inigele14u Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Last night, I asked my girlfriend of one month if she knew her worth. I asked because in her last relationship her boyfriend beat on her, cheated on her, and verbally abused her. Did a bunch of ****, ****ed up her credit - really horrible **** that she suffers psychologically from. I've known her for six years, she was my high school crush. I'm worried that his actions and her other boyfriend's actions will draw problems in my relationship with her... When I asked her if she knew her worth her response was... "No". And she went on to explain that her value was "below average" because she didn't have much to offer a person in a relationship with her. I tried to tell her she is worth a fortune, but she kind of just shrugged it off. I'm worried that this will lead to shadiness. When I say shadiness I mean cheating, or other sly ****. I think that she is really uncertain about her life and people. Her parents verbally abused her, I'm not sure what to do here... Last week we got into a small argument, not a disrespectful one, because a guy complimented her boobs on facebook and she laughed it off in the replies with him. Maybe I was being too sensitive about that, but a woman with self-worth wouldn't do that?? I felt disrespected and I felt like she had no respect for herself. She puts emphasis on being a "decent human-being" and "trustworthiness". She has a very compassionate heart, and we have similar personalities. We had established to be roommates after I get from technical school in the Air Force Reserves before we started dating. But knowing what I know so far and seeing what I'm seeing - I'm not sure if this will be healthy for either of us. What do you guys think?
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Please don't be her "Shining knight", but for what it's worth maybe suggest her to go to therapy to get to the root of her accepting such abuses. It's not the guys to blame here, it's her who chose to be with such aholes. If she doesn't try therapy, then yer you are right, she is pretty broken atm until she reaches out for help. 5
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Oh and BTW, stop monitoring her activity on social media. If you can't trust her, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. 2
Author inigele14u Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 In facebook, there are news feeds. I don't monitor her. She has seeked therapy.
Author inigele14u Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 Oh and BTW, stop monitoring her activity on social media. If you can't trust her, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Why are you assuming I'm monitoring her? Lol. Seems pretty personal, but thanks for the input.
GunslingerRoland Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 You can tell your girlfriend what she is and isn't allowed to be offended by. Or you can help her with her self worth issues. i don't think you can do both because they are in direct conflict with one another. 2
VeveCakes Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 In facebook, there are news feeds. I don't monitor her. She has seeked therapy. She needs more if she still feels worthless. Someone who doesnt love themselves will not be able to accept love. 2
morrowrd Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 You aren't handling this right. You already know what she's been through, and then get all upset when she receives a compliment. Feeling disrespected??? Listen, you are NOT doing her a favor being her boyfriend. Especially with that attitude. If you think she's valuable, its YOUR privilege to be with her. Go another route because you're following the same path as previous abusive men. She's attractive, thus men are going to look, compliment her....get used to it. The best thing you can do is compliment her yourself. Tell her she's beautiful, and you feel lucky she's your girlfriend. Tell her you get a bit jealous when other men notice her, so you're going to hold her close, so they know she's taken. Thank her for being your girlfriend, every day. Your girl will love you for that, and will make sure other men know she belongs to you. Go the other route, call her shady (which is abuse, it's name calling), and you will not only lose her, you will be just like your predecessors. 8
ElizabethIII Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 It can take a many years to realise. My bf in college was like her ex. I was ok before I met him. He was needy. Pulled me down with him and ruined my confidence. Made me feel as if he was superior to me and actually called me stupid several times. He was selfish, miserly and wouldn't do a thing for me. He was violent and cheated on me. It took me a long while to get over it. And now...... With the advent of facebook I looked him up. All his big career plans came to nothing and he stuck in a dead end job that you dont even need a college degree for. He has a kid out of wedlock (always held himself out to be a catholic) and living with his gfs parents as no money for their own place. Me. Life isnt perfect. But i used my degree, am in a learned profession and have my own money and have been travelling a few places. He has done nothing with his life and gone nowhere. He still lives and works in the same town he grew up in. I realise now he put me down as deep down he knew he was a piece of garbage and putting me down made him feel good. But I had to come to that realisation myself. You cant do it for her. 1
Author inigele14u Posted February 1, 2017 Author Posted February 1, 2017 You aren't handling this right. You already know what she's been through, and then get all upset when she receives a compliment. Feeling disrespected??? Listen, you are NOT doing her a favor being her boyfriend. Especially with that attitude. If you think she's valuable, its YOUR privilege to be with her. Go another route because you're following the same path as previous abusive men. She's attractive, thus men are going to look, compliment her....get used to it. The best thing you can do is compliment her yourself. Tell her she's beautiful, and you feel lucky she's your girlfriend. Tell her you get a bit jealous when other men notice her, so you're going to hold her close, so they know she's taken. Thank her for being your girlfriend, every day. Your girl will love you for that, and will make sure other men know she belongs to you. Go the other route, call her shady (which is abuse, it's name calling), and you will not only lose her, you will be just like your predecessors. Good ****. Appreciate it.
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 It's not your job to 'fix' her my friend. I know that's hard to hear and even harder to accept when you love someone but it's the reality of life. You're only a month into your relationship so it's still too soon to expect her to feel 'worthy' as a result of your relationship, no matter how wonderful it may be in comparison to her past relationship. She will also never find her worthiness until she (a) recognizes the issues that plague and (b) actively works to improve her mindset which may or may not include professional help. You can spend gobs of money and spend years seeing the best therapists and get no where fast. Unless she is putting in the work after she leaves her therapist's office, she will never find her worth. She might as well set her cash on fire right now. There is no magic pill for this. It takes work and lots of it and can often take YEARS before the light shines through the cracks. This is HER load to carry, not yours. You should prepare yourself that she may never come around to feeling the way you want her to feel about herself. What will you do then?
coolheadal Posted February 1, 2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Lot of women goes through this not much you can do she can seek help but that might not help. Damage is done there is not turning back. Don't watch over her like your her C.E.O she has the right to choose what she wants to do online you can't stop her doing it. 1
jc14tr Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 It sounds like you've know her for awhile and care a lot about her. She sounds like a person with a good heart but just like all of us, has some issues she needs help with. A healthy relationship requires healthy people. If you both want to continue the relationship, its probably going to require some work from both of you. Have you two talked much about trying to find some help? Take it from someone that knows, there are a lot of resources available if you want them. 1
Tribble Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 You seem to think that not recognising her worth will cause her to cheat. Why do you think that? My ex was very insecure and didn't see his worth. To me, he was amazing but to him, he didn't deserve me. He broke up with me because he thought I deserved someone 'better'. It broke my heart and he came to regret it. He was so loyal and would never have cheated (or as far as you can know this about someone else!). With the fb comment, what did the argument consist of? Who did you feel disrespected by? Your gf or the guy? Don't forget that fb is public. I can't imagine anyone I know would comment on my boobs, but if they did, I'd take it as a jest and laugh it off. That doesn't mean I don't respect myself, it means I won't make a massive deal about a comment in public. How does your gf know this guy?
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