not givers are they....haha jk. Local animal shelter will be able to help you out
SevenCity Posted February 2, 2017 Posted February 2, 2017 That's actually a good idea! Do you live in the states? I don't know anybody who volunteers in England. Indeed I do.
Author GeorgeWP93 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Posted February 2, 2017 How do you guys cope in the evenings? It's dark before I get home from work, gym classes are an option but frankly I'm tired and once I've showered, eaten and sat it's too late but mostly my weekends are fine. Apart from Sunday's, I'm miserable because I do nothing and it was a day I would just chill with my ex or go for a cute walk or for a coffee or explore somewhere different!
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