Girlfriend is very unmotivated

[patrickstarr]

She struggled a lot in school and I helped her out frequently, just never interested her, but, obviously, she had to graduate

Edited February 3, 2017 by patrickstarr

[olivetree]

Patrick, are you taking anything anyone is saying in?

You're getting a lot of well thought-out replies.

I see you're replying with mostly one liners about facts.

A little insight into where your head is at would be good.

[patrickstarr]

What I'm thinking is, another thing that keeps me around is, I guess I like the feeling of being needed, as off as that may sound, I do like that feeling, and as I've stated before, I'm becoming irritated with her, but, right before I blow, we just chill and I cool off. Don't get me wrong either, I do appreciate the replies, it's helping me put things into order

[PogoStick]

Coming from a fellow man:

 

You're a big fat wimp, and I'm choosing that word politely. The definition of beta male. Where is your spine? Your self-respect? You have some real value to offer women but you're settling for one who doesn't deserve it at all.

 

You're together because you're comfortable and scared of being without her, not because you're in crazy love with her. You're not supposed to stay with the girl you dated at 15 anyway. Think of all the dumb beliefs and decisions you had when you were 15. Well she was one of them!

 

She doesn't respect you, and it's too late to get it from her. If you tried, it would be so opposite of her perception of you that she will resist and reject your attempts. It will cause fights, and either you will cave-in like the wimp you've been, or she'll break the relationship when you hold firm.

 

Look at all the parts of her life where she accepts mediocrity. What does that say about you? It says you have lots of self-improvement to be working on. Your saving grace is you have sense of self-worth and ambition. Put it to use.

 

End it and take your first step to becoming a man (and never look back).

Edited February 3, 2017 by PogoStick

[VeveCakes]

Okkkk she can't even do the dishes???

 

Does she clean?

 

Do laundry?

 

Here's an idea. When you cook, cook for yourself. Then do your own dishes. Stop cleaning up after her. Stop cooking for her. Stop doing her laundry and dishes. She how cool and bubbly and affectionate she is when this happens.

 

Then you will know if she is with you because she loves you or because you are basically her bitch.

[JamesM]

Don't get me wrong either, I do appreciate the replies, it's helping me put things into order

 

What kind of order?

 

I truthfully think you need to make the decision, and if you decide to stay, then it is fine with me. Often people come on her (and that includes myself) and start threads based on emotions. So if the marriage or relationship is bad in an area, we post about it and by the time we are done with the thread, we realize that all of the good things outweigh the original "bad" thing.

 

Sometimes we post about the bad thing, and then we "defend" the very person we complained about as we do love that person.

 

IMO if you love her enough to put up with her, then begin a program to help her grow up. Just don't marry her or have children with her until all of these issues you mentioned are resolved to your satisfaction.

[OatsAndHall]

A close friend of mine is married to a woman who has a nursing license, only works twenty four hours a week, puts the kids in day-care on the days she is off and doesn't do any cooking or cleaning. He, on the other hand, puts in 60 hour weeks and has busted his a-- to climb up a professional ladder and make more money to take care of his family. He takes care of everything and spends every free minute he has (which are few and far between) with his daughters. Her family is rather wealthy so a divorce will tear him apart financially but she won't have to worry about a thing. She'll end up with the kids, financial support from her parents, and he'll be paying child support, insurance and day care expenses to a woman who doesn't even work half time.

 

There's your future if things continue the way they are, my friend. You are getting advice from total strangers over the internet and some of it is pretty harsh. But, you need to make a change, period. You either need to get out of the relationship or put your foot down and see if things change.

[patrickstarr]

Successfully showed her how to use a dishwasher. Me bringing up CC again did put her in a whiny mood even though I told her I would help her & that she could take the classes at night so she wouldnt have to wake up early. She said she's my "loving support system"( we were discussing our roles in the relationship)

[preraph]

What I'm thinking is, another thing that keeps me around is, I guess I like the feeling of being needed, as off as that may sound, I do like that feeling, and as I've stated before, I'm becoming irritated with her, but, right before I blow, we just chill and I cool off. Don't get me wrong either, I do appreciate the replies, it's helping me put things into order

 

Are you going to like the feeling of being needed when you have kids and she can't be trusted to take care of them alone and you can't leave work and Child Protective Services gets involved and you have to come home every day and do everything for the kids and her and you? If you have kids with this girl, you better make enough money to hire a live-in nanny and housekeeper.

[Dark Horse]

Teach her some life skills man.

 

Teach her how to cook, how to clean, how to clean the dishes, how to get oil changed, etc...

 

Tell her this is for her benefit many years down the road.

Edited February 5, 2017 by Dark Horse

[patrickstarr]

i mean, i did show her how to use the dishwasher today

[BaileyB]

Me bringing up CC again did put her in a whiny mood even though I told her I would help her & that she could take the classes at night so she wouldnt have to wake up early. She said she's my "loving support system"

 

This girl is extremely immature and lazy. Be forewarned, it may be "cute" now, but it won't be very "cute" in a few years when you are working, maintaining a house, and raising two children. You are going to want more than a "loving support system" and the resentment will build and build...

[losangelena]

.I just want her to want more out of life besides sleeping until noon and shopping. I want to successfully put that drive in her without any fighting. I suppose I just assumed years ago that her laziness was just " typical teenage" behavior, but, it's spilled over and that's the frustrating thing. And with the college thing, I told her that I'd help her just as much as I could and all I got back was, " But, it'll be way too hard. I don't have time." So, it gets dropped and we just move on

 

That's about the most unrealistic expectation I've heard in a long time. First, you can't instill drive in anyone other than yourself, and second, the notion that you could do it all without conflict is utterly ridiculous.

 

I've been in a relationship where I wanted the other person to change, where I liked being "useful," where I was terrified of making the other person upset. There's a name for that—codependent. I'm not surprised of your situation, considering you've been together since you were so young. You both need to grow up. There are so many better relationship options out in the world, and once the scales fall from your eyes, you'll see that.

[patrickstarr]

The school thing is not going to happen it seems like. She made the attempt to do laundry( with me helping of course) and somewhat learned how to dust & vacuum. She complained a lot, hated doing both, but I reiterated I was happy she had given it a shot.

 

Had this big fight about it & she's not speaking to me atm.

[Lilyana76]

How can you live with the immaturity of it all?

 

My 4 year old knows how to run the dishwasher, my 12 and 14 year old do laundry and dusting and vacuuming. Sure they gripe about it, but they are kids.

 

This is a WOMAN...

 

You can not change her, she has accepted her role in life as being the spoiled brat. Now its up to you to decide if you are going to tolerate it or not. I would personally send her back to her parents with instructions to fix it...

 

So what are you going to do in the future with this girl? She can't even do basic simple housework, How is she going to be a good mother? How is she going to be a good wife? How is she going to be a good person in general?

 

The silent treatment as punishment? How very mature of her... this is also bordering on emotional abuse. Real mature relationships involve communication.

[RecentChange]

The school thing is not going to happen it seems like. She made the attempt to do laundry( with me helping of course) and somewhat learned how to dust & vacuum. She complained a lot, hated doing both, but I reiterated I was happy she had given it a shot.

 

Had this big fight about it & she's not speaking to me atm.

 

Jesus Christ dude, it sounds like the struggles of raising a 12 year old girl. You really want to take on the role of raising her? Teaching her how to do basic life necessities? And she whines like a spoiled brat while you do it?

 

I don't know how you can find her sexy honest. But I guess that's a dude thing. Women do not find immature little boys sexy, but I guess some men can find all of this "cute"?

 

The problem with trying to raise her - which you are littterally doing - trying to raise her skill set, raise her motivation level - raise her prospects in life - like her daddy should have done....

 

Is that you do not have the authority of a parent. You are her boy friend, not her daddy

[patrickstarr]

have tried talking to her about this but yeah, silent treatment. She rolls her eyes until I give up. When she's done this in the past it's just a waiting game until she's over it, followed by a half-hearted apology.

[JamesM]

have tried talking to her about this but yeah, silent treatment. She rolls her eyes until I give up. When she's done this in the past it's just a waiting game until she's over it, followed by a half-hearted apology.

 

Break up. I promise and can almost guarantee that she will change, but it will be temporary. When she sees you are staying, then she will return to her old self.

[olivetree]

I am annoyed just reading your posts.

 

Your gf sounds incredibly irritating, useless and juvenile.

 

FYI, giving the silent treatment is basically like throwing a temper tantrum.